


If You Fall, I Fall

by casbabyangelface



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bisexuality, Blow Jobs, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean Winchester, Castiel's pen name is Carver Edlund, Complete, Destiel - Freeform, Dry Humping, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Handcuffs, Happy Ending, Humor, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Dean Winchester, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Oral Sex, PTSD, Professor Dean Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rimming, Roadtrip, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Strip Tease, Stripper Castiel, Switching, Teacher!Dean, Top Castiel, Top Dean Winchester, Writer Castiel, bestfriends, breakdown - Freeform, stripper!Cas, writer!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-01 23:54:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 107,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10203686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casbabyangelface/pseuds/casbabyangelface
Summary: Dean Winchester's life as an English professor is fairly uncomplicated. His nights are spent watching reruns of Doctor Sexy and having the occasional one night stand--two things that nobody can make him feel badly about, not even Sam. When a certain blue-eyed author in an ill-fitting trench coat is assigned to work with his class, Dean suddenly finds himself accidentally dating a stripper, becoming attached to a guinea pig, discovering that Sam is a fangirl, drunk texting his crush in the middle of the night and maybe, just maybe learning that the messy things in life are worth fighting for.





	1. Chapter 1

Dean Winchester loved his job as an English professor. Honestly. But it’s mornings like this when he cursed at himself for not just quitting after high school and becoming one of those guys that lounged around in their boxers eating leftover pizza day after day. No, instead of doing this, Dean was flying around his apartment grabbing stray papers and stuffing them into his undone briefcase while simultaneously stringing his belt through the loops before giving up and walking out the door looking like he just woke up.

To be fair, that’s exactly what happened. He put some misguided trust in his old little alarm clock and apparently today was the day it decided to give up on life. Figures that it would happen today, Dean thought to himself as he revved his Baby to life and peeled out onto the street. Today was the day that a visiting author was coming to his class as part of a new lecture series for the English department. The one and only Carver Edlund. His students were thrilled when they heard the news because they had been studying the author’s Supernatural series in Dean’s Intro to Fiction class. 

As Dean flew through a few red lights, he couldn't help but think what a joke this all was. After spending a few years after grad school working his way up the ranks in the department and earning his spot as a respected professor, he finally got trusted with hosting a lecture series and now he was going to be late on the first day. Not only that, the visiting author couldn't even get into his office because he’d be sharing with Dean and he obviously wasn't there yet. Fucking perfect. 

The Impala skidded into the parking space and Dean tripped getting out of the car, sending his cell phone crashing to the pavement, shattering the screen. With a quick prayer to anything listening, Dean grabbed his coffee and briefcase before jogging into the building. Well okay, straight up running. He wasn't too proud. 

Five minutes and about ten odd looks later, Dean rounded the hallway to his office and saw a man awkwardly leaning against his door, clutching a briefcase in one hand and a stack of books in the other. Dean looked at his watch. 8:17. Could be worse considering the disaster that had been his morning so far. 

“Mr. Edlund,” Dean managed to croak out as he approached his office, desperately wishing he had taken Sammy up on his offering to start exercising that past summer. “I’m Dean Winchester. Thank you again for coming, the students are really excited to see you.”

The man lifted his eyes to Dean and stared at him for a moment, squinting. 

“Well, yes. Yes, of course. I’m honored to be here Mr. Winchester, thank you for having me.”

Dean’s vision was suddenly blinded by impossibly blue eyes and it took him a moment to remember English. He tried to think of something else that has that exact shade of color and couldn't. 

“Uh, yeah sure. I-I’m sorry about being late this morning, my stupid alarm clock broke and I had to get ready in like, two minutes which is not easy and…” Mid ramble, Dean stopped and noticed the man staring at his shirt. Sure enough, his coffee mug leaked during his run into the building and he was currently sporting a rather large, and rather embarrassing coffee stain right next to his tie. Fucking hell, he wanted to crawl in a hole a die. 

“Ah, dammit," he muttered. "I swear this morning can’t get worse.”

Dean looked back up and watched as the man continued to stare at his shirt, slowly sweeping his eyes back up to his face with on unreadable expression.  
This guy probably Dean was a loser. A well-known, published author who got to visit different universities simply to talk about his own work while Dean was just an undergrad professor with a shattered phone, a coffee stained shirt, and dignity that was dwindling by the moment. 

Dean fumbled for his office key and quickly pushed open the door, signaling for the man to follow him. “So your desk is the one pushed against the wall, and you can have any of those file cabinets over there. I don’t use them so make yourself at home.” Dean tossed his stuff onto his desk and immediately noticed the stacks upon stacks of papers covering a good portion of the floor. Christ, he really should have cleaned up. 

The man tentatively walked to his side of the room and looked around before placing his items on his desk and shrugging out of his tan trench coat. Odd choice, but strangely this guy seemed to make it work. 

“Since class started about 30 minutes ago, maybe we should go on in? I don’t mind getting a tour afterwards,” the man hesitantly stated. 

“Right, yeah. That’s probably a good idea, my class gets real pissy when I’m late. Uh, not that I’m usually late, you know. I just mean—well you know, sometimes…” Keep it up Winchester, you’re doing great. This is one hell of a first impression. “But yeah, let’s go.”

They both walked out of his office and started towards the classroom in silence. Dean tried to steady his breathing while not appearing to be such a mess. As they reached the classroom door, Dean paused for a minute. “So uh, Mr. Edlund. I know I didn’t give you much time to prepare so don’t feel like you need to do anything particular today. Besides introducing yourself, today might be a nice day for the class to take a breather and we can worry about in depth stuff later.”

The man turned to look at Dean for a minute far too long to be considered normal before reaching to grab the door handle. 

“That will be fine Mr. Winchester. And please, call me Carver.”

*****

Given the way that the day started out, the class went surprisingly well. Carver didn’t seem to be overwhelmed by the student’s onslaught of questions and he even put an endearing amount of thought into answering each one. However awkward this guy may be, Dean was instantly relieved to see that he seemed like a decent enough person. That would totally suck if he were stuck dealing with an overly praised writer with major ego issues. No, Carver seems humbled to be there if anything which strikes Dean as odd because he assumed that this man was used to this kind of attention by now. 

By letting Carver stand in front of the class, it gave Dean prime time to get a better look at him. He had deep blue eyes that look like they had the ability to pierce straight into a person’s soul, a sharp jawline, and just the right amount of stubble. He dressed slightly nerdy in Dean's opinion but it was easy to tell that under his navy sweater, this guy was built. Not in an obnoxious way though, he looked like he had a runner’s body. Strong shoulders and muscular abs that looked like they were made to run hands over and—

Jesus, get ahold of yourself. 

Dean immediately looked down towards his feet in hopes of hiding the blush that started to crawl up his neck and over his ears. After spending a few moments cursing himself for creeping on the visiting author and trying to get is coloring under control, he decided that enough was enough for today and dismissed the class a few minutes early. 

“Dude, that was awesome today. I’m pretty sure the kids like you better than me,” Dean tried to joke while leading Carver out the door. “Keep it up and I’m betting that they’ll be begging you to stay and take my place at the end of the semester.”

“Thank you Mr. Winchester, but your students seem to be very fond of you as well. It's obvious that they look up to you as more than just a professor.”

Dean tried to suppress a slight smile. He loved his students and had always thought being a professor was more than just a teaching job but it surprised him when someone caught on to that after just one class. “Well, uh thanks man. It means a lot. And call me Dean. Mr. Winchester seems stuffy and makes me sound about a hundred years old,” Dean remarked as they walked through their office door.

“Ok, Dean then. If you excuse me I need to head to a meeting with the department heads right about now. They wanted to welcome me to the university and I don’t want to create a bad first impression by being late.” Carver gathered up a few notebooks and grabbed his trench coat off the desk before turning around and looking at Dean with a small smile. “Not all of us are charming enough to get away with it.”

Dean choked on his spit as he watched Carver leave the office and start walking down the hall as if nothing unusual happened. Did he just…? Was that...? Dean quickly composed himself and started frantically grabbing tests to start grading, anything to distract him. 

This was going to be one long ass semester.

*****

After hours of stolen glances and awkward small talk with his new office partner, 4pm hit and Dean bolted out of the office without so much as a glance behind him. This guy was painfully attractive and sweet and respectful and if Dean had to spend one more second closed up in a room with him he may just burst. Or, you know, propose to the guy. Whichever came first. 

Dean dragged himself up the flight of stairs to his apartment as he wondered why no one thought to put in an elevator and turned the key to his door. It was a small place Dean thought to himself as he set down his things and grabbed a beer from the fridge, but it was home. There was one bedroom and one bathroom where the water pressure left a lot to be desired. The kitchen was a little cramped but served the purpose. The living room was a bit cluttered seeing as it served as his office and TV watching area and the guest bedroom when Sammy stayed over. There were a lot of things that could probably use a refresher but it worked for him. 

After barely getting himself and Sam through high school and working his way through undergrad, there weren’t exactly a ton of funds left for himself. Anything extra he had Dean used to help put Sam through Law School and he wouldn’t have it any other way. They came from so little and now Sammy was a big hotshot lawyer with a beautiful girlfriend. Dean was stupid proud. 

Dean watched a few reruns of Doctor Sexy M.D. (truly underappreciated if he says so himself) and heaved himself up off the couch to get ready for the evening. He somehow got roped into meeting Sam and a few of his lawyer coworkers for drinks tonight and already regretted agreeing to it. He loved spending time with Sam but not his stuffy, overpaid, overworked friends. Dean never knew what they were talking about and usually ended up drinking until they seemed mildly amusing which took a lot of alcohol. 

“Deeeean, please!” Sammy had whined through the phone the night before. “I promise it’ll be fun and we won’t talk about lawyer stuff the whole time."

“No way Sam. I’d honestly rather light myself on fire than listen to your nerdy friends go on about depositions and deadlines. I’m spending tomorrow night in my apartment with a nice cold beer, takeout, and the Star Wars Trilogy. That’s a perfectly respectable way to spend a Friday night.”

“That’s crap Dean. When was the last time you went out drinking with anyone? Hmm? That’s right, you can’t think of anything because it’s been so long! You’re going to end up living like a hermit and dying alone” Sam huffed on the other line. 

What a little bitch. “Uh, first of all Samsquash, I happen to like being a hermit. Second of all, I won’t die alone because I’ll have you. You’re stuck with me Sammy. I’m just going to grow old and move in with you and bug you forever.”

“Oh my God Dean you’re going out with us tomorrow night. No buts.”

“Sam, no, I—"

“Dean! 7pm, meet us at the Roadhouse. And Jesus Christ wear a nice shirt in case you see someone cute there. I refuse to take care of your suborn ass when you get old.”

He heard a click and suddenly the conversation was over. If Sam weren’t his favorite person in the world he’d have another thing coming. 

Dean sniffed the shirt he was wearing and deemed it acceptable for the rest of the evening. It wasn't like he was trying to impress anyone. He grabbed his wallet and shattered phone off the side table before heading out the door and remembering that he needed to find time to get a new phone because it no longer worked. He tossed it back inside and headed into the crisp September air. 

The Roadhouse was everything that was good in the world. Nearly everything in it was beer soaked and smelled like a weird combination of sweat and grease but it was comfortable. The jukebox in the corner played the good classic rock songs and the pool tables long the side were where Dean learned to hustle money for wins growing up, securing that he and Sammy would have enough funds to last until their dad decided to show up again. They also served the best damn burgers in all of Kansas so that definitely added to the appeal. 

Dean walked in and immediately saw Sam and his friends sitting in a booth towards the back. He tried to suppress his groan as he slid in and prepared himself for the evening. 

“Dude! You made it!” Sam yelled over the music.

“Well you didn’t exactly give me much choice, did you Sammy?”

“No,” Sam barked out a laugh. “I guess I didn’t. Anyway, Dean, these are a few of the guys I work with. Guys, this is Dean. I’m gonna go get the first round, be right back.”

As Sam slid out of the booth, the three men across the table nodded and looked back towards Dean. “So, Dean,” one of them started, “Sam told us you’re a professor at KU, how’s that going?”

“Good, I guess, yeah. I like it so I could be doing worse things with my life,” Dean chuckled nervously. Something about meeting Sam’s friends always made him feel so inferior. Rationally, he knew he had a respected job, a respected English degree, and was doing a lot of good for his students but he was no lawyer. He didn't go to work in a suit every day and make million dollar negotiations like it was no big deal. 

“That’s awesome man. It’s great that there are people like you willing to do something like that. Not all of us can be climbing the corporate ladder, you know what I’m saying?” The other guys nodded in agreement and started a conversation among themselves. 

Well damn if that wasn’t one of the shadier backhanded compliments he’d heard in a while. 

Dean forced a smile and looked over to see Sam mercifully arriving at the table with a tray of beers and shots.

The first shot went down rough and Dean was reminded that he hadn’t gone out to drink like this in far too long. He gulped down his beer and stood up, mumbling something about getting the next round. As he ordered a few more shots he noticed that everyone apart from their table seemed to be coupled up. It was right about the time of night when mild interest quickly turned in to desperation and a willingness to jump on anything that moved. 

Maybe he should try and get lucky tonight. It’s been embarrassingly long since he’s gotten laid. He dated a sweet girl named Cassie about three years ago and it was nice but didn’t last because apparently Dean had “commitment issues” or something equally as annoying. Ever since then he’s been a fan of one night stands with girls looking for a good time but even that got old after a while. Dean pounded back three more shots and stumbled back to the table. 

“Dean, Jesus, are you okay?” Sam asked as Dean all but tripped into the booth, landing on the lap of a seriously annoyed coworker of Sam’s.  
“Yeah, Sammy, never been better,” Dean hiccupped and reached for Sam’s beer.

“Hey, let’s ease up on the alcohol tonight… you sure you’re fine?”

Dean threw on the best grin he could muster up. “Positive. Next round’s on you Sammy! Bring me back some tequila!” He yelled as he pushed Sam out of the booth and towards the bar. 

So, was getting drunk one of the best ideas that Dean’s had? No, probably not. But if it could help him forget about the disapproval towards his job, the realization that he would probably die a hermit, and the unfairly perfect author he now had to share an office with than so be it. 

Dean stumbled through his apartment door a few hours later after Sam drove him home and tossed his keys at the side table, missing it completely. He made his way down the hallway tripping over the legs of his jeans and flopped onto his bed half undressed. Before he knew it, everything faded out around him. 

That night was the first night Dean Winchester dreamed of blue eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

As Dean cracked open his eyes on Saturday morning, he was immediately assaulted with the bright sun pouring through his bedroom window. And then came the pain. Oh, sweet Jesus, did his head hurt. He winced as he managed to roll over on his bed to see the time. 2:32 pm. Maybe he should just go back to sleep and start over tomorrow. 

As he thought about this, he got a whiff of his clothes and grimaced. He smelled like the floor of a bar so a shower should probably happen soon at least. As he struggled to stand up and get oriented, he tried to remember last night. He didn’t usually drink this much so why did he think it was a good idea to start doing shots like a college girl?

He limped to the bathroom and started stripping off his clothes before he turned to get a good look at himself in the mirror. Not too bad, definitely could be worse. He had purple bags under his eyes and his stubble was starting to look scruffy but nothing some rehydration and a good shave couldn't fix. 

While he took a quick shower and tried not to throw up, he started to remember an alarmingly erotic dream about Carver from the night before. Blue eyes, firm muscles, the sweet taste of his tongue and the most pornographic sighs coming from his mouth…

Dean looked down and noticed his dick standing upright at attention, clearly interested in the current activities. Shit. Does jacking off to fantasies about a coworker make you creepy? No idiot, you dreamed about the poor guy last night. You’re already a creep. 

Dean sighed and scrubbed the soap out of his hair. If he spent a few extra minutes satisfying himself then that’s nobody’s damn business but his.   
By the end of the day, Dean managed to avoid death and actually be productive. All his lesson plans were set for the next week, he got his phone replaced, and he even had time to start rereading the last book in the Supernatural series in order to have it fresh in his mind when the class discussed it. These books really were pretty awesome. Two brothers, Jared and Jensen, saving people and hunting things like some sort of family business. It surprised him at first when the author made the decision to start a relationship between Jensen and the quirky angel named Misha but it somehow worked. 

When he turned on his new phone for the first time it vibrated for a few minutes due to so many text messages coming through. Sammy was probably going to be all over his ass about last night. 

 

S: Dean are you alive?  
S: Seriously pick up the damn phone  
S: What the hell happened last night  
S: After the 8th shot you jumped up on stage and sang REO Speedwagon, I had to drag your ass off stage before you started throwing up

 

Dean squinted his eyes as he tried to remember and chuckled to himself. REO Speedwagon was not the best karaoke choice but being a Winchester, he probably pulled it off. 

 

S: CALL ME BACK YOU IDIOT  
S: Don’t think we’re not taking about this 

 

Dean groaned and started to dial Sam’s number. It probably was too much to hope that Sam would just let this drop. Stupid kid brother and his stupid need to talk things to death. 

Sam, being the annoying person that he was, picked up after one ring. 

“Jesus Dean! Thanks for not calling me sooner you jerk, I was really worried about you.”

“I’m fine Sammy, obviously. I just drank a little too much I guess, happens to the best of us,” Dean mumbled as he grabbed a beer and sits down on the couch. “Don’t fucking tell me you forgot about the night you got into Law School. I seem to remember a certain someone standing on the bar and singing a KISS song while simultaneously taking body shots off Kevin.”

Dean heard Sam’s voice shoot up an octave. “You promised to never talk about that night again!”

“Seemed to slip my mind Samantha, now get off my back about last night. I’m fine, I swear.”

“You’re impossible you know that?”

“I’ve been told that once or twice.”

“Just be careful. okay? Something is obviously stressing you out and I’d rather not have a repeat performance of you hurling up your guts on my shoes. That was seriously gross man.”

“Be careful and stay away from your shoes, got it. I got some stuff to do so I’ll talk to you later bitch.”

“You really are such a jer—" Dean heard Sam start to stay as he hung up. It was sweet that Sammy was so worried about him but he had enough on his plate without Dean unloading his crap onto him too. 

Sam made partner last year at his firm and that was almost unheard of for someone his age. His girlfriend, Jessica, was a nurse at their local hospital and he seriously suspected that that Sam was going to grow a pair soon and ask her to marry him before she realized that she’s way out of his league. 

Dean sighed as he started to get up and get ready for bed, the comments from Sam’s coworkers still replaying in his mind. 'Not all of us can be climbing the corporate ladder, you know what I’m saying?' 

Fuck that. Being a professor was awesome. When he was in undergrad he had an English professor that really cut him some slack when she got wind of Dean’s situation. Going to school full time while simultaneously working to help put his younger brother through school isn’t for the faint of heart and Professor Harvelle understood that.   
As soon as Dean graduated, he enrolled in the education grad school program to try and do the same for other students because he was awesome. Who wouldn’t want him as a teacher? 

Still though, he thought to himself as he stripped down to boxers and crawled into bed, he was just a professor. His hours were shitty, his pay was shitter, and who would want to be with a professor when they could be with a lawyer or a doctor? Someone that made it to the top of that damn corporate ladder.   
His eyes closed and he tried to will himself to sleep. Five minutes passed. Then 15 minutes passed and he turned over and buried himself under the covers. He started going through all the different parts of the Impala in his head, thinking about where they went and what they looked like in hopes of settling his mind enough to sleep. No such luck. 

He rolled over in defeat and stared at the ceiling while his mind drifted to Carver Edlund. Dean wondered what his story was, if he was single? Stop it right there, stop perving on Carver and go the fuck to sleep. 

Dean didn’t notice a ring on his finger. No pictures of a significant other on his desk and no talk about needing to leave and get home to someone. Hell, was he even into guys? If he were though, Dean definitely wouldn’t have much to offer him. 

After a few more minutes of running through of all the parts in the Impala, Dean suddenly slipped into sleep. That was the second time he dreamt of blue eyes. 

*****

Monday morning came and Dean found himself in front of the mirror, switching his tie for the fourth time. He made effort to get up early in hopes of looking a little extra presentable for his new author friend, even wearing his nice green button down that a girlfriend had once told him matched his eyes. Any thoughts he may have about the total inappropriateness of this little crush got swiftly pushed aside as he headed out the door. 

After swinging through his favorite coffee place and to get himself and Carver a nice, tall cup, he headed towards his office with a smile on his face. This was going to be a good day. He was going to find out whether Carver was seeing anyone and he wasn't going to act like an idiot in front of him again. Yeah, nice try with that one Winchester.

He took a deep breath and pushed through the office door to find Carver at his desk, flipping through one of his books. He looked up and smiled as soon as the door opened. “Good morning, Dean. How was your weekend?”

Come on, you can do this, just man up. “Good! Uh yeah, it was good.” Dean shifted awkwardly on his feet and remembered the two coffees in his hand. “Here, um, this is for last Friday. I was kind of a mess and I wanted to start off on the right foot.”

Carver’s eyes lit up as he reached for the cup and took a sip. “That was very thoughtful of you but I assure you, it was no problem.”

Dean blushed like a damn girl and cursed whoever made Carver’s eyes so blue. Seriously though, the sky should be ashamed for not being able to match that color. “Thanks, man. Do anything fun this weekend?”

Carver closed his book and frowned. “I’m afraid not. I mainly just stayed at home and read. I had to take my guinea pig to the vet on Sunday so that’s really the extent of my excitement.”

“You have a guinea pig?”

“Yes, his name is Raphael.”

Dean chuckled and moved to sit down at his desk. “Dude, that’s a really odd name for a guinea pig. I mean—awesome. Just like, a little different? But hey, it’s your pet, you can name it whatever you damn well want obviously. Sammy and I had a pretend pet dog when we were growing up and he named it Dog so that’s weirder I guess but—" Oh my God stop talking. “So yeah, that’s…cool." 

Dean looked over to see Carver staring at him with a bemused expression on his face. “Yes, I suppose Raphael is a bit odd to name an animal but I’ve always been interested in religious history.” He paused for a moment to take a sip of coffee. “Who is Sammy?”

“Oh, Sam’s my brother. Don’t call him Sammy though unless you want a serious case of bitchface,” Dean laughed.

“I see. I'll have to remember that if he ever comes around to visit your office.”

“Hey man, it’s your office too now. Feel free to have visitors anytime you want." Ok, time to be subtle, easy goes it. “Do you, you know, uh—have any visitors that I should expect?”

Carver started to stand up and gather his books for class. “No, I should be your only company I’m afraid. I don’t expect any visitors to suddenly show up.”

Dean let out a little breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Cool. Hey so, do you want to maybe grab lunch together today? I know a great spot close to campus and it would give us a chance to go over the lesson plan for the week,” he called out as Carver started to walk through the door.

“I would enjoy that Dean, thank you. And thank you again for the coffee.”

Dean watched Carver walk down the hall and sighed to himself. That could have gone worse right? 

*****

They sat down at a booth in the back of the Roadhouse and Dean ordered them both a beer. “So this place has the best burgers which you have to try. Seriously, these burgers kick all other burgers in the ass.”

“I trust your critique in the food here so whatever you have, I suppose I’ll have the same,” Carver said without looking up as he squinted at the sticky menu. “It’s a good thing I love burgers so much though because it seems to be the only thing they serve.”

“You a big burger fan?”

“Absolutely. In fact, it’s probably my favorite thing to eat. They make me very happy.”

Dean choked on his beer. Keep breathing. Try to pretend that his love for burgers isn’t turning you on. He’s saved by a petite, blonde waitress asking for their orders and he managed to choke out that they’ll take two bacon cheeseburgers thank you. 

“Trust me, you’ll love it,” Dean said as he turned back towards Carver and met his gaze. “So. Tell me a little about yourself. Are you seeing anyone right now?” Oh Christ, that was obvious. Dean took a long pull of his beer and wondered absentmindedly how he used to be smooth at things like this. 

Carver’s eyes widened slightly and an unreadable expression crossed his face too quickly for Dean to figure out. “Um, no.” He stopped to take a drink of beer and almost missed his mouth, using his thumb to wipe away the stray drops on his lips. “No, I'm not dating anyone at this moment. Are you? I-I mean, are you dating anyone, Dean?”

“Nope. Single and ready to mingle, you know what I’m saying?” Dean chuckled nervously. Holy hell, just get up and leave. Get up and leave and move out of the country because this is too painful to watch. “So, uh, how about the series? Hasn’t it been about five years since the last one came out?” Dean rushed out, desperate for a change in topic. 

Carver, bless him, seemed to take pity on Dean and went along with it. “Yes, it’s been 5 years since the last one came out but unfortunately I’m no longer publishing them. I don’t really write anymore.”

“Seriously? Why the hell not? Those books are fucking awesome, I read them all through grad school and I swear that’s what kept me sane.” 

A small smile appeared on Carver’s lips as he started to pick at the beer label with his thumb. “Due to certain circumstances writing stopped being a hobby of mine, leaving my publishers with no choice but to stop publication. I suppose it was rather impolite of me to leave them hanging like that but it was necessary.”

“Do you miss writing at all?”

“Yes. I do,” Carver said softly, causing his expression to change and his eyes to glaze over like his thoughts had been pulled in another direction. Dean knew there was a story there but didn't think they were close enough yet to push it. 

“Well uh, if you ever decide to get back into it I promise to read whatever you write. Gay angel and hunter relationship or not,” Dean said with a wink in an attempt to lighten the mood. 

“Thank you Dean, I appreciate that,” Carver replied quietly, looking around the Roadhouse as he took in his surroundings. “Why don’t you tell me about what made you decide to be a teacher? Have you always had an interest in education?”

Dean took a sip of beer and thought about it for a moment. He obviously didn't want to get into the details of his sad little life leading him to want to be a mentor for kids but at the same time, maybe if he shared a few details Carver would start to open up to him a little bit more. 

“No, I actually didn’t know that I wanted to be a professor until the end of undergrad. I had an awesome English professor that I looked up to and that seemed like a pretty cool job to me. The English stuff is awesome, don’t get me wrong, but I really just wanted to be someone that students could talk to, tell me about their shit and have someone to go to. I know it’s not a glamorous profession but I like it okay.” Dean stopped and saw Carver staring at him, causing him to backpedal a bit. “That sounded totally after-school-special dude, sorry about that. That’s a lot more information than you were probably looking for.”

Carver kept staring at him and took a long sip of his beer before leaning back and placing his hands, fingers linked, on the edge of the table in front of him. “Dean, you must know that I truly admire what you do as a professor. Those kids completely look up to you and for them to have someone at that age to talk to is probably worth more than most of what they learn in class. I think it is extremely admirable to choose your profession based on the impact you want to have rather than on the social status that it may carry.”

Dean watched Carver and was at a loss for words. He didn’t have to tell him anything about his life and he automatically understood. They both sat there for a moment and Dean started to feel a warm sort of feeling start at his stomach and slowly creep up his neck. Before he had time to form a response, the waitress came back and delivered their burgers, causing them to focus their attention to the food. 

Carver took a bite of his burger and moaned around the food in his mouth. Actually fucking moaned. Dean strategically placed a napkin over his lap because with sounds like that he seriously couldn't be expected to keep his shit together. He watched as Carver finished his bite and used his tongue to lick the side of his mouth, catching any remnants of the burger. 

“So uh, you really like that burger?”

“This may be the best burger I’ve ever had Dean, can we come back here?” Carver managed to say before taking another bite.

“Sure. Yeah we can totally come back together. I mean, you know, like friends do. Like a friendly lunch.” Dean shook his head at himself and took a bite before he could do anymore damage. 

“Are we friends?”

“Uh, yeah dude, as far as I’m concerned. Is that okay?”

Carver thought for a minute before his face erupted in a huge smile. “Yes, Dean, that's very much okay. I would like that.” 

“Great, then it’s settled.”

“Although if we’re going to be friends than you should probably know that Carver Edlund is just my pen name,” he said slowly as his eyes swept over Dean, most likely trying to gauge a reaction. “I do hope that you don’t think I was trying to be deceptive, it’s just that I like to keep my personal life separate. My real name is Castiel Novak.”

Castiel? That was a weird fucking name, but as Dean sat across from this awkward, thoughtful, burger-loving man he decided that it fit.   
“Castiel, huh? That’s a little unusual.”

“Yes, well my parents were really into theology when I was born so they named me after the Angel of Thursday.”

“I like it,” Dean said as he took a bite of his burger. 

Castiel smiled with an amused expression. “I’m glad my name satisfies you, Dean.” 

Dean choked on his bite and grabbed his beer to take a drink as Castiel turned bright red.

“I didn’t—I didn’t mean it like that, I swear.” Castiel stammered as he avoided Dean’s hysterical expression. 

“It’s fine Cas,” Dean chuckled and was immediately grateful that he wasn't the only awkward one there. “I know what you meant.”

“Good. And… ‘Cas’?” Castiel asked, squinting his eyes slightly at Dean. 

“Oh, uh yeah. It’s a little easier to say than ‘Castiel’. Is that okay? I can totally call you Castiel though, I mean, that’s your name obviously. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—"  
“No, I like it. You can call me Cas. It’s just that no one has ever called me that before strangely.” Castiel said as he stared at Dean with a thoughtful expression on his face. 

“Well awesome. Cas it is then.”


	3. Chapter 3

The month of September passed and the air became cold and bitter. Dean wasn’t a fan of the impending winter weather but it gave him an excuse to wear his leather jacket more than usual. 

As he turned the corner on to his block while walking back from the grocery store, he passed a group of women who started undressing him with their eyes. Dean chuckled to himself and threw a wink their way, smiling when they dissolved into giggles. Yep, still got it. 

He hauled himself up the stairs to his apartment and pushed open his door, dumping an obscene amount of snacks and beer on the coffee table in front of the couch. Sam was coming over later tonight to watch movies and he wanted to make sure that they had all their favorite kinds of junk food. 

Dean walked down the hall to the bedroom and hung his jacket in the closet before quickly changing into sweat pants and an old Pink Floyd t-shirt he’s had since he was a teenager. It had holes along the hem and under the arms but it was by far the comfiest thing he owned. 

“Dean, I’m here!” he heard Sam’s voice call through the apartment as he turned off the lights and walked towards the living room. He gave Sam a key in case of emergencies last year and ever since then, he never failed to let himself in, acting like he owned the place. 

“Jeez Dean,” Sam laughed as he noticed the pile of junk food. “Are we expecting other people?”

“What? No, this is all for us. I know you can put away at least half of this by yourself, don’t even lie.”

Sam smirked as he sat down on one end of the couch, propping his feet on the table. “True. That’s definitely true. So, what are we watching?”

Dean sat down on the other end of the couch and pulled out a stack of DVDs from beside him. “I’ve got Star Trek, Die Hard, the first 3 Fast and Furious movies, and season 5 of Dr. Sexy M.D…” he trailed off with a hopeful expression. 

“Hell no, I’m not watching Dr. Sexy again with you. Last time that happened you spent the whole time swooning over that doctor with the cowboy boots and—"

“His name is Dr. Sexy!”

“I don’t care what his name is, I don’t need a running commentary on whether or not you think his lab coat shows off enough of his muscles.”

“Fine,” Dean huffed. “We can start with Star Trek.”

About half way through the movie they decided to order pizza as if they didn’t already have enough food to feed a small village. Dean paused the DVD and got up to grab two more beers while Sam called in the order. Nights like this were nice with Sam. He loved Jess like a sister but sometimes he missed just hanging out like they used to do when they were growing up. Nowadays Sam spent most of his time at the office or spending quality time with Jess and Dean was happy for him, but he couldn’t help but feel slightly left out. 

Dean opened the fridge and stared at the contents. Ketchup, chocolate sauce, beer, and a questionable takeout container. He really couldn’t be more single if he tried. He remembered when he was dating Cassie how she would make sure he kept his fridge stocked and wouldn’t let him live on beer and junk food. 

He popped off the cap to his beer and took a long drink. Thoughts of growing old and alone in this apartment played through his mind at an alarming rate. Eating alone, sleeping alone, watching TV alone, and seeing Sammy start a family while he was flying towards an early death living on burger grease and stale beer. Dean shuddered and decided that he had had enough alcohol for the night thank you very much. He set his unfinished beer on the counter and walked back out to the living room.  
“I got meat lovers for you and veggie for me, should be here in about 30 minutes,” Sam said as he watched Dean sit down.

“You know who gets vegetables on their pizza Sammy? Nerds. Nerds get vegetables on their pizza.”

“Yeah alright, I’ll make sure and remember that when I actually live to see my old age. It wouldn’t kill you to eat a vegetable every now and again you know.”

“Ketchup is a vegetable.”

Sam snorted. “Whatever you say.”

Dean pressed play and found himself wondering if he would grow old to be one of those people who died alone without anyone to find the body until a neighbor complained about a mysterious smell coming from the apartment next door. That would be so fucking depressing. 

His lunch with Cas went well enough a few weeks ago but both of them have been so busy that they haven’t had the chance to go out again. Well, not like on a date of course, just as friends. But maybe it could be a date? Dean sighed as he tried to focus on the movie and push the thoughts out of his head. Cas was probably straight and even if he wasn’t he wouldn’t want to date Dean. But he did kind of flirt with him that first day, didn’t he? 

“So, Dean,” Sam started cautiously, “would it be okay if I borrowed your car next Saturday?”

“Uh, fuck no Sammy. The last time you drove it I had to fix the paint because you dinged the door driving through Taco Bell.”

Sam threw him bitchface #213. “That wasn’t even my fault! Please? I swear I’ll be extra careful and I’ll even take it through the carwash before I bring it back.”

"It?!" Dean repeated with a scandalized expression. 

"Her! I swear I'll be extra careful with her."

“Why the hell do you even need to borrow my car? Doesn’t Jess have one you guys use?” 

“Yeah but, it’s a special occasion.” Sam turned towards Dean and set down his beer. “I want to drive Jess out to the overlook downtown and ask her to marry me.”

Dean’s eyes widened as he choked on his bite of popcorn, spitting it all over himself. “Seriously? You’re finally proposing?” he choked out as he got ahold of himself. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I mean it’s been about 5 years since we started dating and she’s the one you know? I’ve known for a while but I’ve been trying to save up for this ring that she had her eye on and I finally did, so now seems like the right time,” Sam grinned as Dean threw his arms around him in a massive hug.

“Congratulations Sammy, that’s awesome. Jess is a lucky lady,” Dean said as he gripped his not so little brother tight and fought the sudden wetness in his eyes. Now he was crying like a damn girl, great. 

They pulled out of the hug and were kind enough not to mention the fact that they were both fighting tears. “I’ll let you borrow the car, but if she comes back with so much as one scratch on her I swear to God I’ll kill you and make Jess an early widow.”

Sam chuckled as he reached for the Red Vines. “Deal.”

“And no having celebratory sex in the backseat, wait until you get home or something.”

Sam scrunched up his face at the thought. “Ew, that’s gross. Do you know how many times I walked outside to find you hooking up with somebody in the backseat while I was growing up? Too damn many. You couldn’t pay me to sit on that seat anymore.”

Dean smiled as he remembered his teenage years. It was true that he had a certain ability to get people to mess around in the backseat with him. Both girls and guys. He wasn’t the quarterback of the football team of anything but he certainly had his looks and cocky attitude to use to his advantage. Now if only he had that same kind of ability with Cas…

“Speaking of you and other people,” Sam blurted out, interrupting Dean’s train of thinking, “are you ready to start dating again?”

Dean groaned, scrubbing a hand across his face. “Sammy I told you, I’m not interested in you trying to set me up again with one of your dorky coworkers, I’m fine.”  
“I know you’re fine but wouldn’t you be better if you were with someone? There’s this girl at work who's cute and loves rock music I think. She’s brunette, I think her name is Lisa,” Sam said as he pulled his phone out of his back pocket, looking for her number. 

“No, absolutely not. The last time I went of one of your blind dates the girl spent the whole dinner crying about her ex-boyfriend and drinking until I had to carry her out of the restaurant. She almost threw up in Baby.”

That was certainly one for the record books. Dean remembered finally making it back to the girl’s place to try and put her to bed, only to find said ex-boyfriend living there and being not too pleased with the situation. Dean had a black eye for a week. 

Sam cringed at the memory. “Okay so that’s wasn’t my best work but I really think this girl is normal—"

“Sam, no more setting me up.”

“Fine,” Sam sighed as he looked over at the clock, waiting for the pizza to arrive. 

Should Dean tell Sam about Cas? There wasn’t really much to tell. Dean tried to imagine how he would explain it. "Hey so Sam there’s this really hot visiting author at work and we share an office and it’s impossible for me to get anything done because staring at him takes all my time. He’s also amazingly sweet and appreciates what I do and loves burgers and makes porn noises when he eats and I think he’s perfect. Any advice?"

Dean shook his head at how stupid that sounded. The saddest part? It was the damn truth. 

“Okay, so,” Dean started off slowly, “I may have found someone who uh… is interesting.”

“Interesting?” Sam snorted. “I certainly hope they’re more than just interesting.”

“Quit being a bitch and listen,” Dean said as he grabbed the bowl of popcorn off Sam’s lap. “He’s this guy that’s the visiting author for my English classes and he’s really hot. Like, Dr. Sexy hot.”

Sam narrowed his eyes and stared at Dean. “A guy? You haven’t gone out with a guy since...”

“High school. Yeah, I know. But he’s really great. I don’t know if he’s even into guys though so—"

“Wait, which author is it?

Shit. Was he supposed to keep Cas’ pen name a secret? He didn’t say anything about it but obviously he wouldn’t use a fake name for no reason.  
“Carver Edlund, but his real name is Castiel. Don’t say anything to anybody about it though because I don’t know how much of a secret that is.”

Sam’s eyes bugged out and his face lit up in a smile so big, Dean was sure his cheeks would break. “So let me get this straight. You, country boy Dean Winchester, have a thing going on with THE Carver Edlund. Major author, writer of the Supernatural series?”

“We don’t have a thing but yeah, that’s him.” Dean rubbed his hand along the back of his neck, he knew where this was going. 

“Oh my God! Why didn’t you tell me? I love that series! Do you remember me reading those growing up? I have every book! Do you think he’ll sign some of them for me?” Dean watched in mild horror as Sam continued on without taking a breath. “Carver Edlund. The Carver Edlund. I’m such a big fan! Dean, you HAVE to let me meet him.”

“Easy Sam, Jesus, he’s just a normal guy. And no, I’m definitely not letting you meet him after seeing that little outburst of yours. You’ll scare the poor guy.”

“Dean, you have too! I’m his biggest fan!” Sam screeched as the doorbell finally rang. 

Dean moved to get up and answer the door. “You’re a grown man, that sounds so creepy when you say it. But fine, I’ll think about it, happy?”

Sam vigorously nodded his head as he whipped out his phone to text his friends about it probably. The last thing Dean needed was for Cas to think his brother was some crazy stalker, which honestly, wouldn’t surprise him much based on the total fangirl moment he just witnessed. How was this his life?

They started in on the pizza and watched Die Hard. By the time the movie was over, both brothers were so full that they couldn’t move so they decided to start a third movie while they waited for the food to digest a bit. 

Dean pressed play and watched as Sam started to squirm around on his side of the couch, sneaking looks towards Dean. “Take a picture Sammy, it’ll last longer” he mumbled around an embarrassingly large bite of Red Vines. 

“Hey, so uh…I-I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this but I didn’t exactly know how to bring it up,” Sam stuttered as Dean raised his eyebrows and turned towards him. 

“Dad called me last week.”

Dean’s face went blank and he felt his eye twitch.

“Now Dean, before you get mad at me I didn’t contact him at all. He called me out of the blue and wanted us to know that he’s being considered for early release and that if we came to visit him that it might help his case by minimizing the charges and—"

“Shut up, Sam.” 

“I know that’s stupid because obviously I wouldn’t—"

“I said, shut the hell up. I’m not doing a goddamned thing to help him get out of prison and you better fucking do the same thing.” Dean turned back towards the TV and stared at the screen, not seeing the movie. 

“I know, I promise I won’t,” Sam said softy. “I just thought you should know.”

Dean spent the rest of the movie alternating between clenching his jaw and gripping the couch arm tight enough to leave an indentation. He knew this day would be coming eventually but in true Winchester fashion, he preferred denial. He wondered what would happen once his dad was released. Dean sure as hell wasn’t a defenseless kid anymore but that didn’t stop the thought of having to talk with him again from making his stomach hurt. 

When the movie credits started to roll, Dean stayed on the couch and started to pick at the label of an empty beer bottle. “Do you think they’ll really let him out?” Dean asked, almost too softly to hear it.

Sam blew a piece of hair out of his eyes and stared straight ahead. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t think so based on the charges but he seemed pretty confident about the possibly over the phone.” He paused and snuck a look over at Dean who was concentrating on the beer label. “Either way, we don’t have to meet with him. Actually, I’m fairly sure that someone at the office can help us get a restraining order against him. Especially after what happened.”

Dean set the bottle on the coffee table and folded his arms over his chest, fighting the instinct to place his hand over the spot under his shirt that had a tendency of hurting every once in a while. “Yeah. That would be good.” Both brothers stared at the wall for a few moments until Sam’s phone dinged with a message from Jess asking how much longer until he came home. 

“I should probably head out, are you going to be okay? I can stay over if you want, I can just text Jess—"

“I’m fine Sam, promise. Go home and be with your soon to be fiancé,” Dean managed to say through a smile he knew wasn’t fooling either one of them. 

Sam looked at him hesitantly. “If you’re sure. Just try not to let this get to you too much. We don’t even know for sure that it’s happening, let alone the details. I’ll have someone from the office call the prison on Monday though to see what’s going on,” Sam said as he sat up and started to put on his coat.

Dean wrapped his brother in a hug and patted him on the shoulder. “Now go on, don’t make Jess worry about your stupid ass,” he said lightly as he pushed Sam through the door, chuckling as he watched his 6’4” brother nearly smash his head on the doorframe. 

By the time Sam left, Dean’s head was throbbing. Stuffed with too much pizza and junk food, he moved around slowly picking up candy wrappers and empty pizza boxes, throwing them in the trash. When he deemed the living room clean enough, he walked into his bathroom and turned on the shower, watching himself in the mirror as the room filled up with steam. 

So, John fucking Winchester was being released from prison. What a joke. Dean let out a humorless laugh and stepped under the stream of water. He stood under the spray for a few minutes trying to steady his breathing, inhaling in the steam and letting the hot water roll off his neck. He rested his forehead against the cold tile and closed his eyes. 

He was 17 when his dad was sent to prison. He and Sam were taken to their surrogate Uncle Bobby’s to live and things got better. Well, they got better until Bobby died of a heart attack a few years later. By then, Dean was old enough to work and he was better equipped to take care of himself and Sammy. His heart hurt whenever he let himself think about Bobby. The man was rough and a borderline alcoholic but he was family. He taught Dean everything he knew about cars and woke him up at night when he was screaming from nightmares about his father. He was a good man. 

Dean’s jaw clenched when he thought about the idea of his father calling Sam and having the nerve to ask for help. After everything he’s done to Dean? To Sammy?  
He opened his eyes and looked down at his stomach, tracing a scar with his eyes as it led from his navel, all the way down to his right hip. It used to be red and angry but now it’s faded with time. Still ugly as hell, but it used to be a lot worse he reminds himself.

Dean turned off the water and made his way towards his bed, only bothering to throw on a pair of boxer shorts. He covered himself in blankets and burrowed under them, cursing that the bed felt colder than usual.


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel Novak opened his eyes on Saturday morning and frowned at the sunlight pouring in through his bedroom window. If it were up to him, nobody’s day would start before noon at the very least. He rolled over in bed and threw the covers over his head deciding that he would go back to sleep, until he heard the unmistakable sound of Raphael squeaking for his breakfast. Castiel groaned and cursed whatever karmic entity thought it would be funny for him to get a guinea pig that woke him up every morning at 7am like clockwork. 

He rolled out of bed, nearly getting tangled in his blankets, and walked over to the cage. “Good morning, Raphael,” he said as he opened the door and filled his bowl with food. He stood back and watched as the fuzzy creature scurried over and started stuffing the pellets in his mouth. He did remember to feed him last night right?  
Unable to remember, he opened the cage door again and poured some extra food in his bowl. 

“Sorry little buddy.” 

It had been his sister Anna’s idea for him to get a pet, claiming that it would be good for him to have a life to take care of. Castiel had been hesitant about it at first, but there was something about the little creature that was impossible not to like. Even if it did wake him up every morning at the crack of dawn. 

Leaving Raphael to his breakfast, Castiel threw on a t-shirt and stumbled out to the kitchen to make some coffee. Without it, he was basically unable to function like a civilized human being. Once the coffee maker stopped dripping and the smell of caffeine sifted through the air, he poured himself a mug and sat down at the kitchen table, cradling it between his hands. 

“Cassie, be a dear and pour me some why don’t you?”

Castiel jumped at the sudden voice and glared as he watched coffee slosh out of the side of the mug and splatter on the table. He had forgotten that Balthazar had spent the night on the couch. 

“I think you are fully capable of pouring it yourself,” Castiel muttered as he tried to get his heart rate back to a normal speed.

Balthazar groaned and pulled himself up from the couch, slowly walking over to the kitchen and joining Castiel at the table with his own mug. “Why are you even awake at this ungodly hour? We went to sleep like four hours ago.”

Castiel took a sip of his coffee and shrugged. “Raphael needed his breakfast and I think I forgot to feed him last night before work so I don’t exactly blame him.”  
“Way to go Cassie, I always knew you’d turn out to be guinea pig mom of the year,” Balthazar chuckled.

“Shut up. Why are you still covered in glitter?”

Balthazar looked down at his bare chest and rubbed a finger over a particularly shiny spot. “I was too tired to take a shower when we got here. Christ, it was like 3am.”  
“So you decided to get glitter and God knows what else on my couch instead?”

“Uh yes. Yes, that’s exactly what I decided to do,” Balthazar said as he smiled sheepishly. “But relax, I’ll take one now. I’ll only be a moment.”

Castiel watched him as he moved to get out of his chair and walk down the hall towards the bathroom. “Why don’t you go home and take one at your place?” he called after him.

“Because Cassie,” Balthazar's voice rang through the bathroom door, “your shower has all those little water nozzles that hit the right spots. Plus, I like your towels better.”

Castiel shook his head and took another sip of coffee. He and Balthazar had been friends since college as unlikely as it might seem. They met at freshman orientation when they were assigned to be roommates and the rest was history. Balthazar could get on his nerves like nobody’s business but at the end of the day, he was a good guy. A loud, obnoxious, and perpetually horny guy, but a good one nonetheless. 

Castiel looked into the living room as his eyes caught sight of Balthazar’s sequin thong hanging over the lampshade. Friends or not, that was really gross. Occasionally they would get off work uncharacteristically late at Heaven and Hell and Balthazar would crash at Castiel’s apartment given its close proximity to the strip club. Apparently last night he was too tired to properly change out of his clothes. Oh God, did he sleep naked on the couch? Castiel shuddered as he got up to grab salad tongs and used them to carefully get ahold of the discarded underwear, throwing them in the dirty laundry with his own. Balthazar was lucky he was so charismatic Castiel thought to himself as he grinned and started unpacking his work bag from the night before. 

As he pulled out a few neon thongs and a fireman’s costume, he realized that if someone were to tell him 10 years ago that he would end up being an ex-writer who now stripped for a living, he would have said they were stupid. Stupid and high. After removing a pair of fuzzy hand cuffs and a tube of body glitter from the pile, Castiel carried the load over to the washer and tossed it in, wincing at the smell. It was a weird combination of sweat and alcohol but the worst part about it was that it wasn't even his sweat. 

He poured in the soap and pressed start before turning around and leaning against the machine. He thought of his sister Anna and how disappointed she would be in him. No longer writing or publishing, instead he thrusted around a stage in skimpy underwear while people threw dollar bills at him. She had always been his biggest supporter when he expressed interest in becoming a writer when he was younger but when she died, he couldn’t bring himself to do it anymore. 

One day, a particularly drunk Castiel had been struggling to find a different job when Balthazar dared him to audition at the strip club he worked at. It turned out the he had a natural talent for dancing around in underwear and was hired on the spot. Because of the decent pay, Castiel never bothered to find other work. 

As soon as he heard the bathroom door click open his thoughts were interrupted by a very naked Balthazar strutting down the hallway and into the living room. 

“There,” Balthazar said as he spread out his arms to the side. “Not a single speck of glitter left. Happy?”

Castiel rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I’d be happier if you put on some clothes.”

“Nonsense Cassie, you know you miss this,” Balthazar joked as he began searching through his bag for a pair of pants, wiggling his ass as he did so.

“I assure you, I do not.” 

Castiel had dated Balthazar briefly while the two of them were in college but it never amounted to anything. Other than having sex, they were actually pretty incompatible but Balthazar seemed to get joy in reminding Castiel of their short lived romance whenever he had the chance. “You can stay here if you’d like today since we’re due back at the club in a few hours,” he said as he walked back into the kitchen and started washing out the coffee mugs. 

“Thanks but I actually have a date to get to. She’s French, and let’s just say I’m hoping we’ll be too busy to for me to learn her name.”

“Seriously? That’s pretty low, even for you.” Castiel watched as a now fully dressed Balthazar began packing his bag and heaving it over his shoulder. “And isn’t it still morning? Who goes to hook up with people in the morning?”

“People like us, Cassie. People who can’t do it during the evening because we’re too busy helping other people get off while wearing scraps of fabric on our crotch.”  
Castiel grimaced at the crude description of what they do. If he was honest though, that was fairly accurate. 

“See you tonight!” Balthazar called as he walked through the door and closed it behind him. 

Balthazar had a point, it was nearly impossible for him to meet anyone with his schedule. He worked most nights and on the weekends he usually worked days too. And now that he spent his weekdays with Dean at the university, he really had no time for himself. He enjoyed his time teaching Dean’s classes though. It let him pretend that he grew up to have a normal job, that he grew up to be someone his sister would be proud of. 

To pass the time, he decided to get out some of the lesson plans for next week and look over them before he had to go into work. As he started reading through his notes, his mind kept jumping back to green eyes and freckles. When Castiel had first saw Dean that very first morning, his breath was taken away by the most gorgeous man he had ever laid eyes on. He’s fairly certain that all he did was stare during the first few moments of their introduction but he couldn’t help it. Dean had a way of drawling people in. He was just as surprised as the next person when he found himself blurting out his real name but he’s glad he did. He’s glad that Dean could know part of the real him, even if it was just a little piece. 

Unable to concentrate, he crawled back into bed and set his alarm clock to go off in a few hours. What would Dean do if he had found out what his real job was? Castiel frowned at the thought. He’d probably be disgusted. He definitely wouldn’t want to be his friend anymore, let alone date him. He groaned and covered his face with his hands. He shouldn’t be thinking about dating Dean, was he even gay? Castiel thought for a few moments about little signs he may have missed. Their lunch a few weeks ago had gone fairly well he thought to himself. And, Dean had asked him if he was dating anyone right? No, Castiel reasoned, he was probably just making small talk. He sighed and covered his head with blankets, desperately trying to drown out the sound of Raphael squeaking in his cage. 

*****

Castiel walked into Heaven and Hell later that evening and was greeted with the smell of stale beer and disinfectant. The smell of things being disinfected should be encouraging to him, but really it makes him try not to think about why it needed to be cleaned in the first place. 

As he made his way through the rowdy crowd, he saw Alfie on stage, thrusting his hips to a fast beat wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and a pair of booty shorts. From the looks of the bills flying through the air, Alfie was really on his game tonight. Castiel continued through the crowd and walked into the locker room towards the back, waving to a few people on the way. He purposefully arrived a little later than usual so he wouldn’t have to kill time before his first performance. As comfortable as all of the dancers were with their bodies, there was nothing more awkward than making small talk while covered in glitter and being stuffed into underwear that’s purposefully too small. 

“Hey, Castiel.” 

Castiel turned around to see Alfie walking in, covered in sweat and trying to catch his breath. “The crowd out there is really into it tonight. Great tips," he said as he pulled a five-dollar bill out of his ass crack.

Castiel nodded and started removing his street clothes to change into costume. “Yeah, I saw that walking in. Looks like a few bachelorette parties.”

“It’s awesome,” Alfie replied, looking like he wanted to say something else. “Hey, would you mind covering my private dances tonight? I swear I’ll owe you and I think there’s only two scheduled so it wouldn’t take long, it’s just that I have a huge exam on Monday morning that I need to study for…”

Castiel stopped what he was doing and looked towards the floor. “I don’t know Alfie, I really try to stay away from the privates.” 

He remembered his first weekend on the job when he was new and eager to please his boss. They had set him up for a night full of privates and by the end of the evening, he was so tired and nauseous about his sudden change in profession he barely made it off the client and out of the room before throwing up. 

Alfie moved to stand in front of him and Castiel had to ignore the way his entire body seemed to sparkle. “Please, Castiel. I’m graduating soon and I really need to pass this class if I’m going to get into KU’s English program next year.”

Castiel’s eyes widened. “I didn’t know you wanted to study English.”

“Yeah. I mean, hopefully. I want to study English and become a writer or something.”

Castiel’s heart lurched. Poor Alfie was only 18 and came in here desperate for a job as soon as he was legal. He was in awe of him really, he spent all day in class and came here in the evenings trying to save up for college. The fact that he had hopes of being a writer just made the situation all the more personal to Castiel. 

“Fine. I’ll take your private appointments for tonight but don’t spread it around. I don’t want to start doing this for everyone.”

Alfie had his arms around Castiel in a heartbeat. “Thank you! You’re the best, I promise I’ll owe you big time.”

“No, you don’t owe me anything Alfie,” Castiel said as he noticed the time and started to get ready faster, “just promise me that you’ll graduate.”

“Deal.” Alfie smiled at him and started to head towards the showers. “Good luck tonight!”

Castiel finished snapping the buttons into place on his policeman costume and made sure everything was securely tucked into place. He grabbed his hat and walked towards the back of the stage when he saw Balthazar waiting by the wings. 

“Cassie! You’re on in five,” he said, scanning his body once over. “I like this costume on you, it’s very becoming.”

Castiel snorted. “Becoming? I’m covered in body glitter and I’m wearing a tye-die thong under this. It’s the least amount of becoming I could possibly be.”

“Eh, I don’t know, I think the school boy outfit you wore last week might have been your low point. But holy hell, the crowd really went crazy for that one huh?” Balthazar chuckled as he watched the girl on stage finish her routine and head back towards the other dancers. 

“I’d prefer if we never talked about that again, thank you,” Castiel bitterly mumbled as he made his final adjustments to his costume and walked on to the stage.  
“Go get em’ Cassie!” he heard Balthazar yell as the crowd got quiet and he took a deep breath. 

He waited a few seconds and the spotlight burst on, flooding his senses and making it impossible for him to see anything but what was on stage. The opening beats of a rock song played through the speakers and he started shifting his hips from side to side, slowly trying to get a feel of the crowd. He was a huge hit with the women but he had a fairly strong following among the men as well. Seeing that tonight was mostly bachelorette parties, he decided to play up the macho act. 

The opening verse started and Castiel strutted to the front of the stage, bending over to a woman towards the front and placing his hat on her head. When the whole group started screaming and tossing bills on the stage he smirked, he really was good at this. He made quick work of his shirt buttons and made sure to lick his lips as his hips moved to the music. Once the song hit the first chorus, his shirt was ripped off and he started whipping it around before tossing it towards the crowd and starting on his pants. He undid his zipper slowly and winked at another woman in the front row. He waited a few seconds, trying to remember the place in the song and tore them off as soon and the song climaxed. 

The crowd was going crazy by now, men and women alike, and Castiel wondered what it said about him that he enjoyed this. Of course there were always creepy people that made him want to bathe in bleach when he got home but mostly he loved the way people cheered for him on stage. In his real life, he was Castiel Novak. Quiet, reserved, and slightly awkward. But on stage? On stage he was a sex god. 

He dropped to his knees wearing nothing but his tye-die thong and started thrusting his hips to the beat, making sure that there was not much left to the imagination. He was confident in his body which was a good thing because it was basically impossible to hide anything in a situation like this. As the song reached its last verse, Castiel ran his hands up his chest and squeezed on his nipple, smiling when it seemed to be a hit with the crowd. 

He thrust a few more times and quickly stood up to jump onto the silver pole in the center of the stage. He squeezed it between his thighs and leaned backwards so that he was hanging mostly upside down and shimmied a little before gripping the pole with his arms and spreading his legs apart. Between all of the dancing and the movement on the pole, he was practically coming out of his thong he noticed as he glanced down to see his dick completely hanging out of the side of the elastic.  
Oh well. He wasn’t proud of it, but things like that always meant more tips. 

He shot the crowd a seductive smile and froze as the music died and the spotlight shut off. Castiel quickly scooped up the bills covering the stage and walked off, bumping into Balthazar on his way. 

“Good God, Cassie, give them a free show why don’t you,” Balthazar laughed as he pointed towards Castiel’s thong situation. 

“Shut up Balthazar, this happens to you all the time,” he mumbled as he tried to push through the group of people backstage and head towards the locker room.

“Uh yeah, but not all of us look like a fucking model when we do it. Jesus, give a guy a complex why don’t you.”

Castiel laughed at the thought of Balthazar being anything but completely confident with his body. “I wouldn’t dare,” he said dryly as he opened up his locker and started prying the sticky bills from places that money should probably never go. “Now leave me alone, I need to get ready for my privates.”

Balthazar stopped looking at himself in the mirror and turned towards his friend. “Castiel Novak agreeing to do private appointments? Did I hear that right? I thought you swore off those after you threw up on somebody.”

“I didn’t throw up on somebody, I almost threw up on somebody. And I didn’t schedule them, I’m covering Alfie’s so he can study for school.”

“You really have a soft spot for that boy don’t you?” Balthazar said as he sat down on a bench. 

Castiel sighed and started changing into a fresh costume. “I don’t have a soft spot for him I just feel bad. He’s too young to have to be doing this.” He paused and sat down next to Balthazar. “Did you know he wants to be a writer?”

“I think I may have heard something about that, yes. You know, I bet Carver Edlund could write him one hell of a recommendation letter.”

“Do you think that would work? I don’t know how to do that without blowing my cover though. Actually,” Castiel started as the thought came to him, “I know this guy that works in the KU English department and I bet he would be willing to help if I explained the situation.”

Balthazar thought about this for a minute. “And when he finds out that you know him because you work at a strip club together?”

“I don’t see why he would have to find out. He’s a really great guy, I don't think it would be a problem at all,” Castiel said as he fought the urge to blush while he thought of Dean finding out where he worked.

“’A really great guy’? Cassie, you’re smitten, look at you blushing!” Balthazar teased as he started poking him in the cheeks.

Castiel looked to the floor and tried to neutralize his expression. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he said as his cheeks turned redder. 

“Alright fine, but if you don’t tell me anything about him I’ll be forced to show up at your office and meet him myself. Don’t force me to do that, it’s rude.”

Panic washed over Castiel as he considered the complete and utter disaster that would be Balthazar and Dean meeting. “His name is Dean and he’s the professor that Carver Edlund is helping out with classes. I told him my real name though.”

Balthazar blinked and stared at Castiel. “You told him your real name? Well good God Cassie, don’t forget to send me a wedding invitation.”

“It’s not like that Balthazar.” Castiel debated internally on how much he should tell him. On the one hand, any information that Balthazar found out about would definitely be used against him in the future. On the other hand, Balthazar would most likely find out everything anyway so he might as well start now. 

“He’s highly attractive but I don’t even know if he’s gay. Plus, if we did start dating, I’m almost certain he would break up with me once he found out about this,” he said as he gestured to the army costume he was now dressed in and the clumps of dried glitter stuck in his hair.

Balthazar sighed with an understanding expression. “Well, honestly you don’t know if you don’t try. Maybe this Dean wouldn’t mind sharing you with the patrons of this lovely establishment. And besides,” he said with a wink, “some people find it kinky.”

Castiel thought about this a shook his head. “I’m not going to try anything. And he’s technically my boss right now so that would be breaking all sorts of policies.”  
“Cassie, dear, rules are for losers. And you my friend,” Balthazar pointed to him as he stood up, “are not a loser. I think I’m due on stage but we’ll talk more about this later, yes?”

Castiel agreed as he stood up and watched Balthazar leave. Closing his locker door, he took one last look in the mirror and smiled bitterly at his appearance. Covered in a sheen of sweat, the dark circles under his eyes were prominent under the fluorescent lights and the ill-fitting costume seemed to mock him. He sighed and walked towards the back rooms for his first private appointment, praying that he didn’t throw up this time.


	5. Chapter 5

As Dean walked into his office on Monday morning, he was disappointed when he saw that he was the first to arrive. He set his briefcase on his chair and looked over at the massive pile of essays sitting on Cas’ desk and frowned. It was Dean’s idea to assign an essay letting the students choose two characters and having them analyze their relationship throughout the series. Unfortunately, this meant that they had a ton of grading ahead of them. 

Dean sat down and grabbed the top one off the pile. Surprisingly there were some unconventional couplings that a few of the students had taken interest in such as the two brothers, Jared and Jensen, being paired together romantically. Dean read over the student’s paper and groaned. “You know they’re brothers, right?” he said to the imaginary student as the office door swung open.

Dean’s head shot up and saw Cas stumbling in through the doorway, looking slightly disheveled. “Hey Cas, how was your weekend?”

Cas walked in and shrugged out of his soaking wet trench coat, scowling when he discovered that his shirt underneath it had become wet too. “It was fine, I suppose. Nothing too exciting.”

“Yeah? You look beat, man. Did Raphael keep you busy or something?” Dean joked and watched as the other man momentarily stopped and looked towards the floor. 

“Yes,” he hesitated. “Something like that. How was your weekend, Dean?”

Dean thought back to his movie night with Sam and tried not to relive the feeling of dread that had settled in his stomach all weekend. He had spent the entire Sunday lying in bed and watching reruns of Dr. Sexy M.D. but he was fine now. Totally. 

“It was good. I got to see Sammy which was nice and apparently he’s proposing to his girlfriend this weekend so that’s exciting.”

Cas looked up from the essay that he was now grading and smiled. “That’s excellent news. Please tell Sam congratulations for me.”

“I will,” Dean replied and watched as Cas went back to grading. He seemed so tired this morning and there was something slightly off about him but Dean couldn’t put his finger on it. Would Cas tell him if something had happened? He didn’t know if they were those kinds of friends yet. 

During the commercial breaks of his Dr. Sexy M.D. binge the day before, he had a lot of time to think about Cas. A good portion of the thoughts were far dirtier than he would care to admit but he also wondered about his life. All Dean knew was that he wasn’t a writer anymore but he actually had no idea what his job was now. After the 7th slice of pie he had eaten that day, he decided that it was time to step things up. 

“So Cas,” Dean said as casually as possible, trying to remember the script he had thought of the day before. “Since we have all of these essays to grade by next week, I was wondering if you wanted to get together and work on them.”

Castiel squinted at Dean and tilted his head slightly. “I thought that’s what we were doing now.”

Dean laughed a little too hard and cringed at himself. “Well, yeah. I—I meant like in the evening though. Like, um, at my place,” he swallowed audibly and noticed the palms of his hand getting increasingly clammy. 

Cas didn’t say anything for a few seconds and Dean silently wondered if this was what having a stroke felt like. 

“Yes, let’s do that,” he said finally. “Is tonight okay?”

“Absolutely,” Dean said far too enthusiastically. “Wait, actually, would tomorrow work? I just remembered that I need to go to the grocery store because I don’t really have anything for us to eat.” Dean mentally cursed at his little brother for eating everything he had just bought. 

“We could go to my place. I just went shopping so the fridge is full.”

Dean’s mind immediately started trying to picture the other man’s apartment. Would it be messy and cluttered with copies of his books? Would it be fancy and obviously belong to an accomplished writer? He coughed when he realized Cas was waiting for a response. “Uh, yeah man that’s awesome if you don’t mind.”

Castiel’s face erupted in one of his smiles that had Dean wanting to collect them in a totally non-creepy way. 

“I don’t mind at all Dean. You’re welcome to come over, just pick a time.”

*****

Dean sat in the Impala and looked up at the apartment in front of him, double checking his phone for the right address. It was modest and not overly fancy, but not rundown either. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was expecting but this wasn’t it. 

As he walked towards the front door he took a deep breath and did his best not to look flustered. His goal tonight was to get to know Cas on a friend level. Once they were solid friends, the next logical step would be for him to show that he was interested. Right?

Dean nodded at his foolproof logic and found himself ringing the doorbell. He could hear footsteps and suddenly the door swung open to reveal Castiel wearing jeans and a black t-shirt that clung to his biceps like a second skin. 

“Hello, Dean.”

“Uh, hey Cas,” Stop staring at him, you look like an idiot. “Ready to grade some essays?”

Cas gestured him through the doorway and led Dean to the living room. “Just give me one moment to feed Raphael and then we can start,” he said as he walked back towards his bedroom.

Dean nodded as he set down his things and took a good look at his surroundings. This place really didn’t look like it belonged to a famous author at all. If he didn’t know any better, he would guess that Cas was just a regular guy. Everything was fairly tidy other than a few magazines laid out on the couch and an old coffee mug sitting on the kitchen counter. 

Not more than five minutes later, Cas reemerged holding a squeaking ball of fur. “Sorry, he was restless so I’m hoping that a few minutes out of his cage will help. Want to meet him?”

Dean moved towards Cas and softly patted the creature on his head, smiling when it started to squeak. “I’m not really one for pets Cas, but I’ve got to admit, he’s pretty damn cute for a rodent.”

“Raphael is not a rodent, Dean,” Cas said, looking affronted. “He’s a guinea pig. Those are completely different animals.”

“Okay, a guinea pig. Sorry.” He held his hands up in surrender and leaned into the creature. “You’re pretty cute for a guinea pig.”

Cas snorted. “Let’s just hope that Raphael accepts your apology because I don’t think we can be friends otherwise.”

Dean smiled at that and pretended to be offended. “Hey now, if we’re not friends, who’s going to show you where to get the best burgers in town?”

“You already showed me where to get the best burgers. If we’re using that logic then technically you’re useless to me now,” Cas said as he walked back towards his bedroom to put Raphael back into his cage.

Dean scoffed. “Well give it time, I’m sure you’ll need me for something eventually,” he said as he realized that he had followed Cas back to his bedroom. In the center of the room stood a four-posted king size bed covered in navy bed sheets, still rumpled from the night before. His mind was immediately filled with images of Cas sleeping there. Images of him lying in boxers and snuggled in between the sheets with his arms wrapped around Dean while they slept holding on to each other and…

Cas let out a small sound and Dean realized that Cas had been watching him stare at the bed. Well if he didn’t come off as a creeper before, he sure as hell did now. After a few more awkward seconds where neither of them seemed to know what to say, a timer from the kitchen went off. 

“Um, I-I put a lasagna in the oven,” Cas said as he started to walk out of them room, Dean following him close behind. “I hope you don’t mind, I just thought that it would make grading go a little easier.”

Dean sat on the couch with his face in his hands as Cas moved around in the kitchen. “Yeah, that sounds great.” He just needed to keep it together a little bit longer and everything would be fine. He probably wasn’t even being as awkward as it seemed like he was. Dean thought back through the past 20 minutes and cringed. You called his pet a rodent and practically drooled on his damn bed. Yeah, this wasn’t going well. 

After they had both eaten dinner, they moved to the living room floor to spread out the essays. Cas sat in the middle of the floor with his legs tucked underneath him and Dean leaned against the couch with his legs spread out in front of him. As Dean was in the middle of reading about all the ways in which the character Misha had silently shown his love for Jensen, he heard Cas clear his throat and looked up.

“Dean, I feel that we are friends.”

Dean racks his brain to try and guess where this is going. Was he about to be friend-zoned? “Uh, yeah Cas,” he said slowly. “We are.”

“And as your friend, I need to ask you a favor,” Cas said hesitantly, avoiding Dean’s gaze.

Dean let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Okay, sure. What is it?”

Castiel was quiet and for a moment Dean didn’t think he had heard him. 

“There’s a boy that I know who is trying to get accepted into KU’s English department next year and I was wondering if you might be able to write a letter of recommendation for him,” Cas rushed out in one breath. 

Wouldn’t he want Carver Edlund to write the letter? Dean watched as Cas seemed uncharacteristically nervous and realized he probably expected Dean to say no.  
“Yeah man, I can totally do that. How do you know him?” Dean asked.

“Um, he and I go way back.”

Dean looked confused. “You go way back with a high schooler?” 

By now Cas was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt which struck Dean as odd but he didn’t mention it. 

“Kind of. It’s rather complicated but I really appreciate it Dean, it means a lot to me,” he said as he brought his eyes up to Dean’s. 

Dean moved to get out a notebook and pen to write himself a reminder with. “Not a problem Cas. What’s his name? I can pull up his application in the system.”

“Alfie Milton.”

“I’ll try and have it ready in the next few weeks,” Dean said as he chuckled at the unusual name. 

Castiel smiled and looked at Dean with an unreadable expression that made him squirm a bit. Looking to distract himself, he leaned back to stretch, running his palms across the carpet behind him. Just as he was about to move his hands, his thumb rubbed against something cold and metal sitting under the edge of the couch. As he pulled it out, his brain short circuited. 

They were a pair of purple, fuzzy handcuffs. Honest to God, the kind of fuzzy handcuffs you see in pornos. Realizing that he should pretend he never saw them, he quickly moved his hands out of sight to try and stuff them under back under the couch. 

It was when he heard Castiel spit out his coffee and start cursing that he realized he didn’t move quickly enough. 

“Oh my God,” Cas spluttered, still choking, “I—I, I don’t—"

Dean stared at the item in his hands and was unable to speak. Does Cas actually use these? He shifted slightly as he felt his pants start to get tighter. Oh God, if he thought his fantasies were bad before…

“Dean,” Cas started, holding his hands out in front of him as if Dean were a frightened animal. “Those aren’t mine. I—I can explain—"

“Uh…” Yes, great use of words for an English professor. “Here,” he said thrusting them in front of Cas and becoming amused at the deep shade of red his friend was turning. Castiel looked completely panicked but Dean couldn’t get the words out of his throat to reassure him. 

“I had a friend over last weekend and they must have left this behind by accident,” Cas said as he quickly took the handcuffs and shoved them in the drawer of the coffee table. 

Dean took and minute to consider this and shifted in his position a bit more, desperate to hide the fact that he was almost completely hard. Think of Bobby in a dress, think of the Impala’s car parts, think of mowing the grass, absolutely do not think of Cas using those with his hands secured above his head as his gasping out Dean’s name…

“Dean?”

Dean’s attention snapped back to reality and he saw Cas sitting directly in front of him, staring at him with wild eyes. 

“Yeah?” he asked, mind still a bit fuzzy.

“I said I’m sorry you found those, that’s completely unprofessional,” Cas said nervously. 

Dean started to respond when it clicked. Cas was already involved with someone. He had said he wasn’t dating anyone but obviously he had something going on. Why else would he have a friend come over to his house and leave fuzzy handcuffs behind? Fuzzy handcuffs were only used for one thing and Dean had watched far too much porn to even pretend to be naïve about it. 

“It’s fine Cas,” he said, carefully starting to gather his things and get up. “I uh, I should probably head out though. School night and all that.”

Cas stood up and placed a hand on Dean’s arm, stopping his movements for a moment. “It’s really not that late yet, you could stay and finish grading if you want.”

Dean closed his eyes for a second and tried not to feel the way his skin tingled when Cas touched him. He stuffed his notebooks in his bag, put on his coat, and looked at the expression on his friend’s face. It was sad, which was weird. It didn’t make sense for Cas to be sad that Dean was leaving if he was involved with someone else.  
“We can finish the essays tomorrow or something, I’m really beat.”

Castiel just nodded and led Dean to the front of the apartment not saying much. As soon as the door closed behind him, Dean felt a queasiness settle in his stomach while he walked to his car in the cold. 

*****

As soon as Castiel closed the door behind Dean, he ran to his bedroom to get his phone. He dialed the number and waited momentarily before hearing, “Cassie darling, long time, no –"

“You left your damn handcuffs in my living room this weekend,” Castiel hissed over the phone. 

“Really? I looked everywhere for those last night. You know, I had a very disappointed lady friend when I couldn’t find them,” Balthazar chuckled over the phone. “Don’t get your knickers in a twist, just bring them to the club this weekend.”

“Balthazar, Dean found them,” he ground out. “He found them and I had to say a friend left them here which caused him to get upset and leave.”

“Ah. Well…shit.”

“My sediments exactly,” Castiel huffed. 

“You know, the bright side in this clusterfuck is that now you know Dean is interested in you. He wouldn’t have gotten so upset at the idea of you being tied up by someone if he wasn’t.”

Castiel thought about this and felt slightly better about the situation. “Except now he thinks that I liked to be handcuffed in bed.”

“Well,” Balthazar smirked, “he’s not wrong.”

“Shut up Balthazar,” Castiel said as he sat down on his bed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I need a way to see if Dean is actually interested or not because otherwise I rather not embarrass myself any further.”

“Why don’t you just ask him?”

“Because,” Castiel said a bit too loudly, “I still have the rest of the semester to work with him and I don’t think I care share an office with someone who rejected me.”  
Balthazar sighed loudly over the phone and caused Castiel to roll his eyes. “You’re being so dramatic about this Cassie, and that’s saying something because usually I’m the dramatic one.”

Castiel stood up and looked out his bedroom window, smiling when he got distracted for a moment and realized that snow would be coming soon, his favorite kind of weather. “You’re not helping.”

“Fine. Take him to a bar or something and find out whether he’s attracted to girls, guys, or both. If he’s into both,” Balthazar started, “then you really have your fun cut out for you. Have you ever tried a ménage a... what’s twelve in French?”

“Balthazar!”

“Christ, relax. Once you find out who he’s attracted to, flirt with them and see if he gets jealous. Then you’ll know if he’s interested in you.”

Castiel thought about this for a second and was surprised when it actually made sense. If Dean was jealous, then he might think about making a move. If he wasn’t? Castiel sincerely hoped that wasn’t the case but he’d deal with that later if he had to. 

“That’s not a horrible idea,” Castiel muttered over the phone. 

“You wound me Cassie, when have I ever given you a bad idea?”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Well I distinctly remember you convincing me that it would be a good idea to start beekeeping one summer and then laughing when they all stung me and I had to be driven to the ER.”

Balthazar barked out a laugh on the other end of the line. “Ah yes, that was a good one. It’s not my fault that they turned on you because you were so bad at it.”  
“Right. Well if we’re done here, I’m going to text Dean and invite him out as damage control no thanks to you.”

“Anytime Cassie,” Balthazar said as Castiel could practically hear him grinning over the phone. He hung up and got to work constructing the perfect text. 

*****

When Dean got back to his apartment, he grabbed a beer and tried not to feel sorry for himself. He had known that things might not work out with Cas but he had hoped. He thought back to all of the mixed signals Cas had given him and wondered if maybe he did so without realizing it. He was sort of an awkward guy anyway.  
His thoughts were interrupted by his phone beeping. He shifted his position on the couch to grab the phone out of his back pocket and frowned when he saw the message from Sam. 

 

S: How did your study date with Castiel go?

 

Dean really regretted telling his brother about it in the first place but determined that he probably would have found out about it one way or another. Damn nosy little brothers. 

 

D: Found out he’s sleeping with someone  
S: Ouch  
S: That sucks Dean sorry  
D: It’s fine  
D: Probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway  
S: Can I still meet him?  
D: Really Sam?  
S: Sorry 

 

Dean tipped his head back against the couch headrest and stared at the ceiling fan, trying to decide if he could wait to take his shower until the morning when he felt his phone buzz again. 

 

S: Just FYI the office called dad’s prison today but couldn’t get any information  
S: We’ll try again next week

 

Dean’s shoulders tensed up as he stood and headed towards his bedroom. After a short deliberation he stripped out of his clothes and headed to the bathroom to turn on the shower, breathing in the steam as the water warmed up. 

As he stepped under the warm spray, his mind raced to think of something, anything, to calm him down. After a moment, blue eyes filled his thoughts. He held on to that and thought of Castiel’s face. The lines beside his eyes when he was happy, the gums of his teeth showing when he smiled. He thought of the way he tilted his head when he was thinking about something and the squint of his eyes when he got confused. 

Before he realized it, his dick was hard again and standing straight up, brushing against his stomach. He chuckled bitterly and wrapped his hand around himself, wondering how he got himself in these situations. He and Castiel were just going to be friends now, and that was fine he repeated, lying to himself as convincingly as possible. 

But no one had to know what happened in his shower, right?

He started stroking himself at a slow pace, picturing Cas spread out on his navy sheets wearing nothing but boxers. Dean climbs over him and kisses his neck, tasting his skin and sucking a purple mark into it. Cas’ breathing gets faster as Dean runs kisses up his neck, down his chest and over his nipples. As Dean slips his hands into Cas’ boxers, he shudders and feels the weight of Cas filling his hand and leaking. He starts to pump his hand and Cas gasps as he starts to whimper and leans up to bite Dean’s neck. 

Dean’s breathing started to get heavier in the shower as his hand moved faster and faster. He pictured the two of them panting into each other’s mouths as they strip each other of their boxers and groan as skin touches skin. Cas grabs ahold of Dean and they push against each other, desperate to eliminate any space left between them. Cas tenses up and comes with a shout while whispering Dean’s name and that does the trick. 

Dean gripped the shower rod as he came into his hand suddenly and struggled to keep from slipping on the wet tile. After a few minutes of trying to catch his breath he turned the water off and stepped out, thoroughly relaxed. 

This could work, he thought to himself as he dried off and put on a pair of fresh boxers. Dean would forever be the creepy friend that jerked off to Cas in the shower but at least it kept him from going crazy. 

He smiled as he crawled into bed and thought about how much easier this made things, now that he wasn't going after Cas anymore. They’d have a professional relationship and see each other at work and it would be fine. No more hanging out at his house, and definitely no more finding his fuzzy handcuffs. 

Dean closed his eyes and started to drift off when his phone buzzed. Cursing Sam for not leaving him alone, he rolled over and touched the screen. His stomach immediately flipped when he saw it was a message from Cas.

 

C: Hello, Dean. I was wondering if you would be willing to meet me at the Roadhouse tomorrow evening at 7pm for drinks. 

 

Dean decided that it wouldn’t be a good idea but before he can do anything, his traitor hands sent a reply.

 

D: Sounds great. See you then.

 

He groaned and fell backwards onto the pillow. He was so screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a disclaimer, I have no problem with Wincest. I just thought it would be funny for Dean to have issues with it :)


	6. Chapter 6

After a long Tuesday at work, Dean was ready to leave as soon as the clock struck 4pm. Midterms were coming up which meant the students were cranky and he just was not in the mood to deal with that today. To make matters worse, he didn’t get to see Cas all day. The English department had him in meetings and interviews which caused him to miss all of his classes, resulting in even more whining from the students. 

After the 10th student came to his office, asking where Mr. Edlund was, Dean couldn’t take it anymore and closed his door. He gathered up his things and sat on his desk, watching the clock. It wasn’t his proudest teaching moment, but he’s definitely had worse. 

He was meeting Cas tonight and he was nervous. Sure, they were just friends and this wasn’t a date but it was still Cas. After the disaster that turned out to be their last interaction, it was important that Dean made it clear to him that he could be a good friend. He regretted walking out the way he did but in the moment, he needed to get out of there as fast as he could. 

Dean shook his head at himself when he realized that Cas probably thought he left because he was jealous of whoever Handcuff Friend was. And he was jealous, but Cas didn’t need to know that. Just like Cas didn’t need to know that Dean dreamed about him in some very compromising positions the night before. 

As the minute hand on his watch moved to 4 o’clock, Dean bolted through the door and down the university hallway. Sidestepping out of the way of other professors and dodging potential questions from students, he flung himself into the safety of his car and started towards home. 

His cellphone rang just as he pulled out of the parking lot and he answered it, cradling the phone between his shoulder and ear. 

“Hello?”

“Dean, it’s me. I was just calling to make sure you didn’t change your mind about letting me borrow the car on Saturday,” Sam huffed out on the other line.

“I didn’t change my mind, but I’m serious about not getting a single scratch on her this time. I mean it, Sam.” He heard Sam laugh on the other end and try to catch his breath at the same time. “What are you doing? You sound like you’re dying.”

“I just got back from a run.” Sam paused and Dean heard him guzzling water on the other end. “I wanted to get one final run in of the season before it starts snowing and there’s ice everywhere.”

Dean rolled his eyes as he turned a corner, nearly missing a biker trying to cross the street. “Why do you even need to run? All you eat is that rabbit food crap anyway.”  
“Running is good for you, Dean.”

“Yeah, but at what cost, Sammy?” Dean could practically hear the bitchface over the phone and laughed. 

“Whatever, I’ll let you get back to what you’re doing."

“I’m on my way home from work but I’m actually going out to get a beer with Cas later.”

“Yeah?” Sam asked, sounding confused. “I thought you said he was involved with someone else.”

Dean pulled up to his apartment and put the car in park, wincing as he released the phone from his shoulder and felt the stiffness in his neck. “He is, but we’re just going as friends.”

“Can you really do that? I thought you were in love with him or something.”

Dean’s mouth dropped open. “I’m not in love with him, I just thought he was good looking.”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Point is,” Dean started, “we’re going as friends and it’s fine. I’m going to show him that we can be perfectly good friends and that I’m cool with him being with other people.”

Sam was quiet for a moment and sighed. “If you really want him to think you’re only interested in being friends you should help him find someone to go out with. Help him find someone to flirt with or something.”

Dean thought about this and tried to ignore the way it made his stomach roll. He could do that, act as Cas’ wingman. Maybe he would even discover that Cas was into girls and wouldn’t that be a relief. If Cas was into girls then he wasn’t rejecting Dean, he was just into different parts. 

“Maybe. I don’t know, Sammy but I’ll call you later, I need to go inside before I freeze my ass off. It’s fucking freezing out here,” he said as he started to lose feeling in his fingers. 

“Later, Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

*****

After walking into the Roadhouse, Dean immediately saw Cas sitting in a corner booth towards the back. He was nervous, but it was important that he didn’t fuck this up. Cas was special and if Dean needed to resort to only being friends in order to keep him, that’s damn well what he’s going to do. 

He slid into the booth and tried not to notice the way Cas licked his lips. 

“Hey, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean,” Cas said with a wide smile. “Thank you for meeting me here. I'm sorry that we didn’t have a chance to talk today at work.”

Dean took a sip of the beer placed in front of him and nodded. “It’ll be nice to relax a bit, the students were on my ass all day with questions about where you were. I told you they’d start to like you better than me,” he said with a nervous chuckle. 

“I don’t know about that” Cas replied while staring at a spot on the table, looking nervous himself. 

After a few awkward minutes of silence with both men desperately trying to pay attention to the band playing, Cas spoke first.

“Dean, I just wanted to apologize again about Monday night. I’m frankly mortified that you saw what you did and I’m hoping that it won’t affect your opinion of me,” he said as he hesitantly met his eyes to the green ones staring back at him. 

Dean felt a rush of heat crawling up his back and creeping up his ears. He shifted in his seat a bit. “Really, it’s fine. I swear. We’ll pretend it never happened.”

A relieved look washed over Cas’ face and he grinned as he took a sip of his beer, never breaking eye contact. “Thank you, I appreciate it.”

“So,” Dean started, desperate to steer the conversation into safer territory, “I suggest we have some fun tonight. We have tomorrow off so the students can study for midterms which means I’m going to need another beer. You in?”

“Yes, I was thinking the same thing actually. Let’s have some fun tonight,” Cas replied with a look across his face that was hard for Dean to read.

He had guessed that it would take a little bit of convincing to get Cas to agree to a casual night like this but he seemed to have no problem with it. Maybe Cas was as anxious to stay friends as he was. 

After a few more rounds, Dean got up and moved to the bar in order to buy the last one when he saw a relatively attractive girl move beside him. She had light brown hair and delicate features. She was just the right amount of curvy and something told him she was perfectly open to getting lucky tonight. She seemed like the kind of girl Cas would be into and Dean tried not to hate her for it. 

He grabbed the beers and headed back to the table, sliding one in front of Cas. “I don’t know if you’re interested dude, but there’s a really hot girl at the bar just looking for someone to talk to her,” Dean said as he gestured in her direction. 

Cas’ eyes whipped over to where the girl was sitting and he squinted a bit as if he was trying to choose his words before he said them. “I uh, I don’t think I’m interested.”  
“You got a problem with one night stands?”

“No, I—I don’t,” Cas stuttered as he brought his eyes back to Dean’s. “I’m gay actually.”

“Oh,” Dean coughed out as he suddenly had trouble breathing. Dammit. That was going to make this inconvenient crush of his so much harder. “Sorry, man. I just assumed.”

“It’s fine… that’s not a problem is it?” Cas asked hesitantly.

“No! No, not at all. I’m actually into both men and women myself,” Dean said awkwardly as he noticed a pink tinge appear on Cas’ cheeks. 

He watched as Cas’ blue eyes seemed to widen and correct themselves within the span of a few seconds while his Adam’s Apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard. He stared at Dean in a way that made him want to squirm under the scrutiny.

“That’s good to know,” Cas replied quietly. “Have you dated very many men?”

“Um, not really. I really haven’t had a boyfriend since high school.”

“Why not?”

Dean rubbed his hand along the back of his neck and took a drink of beer. “It’s kind of a long story.”

Cas simply nodded, thankfully understanding that Dean didn’t want to get into it and looked towards the bar. “You’re welcome to go over and talk to her if you’d like.”  
Dean considered it for a moment, if only as a way to distract himself from the man in front of him but decided against it. He needed to help Cas find someone and be supportive about it. “Nah, I’m good. It’s more fun to try and find someone for you.”

Cas had a weird look on his face but nodded in agreement. “Ok, who do you think I should go talk to?”

A little perplexed at Cas’ uncharacteristic willingness, Dean scanned the room. There was a tall guy standing by the doorway that looked promising from behind but he quickly changed his mind when the man turned around to reveal a face full of piercings. Definitely not for Cas. His eyes scanned over to see a shorter man sitting at a booth by himself, looking around for someone to talk to. He looked nice enough and had a beard that was well groomed. Did Cas even like beards? He ignored the way his stomach churned at the thought of Cas going home with anyone other than Dean and halfheartedly pointed to a man standing alone at the bar. 

“How about him?”

Cas looked over and watched the man for a moment before suddenly sliding out of the booth and standing up. “Perfect, be right back.”

Surprised, Dean watched Cas walk up to the man and introduce himself. He really regretted ever listening to his stupid younger brother in the first place. This was not going to work. It was one thing to play the supportive friend when Cas came to tell him about his romantic endeavors but this was different. Dean practically just threw him into bed with a stranger himself. 

He heard Cas laugh loudly and looked up to see his hand on the stranger’s arm, running it up and down in a surprisingly seductive way. The stranger was moving closer and closer to Cas and Dean gripped the neck of his beer bottle tightly. Just when he decided to have enough self-preservation to look away, the two were exchanging phone numbers and Cas was on his way back to the booth with a smile.

Not trusting his voice right away, Dean raised his eyebrows for Cas share what had just happened. 

“His name is Inias and he works at the firehouse. He’s an actual fireman which is unbelievably hot,” Cas said as he carefully watched Dean. “Do you think he’d be willing to wear his uniform in bed?”

Dean choked on his beer and took an embarrassingly long amount of time to recover. “Excuse me?”

“I mean, when we hook up do you think he would agree to role playing a little bit? I’ve always wanted to see what that would be like,” Cas asked innocently, seemingly unaware of the complete meltdown that Dean was having. 

“Uh I don’t know, you’d have to ask him,” Dean replied as his grip tighten on his beer bottle even further. “But go ahead, don’t let me stop you. Maybe he’s free tonight.”  
Cas frowned so quickly Dean wasn’t sure he saw it right. “You wouldn’t mind if I left with someone else?” Cas asked. 

“Not at all,” Dean said with his most convincing smile. “You two look cute together, I think you should go for it.”

“We would be having sex,” Cas blurted out.

“Um yeah Cas, that tends to happen on one night stands.”

Cas took a long drink of his beer and set it back down with a surprising amount of force. “So you wouldn’t have a problem at all with me leaving and having sex with Inias?”

Dean looked down at his white knuckles wrapped around the neck of his bottle and swore he heard it start to crack. He moved his eyes to look at Cas’ and saw a bewildered expression on his face. 

“Not at all.”

Speaking of the devil, Dean looked up to see the stranger stumbling towards their table and cursed. 

“I told him he could sit with us while we finish our beer, I hope that’s okay,” Cas said curtly. 

Before Dean had a chance to respond, the stranger was drunkenly sliding in next to Cas with a shy smile on his face. 

“Inias, this is Dean. Dean, this is Inias,” Cas gestured as Dean glared at the man in front of him. “Dean and I work together at KU this semester.”  
Dean nodded and tipped his beer back, thankful for the last few drips left. 

Inias looked at Cas and shifted closer to him, placing his hand on Cas’ thigh. “I guess I owe you a thank you for sending this blue-eyed beauty over to me Dean, Cas says it was your idea for him to talk to me.”

“Uh yeah,” Dean mumbled as he played with the hem of his sleeve. “Anytime.”

Cas looked uncomfortable to say the least but just when Dean was about to try to find some way for them both to ditch Inias, Cas snapped out of it and suddenly turned towards the stranger. 

“I should really be the one thanking Dean, now I have a hot firefighter to play with,” Cas said as he ran his hand up Inia’s arm. “I hope you don’t mind it rough because I have a pair of fuzzy handcuffs we can use.”

Dean’s eyes bugged out and Inias looked a little uncomfortable to be having this conversation around company but went with it anyway. “I can definitely work with that,” he said as he leaned in closer to Cas and grinning. “I just hope they’re strong enough because I’m not going easy on you.” 

Cas’ whole face flushed and he chuckled nervously as he turned to stare at Dean, almost as if he was waiting for him to say something. Dean just stared back at him, not understanding how this simple plan of his escalated so damn quickly. Why was Cas saying this stuff in front of him?

Inias suddenly looked over at Dean like he forgot he was sitting there. “Maybe your friend Dean there wants to join us?”

Dean’s hand twitched, sending his beer bottle flying off the table and shattering to the floor. 

“Uh n—no, Dean won’t be joining us,” Cas rushed out as he looked over at him. 

“Maybe next time then,” Inias said with a wink. Dean was so uncomfortable he didn’t know where to look. 

Dean continued to say nothing so Cas let out a soft sigh and finished his beer, before standing up. “Okay then, I guess we should get going. Thank you for meeting me tonight, Dean.”

“Anytime Cas, you two crazy kids have fun!” Dean called out as convincingly as possible while Cas gave him an expressionless look and walked with Inias to the other side of the bar. 

Dean groaned and laid his forehead on the edge of the table. What was he doing? He should have just been upfront with Cas as soon as he learned he was gay. Maybe he would have been shot down but at least things could have been in the open. At least Cas wouldn’t be getting ready to jump into bed with some random fireman that looks like he should be on the cover of a calendar. 

He lifted his head and stared at the empty seat in front of him. Apparently Cas is into role play which is surprising. Fuzzy handcuffs and role play. Huh. He seemed so virginal at the university with his sweaters and his trench coat but that's what Dean got for assuming. He tried to pretend that a kinky version of Cas wasn't hot as hell but failed desperately and had to shift in his seat as a result. 

Deciding to leave before he could do anymore damage, Dean stood up and walked over to the bar to pay out his tab. While he waited for the bartender to give him change he looked over at Cas leaning in very closely to Inias. Too closely. Before Dean could avert his eyes he saw Cas continue to lean in until their lips met in a fierce kiss. The kind of kiss that was all hands and tongue and left very little to the imagination. 

Dean’s mouth opened and he felt something ugly start in his stomach and work its way up through every fiber of his being. Like a car wreck that you couldn't stop looking at, his eyes were glued to Cas as he watched him slowly grind the stranger against the wall. He looked way more experienced than Dean ever would have imagined and he struggled not to think about all of the men Cas must have hooked up with to be that comfortable with his body. 

Completely forgetting his change, Dean made his way towards the front door, quickly apologizing to the crowds of people he bumped into. He pushed the door open and looked back at Cas, only to find him looking directly at Dean now, expression unreadable from the distance. Dean nodded in acknowledgement and stepped outside into the cold air. 

*****

Castiel watched Dean walk out the door and tried to ignore the nausea rolling around in his stomach. He was so confident that his plan was going to work that he had gotten too cocky. Nothing says ‘hey, I like you let’s date’ like talking about rough sex with some stranger in front of him. 

“Hey Cas, let’s get outta here,” Inias whispered in his ear as he wrapped his arms around his waist and tried to grind his hips into Castiel’s again. 

Castiel pushed him off. “Don’t call me Cas.”

“That’s what your friend back there called you, it’s easier to say than Castiel.”

“You’re not allowed to call me that, okay?”

“Fine,” Inias huffed. “You’re awfully cranky for someone that’s about to live out a firefighter kink.”

Castiel rolled his eyes and felt like taking a thousand showers. He had kissed Inias as a desperate attempt to get Dean to react but it didn’t work. Now, he was stuck with this guy. 

“I’m sorry Inias, but I’m not feeling well. Perhaps we can get together another time,” Castiel lied as he started to make his way through the crowd and to the front door.

“Wait,” Inias called out as he gripped Castiel’s arm. “Are you serious?”

“Completely,” Castiel said as he ripped his arm out of Inias’ hold and started to walk faster. 

“You’re a fucking tease!” Inias yelled behind him.

As Castiel pushed through the front door, he was almost certain that Inias wouldn’t follow him out there but just in case, he started running to his car. He wasn’t the best fighter and Castiel knew that if it came to it, he probably wouldn’t be able to defend himself. 

Once safely in the car, Castiel thought back through the night’s events. Everything was going smoothly for a while, he thought as he pulled onto the busy street. They were acting like friends and he had even learned that Dean was interested in men and women. Castiel thought surely that meant he had a chance. He definitely wouldn’t have pushed the Inias thing so hard if he knew Dean would practically give them his blessing. He didn’t seem bothered at all and it hurt. 

Castiel pulled into his neighborhood and wondered what to do next. Now that he and Dean were off the table, he supposed that things just go back to normal. They’ll be friends and nothing more. He frowned at the thought and pulled into his driveway. At the very least, he’ll have to tell Dean about his night with Inias and pretend that when he left, they went back to his place together or something. He definitely couldn't tell him that Castiel was just pretending in order to get a rise out of Dean. He’d sound crazy. 

Maybe he was crazy. 

Later that night, after he had thankfully remembered to feed Raphael, he crawled into bed and closed his eyes. The skin on his face still felt raw from Inia’s stubble but he tried to think of other thoughts. He thought of green eyes and freckles and the way that Dean’s face lit up when he was talking about teaching. He didn't think about how now Dean thinks he’s into role playing and fuzzy handcuffs. Castiel spared a moment to ponder whether Dean would be into that sort of thing but stopped himself before his thoughts could go any further. 

After pulling down a pillow to hold onto, Castiel drifted into a restless sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel spent his Saturday morning laying upside down on his back, trying to get Raphael out from under the couch. He had thought it would be funny to see the guinea pig run around the house for a few minutes but quickly saw the error of his ways when said guinea pig decided to hide. 

“Come on Raphael,” he said sweetly while holding out a piece of carrot. “Just move a little bit closer.” 

Castiel shoved his arm under the couch as far as it would go and yelped when Raphael bit his finger and took the carrot, burrowing even further under.

“Fine. Live there for all I care,” Castiel mumbled as the small creature started to squeak. “You’ll have to come out for food eventually.”

He stood up and winced at the pain in his back from spending the better part of the morning on the living room floor and went to check the time on his phone. 

Unfortunately, he had a message from Crowley. 

 

C: Castiel, please call me at your earliest convenience

 

Castiel rolled his eyes and considered deleting the message. Crowley was his boss at Heaven and Hell and a complete dick. Thankfully, he didn’t have to interact with him much since Crowley tended to stay in his office during business hours. Resigning to the fact that he should probably respond if he wanted to keep his job, he dialed the number and waited. 

“Castiel,” Crowley barked through the phone. “Thank you getting back to me. You left so quickly last night I wasn’t able to catch you.”

Castiel walked over to his bed and laid down on his back. “Yes, well… what you need Crowley?”

“Who says I need something? Can’t an employer simply call an employee and have a nice chat?”

“You want to chat with me,” Castiel deadpanned.

Crowley was quiet for a moment and laughed. “No, don’t be daft. I need to talk to you about your schedule. I’m looking at your file and I see that even though you’ve been with us for quite some time, you’ve seemingly managed to avoid being scheduled for privates, correct?”

“Yes, that’s correct,” Castiel said hesitantly. He knew where this was going and his stomach immediately lurched. 

“Right, well as of today, consider yourself officially scheduled. You’ll have two nights a week, I’ll have someone send you the details later today.”

Castiel sprang up on his bed so fast his head started to get dizzy. “Crowley, wait a second. I don’t want to do privates, remember that time I threw up on someone?” he rushed out, desperate for an excuse. Any excuse.

“You almost threw up on someone. And frankly Castiel, you don’t have a choice. You’re one of our most popular dancers and that means money. Lots of people want to schedule you and if you have a problem with that, you know where the door is. As far as I know, you don’t have any other talents so If I were you I’d shape up and learn to be grateful that I’m giving you this opportunity rather than throwing you out on your ass for that attitude of yours.”

“Is there anything else?” Castiel asked, ignoring the stinging in his eyes.

“No, that’s it for today Castiel, but don’t think I—" Crowley started as Castiel hung up the phone. 

He laid back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling, taking deep breaths liked he learned to do when he was a child. Maybe now was the right time to finally leave the club. There was surely something else he could do besides grinding up against horny customers for cash. 

When he started the Supernatural series, he had just graduated high school and decided not to go to college because the books were selling so well. Any job that he would be able to get now would pay pennies in comparison to what he makes stripping and he wouldn’t be able to afford his rent or even much food. Castiel shifted on his bed to look at a picture of his sister Anna sitting on his bedside table. Going back to writing wasn’t an option. 

Castiel sighed as he stood up and moved back to the living room to check on the status of the rogue guinea pig. He heard squeaking from underneath the couch that sounded awfully like he was being mocked and went to sit at his desk. Remembering his earlier message from Balthazar, he picked up his phone and dialed. 

“Cassie! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Crowley scheduled me for privates two nights a week.”

“Oh fuck, no one does it that often.”

Castiel chuckled bitterly and started up his computer. “I know. I think he’s trying to make up for all the years I didn’t do any.”

“Jesus,” Balthazar breathed into the phone. “What are you going to do?”

“Just suck it up I guess? I don’t exactly have a lot of other options at the moment,” Castiel replied grimly. 

“We both know that’s not exactly true.”

“Yes it is,” Castiel said sadly. “I can’t write anymore since Anna died and even if I could, no one would publish me. I burned a ton of bridges when I quit.”  
“I’m just throwing it out there Castiel,” Balthazar said quietly. 

Castiel closed his eyes and tried to calm himself before speaking again. He knew that Balthazar was just trying to help. “I appreciate it, but I’d rather talk about other things.”

“Fine. How about you tell me how our little plan worked with the dreamy professor,” Balthazar said with a smirk. “Are you two going at it like rabbits yet?”  
Castiel had actually gone a full day without thinking about that disaster and he groaned. “It went terribly if you must know and now he thinks I’m dating a man named Inias.”

“Wait, what?” Balthazar started, “You do realize the whole point of the plan was to end up dating Dean right?”

“I know that. I tried flirting with Inias to make Dean jealous and he practically threw me at him. He didn’t care at all and when he saw us kissing, he just left without a word.” 

A sharp burst of laughter startled Castiel. “Cassie, you mean to tell me that you kissed some random guy from a bar in front of Dean in hopes of getting him to like you?”   
“I was trying to make him jealous! Was that, or was that not the plan? I wouldn’t have done it but when he didn’t react to Inias and I talking about using handcuffs in bed I panicked.” Castiel blushed at the memory and wondered if he must have been a serial killer in a past life to deserve this kind of humiliation. 

“Jesus Christ Castiel, are you serious? No wonder he ran off, I wouldn’t want to sit through that either,” Balthazar wheezed out.

Castiel waited for Balthazar to stop laughing and frowned when he wasn’t able to connect to Wi-Fi on his computer. “I hope you’re entertained because my love life is spiraling quickly. Now I have to pretend that Inias and I hooked up so that I don’t sound crazy.”

“Believe me, you already sound crazy. May I ask what the next step is in this highly successful plan of yours?” Balthazar asked.

“Nothing. Unless Dean makes a move, which I highly doubt after what he saw, I’m just going to be his friend,” Castiel said as he tried to connect to his Wi-Fi again and failed. “Hey, can I come over and use your Wi-Fi? I have a form I need to submit to the university and mine’s not working.”

“Sorry but I won’t be home all day, I met a pair of twins last week and let’s just say I won’t be getting out of this bed for quite a while.”

Castiel suddenly heard another voice in the background and cringed. “Have you been talking to me this whole time while you were in bed with multiple people?”  
“Don’t sound so scandalized Cassie, we’re taking a break right now.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Castiel saw a streak of fur dart out from under the couch and start down the hallway. He sprang up from his chair and threw himself onto the floor, sending his phone flying, as he tried to grab ahold of Raphael. After a few embarrassing minutes of him rolling around trying to get a secure hold on him, he laughed triumphantly and carefully put him back in his cage. “Next time you ask to run around again, we’re going to remember what happened today,” he called out to the creature as he picked up his phone from the hallway floor. 

“Sorry Balthazar,” Castiel panted into the phone, “I was trying to get the guinea pig back in his cage.”

“Is that some kind of sex metaphor?” 

Castiel rolled his eyes and sat back down at his desk. “So I really can’t come over today?”

“No, but you should ask Dean. That’s the perfect excuse to invite yourself over there.”

Castiel thought about this for a moment. Friends ask other friends to use their wifi right? And besides, it’s something he needs to submit for work, it’s not like he’s asking to use Dean’s wifi for porn. 

After a few minutes of deliberation, he decided to go for it. He’d go over there and act friendly and if he happened to slip in a few details about his wild night with Inias then so be it. Castiel was still a little upset about Dean’s lack of caring and he wasn’t above trying to rub it in a bit.

“I’ll try it I guess. Have fun with your twins,” Castiel replied and immediately felt gross about it. 

After hanging up with Balthazar, Castiel looked at Dean’s name in his phone and started to reconsider. He could probably just go to a coffee shop…

He took a deep breath and sent off the text without another thought.

 

C: Hello, Dean. My wifi is not working and I was wondering if I might be able to use yours.

 

Castiel was surprised when a reply came through a few seconds later.

 

D: No problem  
D: I’m at the grocery store right now so swing by around noon?  
C: That works fine. Thank you.  
D: If I don’t answer come around to the garage on the side

 

After getting Dean’s address, Castiel looked at the clock and sped through his apartment to take a shower and change his clothes before he needed to leave. After giving up on trying to get his hair to lay flat, he grabbed his laptop and walked out the door.

*****

Castiel arrived at Dean’s apartment and knocked on the door. He absentmindedly adjusted his clothes and fixed his hair before he realized what he was doing and made himself stop being so ridiculous. After a few moments, the other side of the door was still silent and Castiel wondered if he got the time wrong when he remembered that Dean said he might be in the garage. 

When he carefully made it down the flights of stairs and around the corner towards the garage, he froze in place. Dean was bent under the hood of a car wearing jeans slung low on his hips, and a tight, black, t-shirt that was riding up his back. Rock music was blaring out of a speaker set up on a tool bench and Dean was singing along, unaware of Castiel’s company. It was an incredibly endearing sight and Castiel watched for a few moments not wanting to interrupt him. He watched as Dean swung his hips to the heavy beat and his hands moved below the hood with sure and steady movements like he could do it with his eyes closed. 

Castiel stepped back to get a better look and stumbled into a pile of car parts causing them to fall over and hit the floor loudly, startling Dean, and causing him to hit his head on the hood.

“Cas,” Dean called over the music as he rubbed the back of his head, “I didn’t see you there, sorry. Have you been here very long?”

Castiel watched as Dean turned to face him and struggled to remember English for a moment. Dean had grease smeared across the chest of his shirt and up the side of his face. His shirt was also soaked with sweat despite the cold and it gave a very distinct outline of his broad muscles. 

Dean turned off the music and Castiel realized he was still staring. “Uh no, I just got here.”

“Good, well the Wi-Fi should be working inside so help yourself. The living room gets the best signal but you can go anywhere,” Dean said while he handed Castiel a key and gestured towards the apartment. 

Castiel nodded and struggled to regain his thinly veiled composure. “Thank you again for letting me come over Dean, this is a big help.”

“No problem man,” Dean smiled and turned back to the car as Castiel slowly backed away. 

Castiel was a little disappointed that wasn't going to get to talk with Dean because that’s basically the reason he came over but decided that the sight of Dean sweaty and covered in grease was well worth it. 

He climbed the flight of stairs for the second time and took a good look around once he was inside. It was a little messy and smaller than his place but it screamed Dean. Castiel chuckled as he saw an enormous stack of rock albums leaning against a wall. He remembered Dean saying something about being a big music fan but that many albums seemed excessive. He sat down on the couch and started to boot up his computer when he saw the entire Supernatural series sitting on a bookshelf towards the back of the room. 

He felt his cheeks heat up and his lips twitch into a small smile. Despite how his writing career ended, he felt very proud of his work. It was touching that Dean thought so highly of his books. Castiel wondered for a moment if it would make Dean happy to have them signed, but stopped when his computer signaled that it was on and ready to be logged into. 

About an hour later, Castiel finished submitting his form and practically ran down the stairs towards the garage. It dawned on him that if he hurried, Dean might let him watch while he finished working on the car. 

“Did you get everything finished?” Dean asked as he closed the hood and watched Castiel walk up.

“Yes, thanks to you.” Castiel replied. “What were you working on?”

Dean picked up a towel and started to wipe off his hands and dry his forehead. “My brother Sam is borrowing the car later today to propose to his girlfriend and I wanted to tune it up a little bit so that they wouldn't have any problems.”

“That’s very nice of you.”

Dean shrugged. “It’s not a big deal, she was probably due for some work anyway.”

“She?”

“Yeah, she. This is my baby,” Dean said as he ran his hand along the shiny black finish. 

Castiel snorted and stopped himself when he realized Dean was completely serious. “Your baby?”

“Hell yeah, my dad gave her to me when I turned 16. She was in really bad condition and barely ran but I had a family friend teach me how to do the repairs,” Dean said as he looked at the car full of pride. “Wanna take her for a spin?”

“Now?”

“We don’t have to, uh I—if you don’t want…”

“No, I do!” Castiel all but yelled, desperate spend time in anything that Dean Winchester regarded to so highly.  
Dean’s face lit up in a smile as he walked around to the driver’s side. “Great, hop in.”

“Where are we going?” Castiel asked as he carefully slid into the car and watched as Dean pulled up the gear and back out of the driveway. 

“I’m not really sure,” Dean replied sheepishly, “I didn’t think it through that far.”

Castiel tapped his finger against the leather seat and tried to think of something to talk about in order to distract him from being in such close proximity to Dean. He never would have guessed that the smell of car grease would be such a turn on for him but it was certainly having its effect now. 

“How long has your brother been planning on proposing?”

Dean turned on to the highway with ease and looked over at him. “I’m not really sure. They’ve been dating for years now though so I’m guessing it’s been in his mind for a while. I know I tried to get him to do it sooner before Jess realized what a dork Sam is but luckily it all worked out. Well, assuming she says yes that is,” Dean chuckled. 

“I’m sure she will, your brother sounds like a good guy from what you’ve told me.”

“He’s the best. Don’t tell him I said that though, I don’t want it to go to that oversized brain of his,” Dean said fondly as he pulled off the exit and turned off onto a quiet street. 

Castiel wondered where they were going as Dean drove into the woods and it occurred to him that he didn’t care. He would go anywhere with Dean and that was a problem. Especially if Dean didn’t feel the same way. 

“We’re here,” Dean said as he pulled into an open clearing that looks over the river. “I didn’t really know where to go and I don’t want to refill the gas tank before Sam uses it so I thought this might be a good spot. Ever been out here?”

“No, it’s beautiful though,” Castiel said as he glanced at the view, still caught up in his recent revelation. 

“I used to come here a lot as a kid, it’s a good place to think.”

Both men stared out the window for a few moments until Castiel heard Dean fidgeting next to him. 

“So, uh,” Dean started hesitantly, “how was your night with Inias?”

Castiel looked over to Dean and saw that he was staring at a tree close by, ignoring his gaze. “It was…it was fine.”

“Yeah? Are you going to see him again?”

Castiel was conflicted. On the one hand, he wanted to share all sorts of details about his fake night with the stranger at the bar. He wanted to tell Dean how amazing it was and how strong Inias looked while he was making Castiel whimper underneath him. On the other hand, he just wanted to tell Dean the truth. He wanted to tell him that nothing happened, that Inias turned out to be a jerk, and that it was all just a ruse to get Dean interested in him. He wanted Dean to know that if Castiel had it his way, he would never go home with anyone other than Dean again. 

Instead, all that came out was, “No, probably not.”

As soon as Castiel answered, Dean turned towards him and they both just stared at each other, neither one of them bothering to hide it. Green eyes meeting blue eyes in a spark of electricity that filled the space between them. Castiel could get drunk off staring at Dean he figured, the way that gold specks broke up the green when he was in the right light, and the way Dean’s eyes seemed to tell a person everything they needed to know and yet, not nearly enough. 

After what seemed like an eternity to Castiel, Dean cleared his throat and their gaze broke apart. 

“Well that’s probably for the better,” Dean said as he looked down and started to pick at the hem of his shirt. “That guy seemed like a dick anyway.”

Amused by Dean’s impression of Inia’s, Castiel smiled. Maybe Dean had been jealous. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Castiel watched the river in front of them and snuck a look over at Dean. “Do you ever think about getting married someday like Sam?” he asked as he prayed that Dean didn’t realize how painfully obvious Castiel was being. 

“Yeah, one day. I mean, I don’t exactly have a line of people at my door wanting to date me but uh,” Dean hesitated as his cheeks got redder, “one day it could be nice I think.”

Ignoring the laughable idea that there wouldn’t be hundreds of people willing to date Dean Winchester, Castiel nodded in understanding. “I get what you mean. I don’t have a ton of time to date so unless something changes it may just be me and Raphael for the rest of my life,” he joked, wincing when he realized the reality of that sentence. 

Dean laughed and shifted in his seat so that he was facing Castiel and leaning against the window. “What do you do in your free time? You know, when you’re not charming the pants off my students right out from under me?”

Smiling from the compliment, Castiel started to respond when he suddenly stopped and chastised himself for letting the conversation lead to him and his free time. What was he supposed to say? He considered fabricating a story about how he collected stamps in his free time but decided better of it when he realized that sounded pretty dull, even for him. He wanted Dean to like him, not leave him because he apparently collected stamps. 

“I suppose you could say that I do a lot of… charity work,” Castiel blurted out in panic.

“Oh yeah? What kind?”

This was going downhill quickly. Castiel really wasn’t great at lying and hoped that Dean couldn’t see his forehead start to break out in a sweat.   
“Well, a group of people and I work to entertain other people. Kind of like cheering them up,” Castiel said as calmly as possible. 

“Entertain them how?” Dean asked, clearly confused by his vague description.

“We try to make their fantasies come true.”

“Like a Make-A-Wish type thing?”

Oh God, Castiel was going to hell. 

“Yes, exactly like that.”

Dean nodded and smiled at him. “That’s really awesome Cas. It’s sweet that you spend all your free time making people feel good.”

Castiel choked on his spit a little bit at the irony of Dean’s words and tried to cover it with a cough. “Um, thank you. So,” he started, desperate to push the conversation away from him, “what do you do? When you’re not off saving the world, one English class at a time.” Castiel added with a grin. 

Dean laughed and shook his head. “Not a lot. Other than teaching and hanging out with Sam my life is pretty boring,” he said as he looked embarrassed. “I probably shouldn’t be telling you that, it doesn’t make me seem very attractive.” He’s eyes widened when he must have realized what he said, causing him to back pedal. “I mean—not like attractive attractive, just in a…well I just meant—"

“I know what you meant,” Castiel chuckled. “It’s fine.”

“Okay good,” Dean grinned as he tried to regain his composure. 

A few awkward moments passed as Castiel wondered what Dean had actually meant by his comment. 

“So Cas, I never really got the chance to ask you, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want, but why don’t you write anymore?”

Castiel broke out of his train of thought and looked at Dean. He was squirming in his seat slightly and Castiel could tell that Dean was starting to regret asking him at all. He didn’t want to push Dean away though so he decided to take one of his deep breaths and start from the beginning. 

“Both of my parents died when I was 9 after being in a really bad car accident and when that happened, my sister Anna and I were split up and placed into different foster homes. Luckily for me, my foster parents were extremely religious. And not in the endearing way, more in the way that punishes you for your sins and thrives off of pain being the answer to cleansing your soul of impurities. Anyway, they obviously were not pleased when I was going through high school and discovering my preference in men. If I’m remembering correctly, I think it was for about 14 hours that they had me locked in a closet one time when was caught watching gay porn on the family computer.”

Castiel chuckled bitterly at the memory and paused for a moment to see Dean staring at him with a slightly horrified expression on his face. He gave a small smile and continued on.

“Needless to say I left as soon as I turned 18 but I had greatly underestimated what it took to live on my own. I spent a small amount of time sleeping in an abandoned building downtown and more time jumping from couch to couch from people who were willing to take in a starving teenager. Eventually I was able to track Anna down and when I told her what happened, she immediately took me in and let me live with her. She was only a few years older than me and barely had enough to get by but she wouldn’t let me even consider staying anywhere else. I had barely passed high school given the circumstances so college wasn’t an option but I had always had in interest in writing. Anna encouraged me to pursue a career where I would be able to do that and she made it possible by supporting me in every way imaginable. I guess that’s how the Supernatural series was born. I suppose it was going really well for a while but a few years later she uh, she was diagnosed with acute liver failure and died shortly after.”

Castiel stopped, eyes glazing over for a few seconds to relive the memory and cleared his throat. “Sorry, that was a lot more than you asked for but um, that’s why I don’t write anymore. I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it since she died,” he said, embarrassed at his sudden outpouring of personal issues.   
Dean didn’t speak for couple moments and Castiel thought for sure that he had just scared him away with his sad little life story. 

“Cas,” Dean started slowly, “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Of course he scared him away. Who would want someone with that kind of history? And that was before he found out about the stripping.

“I uh, I think that was really brave of you to live through that and manage to still do something so successful. I don’t know if I would have had the balls to do it myself,” Dean said as he continued to stare at Castiel. “I like that I feel like I know you better now,” he added quietly. 

Castiel met Dean’s gaze and time seemed to stop again. Nothing was said, but in that moment, he felt that they were both desperately trying to convey something to the other. He watched as a smile started to appear across Dean’s lips and jumped slightly at the buzzing suddenly coming from Dean’s phone. 

As if broken from a trance, Dean blinked and his eyes whipped to his phone, cursing when he saw the time. “Fuck, Sammy is going to lose his shit if I make him late. We should probably head back before he kills me.”

“Yes, we definitely don’t want that,” Castiel replied, still slightly flustered by the change in energy surrounding them now. 

They both turned about around in their seats and fastened their seatbelts as Dean pulled out of the spot and onto the busy road. If they both snuck looks at the other the whole way home, that was between them.


	8. Chapter 8

Dean sat at his computer Sunday afternoon checking his emails and definitely not waiting to hear from Cas. He had plenty of perfectly respectable things to do with his time and he was not going to sit around and watch his phone like a damn girl. Dean had standards. 

He clicked through his new messages, deleting an alarming amount of spam, when he saw an unread email from his department head inviting him to this year’s educational conference in Wichita. He usually went every year to get information about how to spice up his lesson plans but he was kind of hoping to skip out this time. He read further down the email and…oh.

They were encouraging him to pick someone from the university to go with him. Someone like Cas. 

Sure he’s only there for a semester but that still counts, right? He leaned back in his chair and wondered if Cas would even accept the offer. Maybe he shouldn’t ask him. It would be a whole weekend spent with Dean and they’d have to share a hotel room. 

A smile spread across his face as he realized that that’s exactly why Dean should invite him. 

Something shifted with Cas yesterday when they were alone in the Impala but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Apparently things hadn’t worked out with Inias, thank Jesus, and Cas was single. Single and gay. Now all he had to do was get Cas to see that Dean was interested and willing. 

So fucking willing. 

Dean flagged the email so he could remember to figure out a very professional way to ask Cas to go with him and continued to click through messages. He saw one inviting him to a coworker’s bachelor party at the Roadhouse in a few weeks and cringed. His coworkers weren't exactly what Dean would call a good time but hey, he wasn't one to turn down an open bar. 

As he clicked to mark the email so he could put it on his calendar, his phone buzzed next to him. His hand whipped over to it so quickly he knocked over a stack over papers in the process, sending them flying across the floor. 

Dean took a minute to calm himself and pretend that minor freak out didn’t happen before he opened the message frowned when he saw it was from Sam. 

 

S: Call me as soon as you get this

 

He sighed as he got up from his chair and flopped onto the couch with his phone. It wasn’t crazy to think that Cas might text him. They definitely had a moment when they were talking in the car because Dean doesn’t normally stare at people for an infinite amount of time like he had with Cas. He was pulled in by his obscenely blue eyes and Dean saw something in them that he hadn’t before. Something that excited him and blew through all of his senses at once causing him to be mildly concerned about the strength of his feelings when they hadn’t even been on a date.

Cas also shared some pretty personal stuff with him. His family life was almost as messed up as Dean’s and that was saying something. He liked that Cas trusted him enough to share more about himself and it made Dean think about maybe doing the same.

Dean rolled his eyes at himself for being so dramatic and dialed Sam’s number.

“That was quick.”

“Yeah well, I wasn’t in the middle of anything super important when you texted me,” Dean replied. “Shouldn’t you still be with Jess, or is the honeymoon phase over already?”

Sam had texted Dean the night before right after Jess had said yes. Dean was thrilled but not that surprised, those two dorks were disgustingly cute together.   
“Very funny. Seriously though, my office finally got ahold of Dad’s lawyers, it’s not looking good.”

Dean closed his eyes and counted to ten. “When is it happening?”

“A few months, give or take? The judge is still gathering forms and letters of recommendation from his old army buddies but it’s definitely happening,” said Sam, sounding defeated. 

Dean was quiet for a few minutes and Sam didn’t push him. “Do they knew yet where he’s going to live?” he asked hesitantly.

“Not that I know of, but I’d be surprised if they let him stay in Lawrence given the circumstances. And I already have someone getting the papers ready for the restraining order so you shouldn’t worry about that.” Sam paused for Dean to respond and then continued when all he heard was silence and shaky breathing. “Dad called me again though and left a voicemail saying he wanted to meet with us when he got out…” Sam trailed off. 

Dean involuntarily raised his left hand and placed it over the scar on his stomach, quickly withdrawing it in disgust when he noticed. “Like hell that’s happening,” he scoffed. “Shouldn’t someone have contacted us in the first place? Or, I don’t know, checked to see if we were okay with this?”

“Yeah, but apparently this judge isn’t doing things by the book.”

“Fucking figures,” Dean mumbled and tried to suppress the wave of nausea that washed over him. “Any other awesome news you want to throw my way Sammy?”

“Well actually, this is completely unrelated but there is something I want to ask you.”

“You got another girl you’re proposing to and you need to borrow the car again?” Dean joked, grateful for the change in topic.

“No, you idiot, I wanted to ask if you’d be my best man.”

Dean’s eyes popped open and he smiled. “Well jeez I don’t know, Sam. I guess I have to be, seeing that you don’t have any other friends,” he laughed, not letting his brother how much this meant to him. 

“You’re such a jerk you know that?” Sam huffed, clearly smiling as he said it. 

“That’s what they tell me. Seriously though, I’m obviously going to be your best man because who else is going to push your ass down the aisle when you chicken out?”

“That’s fair,” Sam chuckled. 

After talking some more with his brother about how Jess had already started planning the wedding and telling Sam to man up and be part of the process, Dean hung up and started wandering around the house. He felt unsettled and even though he knew why (thank you fucking John Winchester), he couldn’t get the feeling to go away. It settled in his muscles like it was growing roots and Dean knew there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. Worn out from doing absolutely nothing, he decided to lay down on the couch and close his eyes. 

In what seemed like minutes later, Dean was outside and he couldn’t stop shivering. Someone was screaming in the background but it was muffled, like he was underwater. He turned to see his father coming towards him but as he tried to move away, his legs were planted to the ground. As Dean turned to look for something, anything, to defend himself with, the scene quickly dissolved around him and Dean found himself standing in the kitchen. He looked up in confusion and there was a flash of red. Everything seemed to fade away slowly as he realized that he was the one screaming. 

Dean awoke in a panic and sat upright on the couch, gasping for air. His hair was matted to his forehead from sweat and his jaw was clenched so tight his teeth hurt. 

Shit. 

He slowly got up from the couch, noticing that it was now dark outside, and walked to the bathroom to splash water on his face. He looked awful, he thought to himself as he saw his reflection in the mirror. He hadn’t had nightmares in what? five, almost six years? Perfect. That’s really fucking perfect.

He grabbed himself a beer in the kitchen and practically chugged it before deciding that the night called for something a little stronger. He found a small bottle of whiskey that he had been saving for a special occasion and started with a glass. After an hour of sitting on the floor, trying to slow his heartbeat, he gave up and slumped back to the bedroom with the whole bottle. 

Dean didn't make good decisions when he was drunk. Honestly, they were usually pretty horrible decisions. 

A quarter of the bottle of whisky was gone when he decided it would be a good idea to change Cas’ name to ‘Angel’ in his contact list. He grinned at the new nickname and thought of all the ways Cas’ face was angelic and vowed to tell him the next time they saw each other. 

Half of the bottle of whisky was gone when he decided to try and match the color of Cas’ eyes to something in his house. He found an old sock that came close, and slurred to his bedside lamp that nothing could ever be as blue as Cas’ eyes and threw the offensive sock away just on principle. 

Three-fourths of the bottle of whisky was gone when he decided that Cas should be there with him right now. He stumbled into a pair of pants and fell face first into his closet before giving up and crawling back into bed. 

The entire bottle of whiskey was gone when he decided to text Cas instead. 

*****

“Oooh yeah, ohmygod yessss, keep going!”

Castiel obeyed, quickening his pace and thrusting against his client ruthlessly. There was no way this guy could last much longer he thought as he shifted his hands to the man’s shoulders for better leverage. He had been straddling the guy while wearing nothing but a thong for about 40 minutes now and his back was screaming. This was his 5th private of the night but thankfully he only had one more after this appointment was over. 

Suddenly, Castiel felt the man stiffen underneath him and winced when a puff of hot breath blew by his ear in a long groan. 

“That was really good this time,” the man panted as Castiel gingerly crawled off his lap. “Next time I want you in a costume though, I have this schoolboy fantasy that I—"

“Glad you enjoyed it, please see yourself out,” Castiel said stiffly as he grabbed a towel and walked out of the room. He really didn’t want to hear the end of that sentence. 

Castiel walked back to the locker room to freshen up before his next appointment but when he got there, he practically fell on to the bench out of exhaustion. He tossed the towel over his face and just sat still, breathing in the cotton scent, desperate to smell something that wasn’t sweat or bodily fluids. 

After a few minutes, he pulled the towel off and reached into his locker for his phone. No messages. He had been hoping that Dean would have texted him after Castiel basically bared his soul in the Impala the day before but apparently not. Maybe he scared him off. 

Castiel frowned while he put his phone away and changed into a fresh outfit. As he started back towards the private rooms, he prayed that this client at least didn’t smell like feet. 

As he walked through the door he was thankful to see a thin man sitting on a chair set up in the center of the room. He was known by now to make the experience quite memorable for women but it was always a little bit easier for Castiel when it was a man. 

“What would you like to do tonight?” Castiel asked as he moved towards the small stereo sitting in the corner. “You paid for 30 minutes so it’s up to you more or less.”  
The man stared at him in a way that was slightly unnerving but he tried to not let it bother him. He dealt with creepy customers all the time. 

“My name is Alastair, what’s yours?” the man asked.

His voice sounded slimy and broken and a shiver shot up Castiel’s spine. 

“Castiel,” he replied hesitantly. He suddenly wished that he had chosen a stage name when he started working here. Why hadn’t he? He could have at least made up a name. 

“Castiel,” Alastair sounded out, rolling it around in his mouth. “I think I want the full treatment tonight,” he said, gesturing to his lap. 

Castiel nodded and turned his back to the man, looking for the time on the stereo’s screen. He wasn’t going to be here for even one more minute than he had to. He walked up to the chair and started to lift his leg over Alastair’s lap. 

“I said I want the full treatment,” Alastair chided. “That means you in that pretty little piece of underwear you have on. Nothing else.”

Castiel’s smile was forced as he started stripping off his clothing, advoiding Alastair’s iron gaze. As he slid off his pants, he dropped them in a pile with the rest of his clothes and turned back towards the man. 

“Much better,” Alastair said as he licked his lips. “Now hurry up, we’re losing time.”

Castiel started to straddle him a second time and flinched when he felt bony fingers wrap around his waist. “There’s a no touching policy.”

“Are you serious? I’m paying for you.”

“We have a no touching policy here but I’d be happy to get security outside if you don’t find our rules agreeable.”

Alastair glared at him and laid his hands on the arm rests. “Well come on then.”

Castiel grit his teeth as he started a slow grind and tried to ignore the way he could feel the man getting hard underneath him. Alastair started groaning and squirming in his seat, trying to gain contact wherever he could and Castiel started to grind harder, desperate to end this as soon as possible. 

He tried to clear his mind and ignore the way this guy made him want to scrub off every layer of his skin. Castiel closed his eyes and pictured Dean underneath him, grabbing at his hips and whispering his name in his ear. He ignored the panting by his face and thought of Dean coming completely undone, just staring up at him with his apple green eyes. He tried to pretend that the groans coming from underneath him belonged to the stunning English professor, not the sketchiest client he’s had to date.

As he moved his arms to rest behind the man’s neck, he felt a cold hand grip on to his thigh. He practically growled as he smacked it off and clung on to the man tighter, struggling to grind into him even harder. 

After what seemed like a lifetime, Alastair suddenly gasped and Castiel fought the urge to dry heave when he felt something warm and moist start to pool under him, leaking through the man’s pants. 

“You certainly know what you’re doing,” Alastair panted as he caught his breath. He lifted a hand and snapped the waist of Castiel’s thong with his bony finger. “It’s a shame I’m not able to fuck you.”

Castiel leapt off his lap and tossed a towel at him as he walked to the door and tried not to let his irritation show. “Please see yourself out.”

“30 minutes sure do fly by when you have a slutty thing like yourself rubbing against my lap,” Alastair leered. “I’ll see you next week, Castiel.”

Castiel reached for the door knob and swung the door behind him forcefully. Nothing like a few private appointments to make yourself feel like shit he thought bitterly as he pushed his way back to the locker room. He has got to talk to Crowley about his schedule. 

He opened his locker and reached for his phone, mood instantly lifting when saw he had 6 new text messages from Dean. 

 

D: Heyyyyy angel  
D: This is Dean if u didn’t know  
D: That guy that showed u where the best burgers were   
D: Did you know u make porn noises when u eat cause I like it

 

Castiel squinted in confusion as he continued reading. 

 

D: Hey baby did it hurt when u fell from heaven cause ur the only 10 I see  
D: Wait I fucked that up

 

Castiel couldn’t help but laugh at the botched pick up line. Was Dean drunk? Whatever it was, he sure didn’t care because this sounded a whole lot like an attempt at flirting. He quickly threw a pair of sweats and a hoodie on so he wasn’t texting Dean in a sequined tong, and sent a reply.

 

C: Hello, Dean. You sound like you’re having a good time this evening.   
D: I’d be better with u wrapped around me like a snuggie

 

What was he supposed to say to that?

 

C: Did you go out drinking with Sam?  
D: Nope sir  
D: Just me and Jack  
C: Jack Daniels? Like the whiskey?  
D: U know him? Cas man we should all be friends  
D: Ur my friend Cas and we’re going to the education conference together and we’re going to spend the weekend together and I’ll finally get to see ur wings

 

Castiel had heard of the annual conference from another faculty member but he hadn’t planned on going. If Dean was inviting him though…he could be persuaded. As his fingers started to type a response he stopped himself. Maybe Dean didn’t mean to ask him and it had only slipped out because he was drunk. He’d wait to ask Dean about it later when alcohol wasn’t coming out of his pores. 

 

C: You should get some sleep, Dean.  
D: Who needs sleep when all I can think about is blue  
C: Blue?   
D: Fuckin BLUE cas  
C: Goodnight Dean, please be safe.  
D: Night angel  
D: U be safe falling from heaven

 

When it seemed that Dean had gone to bed for the night, Castiel gathered up the rest of his stuff and started to walk out of the club. There was a high likelihood that Dean may not remember any of that tomorrow but it definitely happened. He was flirting and that was a good start.   
Castiel smiled the whole way home, no longer bothered that he was covered in glitter and other people’s sweat.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean was assaulted the next morning by the sun poring through his bedroom window. He started to open one eye and fucking hell did his head hurt. What happened last night? 

He looked at his surroundings and instantly regretted it. His phone was stuck to his face, there was an empty bottle of whisky that he was cradling in one hand, his lamp was knocked over and there were socks in his trash can. 

His attempt to remember what could possibly have caused this level of destruction was interrupted by a sharp buzzing on his face. He winced as he peeled the phone off his cheek and squinted his eyes against the bright, illuminated screen. Surprisingly, it was a message from Cas he realized as he recognized the contact picture. But why was he listed as ‘Angel’?

 

A: Dean, I bought an extra coffee for you when I stopped by Starbucks this morning. I figured that after last night you may need something stronger than usual. See you at the office. 

 

Dean stared at the message for a few minutes in desperate confusion when he scrolled up and saw the messages that were exchanged the night before. He read each one with increasing horror, humiliation, and everything in between, before he promptly flung himself out of bed and over to the toilet before throwing up. 

Holy shit. 

Shame and complete, utter, mortification were just a few words that came to mind. No, actually, those words didn't do the situation justice. There were so many things wrong with the messages that Dean sent, he didn't even know where to begin. He could start with the way he talked about the porn noises Cas makes when he ate or maybe the new nickname he apparently gave him. Okay, so that was kind of cute but this wasn't the time for that. 

He could start with the multiple ways that he aggressively flirted with Cas and talked about seeing his wings, whatever the hell that meant. Dean wondered for a minute if HR would consider that sexual harassment. 

If he really wanted to get into it he could start with the completely inappropriate way that he invited Cas to the conference. Instead of a professional gathering for colleagues he basically described it as a sexy overnight trip with Dean. And the worst part was that Cas didn’t even respond to that. Oh God, Cas probably didn't want anything to do with him now. He probably wrote Dean off as a creepy coworker that liked to make unwanted sexual advances when he was drunk. 

He spent a little more time throwing himself a pity party when he realized the time and groaned. Dean used all his energy to pull himself off the bathroom floor and grab a shower before getting dressed and walking out the door. He only had to stop twice to throw up so he was doing pretty well. 

*****

Dean stood outside his office door for a few more minutes than necessary because let’s be honest, Cas was the last person he wanted to see right now. He was in critical need of coffee though so he slowly pushed open the door while staring at his shoes. 

“I’m glad to see you’re alive this morning,” Cas said as his lips twitched up in to an amused smile. 

Dean’s face felt hot and he quickly made it over to his desk, picking up his coffee on his way. “Very funny. Look, I’m really sorry about last night, I didn’t even know—"

“Dean it’s fine, really. I promise I won’t hold it against you,” he said, still smiling. 

Dean took a merciful sip of coffee and let the scalding liquid run down his throat before replying. “Thanks. I uh, I’m a terrible drunk but I don’t usually completely lose my mind like that.”

Cas nodded and turned back to his computer trying, and completely failing, at hiding the smirk on his face.

“What’s so funny?” 

“I, um, I wanted to let you know that it did actually hurt when I fell from heaven,” Cas wheezed out in between bursts of laughter. “Thank you for being so concerned.”

Dean scowled and took a long sip of coffee before his lips twitched into a smile of his own. “Fuck you, Cas.”

“Okay, but only if you show me your wings first,” Cas replied, wiping tears out of his eyes from laughing so hard. 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Once you’re done making fun of the most humiliating night of my life we should head to class early, I didn’t have a chance to look over the lesson plan for today.”

“I’m sure,” Cas nodded gravely. “You were very busy trying out drunk pick-up lines,” he said as he lost control and started laughing again. 

Dean glared at him and stood up to start collecting his things. 

“Okay, okay,” Cas started as he tried to catch his breath. “I’m done, I promise.”

“You’re a terrible person, you know that?” Dean said lightheartedly as they both started down the hall together. 

Thankfully Cas seemed to be taking it pretty well, jokes aside. Dean wondered if Cas assumed that he didn’t mean any of it, that it was all some drunken ramblings only to be forgotten when the sun came up. 

Part of him desperately wanted Cas to ignore everything he said but he also kind of wanted him to know that he was completely serious and wasn’t that a strange feeling. 

“Did you mean what you said about the education conference?” Cas asked, effectively pulling Dean from his thoughts. 

“Uh yeah, I mean, if you want to go that is. The department said I could bring a colleague with me and I think you count and I thought it may be fun but you don’t have to, especially after—" 

“I’d love to go.”

"Really?"

“Yes,” Cas smiled as they approached the classroom door. “I think it would be a lot of fun.”

Dean ran his hand over the back of his neck and tried to fight off the stupid grin on his face. “Awesome. I’ll let them know you’re my plus one. I mean—not like, I mean you’ll be my—"

"Dean," Cas said with an amused expression on his face, and gestured to the door. “We should go inside, we’re late.”

Dean watched Cas walk inside and fist pumped the air when he was sure no one was watching. 

After his classes were done for the day, Dean was in the process of packing his briefcase to go home when Cas stopped him. 

"One of the students told me about a new burger place downtown, do you want to go with me?"

Dean swallowed and turned to see Cas' hopeful expression. Was this a date? 

"Yeah sure, I'm always good for a burger," he said as he smiled and followed Cas out to the parking lot. 

"Which car are we taking?" Cas asked.

"You drive a Civic, Cas."

"So?"

"So? I can't be seen in a Civic, that's like cheating on my Baby."

Cas rolled his eyes and slipped into the passenger seat of the Impala. "I'm not going to pretend to understand your attachment to this car."

Dean scoffed and rubbed a hand over the dashboard. "Don't listen to him girl, you and I know you're more than just a car," he said, looking at Cas pointedly. 

Cas just shook his head and looked at the window but Dean could see him smiling in the reflection. 

When they were seated at the restaurant and had just placed their orders, ("Dean you'll die an early death if you keep getting bacon cheeseburgers", "Then at least I'll die fat and happy") they both went silent having realized how much of a date this seemed like. 

Dean picked at his napkin on the table and sneaked a glace over at Cas. He looked fidgety and kept taking sips of his water every few seconds for something to do.   
"So," Cas suddenly started, placing his hands on the table, "tell me more about this education conference. What exactly am I getting into?"

"Well it's mostly middle aged women so prepared to be hit on a lot," Dean chuckled, remembering the first year he had gone. He was constantly surrounded by women offering to walk him to lectures and help him with his lesson plans. By the end of the weekend, he found 7 different phone number scribbled on napkins stuffed into the exterior pocket of his jacket and had at least 3 invitations to "discuss teachable literature". 

"But it's interesting too. There's a lot of good information about how to improve your classes and help out the students. The best part about the entire thing though is that the university puts you up in a nice hotel with an open tab at the bar and free room service."

Castiel looked impressed and Dean could see his cheeks start to turn pink. Who was he kidding at this point? He looked so damn adorable like that. 

"That sounds really nice, I'm excited to see it all. Should I try to book my room in the same hotel as you or do you think they're all booked by now?" Cas asked.

"Dude, you can totally stay in my room," Dean replied quickly and then realized how forward that sounded. "But don't worry, I'll have them request two beds. It just doesn't make sense for you to have to pay for a room when I'll have a perfectly good one," he followed up nervously. 

"That would great, thank you, Dean."

"No problem. I should be thanking you really, it's going to be scoring me major points to be bringing Carver Edlund," he joked. 

Castiel laughed and it was quickly becoming one of Dean's favorite sounds. "I didn't even think about that. How many points do you think sharing a room with Carver Edlund will get you?" he asked, tilting his head slightly.

"Well," Dean said slowly, "It depends on what they think we're doing in the room," he grinned, hoping that he wasn't pushing some kind of line.

"Hmmmm. I guess we'll have to give them a good story to tell," Cas joked back as Dean could feel the heat start to creep up his own cheeks. 

Either Cas had a strange sense of humor, or he was really good at this whole flirting thing. Dean sincerely hoped it was the latter. 

The awkward silence was back and now it was Dean's turn to find a conversation topic. 

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, I finished Alfie's recommendation letter."

Castiel's face lit up. "I can't thank you enough for doing that, I know you don't exactly know him but you're really helping him out a lot."

"Like I already told you, it's not a problem. Since I didn't know exactly what his extracurricular activities were I had to make some stuff up but I think the letter turned out pretty well considering. I already attached it to his application but I have a copy for you back in the office in case you want to give it to him."

"I'll make sure to do that, he's going to be thrilled."

"Good," Dean said as he took a drink of water. "So you're really not going to tell me how you know him?"

"I told you, we go way back."

"Yeah but what does that mean? Like, you could say I go way back with Santa Claus but that doesn't mean I'm going to help him get into college."

Cas looked around the restaurant, purposely avoiding Dean's eyes and took a long drink of water to stall. 

Of course Dean didn’t mind doing Cas a favor but it was a little weird, right? He felt guilty for pushing it but his curiosity really was getting the better of him. 

"We work together," Cas said quietly.

"Oh. At the Make-A-Wish thing?"

"Yes."

Dean narrowed his eyes in confusion and saw the waitress start to walk over with their food. "Why didn't you just say that?"

"I don't know," Cas said awkwardly after staring blankly at Dean for a few seconds.

The food arrived before anything else could be said and Dean decided to let it go. Obviously Cas didn't want to talk about it and that was fine. They weren't dating or anything. 

Dean took a bite of his burger before he noticed Castiel staring at his own burger apprehensively. "What's wrong?"

"I…I don't…you said I make porn noises when I eat and now you've given me a complex," Cas huffed out in the most adorable way possible. 

Dean quickly tried to swallow his bite before bursting out in laughter. "Cas, that's not always a bad thing. Although you could seriously give a porn star a run for their money," he added, appreciating the way it made Cas' cheeks flush.

"It's not funny."

"I promise it's only when you eat burgers. And besides, it might not the most unattractive thing I've ever seen," Dean said hesitantly, not wanting to push it too far.   
Castiel raised his eyebrow and smiled at him in a way that definitely made Dean need to readjust his pants and started to eat.

They were both finished eating about an hour later yet neither of them made any sort of movement towards leaving. Despite the few awkward lulls in conversation, Dean was having a great time. It felt like they had known each for much longer than a few months and that was dangerous territory to be in. Even though they had moved into a level of consistent flirting, it would be nice if Dean had something a little more concrete. Something to assure him that this wasn't all happening in his mind. 

"So Cas," Dean said with all of the confidence he could muster up, "Do you want to come over to my place on Saturday and just hang out? I've got a bunch of DVD's we could choose from and a solid pizza place on speed dial."

Cas immediately smiled at the invitation and just when Dean was about to declare it a success, Cas said, "I'd love to, but unfortunately I can't. I um, I have to help a friend move and it's going to take all day I'm afraid." He shifted his eyes towards the table as his expression changed to something sadder.

"Oh. No big deal," Dean said as he tried to make his smile casual and not slightly strained. Was it just him or did that excuse seem fake? 

The mood shifted and things started to get awkward again so they headed out and made sure to leave a nice tip for occupying the table for long. 

Considering how the day had started, things were going so much better than Dean had expected. It seemed like Cas was actually interested in him which was great but Dean still felt like there were a few walls up on Cas' side. Dean sure as hell had his secrets as well but he thought about possibly sharing them with Cas if they got close enough. Maybe. 

It also seemed like Cas had blown him off with a fake excuse but maybe he was just being paranoid. Dean felt a surge of guilt for doubting Cas and quickly determined to let it go. 

*****

It was Thursday night and Castiel was panicking. 

As excited as he was about it, agreeing to go to the conference with Dean was a stupid and impulsive decision. The conference took place over an entire weekend and Castiel hadn't gone without working a weekend in years. It was the busiest time of the week for the club which meant that almost everyone came in to work. That meant that he didn't have many people to ask to cover his shifts. 

He paced back and forth outside Crowley's office and ran through his speech in his head again, stopping when he heard shouting coming from the other side of the door. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all. 

Castiel started to step back and figure out a different way to get the weekend off when the door swung open and one of the dancers stormed out crying. This definitely wasn't a good idea.

"Next!" Crowley yelled through the door. 

If Crowley didn't see him yet maybe he could just…

"Castiel, I see you standing out there. Don’t waste my valuable time!"

He took a deep breath and closed the door behind him as he walked in.

"What do you need, I'm quite busy at the moment."

"Uh," Castiel said intelligently, "I need to go out of town in a week for an entire weekend and since I work that entire time I was hoping that we might be able to work something out since I've never asked for time off before," he rushed out all at once.

Crowley stared him down for a painfully long time. "Why are you going out of town?"

"For work."

"You work here."

"I um, I'm helping a friend with something for their work."

The little Crowley knew the better. He wasn't going to tell him about Carver Edlund and he sure wasn't going to tell him about Dean.

"And what exactly do you propose I do with your shifts while you're gone?" Crowley asked.

"You could give them to someone else? Ruby and Lilith are always asking for more stage time, you could give them my spots," Castiel supplied helpfully.

"And what about your privates?" 

Castiel swallowed. He completely forgot about trying to get those covered. "You could… you could just give them to the other person working privates that night. I'm sure they would appreciate the extra tips. Some of the clients are nice."

Who would have thought there would come a day when he actually tried to make the privates sound better than they were?

Crowley leaned back in his chair and crossed him arms. "I'll give you the weekend off but I don't like it Castiel. You're going to owe me big time, remember that next time you're whining about all of the privates I schedule you for."

Castiel winced, remembering that he had been planning on begging Crowley to change his schedule. He tried to keep a neutral face as he kept listening. 

"Also," Crowley continued, "you have a client that refuses to go to anyone else so I'm going to have to bump his next appointment up to an hour, free of charge due to the inconvenience you're causing, and that doesn't make me happy. Let's not make this a habit or else I'm going to have to go out and find another sad little orphan on the street that's main talent is looking good in underwear, got it? Close the door on your way out."

Castiel nodded and scrambled through the door, nearly tripping over another dancer waiting on the other side. 

"Next!" he heard Crowley yell as he walked away and towards the locker room to grab his stuff. 

That had gotten a little ugly but it was worth it. Dean was worth it. Now, Castiel had an entire weekend to spend with him and he was going to make it count if it was the last thing he did. 

*****

On Friday, Cas was so excited he couldn't help but talk about the conference all day with Dean. Not having to worry about work, he was free to get invested in the plans.

"Do you want to drive up in the Impala together?" Cas asked as they were hanging out in their shared office after classes. 

"Cas," Dean said, pretending to get emotional and wiping his eyes, "You're finally falling in love with Baby. I told you she'd charm you eventually."

Castiel threw a candy wrapper at him, chuckling when it hit him in the face. "You said you liked to road trip didn't you? I assumed you wouldn't be caught dead in my Civic so that seemed like the only choice."

"That's true," Dean agreed. "I got the email confirmation from the hotel today so we should probably check into the room Friday afternoon so we have time to freshen up before the first lecture starts. And they confirmed that there will be two beds in the room."

"That's good," Castiel nodded. "We wouldn't want any scandals about Carver Edlund being forced to sleep with an English professor from Kansas," he said with a grin.  
Dean scoffed. "Well excuse you, Carver Edlund would be lucky to sleep in my bed. I don't hog the covers or anything."

"I don't know Dean, you seem like the type that hogs the covers."

"I don't."

"Whatever you say."

"I don’t!"

Castiel laughed and threw another wrapper at him, hitting him on the shoulder this time. He knew he and Dean were pushing the line a bit with each other but he liked it. The more comfortable they were together, the better the chance that he and Dean might finally get together. 

In that moment he made an executive decision to kick things up a notch. 

"Do you have any rules for me, since I'm going to be your roommate for a few days?" he asked innocently.

"Rules? Like what?" Dean replied around a mouthful of potato chips. 

"I don't know, like, no sleeping naked, or no hooking up with anyone in the room."

Castiel heard Dean choke on his potato chips and smiled. He loved that Dean was so easy mess with. 

"Are you—are you planning on hooking up with someone?" Dean asked, voice an octave higher than usual.

Castiel did his best impression of a casual shrug and looked at Dean. "Maybe. If I find someone that catches my eye."

Still trying to clear his throat, Dean's eyes widen slightly. "Do you really sleep naked?"

"I guess you'll just have to wait and see. That wouldn't be a problem, would it?"

"Uh no, no problem," Dean said with a small smile. 

"That's good," Castiel replied, noticing the way Dean's eyes quickly scanned his body. "I'm glad you were able to get two beds because that sure would have been awkward. Nothing like sharing a bed with a naked friend."

Looking obviously flustered, Dean shifted in his seat and started to tap his finger against the desk. "You know, it's customary for everyone at the conference to go to the bar Friday night and get drunk. It's like a tradition to kick off the weekend or something."

"That sounds counterproductive."

Dean chuckled as Cas watched him start to roll his chair closer. "Well half the fun is everyone being hungover together the next morning. But the point is," he said as he rolled even closer, "I'm a fun drunk."

"I thought you were a terrible drunk. I have the texts to prove it."

Dean pretended to glare at him and shook his head. "I'm a terrible drunk when I'm alone. When I'm with someone, I like to have a good time."

Castiel's breath caught in his chest as he looked into Dean's eyes and realized that Dean was suddenly close enough to count the freckles on his face.  
"Well I guess it's a good thing you'll be with someone then," Castiel whispered as his eyes flickered to Dean's lips.

"I guess so."

Dean continued to look at him with a kind of intensity that lit a fire in Castiel. Their chairs were close enough now that their legs were touching and Dean's hand rested painfully close to Castiel's thigh. 

With each second that went by, they seemed to get closer and closer and Castiel didn't know who was leaning in but it didn't matter because—

There was a sharp knock at the door and they flew apart, Dean rolling into the file cabinet beside his desk and Castiel smacking his leg into the trashcan. 

"Come in!" Castiel called out, startled by how low his voice sounded. 

"Um, sorry Mr. Edlund, I just wanted to drop off my essay before the weekend," a gangly freshman from one of their classes said hesitantly, looking between the both of them. 

Castiel plastered on a fake smile and tried not to hate this kid for interrupting what was surely about to be his first kiss with Dean.

"That's fine Garth, thank you," Castiel said as he reached for the paper and stuck it with the others on his desk. 

Once the student was gone, Dean and Castiel both took one look at each other and started to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. 

"Are you sure you can't come over tomorrow?" Dean asked with a hopeful look in his eyes as they both stood up and started collecting their things. 

Castiel shook his head and cursed the world for seemingly managing to ruin yet another potential opportunity to make out with Dean. There's no way he could get off work when he just got the next weekend off for the conference. "I'm sorry but I really have to help my friend. I would if I could."

Dean nodded and leaned against his desk waiting for Cas.

"Oh wait," Cas said suddenly, "I forgot to send my paper work to the department for the proposal they asked us about." He quickly walked over to his desk and brought up his email. "Someone texted me the email address this morning, can you grab my phone to look it up and read it to me? It should be in my coat pocket," he said, gesturing to his coat sitting by the door.

Castiel looked back down at his computer while Dean opened his phone. A few seconds later he heard a small strangled noise and by the time he looked up, his phone was being tossed onto his desk and Dean was grabbing his stuff, headed towards the door.

"Wait Dean, what—"

"I'll see you Monday," he called out stiffly and then he was gone. 

Beyond confused, Castiel looked at his phone and saw 3 new messages from Balthazar. Oh, this wasn't good. 

 

B: Don't forget to bring that purple thong tomorrow so I can wear it  
B: Better yet, give it to me, and go get a new one so your dick doesn't fall out during the action this time  
B: Let's make tomorrow fun Cassie, I'm thinking shots before and after for stamina

 

Castiel let his head drop down to his desk and he closed his eyes. Goddammit.


	10. Chapter 10

Dean spent most of Monday avoiding Cas at all costs. He refused to go inside his office and the only time they had contact was during class where Dean would make sure things were settled and then leave the students with Carver Edlund for the rest of the period. 

He felt embarrassed but more than that, he felt stupid. He had no idea how he managed to misread the way Cas was interacting with him so badly. It was either that, or Cas had been purposely stringing him along for shits and giggles and Dean didn't want to consider that option. Cas hadn't seemed like that kind of person. 

Cas had tried to reach him all weekend with texts and missed calls but Dean wasn't interested. He didn't want to be dragged down that path again. 

By the end of the day, Dean had managed to escape out to his car without being stopped by Cas again. He didn't want to go home because he had spent his entire weekend alone and laying under his covers, but he didn't feel like going to a bar either. Before he knew it, the Impala arrived at Sam's apartment. 

"Dean!" Sam said with a surprised face as he opened the front door. "What are you doing here?"

Dean walked past his brother to take off his jacket and head towards the kitchen. "Can't I just come by and say hello?"

"Well yeah, I guess but that usually means something's wrong."

Dean cringed at Sam's words. Surely he came over more often than that. "Nothing's wrong, I just wanted to swing by and hang out for a little bit, got a problem with that?" Dean asked as he finally found a beer in the fridge and started to drink it. 

"It's fine, I just—"

"Dean!" Jess exclaimed happily as she walked into the kitchen. "I didn't know you were coming over today, is something wrong?"

"Jesus guys, I'm stopping by to say hi, it's not that unusual," Dean replied, mentally making a note to definitely come over more often. "How does it feel to be engaged?" he asked in hopes of steering the conversation away from him. 

"Amazing," Jess beamed. "I've already picked out the wedding colors and next week I'm meeting with someone about possible venues."

Dean chuckled in amusement at the sheer level of excitement that one sentence contained. "That's moving really fast, I thought weddings took years to plan."

"Well we want to do it as soon as possible," Jess replied, wrapping her arms around Sam. "I can't wait to be part of the family."

"You were always part of the family, Jess," Dean said. "Besides, I'm pretty sure you're the only person in the world that can put up with Sammy's crap."

"Hey!" Sam shouted in protest as Jess laughed. "Don't you have something better to do than to drink my beer and insult me?"

Dean pretended to think for a moment and grinned. "Nope, I'm all yours." 

Sam threw a patented bitchface at him as they all moved to the living room to sit down. 

"So how's work going? Realized that being a lawyer is super boring yet?" Dean joked, ignoring the sudden buzz coming from the phone in his back pocket.

"Pretty good, I'm working my ass off basically 24/7 but I can't complain," Sam said proudly. "Oh, me and some of the other guys at the office are going to the Roadhouse tomorrow night, you should join us."

"Yeah maybe, I'll have to check some things," Dean lied. There was no way in hell he was going to make that mistake again. 

Dean's phone buzzed again. 

"Aren't you going to get that?" Jess asked, arm linked around Sam's on the couch.

"Uh no. No, it's probably nothing." He was fairly certain it was Cas and he wasn't ready to read anymore of his messages. 

Jess and Sam exchanged a look but said nothing, both taking a sip of their beers as the phone buzzed for the 3rd time. 

Dean quickly took it out of his pocket and silenced it, tossing it on the coffee table in front of them. "There. It shouldn't buzz anymore."

They all sat in awkward silence for a minute. Two minutes. Three minutes. 

All at once, Sam lunged across the table for the phone and Dean tackled him, doing his best not to land on Jess.

"Drop the phone right now, Sam or I swear to God—"

"Let go of me, your elbow is on my ribs and—"

"Guys, you're going to hurt each other!"

"I'm so serious, Sam, I'll break your fucking arm—"

"I'm taller than you now, you can't—"

"Get off each other!"

Dean managed to get his fingers wrapped around the phone right as Sam elbowed him in the face and wiggled out of his grip. 

"Shit Sam, you got me in the fucking eye," Dean panted as he squinted and blinked a few times. 

"Sorry, I didn't have any other choice," Sam replied unapologetically as he opened the phone. "Who's Angel?"

Dean turned a deep shade of red and cursed himself for not changing the name back. "That's uh, that’s Cas."

"Cas? Is that short for Cassie?" Jess asked.

"No, it's a guy that Dean has a massive crush on," Sam explained as Dean kept blinking to try and get his left eye to work again. "But get this, Carver Edlund is his pen name."

Jess looked back and forth between the two brothers trying to understand the significance. "So?"

"So?" Sam scoffed. "Carver Edlund is the author of that Supernatural series that's on my bookshelf. His work is amazing and he's really well known and—"  
"Maybe you should marry him," Jess joked

Dean laughed and high fived Jess. Damn, this girl was awesome. 

Sam rolled his eyes and scrolled through the messages. "I'm just saying, it's really cool that he and Dean are together."

"We're not together," Dean said, attempting to keep the bitter tone out of his voice.

"Well it sure looks that way Dean, apparently he's really sorry and can explain," Sam said as he read off of a message. "There's like, 30 unanswered messages on here."  
Dean watched as Sam and Jess continued to scroll through his phone, reminding himself to put a passcode on it when he got home. "Yeah and it's going to stay that way, I'm not responding to them."

"What did he do?" Jess asked.

"Nothing."

Sam frowned and looked at him with pity, which Dean hated. "It's obviously not nothing, Cas seems really upset about whatever happened."

Yeah, Dean thinks, sorry he got caught. 

Dean stared at his shoes, hoping to not have to answer, until Jess cleared her throat. 

"I'll get it out of you one way or another so you might as well spill and save me from having to do it the hard way. Don't think I won't," she threatened.

Sam looked at his fiancé in part fear and awe, turning back towards Dean for a response. 

"It's not a big deal," Dean started, "I sort of thought we had a thing going on and it turns out that he blew me off for some secret guy he's apparently with and I only found out about it because I saw the messages on his phone."

Jess made a face and shook her head. "That sucks, I'm sorry, Dean."

Dean shrugged and took a sip of beer. "Can I at least have my phone back?" he said, reaching out towards Sam.

"Are you still taking him to that education conference this weekend?" Sam asked as he passed the phone over the couch.

Shit, Dean had momentarily forgotten about that. "I think I have to. They already announced that Carver Edlund is going to be there and everyone's expecting to meet him."

Sam and Jess both nodded sadly as Dean avoided their gaze. 

"Well you should at least text him that, in one of the messages he offered to not go," Sam said, stretching his arm out behind Jess. 

"Yeah," Dean replied, pinching the bridge of his nose, "I'll do it tonight."

The last thing Dean wanted was to spend a weekend with Cas but at this point, it would be a bad reflection on him if he showed up alone. 

After making small talk about the upcoming wedding and watching the chaos that ensued after Sam tried to tell Jess that 10 bridesmaids were too many, Dean headed out and drove home to his apartment. He sent a quick message to Cas before turning off his phone so he wouldn't be tempted to read what Cas had sent him previously. 

 

D: Meet me in the university parking lot at 1pm on Friday to leave for the conference. 

 

Dean laid in bed trying not to think about how differently this weekend was supposed to turn out before rolling over and quickly drifting to sleep. 

*****

Castiel sat in his car on Friday afternoon at the university parking lot trying to calm his nerves. It was a miracle that Dean was still letting him come with him this weekend but it would surely be a very uncomfortable experience. Dean had ignored all of his texts and voicemails pleading to give him a chance to explain so Castiel was worried that he wouldn't be given the chance to apologize in person either. 

He groaned and tipped his head back onto the headrest as considered the situation. Maybe it wasn't quite as bad as he was making it out to be. No, he thought after a few minutes, it was bad. Dean thought that he made up an excuse about helping a friend move to get out of hanging out with him so that he could secretly hook up with someone wearing a thong. That was basically the definition of bad. 

He watched out the window for a few minutes, momentarily considering the possibility that Dean had changed his mind and decided to leave him behind, when he heard the unmistakable rumble of the Impala pulling up. Cas scrambled out of his car and grabbed his bags, throwing them in Dean's truck before cautiously sliding in the passenger seat.

He looked over at Dean who was staring straight ahead with a rigid expression. 

"Dean, I—"

Castiel was cut off by the sound of Dean's music being turned up as the car sped out of the parking lot.

He raised his hand to turn it down but that didn't go so well either.

"Hey," Dean said sharply, "Driver picks the music."

Castiel nodded meekly and slumped down into his seat. "Can we talk for a minute?" he yelled over the blaring rock music.

Dean didn't respond so Castiel tried again. 

"Dean," he yelled, "I just need a chance to explain—"

Dean suddenly turned down the music and glared at him. "Fine, go ahead and say what you want to say now because I sure as hell don't need to listen to you whine the whole way there."

Startled that Dean was willing to listen to him for the first time all week, Castiel quickly tried to remember everything that he had wanted to say. "I wanted to start by apologizing for the messages you saw."

Dean didn't respond so Castiel took it as his cue to continue. 

"They were from a friend, I'm not together or hooking up with anyone."

Dean scoffed and looked over at him. "You don't have to keep lying me. You could have just said you didn't want to come over."

"I did!" Castiel pleaded, "I did want to come over but I already told him I'd help him move. I promise that's all we were doing."

Castiel tried the ignore how much it hurt to have to lie to Dean about this.

"So you're not hooking up with someone named Balthazar?"

"No, he's just a friend."

Dean nodded and continued to stare at the road.

"You believe me, right?" Castiel asked, not entirely wanting to know the answer.

"Honestly? I'm not really sure. Why was he talking about you guys wearing thongs together?"

Castiel started to fidget with his hands, not exactly sure how to lie his way out of this one. 

"Balthazar's an idiot and he gets great joy in sending me sexual messages that make me uncomfortable. We aren't together though and we never will be."

Dean sighed and looked over at Castiel quickly. "Whatever you say."

Castiel felt a little sick at the thought that Dean may never actually trust him again. This weekend had the potential to be the start of something and now it was already turning out to be a disaster.

"I can book my own room when we get the hotel if you want," Castiel replied in defeat.

"I think that would be best," Dean said softly.

The music was turned up again and neither of them said another word the entire trip there. 

*****

After arriving at the hotel, Dean went to check them both in while Castiel went to book his own room. 

"I'm sorry sir, but all of the rooms in the hotel are booked for the conference," the woman behind the desk politely told him. 

"There has to be one room left. Can you check again?"

The woman typed something into her computer and shook her head. "Everything is completely booked. You'll have to try the hotel 30 minutes down the road if you want a room at this late notice."

Castiel nodded and proceeded to check him and Dean into the room they had already reserved. Dean was not going to be thrilled.

He waited by the elevator as he watched Dean converse effortlessly with the woman who was checking them in. He was dressed in a suit which did things to Castiel. He started to daydream about the two of them coming back next year as a couple and only needing one bed when Dean startled him out of his thoughts.

"What floor are you staying on?"

"Um, there weren't any other rooms available unless I wanted to go to the hotel 30 minutes away."

Dean stared at him with an unreadable expression on his face. "So you're staying in my room?"

"Yes?" Castiel replied hesitantly.

Dean turned away and mumbled something he wasn't able to hear as he got into the elevator with Castiel close behind. 

After choosing the bed closest to the window, Castiel looked over the itinerary for the evening. It was mostly welcome seminars and small lectures but he was flattered to see Carver Edlund's name printed on the top, listed as a special guest. He was a writer, not a teacher, so he didn't quite know why they were making such a big deal about his presence. It was for the English department though, he reasoned, so it sort of connected. 

He looked up just as Dean came out of the bathroom. "Dean, do you want to walk down to—" he started as Dean walked out of the room and forcefully closed the door without so much as a glance behind him. What a perfect start to a perfect weekend.

A few hours later, Castiel found himself surrounded by women. He had just given an impromptu speech about the writing process he uses and now he was standing in a crowded hallway unable to move and barely breathe. Did someone just—? 

Yes, someone just grabbed his butt. 

As he pushed his way through the crowd, gracefully answering some questions and deflecting others, he made it out to the hotel lobby where he caught sight of Dean for the first time all evening. He watched as a woman started to shamelessly flirt with Dean and stand entirely too close for a professional setting. Dean looked a little uncomfortable but he didn't look like he planned on moving away anytime soon. The woman stepped closer and quickly placed a napkin containing her phone number in Dean's pocket. Castiel had thought Dean was kidding about that happening but apparently not. 

He felt a stab of jealously start in his stomach and grow with every passing minute. Dean was supposed to be his. 

It was when Castiel saw the woman run her hand across Dean's cheek that he found himself swiftly walking over to the pair. 

"Hello, Dean," he said pointedly.

"Uh, hi Cas—Carver," Dean quickly corrected. 

The woman looked upset to be interrupted and that made Cas smile. "Are you ready to head over to the bar? Everyone's just leaving the last lecture now so if we hurry we can still get a table."

Dean looked conflicted but eventually nodded as he said goodbye to the woman and started to walk beside Castiel silently. 

Suggesting that Dean choose the table, Cas went to the bar to get the drinks. He ordered two beers out of habit but quickly reconsidered. If Cas had any hope of getting back into Dean's good graces, they were going to need something stronger. 

As he walked back to the table with two beers and a tray of shots, Dean's eyes widened.

"Whoa, how much are you planning to drink?"

"You said the whole point of this evening was to get drunk, right?"

"Yeah but…"

"So, I thought this should do the trick," Castiel said as he took the first shot, wincing as it went down.

"Cas," Dean started hesitantly, "I don't know if that's such a good idea anymo—"

"Just take a drink Dean," Castiel said impatiently, "You don’t have to drink any more than your beer if you really don't want to."

Dean nodded and took a sip as he looked around at the hotel bar quickly filling with people. "You know, when I was in college I used to dream of having a job that was important enough to get sent to a conference like this. I never would have guessed that I'd end up going to one that encouraged hangovers," he chuckled, taking a longer drink. 

"I never imagined that I'd be at any kind of conference like this. Let alone be named as a 'special guest'" he said, using air quotes. 

Dean scrunched up his face. "Don't use air quotes dude, that's just lame."

"Everyone I know uses air quotes."

"I promise you they don't. If they do, you seriously need to find new friends."

Castiel smiled and noticed Dean get increasingly more comfortable. "I'll keep that in mind."

They were both quiet for a few minutes as Dean took his first shot. 

Castiel started to pick at the paper coaster on the table as he worked up the courage to speak next.

"Do you know—"

"Cas, I—" Dean started at the same time. 

They both smiled as Castiel gestured for Dean to go first. 

"I was just going to say that I'm glad you came," he said so quietly Castiel almost missed it. 

"I'm glad I did too. I'm glad that you didn't tell me not to come," Castiel chuckled nervously. 

"Well I didn't have much choice, everyone was going crazy about Carver Edlund."

Castiel's smiled faded and Dean quickly backtracked. "Well I mean, I probably wouldn't have uninvited you but I was really upset," he said, eyes glued to the table.   
Castiel nodded in understanding and took another shot. He wanted so badly to be able to tell Dean the truth. 

"I've been thinking about it a lot today though," Dean continued slowly, "and it's probably partly my fault. I shouldn't have made such a big deal about whatever those messages where about. It's none of my business," he said as he took another shot.

Castiel tapped his fingers against the sticky table and tried to decide how to play this. If he didn’t respond, he and Dean would probably go back to being friends and that would be nice but he wanted more. He needed to stop messing around and be straight forward with Dean. 

He quickly downed a third shot for courage and went for it. 

"Do you know what my first impression was of you that day you were late to class?" Castiel asked, feeling his heart rate start to speed up.

"That I was a complete mess that couldn't make it to work without spilling coffee all over myself?"

"Not exactly," Castiel smiled, remembering the sight of Dean running down the hallway frantically. "My first impression of you was that you had the greenest eyes I'd ever seen."

Dean froze in the middle of taking a drink, clearly not expecting that answer. 

"I was worried that I was going to make a fool of myself because I couldn't stop staring at them when you talked to me," Castiel continued.

Dean continued to stare at Castiel, making him wonder if this was the wrong direction to go in. Maybe it was too aggressive, maybe Dean wasn't interested in him anymore, maybe he'd never truly been interested in the first place, maybe—

"That uh, that was actually my first impression of you too. Your eyes I mean. I was positive that I'd never met anyone with eyes as blue as yours before," he said as his lips twitched into a small smile. 

Castiel started to smile like an idiot and he didn't care. Just like that, the background started to slowly fade away until it was just him and Dean, the only ones that mattered. 

"I actually had a dream about your eyes a couple times," Dean continued as he started to blush. "I know that's girly but I couldn't help it."

"Well if we're admitting girly things, you're the only person that I've told about my childhood. Some people know the general idea but not all the details like you," Castiel admitted. 

Dean's smile got bigger and he took another shot. "You're the only person that I've taken to my spot by the river. Not even Sam's been up there."

The two of them grinned shyly at each other as they unconsciously leaned forward a bit. 

"I don't think I've ever seen you drunk before," Dean said, tone much warmer than before.

"I don't know if you will, I tend to hold my liquor fairly well."

"That sounds a little bit like a challenge, Cas."

Castiel took another shot and watched Dean do the same, never breaking eye contact. "Since you and Carver Edlund are being forced to share a room, how do I know you won't take advantage of me?" he joked as he leaned a little closer. 

"Why, I would never," Dean drawled, pretending to be offended. "Not unless you wanted me to," he added with deeper voice.

Castiel felt a shiver run up his body and his pants get a bit tighter. "What a gentleman."

Dean jokingly winked at him and took a sip of beer. "If we're being completely honest tonight, I was relieved when you weren't able to get another room. I don't know why I told you to get one, that was stupid."

"It's fine," Castiel replied, "I probably would have done the same thing if I were in your position."

"At least things are back to normal now."

"And what exactly is normal?" Castiel asked slowly, eyes transfixed on Dean's tongue darting out to lick his lips.

"Well," Dean hesitated and moved his hand on to the table to run his finger across Castiel's thumb, "this feels normal."

Castiel's eyes closed quickly when Dean touched him and he wasn't able to tell if his head was swimming because of the alcohol or because of Dean. 

Both. It was probably both. 

He opened his eyes and curled his fingers so that they brushed against the back of Dean's hand and held them there. "This feels normal too."

Dean leaned even further across the table and Castiel could feel his breath on his cheeks. "Everything feels normal with you Cas," he whispered. "It feels like I've known you for ages."

Castiel grinned and nodded his head when he couldn't get his mouth to work. He focused on Dean's eyes, vowing to memorize every little color in them when Dean suddenly closed the distance and pushed their lips together. 

He had thought about this moment a lot. He thought about the way that Dean's lips would feel against his and the sounds that each of them might make. He even thought about way Dean's stubble would scratch against his chin, imagining that it would feel weird against his face. 

Nothing, absolutely nothing, came close to the real thing. 

Castiel pushed closer to Dean and felt every cell in his body awaken. It was addicting and intoxicating and he practically whimpered when Dean pulled away shortly after.   
They both stared at each other, hands clasped and mouths grinning, completely oblivious to the fact that they were sitting in a crowded bar. 

"You promise you're not dating that Balthazar guy?" Dean whispered, doubt quickly flickering across his face. 

"No!" Castiel practically shouted as he quickly shook his head, almost whacking Dean in the nose. "I promise I'm not."

Dean's face broke out in a grin again as he took another shot and leaned forward to run his nose along Castiel's jaw. 

"What are we still doing down here then?" he whispered.

As if on cue, both of them broke apart and slid out of the booth almost knocking people down on their way to the hotel elevator.


	11. Chapter 11

Dean dragged them both through the door to their room and kicked it closed with his foot, barley able to contain himself as Cas pinned him against the wall, pushing their mouths together furiously the instant they were in private. Hands were everywhere, Dean's latched tight on Cas' hips as Cas used one hand to grab onto his hair and one to cup his jaw in a bruising grip. 

He thought he heard someone moan but if it was him he didn't care because Cas tasted like peppermint and sunny days and honestly everything that was good in the world. Cas wasted no time curling their tongues together, expertly exploring every crevice of his mouth and Dean eagerly responded, willing to forgo breathing in order to stay like this forever. 

Dean shifted his weight to turn them around and suddenly he had Cas slammed against the closet door, panting and looking thoroughly debouched. He pushed his chest against Cas and went to work on biting and sucking his lower lip, fighting the urge to just take him right there after hearing the sounds coming out of this man's mouth.   
He felt a hand run up his thigh, pausing a moment to slip a finger into his waistband and Dean had to work at standing upright, laying his head against Cas' shoulder as he started sucking a trail up to his ear. 

"Bed," Dean mumbled against his neck, quickly losing himself in the taste of his skin.

Cas shook his head and made a small whining noise. "Here is fine."

Dean smiled at the shaky sound of his voice and moved upwards towards his ear. "I really think you're going to want to be laying down for what comes next."  
Within seconds, Cas tightened his grip around Dean and clung to him as they moved towards the first bed in the room, not wanting to lose a second of contact. They stumbled over ungracefully until the back of Dean's legs hit the mattress and he fell backwards with a quiet thud, pulling Cas on top of him. 

Dean continued to suck bruises into the side of Cas' neck, feeling his pulse underneath his tongue and he fucking loved it. 

Cas tipped his head to the side in order to expose more skin as he squeezed his hands in between them and started climbing up Dean's shirt. With the shift in movement, Dean could feel the hardness in Cas' pants and he started to lose time. 

Minutes or hours or days later, Cas rolled off him to stand at the foot of the bed, and looked down adoringly at Dean with lust blown eyes. Dean tried to grab his arm to keep his weight pressing down on him because in no world did he not want to be kissing Cas every minute of every day.

"You look thoroughly wrecked," Cas joked.

Dean tried not to look like he was coming apart at the seams and failed. "Get back on the bed, Cas," he rasped, voice as rough as gravel.

Cas shook his head and smiled seductively.

Cas' hands went to the top button of his shirt and he slowly unbuttoned it while running his teeth over his bottom lip. He kept going until he got to the last button and fucking winked at Dean like he knew exactly how hot this was. When he tossed the shirt over his shoulders to expose the tight muscles across his chest, Dean couldn't help it when his mouth dropped open. He got a sudden urge to lick his way across Cas' skin and feel the rise of his pink nipples between his teeth. He wanted to mark every inch of that body so that everyone knows Cas was his and no one else's. 

"We'll get there don't worry," Cas chuckled as he slid his hands over his chest on the way to his zipper, seemingly in response to what Dean must have said out loud. 

In any other situation that would be pretty damn embarrassing but Dean was far too turned on to care. He watched as Cas unzipped his zipper agonizingly slow and then whipped them off like a fucking pro. Dean could see Cas' dick fighting to be released from his boxers and the sight was too much, he needed Cas on him and he needed it now. 

Dean felt a small growl release from the back of his throat as he lunged forward to grab Cas' hips and pull him back on to the bed. 

It was Cas' turn to start kissing his neck and Dean squeezed his eyes closed at the sensation, feeling a flush throughout his entire body and gripping tight at Cas' hips. 

"You have too many clothes on," Cas breathed against his skin and Dean couldn't help but agree. He quickly lifted his shirt up as Cas raised it over his arms and head and then practically groaned at the feeling of Cas' bare chest pressed against his. Just as he started to get used to the feeling, Cas was working on his zipper and started yanking off his jeans with reckless abandon, clearly feeling this as much as he was. 

Cas crawled back up Dean's body and sucked on his lower lip while he ran his hands along the waistband of Dean's boxers, teasing him with the quick feel of his fingers. Dean nodded his head in permission because who was he kidding? He'd lose his boxers for Cas any day. 

The next thing he felt was a rush of cold air as he was suddenly exposed and as naked as the day he was born. 

Cas stopped kissing Dean for a moment and looked down at his body, pupils completely blown. 

Dean sincerely hoped he liked what he saw because to get this close and then be rejected would be enough to make him quit his job and never leave the apartment again, solidifying his hermit status. He also really hoped Cas didn't ask about the scar.

"You uh, everything okay?" Dean asked nervously.

Cas just moved his gaze up Dean's body until he met his eyes with an animalistic look and grinned. "Yes, this is very agreeable," he said with the deepest fucking voice Dean had ever heard and then Cas was diving back into Dean's mouth like he was looking for treasure. 

A switch flipped and Cas was everywhere at once, fighting for dominance and winning. 

Cas breathed into his mouth as Dean wrapped his hands around the other man's boxers and tugged them off, noticeably less skilled than Cas had done to him. 

Suddenly it was flesh against flesh and Dean's eyes rolled back at how good it felt. Cas was pressed against him in every way imaginable and when Cas started to roll his hips, Dean could barely keep from coming right there and then.

"You feel so good, Dean," Cas whispered against his ear. "You like that?"

Dean nodded frantically as Cas grinded into him relentlessly while sucking on his neck and it was nothing like Dean had ever experienced before. He'd been with a few guys and had done similar things but this was different. Cas sure as hell knew what he was doing and he wasn't shy about it. Dean thought back quickly to all his memories of Cas in his sweaters and his nerdy trench coat and had to keep himself from laughing at the complete change in persona. There was before Cas, the awkward academic writer, and then there was now Cas, the controlling and hot as fuck porn star. 

Dean focused on the friction in between them and the way their dicks slid together, both of them rock hard and already leaking. He felt the rise and fall of Cas' chest above him and ran his fingers along his spine, resulting in a full body shiver from the other man. 

"I can't wait to taste you," Cas panted against his mouth causing Dean to thank whoever was listening for sending this man his way.

Cas moved to suck his earlobe and Dean felt his breath against his ears. "I want your skin and your lips and that pretty dick of yours. Would you like that Dean?"

Cas' breathing got increasingly faster as he quickened his pace, ruthlessly grinding into Dean until he couldn't see straight, vision going blurry around the edges. He wasn't going to be able to last much longer and he wanted more. 

Almost as if he heard Dean's thought, Cas' mouth left his neck and started to trail down his chest, fucking worshiping every inch of his body like a man starved for water. He worked down his side and rounded his way back up, licking and biting all the way, slowing down momentarily as he left soft kisses up the length of his scar. By the time he reached his nipple Dean was barely able to string his thoughts together and let out a fucking whimper when Cas started to roll it between his teeth. 

Dean gripped on to the bed sheet under him with both hands as he watched Cas move his hand to the other one and give it a slight pinch. As soon as the sensation started to topple over into more pain than pleasure, Cas continued his journey downward and ran his mouth across Dean's inner thighs and hip bones teasingly. 

Cas sucked a few impressively sized bruises into his thigh just before kissing the tip of his dick and continued to lick the area around it, never close enough. 

"Cas," Dean whined, "I can't, I can't take this much longer you gotta stop teasing me."

Cas lifted his head to smirk at Dean, clearly pleased with his results, and covered Dean with his mouth in one fluid motion. 

Dean practically bucked off the bed at the suddenness of the sensation and was thrown into total incoherence within seconds. Never hesitating, Cas ran his tongue up the entire shaft, using his hand to stroke the base. He teased the tip with flicks of his tongue and Dean's hands shot forward, grabbing ahold of Cas' dark hair, desperate for something to ground him, making a noise that sounded more like a hysterical sob than anything else.

Cas' moaned at the feeling of fingers in his hair and the vibrations around his dick had Dean throwing his head back against the pillow, fighting the urge to start thrusting his hips. Cas hollowed out his cheeks and started to suck like a damn Hoover and that was it for Dean. Game over. 

He pulled Cas' hair to warn him but Cas just looked up at him, eyes dark with the smallest hint of blue around the edges and swollen lips stretched around him and then Dean was coming. His fist clenched against Cas' hair and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears it was beating so fast. He moaned louder than he'd ever admit and watched Cas take it like a champ, never letting a drip go to waste, licking him clean with a seductive grin on his face when it was finally over. 

Cas climbed back up Dean and kissed him fiercely, spreading the taste of himself into his mouth and sucking on his tongue. 

After a few moments of getting lost in the taste of Cas, he felt Cas' dick rub against his thigh, still completely hard. Using some seriously impressive moves, Dean managed to wrap his hand around Cas, loving the way the other man started to groan on top of him. He took control of the kiss and bit Cas' top lip while rubbing the pad of his thumb over the slit, using the collected pre-come to create the right amount of friction as he started to pump his hand quickly. 

Cas' breath hitched as he started to thrust into Deans hand and they moved together, perfectly in sync. Dean's only warning was a small noise in the back of Cas' throat before his body stilled and he was moaning into Dean's mouth, breathing his name as he came between them. 

Dean stroked him through it before removing his hand and wrapping his arms around Cas' back while kissing him slowly, unable to keep the smile off his face. 

When Cas recovered he grinned against Dean's skin and they laid together, clinging to the heat from their combined bodies until the sticky feeling between them became too uncomfortable. 

"Damn Cas," Dean panted as they started to pull apart. "Where the hell did that come from?"

Cas blushed as if he didn’t just suck Dean off like he was a Goddamn popsicle. "It just sort of came out. Was that okay?"

"Was that—was that okay? Believe me, you aren't going to have any complaining from my end. That was fucking hot."

Cas chuckled and grabbed a shirt from the floor to wipe them off with. "You weren't so bad yourself."

"Well it's not hard to get into it when the person you're with gives you a fucking strip show."

Cas froze as he started to pass Dean the shirt and he wondered if he had offended him in some way. "I mean, it was awesome Cas. That's all I meant."

He watched as Cas nodded laid back down on the bed, sliding under the covers next to Dean. "Do you want me to sleep in the other bed?" he asked.

"Are you serious?"

"Well, I didn’t want you to think—"

"You're sleeping here Cas," Dean said affectionately as he pulled Cas over to him so he could lay his head on Dean's chest. 

They both laid in bed listening to the rise and fall of each other's chest when Dean felt Cas laughing. 

"You know, laughing isn’t the greatest thing to do when someone's naked right next to you," Dean said self-consciously. 

"No, it's just… you really did end up sleeping with Carver Edlund," Cas laughed out, clearly amused at his own joke. 

Dean rolled his eyes and kissed the top of Cas' head. 

"You're so weird, go to sleep," he whispered against soft, dark hair. 

It was only a few minutes later until Dean heard Cas' breathing turn steady and deep, clearly asleep if the drool on his chin was any indication to go by. He wrapped his arms around Cas tighter and fell asleep with a smile on his face. 

*****

Castiel woke up the next morning to Dean pressing light kisses against his neck and fought the stupid grin that was threatening to consume his face. He was afraid that last night had been some cruel dream of his and that he'd wake up to a Dean that was still upset at him. 

He rolled over on to his side so that he could face Dean and smiled at the bright and sleepy green eyes in front of him. 

"Hello, Dean"

"Hey, Cas."

Dean leaned forward to press his lips against his and Castiel leaned into the touch, morning breath the last thing on his mind. He kissed Dean lazily and wrapped his arm around the other man's waist, pulling him as close as possible. 

"So that happened," Dean whispered in between kisses.

"Are you having second thoughts?" Castiel asked softly, only half wanting to know the answer.

Dean pushed their lips together harder this time and stroked his thumb against Castiel's hips. "Does it look like I'm having second thoughts?"

"If you were, this would be a really strange way to show it," Castiel replied into the small space between them. "I'm very grateful that you picked a conference that encourages taking trays of shots."

"Well it led to this so I'm going to have to send them a fucking fruit basket," Dean joked. 

Castiel wondered what 'this' was exactly but didn't want to push things. If it gave him Dean, he didn't think he really cared what it was.

"What time is it?" Castiel asked against Dean's lips.

"A little past 10am. The first lecture doesn't start until 11 so we have some time."

Castiel groaned at the time and tried to burrow further under the covers. "It's too early."

Dean chuckled and tugged on Castiel's bottom lip before pulling back and burrowing his face into his neck. "I take it you're not a morning person?"

"No one should be a morning person. I don't trust people who like to get up early," he pouted, enjoying the warmth created by the two of them laying under the covers.  
"I don’t know Cas, I think I may have to start waking you up early on purpose. You're awfully cute when you're grumpy."

"Bite me."

Dean smiled into the skin of Cas' neck. "That can be arranged. I have a few ideas on how we can spend the extra time this morning," he said, slotting his legs in between Castiel's. 

Castiel quickly opened one eye. "Oh yeah?"

Dean nodded and rolled the both of them so that he was on top and grinned when he felt Castiel start to get hard underneath him. "Apparently you have some ideas too."

Castiel blushed and pulled Dean down, meeting him in a searing kiss. 

Things escalated quickly after that.

Before long, Castiel had his hand around both himself and Dean, tugging on the both of them as Dean sucked on his neck, clinging to his back for support. They were a mess of frantic breaths, sloppy kisses, and tangled limbs but it felt right. It felt like they had been doing this for years, not hours. 

Castiel came first, breathing Dean's name into his mouth, Dean shortly after, grunting into Castiel's ear. 

They rolled off each other and tried to breath normally. 

"You’re going to be the death of me," Dean panted, arm slung over his own face.

"I guess I'll just have to find someone else to entertain. I'm sure there are a few women downstairs who would love the opportunity."

Dean quickly rolled over on to Castiel and kissed him softly. "Don't you dare," he said, staring into his eyes. "I called dibs."

"Dibs? You can't call dibs on me, I am not a cheeseburger."

"I don’t know Cas, you taste pretty good."

Castiel rolled his eyes and pushed Dean off. "That was terrible. You should really stop using pick-up lines." 

Dean laughed and started to get out of bed to head towards the shower. "If you don't appreciate my pickup lines I'll just have to find someone else to use them on," he said mockingly.

"Don't you dare," Castiel said quickly, rolling out of bed. "I called dibs on you."

"I think I can deal with that," Dean grinned as he wrapped his arms around Cas and kissed his forehead. 

They both headed into the shower together and emerged an hour later with rosy cheeks and pruned skin. They were very late to the first lecture.


	12. Chapter 12

The rest of the weekend went by quickly as Dean and Cas spent as much time as possible in their hotel room together. When they weren't together, they were thinking about being together. When they were together, they were thinking about the next time they could be together. It was intoxicating and consuming and Dean loved every minute of it. 

After checking out of the hotel and saying goodbye to important members of the conference, Dean leaned against his Impala outside to wait for Cas. This was only their third day of being a 'thing' but his feelings were so strong already. He was…well definitely not falling for Cas because it's too soon and that would make him crazy and Dean Winchester was anything but crazy. But he had definitely passed the crush stage. That at least he could admit to himself. 

He wasn't one for labels but he would be lying to himself if he didn't admit that Cas was already his boyfriend in his mind. The thought of anyone else touching him or even looking at him the wrong way made Dean's blood boil. He needed the world to know that Castiel Novak was officially off the market. Or least that Dean would like him to be. 

For a fleeting moment he pictured a scenario where Cas told him that this was just a weekend thing and that he wasn't interested in dating someone like Dean. He quickly pushed that particular nightmare aside with a shudder as he caught sight of Cas walking out of the hotel with a group of people. 

Dean watched him, committing to memory the way he looked in a sweater vest, when he noticed multiple women crowd around him and try to shove their phone numbers at a very flustered looking Cas. He didn't blame them. Castiel was stunning. 

"Looks like I've got some competition over there," Dean laughed as Cas finally walked up the car looking slightly disheveled. 

Cas looked less than amused. "Those women are very aggressive, I barely made it out alive."

"Lucky for you, I know mouth-to mouth CPR."

Cas shook his head and fought the smirk that was appearing on his lips. "You're honestly lucky that you're so attractive. Have those lines actually worked on anyone?"  
Dean grinned and pulled Cas against him with a shrug. "They worked on you."

Before he had a chance to respond, Dean pushed their lips together into a soft kiss, resting his hands on the other man's hips. 

"We should get going before that group of women comes to over here to kill me," Dean whispered as he got a glance at the women who were just previously throwing themselves on Cas, gawking at them. They did not look happy. 

"Apparently Carver Edlund is gay. Secret's out!" Dean gasped, pretending to be surprised.

Cas just laughed at Dean and pushed him in the car while his face turned an impressive array of colors. 

The car ride back to Lawrence went by too quickly in Dean's opinion. He and Cas linked hands almost the entire time which made him feel slightly better about the status of whatever this was. Even though their hands were slightly sweaty by the end, neither had any intention of letting go, desperate to be in constant contact with each other. 

"Are you sure you don't want to come over?" Dean asked for the hundredth time as they pulled next to Cas' car in the university parking lot. 

"Of course I want to, but I really can't. I need to go home and check on Raphael to make sure Balthazar actually fed him while I was gone. I also told him I'd help him with some things tonight."

"What kind of things?"

"Things for his work."

Dean leaned in to Cas and gave him a quick peck on the lips before they got out of the car to get his duffle from the trunk. "Okay. Let's pick a day this week though for you to come over and I'll cook for us."

"Why Mr. Winchester," Cas started as he wrapped his arms around Dean, "are you asking me out on a date?"

"Well, uh…yes?"

Cas' face broke out in a smile and he surged forward to kiss Dean in a way that was probably far too heated for their place of work but Dean surely wasn't about to stop him. 

"I can't wait," Cas whispered as he pulled away and started to unlock his car. "I'll see you tomorrow, Dean."

Once Cas had pulled out of the parking lot, Dean sat back in the driver's seat feeling lighter than he had in years. There was something about Cas that had that effect on him and he didn't know how to describe it. All he knew was that there was no turning back now, Cas' name might as well be etched onto his damn heart. 

Dean finally made it back to his apartment, definitely not thinking about the adorably grumpy way that Cas looked in the mornings, when he pushed open the front door to find Sam sitting on his couch.

"What the hell?"

Obviously startled, Sam leaped up and spilled the bowl of popcorn he was eating. "Welcome home?"

"I'm going to seriously have to start thinking about revoking your key privileges, Sammy," Dean muttered on his way back to the bedroom. 

"I'm sorry!" Sam rushed out as he followed him, "It's just that Jess is having a bunch of her friends over to talk wedding stuff and if I have to listen to one more conversation about the pros and cons of strapless versus halter-top dresses I'm going to go postal on somebody."

Dean grimaced. "That bad, huh?"

Sam plopped down on Dean's bed and groaned. "You have no idea. This morning I woke up to Jess holding color swatches to my face while I was sleeping. Sleeping!"

Dean chuckled at his brother's misery and was thankful that he didn't have to go through anything like that. He and Cas would probably want a simple weddi— 

He stopped himself mid-thought. What are you doing? Too soon too soon too soon too soon too soon!

"Are you even listening to me?"

Dean snapped back to reality and continued to unpack his bag. "Of course. Jess is going crazy with wedding stuff and you don't like people trying out colors on you while you're sleeping."

"Essentially... are you okay? You seem kind of spacey."

"I'm not spacey, I'm fine."

"Whatever you say," Sam replied as he laid back on the bed with his hand under his head. "How was the conference? Did you and Cas work out your issues?"

"Yeah, we did. We're actually maybe possibly a thing now?" Dean said hesitantly as he started to change into comfier clothes. 

Sam's head popped up as he leaned up onto his elbows. "Seriously? That's so awesome, Dean."

"It is," Dean grinned. "But we aren't official or anything yet so I don't want to jinx it but I don’t know, he seems pretty on board."

"I can tell," Sam smirked.

"What?"

"Dude, look in the mirror."

Dean turned around to face the mirror by his closet and his eyes widened. He had hickeys across his chest and trailing down his stomach until they were hidden under the waistband of his pants and there were faint purple marks in the shapes of finger tips on his hip bones. He knew that they had messed around a lot over the weekend but he never noticed all the marks until now. He wasn't going to lie; it was pretty hot. 

"Uh, yeah," Dean said, fighting the blush that was rapidly covering his body. "It was a good conference."

"So now that you guys are a thing, can I meet him?"

"We aren't a thing!"

"You sure look like a thing," Sam gestured to another mark on Dean's back.

Dean quickly threw on a shirt from his bag to get Sam to stop looking at him and realized that it was Cas'. "It might be too soon, I don't want to freak him out and assume anything."

"I'm pretty sure he would agree to being a thing. He obviously wants to claim you or something," Sam said as he broke out in the most annoying smile ever.  
"Quit being a bitch and help me unpack."

Sam just smiled and laid back on to the bed. "You love it."

*****

Castiel walked into work that evening with an extra pep in his step. He walked by a group of drunk girls that had just thrown up in the plant outside the lobby and it didn't bother him. He was told that he would have to wear the school boy costume on stage tonight and it didn't bother him. He remembered that he had a few privates lined up once he was done dancing and it didn't…well okay it still bothered him but not nearly as much as it usually did. 

He had a great time with Dean this weekend and felt unstoppable. Ideally, it would have been nice if they could have continued the fun at Dean's place but he had to go to work and Dean was definitely better not knowing about that part of his life. Although, if they officially became a thing, would he really be able to keep it from him forever? 

Castiel's mind quickly imagined Dean being disgusted with him when he found out, and telling Cas to go away and leave him alone, that he didn't date people who practically sold their bodies for cash. Hopefully it wouldn’t have to come to that because honestly, he didn't think he could live through the rejection. 

He thought back to how amazing the weekend was and how electric the chemistry had been between them that first night. They moved together like one, like they had been with each other for years. Castiel was very curious about the scar on Dean's stomach though. He didn't feel that it was appropriate to ask but surely there was a story behind it. From the looks of it, it had been a deep cut. 

He walked into the locker room to start getting changed and jumped when Balthazar suddenly appeared behind him. "…Yes?"

"How did the conference go?" Balthazar asked excitedly. 

"If you must know, it was quite pleasant." 

"Seriously? That's all you're going to give me? Especially after I fed that furry creature for you?"

Castiel smirked. Balthazar secretly loved Raphael but would never actually admit it. "Fine. I was able to explain the texts and—"

"Sorry about that by the way," Balthazar cringed as he leaned against the row of lockers. 

"It wasn't really your fault, I probably shouldn't have let Dean look through my phone like that. He was convinced that we were dating though."

"I take it he doesn't know we did date for a while?"

"For some reason I didn't feel that it was a good time to share that little detail," Castiel said flatly.

"Fair enough," Balthazar nodded while he started to adjust his own costume. "You did have sex with him eventually though right? Because honestly Cassie, from what you described it seems downright ungodly to pass that up."

Castiel pulled on his school boy costume and ignored the little part of himself that died inside when he looked in the mirror. "We did fool around a bit," he said, trying not to blush as he replayed some seriously pornographic memories. 

"That's my boy. Now real talk, how was he?" Balthazar leered with an alarming wiggle of his eyebrows. 

"I am not going to justify that with an answer. But I was quite satisfied," Castiel added with a smirk. "I practically gave him a strip tease though because I wasn't thinking clearly and he almost picked up on it."

Balthazar laughed. "Normal people aren't naturally good at making a show of taking their clothes off, you may need to tone it down a bit. When are you going to let me meet him? I need to make sure I approve of him."

"I'm thinking never."

"I'm going to meet him one way or another Cassie," Balthazar scoffed. 

Castiel chewed his bottom lip and shut his locker door. "Until we're officially a thing, I don't want you anywhere near him. You'll scare him away."  
Balthazar pretended to be offended and gasped, clutching his chest. "Why I would never!"

"Remember that guy I was dating after college? Remember how you hit on him the first time you met him and he went to the restroom and never came back?"

"Well he obviously couldn't take a joke."

"You grabbed his ass!"

"Some people would consider that a compliment," Balthazar said, rolling his eyes. 

Castiel grinned and started to walk towards backstage. "You really are terrible at first impressions."

Balthazar shrugged and slapped the ass of a dancer walking pass them. "You should bring Dean here then and he can watch my set. Best first impression ever."

"I am not telling Dean about this," Castiel responded quickly. 

"Well how are you going to hide it? You don't think he's going to start wondering why his boyfriend is never available most nights?"

Castiel tried to think of a good counter argument but failed. Balthazar had a point. "Maybe I'll cut down on hours?"

"And Crowley would let you do this?" Balthazar scoffed. 

"I don’t have it all figured out yet," Castiel huffed as he peaked around the stage curtain to see how much more time he had. "All I know is that Dean is worth it. I don't want to lose him over this."

Castiel was surprised when Balthazar nodded only sympathetically, seemingly agreeing to drop the topic. Before he had time to think about it much further, he was being called onto the stage. 

A few hours later, it was time for Castiel's last private of the night and he was ready. He had checked his phone in between appointments earlier and had found a message from Dean about their upcoming date this weekend, instantly lifting his mood. Dean had wanted to make sure he didn't have any food allergies and Castiel found that to be very considerate. He quickly got caught up in imagining Dean cooking for them on the weekends and after work sometimes, Castiel coming home to Dean and—

Castiel internally cringed at himself. He was getting way ahead of himself and Dean would probably run as far as possible from him if he knew that Castiel was already imagining such a domestic life. 

Clearing his mind of all things Dean, Castiel pushed open the door to the private room and stiffened. 

"Hello Castiel," Alastair drawled, sitting in the center chair. "It's been too long."

Castiel walked over to the stereo and prayed that he would only want him to dance tonight.

"Lucky for you," Alastair continued, "my appointment got bumped up to an hour this week due to my inconvenience from you cancelling on me. Your boss is very accommodating."

Of course he would be the client Crowley was talking about when Castiel had to beg for the weekend off. His luck was unfortunate like that. 

"What are we doing today?" Castiel asked as firmly as he could, anxious to get this over with.

Alistair gave a slight thrust up with his hips. "I think you know."

"For the whole hour?"

"Well after that we could do something else. I'd love to feel your pretty little hands on my cock."

Castiel ignored his full body shudder. "I don't do that sort of entertainment."

Alistair frowned and pulled out his wallet. "Not even for $100?" 

"I'm not a prostitute, you can't just buy me," Castiel fumed. 

"See, that's where you're wrong. In here, you're whatever I damn well want you to be."

Castiel turned on his heels to leave and get security when he remembered the last time he did that to a client. Crowley had gotten so upset at him for not 'manning up and doing the job' that he had almost fired him. Unemployed was not a position that he wanted to find himself in so he took a deep breath and turned back around to face the man. Alistair seemed crazy but he most likely wasn't dangerous. Castiel could probably take him if it came to that. 

Alistair grinned when he turned back around and Castiel could see the sickly yellow tint of his teeth. "There we go. Now hop on up here and show me how sorry you are," he said as he gestured to his lap. 

Castiel stood still. "On the agreement that I won't be doing anything extra."

Alistair rolled his eyes. "Fine, we can discuss it next week."

Castiel straddled his thighs slowly and choose to ignore the bony finger tapping his ass. The last thing he needed was to anger this guy any further. He slowly started to grind into his lap as his mind struggled to travel to more pleasant places. Alistair groaned under him and Castiel cringed when he felt hardness against his thigh. He sighed and closed this eyes.

It was going to be a long hour.


	13. Chapter 13

It was Wednesday evening and Castiel found himself standing in front of Dean's door, desperately trying to calm his nerves. He wasn't sure why he was that nervous because he had seen Dean at work all week and they would text each other each night, trading cute and flirty messages until one of them fell asleep. He guessed that perhaps the reason for his nerves was because tonight made it seem so much more official. It was one thing to fool around for a weekend and take turns making each other blush at work but this was a date. Castiel was possibly dating Dean now and that made his heartrate do weird things. 

Before he could work himself up anymore, he shot his hand out quickly to knock on the door and then regretted it, wishing he would have taken a few more minutes to collect himself. As he frantically started to try and pat his hair down, cursing its inability to ever lay flat, the door swung open. 

"Cas," Dean smiled warmly, wearing dark jeans and a grey t-shirt that hugged all the right places. 

"Hello, Dean. I'm sorry I was a few minutes late, I was just—"

"I saw you standing outside the door," Dean chuckled. "Are you nervous?"

Castiel walked through the doorway and followed Dean to the kitchen, eyes glued to the floor. "No, I um, well I'm not nervous…I just don't…" he trailed off, wondering why he was incapable of speaking like a human being. 

Dean's expression was soft as he pulled Cas towards him and used his finger to lift his chin so their eyes met. "There's no reason to be nervous, Cas. It's just us," he said as he pressed their lips into a chaste kiss. 

Castiel nodded and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, breathing him in and focusing on the warmth between their bodies. He smiled against Dean's lips as he felt the nerves dissolve around him. Everything seemed more manageable with Dean this close to him.

"Although, I think I can come up with some ways to calm you down if you're interested," Dean whispered as he started to leave small kisses up Castiel's jaw. 

"I don't want to distract you from making dinner," Castiel forced himself to say. He was very interested to see what Dean had in mind. 

Dean sighed against his neck and gave him a squeeze before stepping back and attending to what was on the stovetop. "You're probably right. I don't think burning down my apartment would make a great first date."

"It would be memorable at least," Castiel said as he moved to sit at the kitchen table. "What are you making?"

"Homemade burgers and apple pie for dessert. I didn't make the pie though, it's from a bakery down the street."

Castiel was impressed. To say he was challenged in the kitchen would be putting it mildly. Having a boyfriend that could cook excited him even more he mused to himself as he admired the concentration Dean was putting into their meal. "That sounds great." 

"Awesome. So how was Raphael when you got back to your place on Sunday? I forgot to ask you about that."

"He was alive. Thankfully Balthazar remembered to feed him while I was gone."

Dean stiffened slightly at the name so Castiel tried to change the topic. "How are Sam and Jess coming along with the wedding planning?"

"Really well," Dean laughed. "Jess almost has everything planned and Sam is losing his mind but I secretly think he likes it. He's really happy so it's nice to see him like that."

"That's great," Castiel replied, "Is it going to be a large wedding?"

Dean flipped the burgers for the last time and turned off the stove as he started to set the food onto two plates. "Not that I know of. I think Jess is just adding a ton of detail to it."

"I always thought big weddings were a little frivolous. The simple ceremonies are the ones that usually end up being the most memorable," Castiel said absentmindedly before quickly realizing that marriage wasn't a great topic for first dates. 

Dean stopped what he was doing and turned to look at Castiel. "That's how I feel too."

The mood in the room seemed to shift again into something Castiel was unfamiliar with. It was comfortable though. It felt a little bit like two pieces falling into place.   
"It's going to be a short engagement," Dean said, returning back to what he was doing. "The wedding is set for the spring I think, something about the weather being nicer for pictures. You're invited."

"Really? I've never even met your brother."

Dean carried the plates to the table and set one in front of Castiel before taking a seat across from him. "Yeah but, you've met me and that's good enough. I mean…you don't have to go if it makes you uncomfortable but I'm sure you'll met Sammy by then and I thought it might be fun," he said in a rush, turning his attention to his plate with flushed cheeks. 

Castiel's heart twitched at the thought that Dean assumed he'd still be around in the spring. "I'd love to go."

Dean looked up from his plate with a slightly relieved expression. "Great, I'll let them know. You'll still get an invitation though don't worry, they're classy like that."

Castiel grinned as he took the first bite, momentarily distracted by how amazing it tasted. "I look forward to receiving it."

"Something I probably should mention though," Dean started slowly, "Sam might possibly be your number one fan. It's really embarrassing. He's been dying to meet you but I haven't let him yet because I know he'll geek out and make you sign all his books and you really shouldn't have to deal with that."

Castiel shook his head as he took another bite. "I really wouldn't mind, Dean. It's fun to meet fans of the series."

"Really?"

"Of course, I've been wanting to meet Sam for a while now."

Dean's face broke out in another smile as he took another bite. "I'll have to set up a time when we can all get a beer or something together then."

"Preferably a weeknight if possible. I have more flexibility then."

"You really spend a lot of time volunteering," Dean frowned.

"Yes, I do," Castiel said as he nodded and tried not to look Dean in the eye. Time for another topic change. "Tell me more about your family. I've really only heard about Sam."

Dean tensed up a little bit and Castiel pretended not to notice. He wondered though, what could cause that kind of reaction.

"There uh, there isn't really that much to tell. Sam and I were together a lot growing up so I guess that's why we're so close."

"What about your parents? What do they do?"

Dean put his fork down and started to fidget. "My mom died when I was a baby."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I wouldn’t have said anything if I'd had known," Castiel said softly, suddenly unsure how to react. 

"It's fine, it was a long time ago. She died in a fire, faulty electrical wires or something," Dean said to the table. 

"Is your dad…"

"My dad's alive. We don’t…we don't get along very well though. I haven't talked to him since high school."

Castiel just nodded as they both went back to eating. He felt terrible about bringing up such a sore subject but honestly it was nice to know, even if he wasn't given the details. Knowing about Dean's childhood made what kind of person he was today all that more impressive. 

The rest of dinner went by with conversations that were much more light hearted. Dean discovered that Castiel had never seen Star Wars and nearly choked on his food, swearing that they'd binge the movies as soon as possible. Castiel discovered that Dean secretly played guitar and decided to make it his personal mission to get Dean to play for him sometime. They both made plans to hang out again that week at Castiel's apartment and he mentally decided to search the place for any incriminating items Balthazar may have left before Dean came over. 

Once they were both done eating and finished their pie, they headed to the living room couch with a couple of beers. Castiel tried to hold up his end of the conversation. He really did. If it weren't for Dean and the way he licked his lips when he talked, he might have been successful. It had been 20 minutes of Castiel staring at Dean's mouth and Dean staring back at Castiel's eyes when their resolve snapped like a rubber band and they flung themselves together, Castiel straddling Dean's thighs as Dean gripped his hips. 

Castiel threw his hands into Dean's hair and marveled at its softness and the way it felt in between his fingers. He licked the Dean's bottom lip and smiled when he heard a small whimper come from the back of Dean's throat. Dean would never admit to making such noises but Castiel didn't mind. He loved the feeling of knowing that he could take Dean Winchester apart and get him to completely lose his mind in lust. He could do this forever and that thought made him pause. 

"What's wrong?" Dean whispered against his lips as he continued to kiss him. 

Castiel sat back so there was a little room between them and tried to find his thoughts in the haze that appeared whenever he was this close to Dean. He needed to be coherent for this. "Nothing, I just…I really like this."

Dean tried to catch his breath and leaned back when he realized Castiel had something to say. "I really like this too."

"But what is this?"

"This?"

"This. You and me," Castiel gestured between them.

Dean opened his mouth to say something and closed it. He did it a second time and took a deep breath, just staring at Castiel. "What do you…want it to be?" he asked hesitantly.

Castiel considered ignoring the question and shrugging it off all together in fear of rejection but he really needed to know. He needed to know if Dean was in this like he was because honestly, he already passed the point of no return months ago. 

"I would like to date you. And no one else."

"You want to be my boyfriend, Cas?" Dean asked with his lips twitching into a smile, looking like he was both relieved and skeptical at the same time.   
Castiel nodded and placed his hands on Dean's chest. "Yes. If that's something you would want?"

Dean surged forward and kissed Castiel hard while nodding his head, making the kiss sloppy but neither complained. "Hell yeah," Dean panted as they pulled away. "Of course it's something I want."

They both watched each other for any signs of doubt as they smiled so hard their cheeks were at risk for aching. 

"Are you sure though? I mean, my job isn't very cool and my apartment isn't that impressive," Dean said as he looked around, still holding onto Castiel. "I'm not super buff like a fireman but…"

Castiel suddenly remembered Inias and burst out laughing. 

Dean frowned. "Why is that so funny?"

"It's not, it's just, remember Inias?" Castiel said as he tried to catch his breath. 

"Oh, you mean that guy who I had to watch you play tonsil hockey with? No, I definitely forgot about that," Dean said dryly, clearly not amused. 

"That was all pretend. I wasn't actually into him, I was trying to make you jealous."

"So you slept with a random guy at a bar to make me jealous?" Dean asked with narrowed eyes. 

Castiel moved his hand up to Dean's cheek and started to stroke his jaw with his thumb. "No, I didn't sleep with him. As soon as you left I ditched him and went home. In hindsight I shouldn't have kissed him in front of you like that but I was just so desperate to get a reaction out of you that I panicked. You practically threw me in bed with him."

Dean looked to the side for moment as he replayed the events in his mind, realization suddenly becoming apparent on his face. "I only did that because I wanted you to know I could be a good friend. I was afraid you were going to ditch me after that whole handcuff thing," he said as he started to smile. "I wanted to kill that guy for putting his hands all over you."

They both burst out laughing this time, a good five minutes passing before either could breathe or say a word. 

"I guess we both suck at this," Dean said, wiping the tears out of his eyes from laughing so hard. 

"So," Castiel smiled, "boyfriends?"

Dean grinned and kissed the tip of his nose. "Boyfriends."

Castiel leaned forward and kissed Dean's lips slowly, trying to best convey everything that he was feeling. He felt unstoppable and amazing and like the world was in a new shade of colors that he had never seen before. He knew he was being dramatic but he was sure that he'd never felt this strongly for someone before and he no longer cared who knew it. Castiel's heart was full when he was with Dean and it made everything else blur out around him until it was just the two of them. 

He had a boyfriend now and he was anxious to make him feel like the most important person in the world. 

Castiel moved against him until they were lying flat on the couch with Dean underneath. The soft, gentle kisses quickly turned frantic desperate. Both of them eager to get their hands on any and all skin available. 

Dean pulled Castiel's shirt over his head and started to kiss his neck, running his tongue back and forth over the sweaty skin. Castiel started to forget what he was doing, too caught up in feeling Dean's mouth on his when he came to his senses and started to pull on Dean's shirt until it came off and he threw it somewhere over his shoulder, not really caring where it landed. 

There was a time and a place for finesse and this was not that time. 

Castiel had his own pants off in seconds and Dean looked at him in awe, running his hands over his back with his fingertips. It wasn't long before Dean's pants were off too and it had both of them breathing into each other's mouths, short of breath but not willing to separate for basic necessities like breathing. 

Dean grabbed on to the globe of Castiel's ass and pulled him closer, dicks rubbing together in with just enough friction to make each of them moan. Castiel's world started to get hazy again and he started to kiss every part of Dean that he could reach. He started at his forehead, then to his cheeks, eyelids, chin, and ears as Dean smiled underneath him and breathed sighs of contentment. 

Castiel continued to do this until the friction between them got to be too much and he craved more. Like their thoughts were connected, Dean licked his own palm and shoved his hand between them, grabbing each of them in a firm hold before tugging at a fast pace. Castiel keened at the sensation and closed his eyes as he rested his forehead against Dean's, struggling to keep control of himself. 

"You're so fucking hot, Cas," Dean panted against his ear as kept up the pace. "Can't believe I get to call you mine."

That statement brought Castiel to the edge and flung him off of it all in a matter of seconds. He grabbed Dean's shoulders with both hands as he came in between them, gasping into Dean's mouth. Dean continued to stroke him through it and a few seconds later he was grunting into Cas' neck, body going stiff. 

Castiel felt warmth pool underneath him but was so exhausted he couldn't be bothered to care. They both laid without moving for a few minutes to catch their breath, content in the feeling of their limbs wrapped around each other. 

It was awhile before either of them moved and then that was only to start round two.

*****

The next day they were unable to keep their hands off each other at the university which led to a few extremely close calls in their shared office. After a student almost walked in on them for the third time, they decided to behave themselves the rest of the day and meet up in the evening. Any other time, Castiel would have been appalled at himself for his lack of control but frankly, Dean was too hot to resist and he was still getting used to the feeling of being allow to touch him whenever he wanted.

Later that night, they were sitting on Castiel's couch after a particularly enthusiastic make out session, trading lazy kisses back and forth when Dean's stomach growled.

"How are you possibly still hungry? We ate an hour ago," Castiel asked.

"An hour is a long time, Cas. Besides, that was more like a snack."

"It was an entire cheeseburger."

Dean grinned. "Wanna order a pizza?"

"Fine," Castiel sighed, getting up to get the take out menu. "You're so annoying."

"I think I'm adorable."

Castiel walked back to the couch and crawled into Dean's lap, fighting a smile. "Yes, but you're still annoying. What toppings do you want?"

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and held him tight. "I'm fine with whatever as long as it's not vegetables."

"What's wrong with vegetables?" Castiel asked.

"Nerds get vegetables on their pizza. Everybody knows that," Dean scoffed.

Castiel leaned forward and kissed Dean's forehead. "I guess you're dating a nerd then."

Dean groaned and leaned back against the couch, unwrapping his arms from the man on top of him. "That's unacceptable. Is it too late to change my mind?"

"What?" Castiel asked as he frowned and leaned back.

"Jesus Cas, relax," Dean laughed. "I'm just kidding. I like you too much to drop you over pizza toppings."

Castiel chuckled and tried to pretend that the minor thought of Dean breaking up with him didn't feel like having his heart ripped in two. "I knew you were kidding," he replied as convincingly as possible.

Dean kissed the tip of his nose and rolled Castiel off his lap as he started to stand up. "Go ahead and order, I'll be right back," he said as he started down the hall. "Do you have a t-shirt I can borrow? I probably shouldn't eat pizza in my white work shirt."

"Second drawer in the dresser. Pick whatever you want," Castiel called down the hall.

He quickly ordered the pizza (making sure Dean had options that didn't involve vegetables) and leaned back against the couch. He liked the idea of Dean wearing his clothes so he made a mental note to find a reason for that to happen more often. He knew that one of his shirts ended up getting packed with Dean's things after the conference but he planned on letting him keep it. Dean hasn't said anything about it and Castiel chose to believe it was because he didn't want it to be returned. 

"Uh, Cas?" Dean called out from the bedroom, "Why is there glitter on most of your clothes?"

Castiel froze and swore he felt his heart skip a beat and not in the good way. He spent almost an hour searching every corner of his apartment for anything that may raise questions and stored everything he could find in the back corner of his closet. He never thought about the glitter that he had been unable to completely get out of his clothes for years. 

"Glitter?"

"Yeah," Dean said as he walked back out wearing an old Jayhawk t-shirt. "There's little specs of it all over your stuff."

"That's very odd," Castiel said evenly as Dean joined him on the couch. "I don't have an explanation for that."

Dean flicked a piece of glitter off his shoulder and turned towards him. "You don't have a secret glitter fetish I should know about do you? Because it's cool if you do, I don't judge," he joked.

Castiel rolled his eyes as he tried to chuckle and tipped his head back against the headrest. "You caught me," he deadpanned. 

Dean laughed and leaned forward to kiss him right as there was a knock at the door. "That's awfully fast to be the pizza isn't it?"

"I'm not expecting anyone, I don't know who else it would be," Castiel said questioningly as he watched Dean walked over to answer the door.

Dean looked out the peephole and frowned. "He doesn't have any pizza. Tall guy, blonde hair, he's wearing…" he paused to look again. "a really deep v-neck?"

For the second time that evening, Castiel learned what he imagined a heart attack would feel like. "Don't answer it," he said quickly. 

"What? Let's at least see what he wants." 

He opened the door as Castiel put his head in his hands, bracing himself for the disaster that was to come. 

"Can I help you?" Dean asked.

"I'm Balthazar, and you are…?"

Dean's jaw clenched and his grip on the door tightened. "I'm Dean, Castiel's boyfriend," he said with emphasis.

Balthazar pushed through the door and until he saw Castiel sitting on the couch. "Boyfriend? Cassie, you've been holding out on me! You finally sealed the deal." He turned so that he was facing Dean. "And you weren't lying about his looks, holy hell, look at those freckles," he said, raking his eyes up and down Dean's frame. 

Castiel quickly stood up to stand next to them as Dean crossed his arms and fumed. "Stop hitting on my boyfriend. Dean, this is my friend Balthazar. Please excuse him. Balthazar, this is Dean. We just started dating."

Balthazar grinned as he stuck his hand out to shake Dean's. "Pleasure."

Dean reluctantly shook his hand and moved closer to Castiel so that he could wrap a possessive arm around his waist. 

"What are you doing here?" Castiel asked Balthazar in poorly concealed panic. 

"I can't come visit my friend and his new boy toy?"

"Hey," Dean bristled. 

Castiel squeezed his hand around Dean's in an attempt to calm him down. "Balthazar."

Balthazar rolled his eyes and walked over to the kitchen to lean against the island. "I came over to borrow something for work," he said pointedly. 

Castiel internally groaned. He had forgotten that he told him he could come over and borrow one of his costumes for tomorrow night. Honestly, it was like the world was conspiring against him at this point. 

"Oh right, I uh," Castiel tried to say as Dean looked at him expectedly. "It's in the bedroom. Dean, we'll be right back, I just need to show him where it is."

Dean watched them with a confused look as Castiel and Balthazar quickly walked down the hall to the bedroom. 

"All my stuff is in the closet," Castiel whispered as the bedroom door closed behind them.

Balthazar rolled his eyes as he got to his knees and started to dig through the pile of thongs and costumes and bottles of body glitter that had been throw haphazardly on the closet floor. "Honestly Cassie, you're making this so much harder than it needs to be."

"Just shut up and hurry up. I have to figure out a way to explain this to Dean," Castiel said as he leaned against the door and shut his eyes. He was starting to get a stress headache. 

"Found it!" Balthazar called, holding up an Army costume in one hand and a feather boa in the other. "Can I stay and get to know Dean?"

Castiel's eyes shot open. "Get to know him or hit on him?"

Balthazar grinned and shoved the costume in a small duffle bag. "I don't know, this guy looks like he would be able to take a joke."

"Maybe another time, I need to do some damage control," Castiel said as they started back down the hallway. 

"Kinky."

Dean was sitting on the couch when they walked into the living room and stood up quickly as soon as he heard them. "Everything alright?"

Castiel nodded and pushed Balthazar towards the door. "He's leaving now. Say goodbye, Balthazar."

Balthazar stepped outside and turned to look back through the door. "Lovely meeting you, Dean. Perhaps sometime the three of us can drink too much one night and—"   
Castiel shut the door before they could hear the end of that sentence and turned towards Dean with an apologetic expression. "I'm sorry about that, I forgot I said he could come over."

Dean stood still where he was but smiled softly. "It's fine, Cas, I just don't really like that guy. It seems like he's always hitting on you."

Castiel smirked and walked over to Dean before wrapping his arms around his waist. "Balthazar is always hitting on everyone. It's part of his charm."

"Still. I mean, who jokes about wearing things together though? Those text messages were a little over the top."

"I know," Castiel swallowed thickly. "But look on the bright side. You're the only one who can call me his boyfriend.

Dean's lips twitched into a bigger smile as he wrapped he finally wrapped his arms around Castiel. "I guess I can live with that."

"Good. Now enough about this, I say we do something far more entertaining."

"Yeah?" Dean leered as he pulled Castiel onto the couch. 

Castiel nodded and proceeded to kiss Dean until all his doubts seemingly disappeared. It wasn't the best distraction technique but it would have to do for now.


	14. Chapter 14

Dean sat in his bed Friday morning with Cas draped across his chest, snoring softly. He watched as his mouth parted open when he breathed and his eye lashes flickering as he slept. He was fairly certain that Cas was the cutest person ever when he was sleeping but Dean may be bias. 

Cas started to stir awake and looked up at Dean with sleepy blue eyes. "Good morning," he smiled. 

"Morning, Cas." Dean leaned in to kiss him softly while he woke up. 

"I wish we could stay in bed all day," Cas whispered as he buried his face in Dean's neck. 

Dean smiled as his felt Cas' warm breath against his shoulder. "I have to go to Victor's bachelor party tonight."

Cas rolled over so that he was looking up at Dean. "Who?"

"Victor. He's one of the professors in the English department."

"Oh right, the name sounds familiar."

Dean nodded and stared at the ceiling, wishing he hadn't agreed to going. He would much rather spend his time in bed with his amazing boyfriend. "You can come if you want. Victor invited the whole department so that could include you."

"What time is it?" Castiel asked as he lazily ran his fingers up and down Dean's arm. 

"Starts at 9pm."

Castiel frowned and shook his head. "I can't, I'm volunteering."

Dean sighed and crawled back under the covers to lay next to Cas. "It'll probably be pretty boring anyway. It's just going to be at the Roadhouse, he's not even getting strippers." Cas' faced went blank and Dean realized he probably shouldn't have said that. "But obviously strippers can't compete with you," he said as he tried to push their lips together. "You're so much better."

"Nice save," Castiel said flatly. 

Dean grinned and pulled their hips together. 

After a few minutes of trading lazy kisses back and forth, they headed to the shower to start getting cleaned up for the day. It didn't take long before they stopped actually showering and were both leaned up against the tile wall, panting into each other's mouths as they were both coming down from their orgasm. 

Doing this kind of stuff with Cas was awesome, but Dean was ready for more. They had just started dating though and he didn't want to push him. If Cas never wanted to go any further than enthusiastic hand jobs and blow jobs then that was fine. Dean would truly be fine with that and that was really saying a lot for Dean. He usually tended to be a fuck first, ask questions later kind of guy. But Cas was different.

There was of course the added issue that Dean had never had sex with a guy before. Sure, he could be considered an expert when it came to girls but wasn't it pretty different with guys? Extra steps and all that? They hadn't really talked much about their past relationships but Dean got the impression that Cas really seemed to know what he was doing when it came to sexual things. Would Cas be disappointed if Dean didn't know what he was doing?

After Cas left for the day, Dean sat around and worked on some things for the university while sending embarrassingly cute messages back and forth with Cas. Sammy would have a field day with some of the girly shit he was writing. 

He worked for a few more hours before it was almost time to start getting ready and head out for the evening. Dean started to stand up from his desk when his phone buzzed again with a message from Victor.

 

V: Change of plans, meet us at the Heaven and Hell strip club downtown.

 

Dean smiled and sent back a quick reply. Obviously he's only interested in Cas but that didn't mean that strip clubs weren't fun. Dean started to send a text to Cas to let him know what he was missing when he decided against it. He didn't want to rub it in his face if Cas was stuck volunteering. That was certainly a much more noble way of spending the evening compared to what Dean was about to do. 

He quickly got ready and headed out the door, wishing one more time that his boyfriend was able to go with him.

*****

As Dean walked into the club, he was immediately hit with the smell of sweat and a heavy bass that hurt his ears. The place was nice. Not too sketchy but not too stuck up either. It was the kind of club that normal people went to have a good time, not just for a bunch of rich dudes in suits. There was a large stage in the center of the main room with a shiny, silver pole in the center of it. A series of tables and chairs lined each side, with a large cluster of them by the front of the stage. He quickly located the bar and walked over to get a drink as he noticed a dark hallway towards the back of the room. 

Dean wasn't any kind of stranger to strip clubs but he had never actually had the balls to buy one of the private room experiences. It had always seemed a little creepy and desperate. Not to mention that he always felt bad for the dancers having to put up with gross customers. 

"I'm with the Henriksen party," Dean called out to the bartender over the music. 

The brown haired woman checked her computer and nodded. "Tab's open, what can I get you?"

"I'll start with whiskey."

"Good choice," she said as started to pour his drink. "I'm Pam, you got a name?"

"Uh, Dean."

Pam gave him a long once over and grinned. "You're awfully cute, my shift's over at 1am," she said with a seductive wink. 

Dean flushed and took his drink off the counter. "I'm taken."

"All the good ones are, let me know if you change your mind," she said with a smile as she turned around to help another customer. 

Dean started to walk around to find Victor and the others as he wondered whether Cas was the jealous type. He was used to getting hit on by women and sometimes men but he suddenly wanted to see how his boyfriend would respond to the situation. He was fairly confident that a possessive Cas would be hot as hell. 

"Winchester, over here!" he heard Victor yell from a few tables over.

Dean waved and approached the group of already drunk men. "Congratulations dude, it's your last chance to get crazy before you're a married man," Dean called over the music as he slapped Victor on the back. "How does it feel?"

"It feels like I want to get really drunk tonight!" Victor yelled as the group started to cheer and take a swig of their respected drinks. 

Victor cringed at the taste of what looked to be straight vodka and brought Dean closer to the rest of the group. "Guys, this is Dean Winchester from the undergraduate part of the department. He teaches a few fiction classes," he said, getting everyone's attention. "Dean, pretty much everyone here is from the graduate program but they're real great guys."

Dean waved hesitantly, feeling slightly out of place. He and Victor had started at KU around the same time and instantly became friends when they were both assigned to the undergrad classes but after a year, Victor got moved up and Dean stayed in the same place. They didn't get to see each other very often at all anymore. 

Someone called Victor over a few seconds later and Dean was left at the end of the table with professors he'd never heard of let alone seen before. The music suddenly changed and Dean was grateful that this wasn't the type of place for conversation. 

He watched as a petite woman stepped out on stage in fish nets and a sexy nurse outfit as she started to grind her hips to the music. Dean snorted at the cliché costume and wondered if anyone really went for that anymore. 

The music got progressively dirtier as she lost her clothes and shook her hips at the audience. The group around him went wild and he had to dodge a few stray dollar bills that missed the stage and fluttered his way. She was very pretty, Dean wasn't blind. It just wasn't what he was attracted to. She was missing blue eyes and strong shoulders and stubble that scratched his chin. Well, and also a dick. 

The song finished and Dean headed back to the bar for another drink as the next act started. A blonde haired girl with legs for days. 

"I'll take another of the same," Dean called over to Pam, setting his empty glass on the bar. "Actually, make it a double."

She nodded and started pouring. "You chose a good night to come."

"Yeah?" 

"Definitely, some of our best dancers are preforming tonight. You into guys?"

"According to my boyfriend I am," he joked.

Pam grinned and pushed the glass towards him. "Good. I think the guy dancers start soon, you'll definitely be pleased."

Dean thanked her and headed back towards the table when a tall, blonde guy caught his eye. 

Balthazar. 

He was dressed in an Army suit, talking to a girl towards the side of the stage. Castiel never told him that Balthazar served in the Army. Dean really wasn't a fan of the guy but that was pretty cool. He could respect him for that. 

Dean walked over as Balthazar glanced at him, then did a double take. 

"Christ, what are you doing here?" Balthazar hissed, looking around frantically. 

"Uh, yeah, hi to you too," Dean said slowly. "I thought I'd come over and say hi. I didn't know you served," he said, gesturing to Balthazar's outfit. 

Confused, Balthazar looked down and cringed when he saw what he was wearing. "You need to leave, now."

Dean stared at him liked he'd just grown a third head. "I'm here for someone's bachelor party, what's your problem with me?" he said, getting defensive. 

"I promise someone will explain later," Balthazar said, trying to grab a hold of Dean's arm to pull him out. "But you need to go."

Dean ripped his arm out of the other man's grip and stumbled closer to the stage. "What the hell man?"

Suddenly, the lights dimmed and a sultry beat started to play, causing Dean to turn towards the stage. 

"Oh, fucking hell," Balthazar mumbled as he covered his face with his hands.

A dark haired man wearing a fireman costume was standing in the center of the stage with his back to the audience, slowly swaying his hips to the beat. He was talented, the song had just started but Dean could tell the man knew what he was doing. 

He was tall and looked built under his costume. Dean's thought's sidetracked for a moment to consider if he would be able to pull off an outfit like that.

He turned to look back at Balthazar who stood behind him mouth open, eyes flicking back and forth between Dean and the stage. 

_I'm just a bachelor  
I'm looking for a partner  
Someone who knows how to ride  
Without even falling off_

The man grabbed his crotch as he started to grind his hips to the lyrics. With his back still turned, Dean found himself transfixed to the dancer. He moved effortlessly and was in complete control of his body. Slow grinds turned into full body rolls and the crowd started to go crazy. This guy was popular and Dean could see why.  
He watched as the man teased with taking his jacket off, showing a bit of skin and pulling it back on before it could fall. The man shook his head to the music and honestly seemed to be enjoying himself.

_Gotta be compatible  
Takes me to my limits  
Girl when I break you off  
I promise that you won't want to get off_

Dean moved closer to the stage as the man finally let his jacket drop off his shoulders to reveal strong arms in a tank top. The music continued and the dancer's movements started to get larger as he pulled his elastic suspenders and snapped them off. Dean was not aware that he had a fireman kink before this but he was seriously going to have to talk to Cas tonight about a little bit of role play. 

The man ripped off the suspenders and swung them around over his head while he continued to roll his body in tight, precise movements before dropping them to the floor and crossing his feet.

_If you're horny, let's do it  
Ride it, my pony  
My saddle's waiting  
Come and jump on it_

As the raunchy music built into the chorus, the man spun around and faced the audience with a seductive grin. 

It was Cas.

A few things happened at once. Dean's glass dropped out of his hand and shattered on the floor. Dean's mouth hung open so wide that he practically sprained his jaw. Dean's brain started to short circuit. Dean's knees felt weak and he felt overwhelmingly nauseous. 

Cas walked forward towards the front of the stage and slowly unzipped his pants as women and men alike threw their money at him. He winked at the front row and dropped his pants with a grind so slow it should be illegal. In a similar movement, he ripped off his tank top and tossed it into the crossed. Now only wearing a black thong and an alarming amount of body glitter, Cas dropped to his knees and started to thrust in time to the beat like his life depended on it. 

Dean couldn't breathe, he couldn't move, and he certainly couldn't stop watching. 

_The things I will do to you  
You and your body  
Every single portion  
Send chills up and down your spine  
Juices flowing down your thigh_

Cas closed his eyes as he thrusted into nothing and raised his hands behind his head to show off his muscles. Dean had noticed that he was well defined but had always assumed it was from something common like running. 

Not this. 

Never this. 

The music continued to play a heavy, sultry beat as Cas stood up and moved towards the pole. He linked a leg around it and spun in a circle as the crowd kept screaming. Cas grinned and grabbed it with his arms to hoist himself up and proceeded to lift his legs to spread them apart, completely showing off what his tiny thong wasn't able to contain. 

Dean watched in horror as everyone seemed to stare at his crotch with hungry expressions. The entire room was gawking at his boyfriend and he did not even slightly know how to handle it.

_If we're gonna get nasty, baby  
First we'll show and tell  
Till I reach your ponytail  
Lurk all over and through you baby  
Until we reach the stream  
You'll be on my jockey team_

Cas continued to thrust against the pole and Dean felt like he was going to throw up. He bit his lip and tried to fight the wave of jealously as Cas jumped off the pole and moved towards the crowd so people could actually stuff bills under the elastic material he was wearing. 

As the song started to move towards finishing, Cas walked up to a chair that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere on the stage and sat in it backwards, rubbing himself against it as he closed his eyes and tipped his head back. This apparently was a crowd pleaser because suddenly people were screaming so loud that Dean could barely hear the music anymore. 

_If you're horny, let's do it  
Ride it, my pony  
My saddle's waiting  
Come and jump on it_

The final verse played and Cas slowed down on the chair to stand in the middle of the stage just like he had started. He grinded into the air a few times and threw the audience one of the most sexually aggressive expressions Dean had ever seen in his life as he smirked and froze as the spotlight shut off. 

The audience kept screaming and Dean bent over with his hands on his knees as he tried not to pass out on the spot. What the actual fuck had just happened?

He barely heard Balthazar call out his name from somewhere as an announcer came on over the loud speaker. 

"Next up, we have Alfie Milton!"

Dean eyes bugged out and he spun around to push Balthazar out of the way, sprinting to the door. He smashed into a group of people before barely making it to a bush and throwing up what seemed like the entire contents of his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Cas dances to is "Pony" by: Ginuwine


	15. Chapter 15

C: Hello, Dean. How was the bachelor party tonight?  
C: I'm free during the day tomorrow if you would like to come over.  
C: Are you too hungover to respond?

 

C: Good morning.   
C: Dean, I would appreciate if you could let me know that you are okay.  
C: I need to head out now for my shift.  
C: Are you sure you're okay?  
C: Please call me when you wake up in the morning.

 

C: It's been two days and at this point I am starting to assume that you're dead.  
C: If you don't want to talk to me that's fine but at least let me know that nothing's seriously wrong.  
C: Did I do something to upset you?  
C: Good night Dean, I'll see you at work tomorrow.

 

It was Monday afternoon and Castiel sat in his office by himself, staring at the door. He hadn't heard from Dean the entire weekend, which was concerning because they had talked about getting together, and now he hadn't shown up for work. Apparently Dean had sent an email to the students letting them know that he wasn't feeling well and that they should continue working on their final papers while he was gone. 

Castiel tried to read the essay he was grading and got distracted again after a few seconds. Was Dean mad at him about something? He thought back to Friday morning and couldn't think of anything out of the ordinary. If anything, it seemed like their relationship was going perfectly. Dean had been caring and sweet and adorable and Castiel was at a complete loss. 

In weirdly ironic timing, his phone suddenly buzzed with a message from Dean. 

 

D: Not feeling well sorry

 

Ignoring the fact that this was the first time Dean had thought to reply to him all weekend, if he really wasn't feeling well then Castiel should just go check on Dean himself. Mentally cursing at himself for not coming to that conclusion sooner, Castiel quickly gathered his things and walked out the door. 

After briefly stopping at Dean's favorite diner to pick up some soup and pie, he pulled on to the highway towards his apartment. Castiel didn't have much experience tending to sick partners but he learned from the television shows that Dean made him watch that it was customary to bring comfort food. 

He pulled into Dean's neighborhood and noticed the tight feeling in his stomach at the thought of seeing him. It had only been a few days but from the way his heart started to beat faster, one would think they’ve been separated for weeks. Was it normal to feel this strongly after such a short amount of time?

Castiel pulled in front of Dean's apartment and thankfully managed to get to the top of the stairs without spilling anything on himself so he smiled in anticipation as he knocked on the door. He thought he heard a slight shuffling noise on the other side but it was so faint he may have imagined it. He knocked a second time and waited a few more minutes before carefully setting the carry-out bag on the ground and getting out his phone to call Dean.

A few seconds later he heard a familiar rock tune from the other side of the door and a muffled curse before the door swung open. 

"What are you doing here?"

Castiel slowly picked up the bag of food and tried not to be offended by Dean's sharp tone. "I came to bring you comfort food because you aren't feeling well," he said as he passed it into Dean's hands. "Are you okay?"

Dean's face softened a bit as he stared at Castiel with a strange look in his eyes. "Uh yeah," he said as he cleared his throat. "Thanks."

"Can I come in?"

Dean silently nodded as he backed up to make room for Castiel to walk through.

Feeling strangely out of place as he watched Dean start to unpack the food, Castiel got the sense that his presence wasn't wanted and it hurt more than he was comfortable admitting. 

"What did you end up doing this weekend? I thought you were going to come over but you never responded to my messages."

"Yeah, sorry about that," Dean said softly. "I…I needed some time to myself."

Castiel didn't know a lot about relationships but he knew enough to know that didn't sound good. He slowly walked closer to Dean and stopped when narrowed green eyes met his. "Did I do something wrong?"

Dean continued to watch him as if he was trying to decide something or solve some kind of mystery. "No."

"Why are you acting so weird?"

"I'm not acting weird."

Castiel lifted a hand up to Dean's cheek and quickly retracted it as Dean's breath hitched. "Then why do you keep looking at me like that? You can talk to me."

He stared down at the floor for so long that Castiel didn't think he would respond when suddenly Dean took a deep breath and his eyes snapped up to meet his gaze.

"Fine. I went to Victor's bachelor party Friday night, remember?"

"Yes, I remember you telling me that," Castiel said slowly, more than a little confused as to what this had to do with anything. 

"Well, it was supposed to be at the Roadhouse but there was a change of plans," Dean started as he turned to face Castiel. "We ended up going to a strip club of all places. Heaven and Hell, you know the place?"

Castiel stepped back like he'd been slapped and felt his stomach hit the floor while the blood drained out of his face.

"Real great place," Dean continued, "good alcohol, good dancers, in fact, there was one in particular that caught my eye. Dark hair, blue eyes, wearing a fucking firefighter costume?" he chuckled humorlessly. 

There were a million things that should be going through Castiel's head right then but his mind was completely blank. All he could do was listen to Dean continue while his voice got increasingly louder and more hysteric. 

"Imagine my surprise when said dancer turns out to be my boyfriend. I got to watch my sweet, quirky, quiet boyfriend get dollar bills stuffed in his ass crack while thrusting around on stage like nobody's damn business. And the real kicker? I stuck around longer enough to hear Alfie get announced next!"

"Dean—"

"No," Dean snapped as he stepped close to Castiel, "you should have fucking told me. I mean, Jesus Christ, Cas. What the hell? You should have told me! All this time I thought you were just volunteering."

Castiel watched as Dean stepped back and started to pace the room. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, unable to get much else out. What would he even say?

"'I'm sorry'? That's it?"

"I don't, I didn't want you to find out this way."

"You didn't want me to find out this way or you didn't want me to find out at all? How long were you going to let me fucking date you while you were leading a double life?"

In a way, he had been preparing for this moment ever since Dean came into the picture. On some level he must have known that he wouldn't be able to keep it a secret forever but this, this hurt much more than he was expecting. 

"I know the semester is over next week but I would like to stay friends if at all possible," Castiel managed to say as he tried to ignore the obvious shake in his voice and the sudden dryness in his throat.

Dean stopped pacing and turned to face him. "What?"

"I mean…you are really important to me and even though we're breaking up I'd still like to be your friend at least."

Something awfully close to panic swept across Dean's face. "Why the hell are we breaking up?"

"You aren't breaking up with me?"

"Fuck, no."

Castiel squinted his eyes as they stared at each other with confused expressions. "I was under the impression that you didn't want to be dating a stripper."

"Cas, I'm not mad that you strip for a living, I'm mad that you didn't tell me about it."

Relief flooded into Castiel as he remembered how air worked. "Oh."

Dean grabbed his arm and pulled him until they're both sitting on the couch. "You have a hell of a lot of explaining to do. Now would be a good time to start."

Where should he begin? Castiel was just so happy that they weren't breaking up he struggled to get his mind back on track. "Um, I've been doing it for years now. I started shortly after Anna died."

"Why? Dude, you have a famous book series."

Castiel smiled grimly and moved to take one of Dean's hands. "All of the money that I made from that was spent on her hospital bills and since I didn't go to college there's not a ton that I can do and still make this much. Balthazar got me a job shortly after he started there."

Dean huffed out a strange laugh and cringed. "I uh, yeah I saw him there that night. He must have thought I was possessed or something the way I tore out of there after your routine."

"You saw Balthazar?"

Dean nodded and moved closer so that both of their hands were intertwined. 

That explained all the missed calls from him that weekend. Castiel had left directly after his routine and assumed Balthazar was calling him about some kind of after-party. 

There were a few minutes of awkward silence as they both enjoyed each other's touch when Dean's face lit up in realization. "That's why he was texting you about thongs wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Castiel chuckled softly, starting to get rid of the queasy feeling in his stomach. "It probably would have been easier if I had just told you then."  
Dean covered his face with his hands and groaned. "I was such a dick to you."

"I probably would have done the same thing honestly. I did look rather sketchy."

"I'm sorry."

Castiel leaned forward and grabbed ahold of Dean's hands. "You're sorry? I'm sorry. I really should have told you from the beginning but I didn't know how and I was scared you were going to break up with me because of it, or be weirded out and stop liking me."

"Not to be too girly or anything like that but, I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen. You uh, I'm in too deep at this point."

"Dean Winchester, you're such a sap," Castiel joked as he leaned forward for a quick kiss. 

"Tell anyone I said that and I'll deny it."

"Well if makes you feel any better, I too, am in deep at this point."

"Leave it to you to make something like that sound dirty," Dean laughed. 

Castiel smiled and watched Dean continue to laugh. He loved seeing him like this because for once he seemed carefree. He wasn't weighed down by the past or the many problems around him, he was light. It showed in his posture and in the crinkles by his eyes. 

"So you really don't have a problem with what I do?"

Dean's laugher faded and he looked down at their intertwined hands. "I don't. I mean, no it's not ideal to have all those people stare at your body like that but…I know I'm the one that gets you at the end of the night so…it's okay with me."

Overwhelmed by Dean's acceptance, Castiel lunged forward to smash their lips together. Dean got with the picture quickly and before too long, they were lying back on the couch with Dean trying to catch his breath while balancing Castiel on top of him. 

"Anything else I should know about?" Dean joked, playing with the hair on the back of Castiel's neck.

"My real name is Jimmy."

Dean froze and stared back just as Castiel's lips started to twitch into a grin. "Jesus, that's not funny!"

"I disagree," Castiel whispered as he kissed the tip of Dean's nose. "That was hilarious." 

"Yeah whatever," Dean muttered as he rolled his eyes. "You're lucky you're cute."

"Only cute?"

"Fine, fucking hot. Honestly though, that firefighter costume was something else."

Castiel grinned as Dean started to blush. "You should come watch me later this week."

"I don't know, wouldn't that be weird?"

"No, people have their significant others come watch their routines all the time."

"Yeah but," Dean hesitated as he traced patterns down Castiel's back, "I don't want to watch random people throw themselves at you."

"Just think about it. I'll make it special just for you," Castiel said as he tried out a seductive voice and failed spectacularly. "You could schedule a private appointment with me."

Dean's attention snapped back suddenly and his hands stopped. "You do private appointments for people? Like you have sex with them for money?"

Castiel snorted. "No, they aren't really allowed to touch me. I mostly do lap dances and grind on them until they get off," he said as he watched Dean's alarmed face and quickly tried to back track. "But maybe don't think about that."

"Uh yeah, that's a good idea. So… the handcuffs?"

"Balthazar's. He uses them for his routines and left them at my place after work that weekend."

"Ah. And here I thought you were just kinky," Dean leered as he grabbed onto Castiel's ass and pulled him closer.

Castiel grinned and leaned forward so that his mouth was on Dean's ear. "I never said I haven't used them in bed before."

*****

Castiel laid in bed that night curled into Dean’s side, tucked deeply under a pile of blankets that created a cocoon around them. He watched the steady rise and fall of Dean's chest and the slight fluttering of his eyelashes as he dreamed. 

Throughout his life, there have been many different things that he considered definite. His luck for example. It had never been great and by now he had learned to take comfort in not counting on it. That way, if things did go his way, he was pleasantly surprised. 

His love for writing and the English language had been another definite in his life. Even though he no longer actively pursued it, it had always been a source of happiness that he could fall back on when things were looking grim. There was a reason that his apartment was flooded with countless books that were worn, having been heavily loved through constant use. 

As Castiel ran his fingers down Dean’s arm, counting the freckles he passed, he wondered when he began to consider this green-eyed man as a definite. He wondered at what point, Dean began to carve himself a place in Castiel’s messed up life like a missing piece that had been absent all along. 

This missing piece accepted him for who he was and wasn't turned off by his profession. This missing piece looked at Castiel like he mattered, like he was worth more than he even believed himself. This missing piece was fiercely loyal and was determined to put almost everyone in his life ahead of himself, Castiel included. 

Castiel wiggled closer to Dean and closed his eyes as he put his face into his boyfriend’s neck and breathed in. Just before he fell asleep, he wondered if he would ever be able to live without his missing piece again. 

Sometime in the middle of the night, Castiel woke up to someone smacking him in the face. 

"Dean, what the—" He was cut off by a whimper and a hand hitting his shoulder. 

He quickly untangled himself from the covers to look over at Dean and his breath hitched at the sight. 

Dean was covered in sweat, face scrunched up, making the saddest sounds Castiel thought he had ever heard in his life. 

"Hey, wake up," Castiel hesitantly whispered as he shook Dean’s arm. Wasn’t there something about not waking people up when they were having a bad dream?  
Before he had time to process, Dean’s arm shot up again and smacked him in the nose. 

Dean’s face scrunched up in pain as he mumbled in his sleep. "Don’t...please...don’t..."

Castiel shook Dean harder this time and raised his voice. “Dean! Wake up, you’re fine, it’s just a bad dream.”

Suddenly, Dean’s eyes sprang open as he gasped for air, looking wild eyed at Castiel who was hovering above him in bed. Neither one of them said anything for a few minutes. 

"Um…sorry Cas. This is really fucking embarrassing," Dean mumbled as he stared at the ceiling.

"Dean, it’s fine, I just…are you alright? What were you dreaming about?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

Dean rolled over away from Cas. "I don’t remember. Go back to sleep, I’m sorry I woke you."

Castiel stared at him, unsure of what to say. He was all too familiar with nightmares himself but that looked…wrong. Violent almost. 

"You know you can talk to me, right? I'll listen."

Silence came from the other side of the bed and he was sure that Dean had fallen back to sleep. He slowly buried himself back under the covers when he barely heard a sniffle. 

"Thanks, Cas."


	16. Chapter 16

"What if they don't like me?"

"Cas, they'll love you."

"What if they hate me and force you to never see me again?"

Dean snorted at the far-fetched idea and walked over to calm Cas down as he was frowning in front of the mirror, trying to flatten his hair. 

"Babe, it'll be fine," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around his panicking boyfriend. "Jess and Sam are some of the most accepting people I know. And besides, I like you. That'll be good enough for them." He kissed the top of Cas' nose and continued to try and get himself ready in time. 

Sam and Jess had invited them over for the annual Christmas party at their place and ever since Cas found out about it, he'd been a mess. 

If anyone should be nervous, it was him. He was about to introduce his boyfriend to his family for the first time and that normally gave him all sorts of anxiety. Oddly enough though, this time he was completely fine. Cas was awesome and he had no doubts that Sam and Jess would see him the same way he did. 

Well… not the exact same way hopefully because that would be just creepy. 

"Cas, it's time to go!" Dean called down the hall as he grabbed his car keys and waited by the door. As he spared a moment to look around the living room, he noticed an alarming amount of Cas' things flung around. 

Sure, Cas had his own toothbrush in the bathroom, a few drawers in the bedroom to put his things in for when he stayed over, and extra supplies for Raphael but that was just practical. From the looks of the apartment, one could easily assume that two people lived there, not just one. 

Cas' place surely looked about the same. It seemed like every day Dean went to look for something before realizing he'd left it behind last time he was there. They went back and forth enough though that it was never a problem. 

Were they almost living together? Dean waited for alarm bells to go off in his head but they never came. 

Before he had time to think about it anymore, Cas came flying down the hallway with a stressed expression, holding up two more shirts. "Do you think I should change? Your brother said casual but I don't want to seem too casual and have him think I don't care because I'm meeting him for the first time and I appreciate the invitation but maybe I should just stay here and you go and I'll meet him some other time like when I don't—"

Dean snatched the shirts out of Cas' sweaty palms and pushed him out the door tossing a pair of shoes at him as he stumbled. This was cute and all but Christ, you'd think he was getting ready to meet the pope. 

After a good deal of huffing from Cas as he tried to put on his shoes in the stairwell, Dean managed to calm him down enough to get him in the car, slowly reassuring him that he had nothing to worry about. 

Just as Cas seemed to relax, gripping Dean's hand like his life depended on it, they were knocking on Sam's door and being shuffled inside by an overly cheerful Jess.  
"I'm so glad you guys made it!" she yelled over the festive music and pulled Dean into a tight hug. "And this must be Castiel!"

"Hello, Jessica. Thank you for inviting me," Cas said with a shy smile, offering a hand to shake. 

Jess promptly ignored the hand and pulled a flustered looking Cas into another bear hug. "Call me Jess! And of course, we've heard so much from Dean, I'm thrilled to finally meet you in person," she said with a poorly concealed wink towards Dean. 

"You guys sure got a lot of people to show up this year," Dean said, following the energetic host throughout the house. "Who knew Sammy had this many friends?"

Jess rolled her eyes as she handed Cas a plate of party food. "Very funny. So Cas, tell me more about yourself! Dean said you two met at the university?"

"Yes, I helped Dean's class this semester when they were studying my series."

"Oh that's right! Sam wouldn't stop talking about the Supernatural books when he heard about Dean's massive crush on you. That's very impressive."

Dean tried to pretend like his face wasn't turning red as Cas reached his hand out to link their fingers together. 

"Thank you, I'm quite proud of them."

"Are you working on another series now?"

"Um no, not at the moment," Cas said hesitantly, clearly uncomfortable with the subject.

Before anyone had a chance to comment, Jess had been called off to another group of people and the two were left to make their way around the party. 

"See? Jess loves you. I told you it would be fine," Dean said around a bite of his cookie. 

"She did seem very excited. You've told them a lot about me?" Cas asked with a grin.

Dean fought his blush and rolled his eyes. "So I like to talk about my boyfriend, okay? Sue me." Cas flushed and followed Dean further into the house. 

"Dean!"

The couple turned to see Sam making his way through the crowd, wearing the one the most fugly looking Christmas sweaters Dean had ever seen in his life. 

"You guys made it! And holy shit, Carver Edlund is in my house. I mean, Castiel. I uh, I'm such a big fan," Sam stuttered out as he frantically shook Cas' hand. 

"Hello, Sam. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Sam's smile looked like it threatened to break his face and Dean felt sorry for Cas' hand that was still being shaken like a rag doll. 

"I've read your entire series and all of it was just so good. I love how relatable you made the characters. Do you think you could sign a few of my books for me?"

"Jesus, Sam," Dean cut in. "You're going to scare the poor guy, we talked about not freaking out in front of him."

"It's perfectly fine, Dean. I really don't mind."

Sam's smile widened even more if that was possible as he started to drag Cas over to the bookshelves.

Dean shook his head and chuckled as he watched the two of them. Sam easily towered over Cas and was a sight to see with his puppy-like enthusiasm. Cas seemed surprisingly calm and extremely patient with the rapid-fire questions getting thrown at him. 

He headed over to the kitchen and grabbed a beer, suddenly breathing a little easier. Of course he hadn't been worried about his family liking Cas but now that it was official, it seemed like everything was falling into place. Dean could picture the two of them coming over on Christmas' and spending it with the children Jess and Sam were bound to have. He pictured the two of them starting their own silly traditions and falling asleep in front of the Christmas tree they carefully decorated together.  
Dean stopped mid thought and braced himself for the mental panic that was sure to follow a thought like that. The panic didn't come this time either. 

He shrugged and waited a few minutes before going over and saving his boyfriend. 

"I really like your brother a lot," Cas said softly as they hovered in the kitchen doorway eating snowman shaped cookies. 

"Well he really likes you too if you weren't able to tell," Dean laughed, sending a few crumbs onto the floor.

Cas smiled and looked upwards as something caught his eye, causing him to lean forward and press their lips together in a chaste kiss. 

"Not that I don't like it, but what was that for?" Dean asked curiously as they pulled apart.

"It's mistletoe," Cas whispered, tilting Dean's chin up with his finger. 

Sure enough, sitting at the top of the doorway was a big bunch of the stuff, just waiting for unsuspecting couples to pass by. Dean tried not to let the overwhelming feeling of warmth in his stomach consume him right then and there. 

"You're such a sap, Cas." 

"You love it though."

Suddenly aware of the implications of that word being used, both of them quickly adverted their eyes and went back to eating cookies. 

"Sam and Jess are excited that you're coming over again on Christmas," Dean said while he watched the happy couple mingle with their guests. "Sam said something about giving you a proper Star Wars education."

Cas' eyebrows scrunched together. "Christmas?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"I didn't know that I was joining you guys then."

Dean put down his plate of cookies and turned towards Cas. "You said you usually spend Christmas reading right? And staying at your apartment?"

"Yes, I…well Balthazar usually goes home and I don't have any family to visit so that's what I've done for years," Cas said looking away, slightly embarrassed. 

"Cas, you're spending Christmas with us okay? I don't want you to have to spend the holiday alone," Dean replied softly as he moved his thumb over Cas' cheek. "I know my family is just Jess and Sam but I'd like to think that you're a part of it too now."

The two of them stared at each other until Cas nodded and Dean was gracious enough not to mention the slight wetness in the other man's eyes.

"Now enough of the chick flick moments," Dean said excitedly, "We still haven't gotten to the best part of the party."

*****

"So the rules are simple. Everyone goes around the circle and says a statement about themselves, either true or false. If we guess incorrectly, we all have to take a shot. If we guess correctly, you take a shot and do any dare we pick. Got it?"

Dean practically bounced up and down as Sam continued explaining the rules. Sure, the game was juvenile but it was his favorite tradition of the annual Christmas party and damn if he was going to feel bad about that. 

"You all play this every year?" Cas leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"Hell yeah. Everyone gets painfully drunk and you get enough blackmail material to last throughout the whole year."

"I see."

Dean arranged a couple shot glasses in front of them and patted Cas on the back. "It'll be fun, just go with it."

"Alright, who wants to go first?" Jess yelled over the group.

"I got one," Dean called out. "I have every episode of Dr. Sexy MD on DVD. True or false?"

Sam sprang up and poured a shot in Dean's glass. "You totally do, it's true."

"Wait, what? How would you know?"

"I found it when I was looking for a movie a few months ago. You keep the series right next to your porn collection."

Cas raised an eyebrow and smirked when Dean had to take his shot. 

"Alright, fine," Dean huffed. "What's my dare?"

Sam thought for a minute until his face erupted with a shit-eating grin. "I dare you to tell us all about that night with Rhonda Hurley."

"Sam!"

"It's a dare Dean, you have to do it," Sam sang out as Jess swatted his shoulder and tried to hide her smile. 

"I'm so going to get you back for this," Dean muttered as he stood up and took a side glance at Cas' expectant expression. "When I was in high school I slept with this girl and she was into some kinky stuff."

"I don't think so, we're going to need some more detail," Sam cheerfully cut in.

Here's to hoping Cas had a big kinky side. "And, she made me wear pink panties," Dean mumbled.

Sam shoved Dean's shoulder. "We can't hear you!"

"She made me wear pink panties!"

Dean sat down in defeat as the group erupted in cheers and catcalling while they moved on to the next person. 

"I'm usually better at that—what's so funny?" Dean asked Cas who was practically bent over in laughter. 

"It's just," Cas wheezed. "I can almost picture that."

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up chuckles, it's almost your turn," he said with a light-hearted eye roll. 

"Cas you're up!" Sam called out as he took a shot from the previous round. 

"Oh, okay um," Cas stuttered out as he struggled to think of a statement. Cas was fucking adorable when he was flustered. 

"I…I once tried to raise a colony of bees. True or false?"

Dean snickered at the total Cas-ness of that statement and tried to decide whether it was true or not. 

Sam thought about it for a few seconds. "That's gotta be false, no one does—"

"I think it's true," Jess interrupted as she narrowed her eyes at him. "I could see it."

"Well?" Dean asked.

"It's true. I tried beekeeping for a summer and it went horribly," he replied simply after taking a shot.

Dean snorted and tried to imagine that. Honestly, he'd be lying if he said Cas wouldn't be able to pull off a beekeeping suit. His boyfriend was just that hot. "Go easy on the dare guys, it's his first time pla—"

"I dare Cas to give Dean a lap dance," a blonde girl called out as she drank down her 5th cup of eggnog. 

"Uh, no," Dean blurted out, taking a nervous side glance towards Cas. "He doesn't have to do that. Cas, you don't have to do that."

"It's the dare Dean! He has to do it!" Sam called out, equally as drunk as the other girl.

Dean turned just in time to see Cas nod and stand up in front of him. 

"Just go with Dean, isn't that what you said?" Cas whispered mischievously with a head tilt that shouldn't be nearly as sexy as it was. 

He straddled Dean's thighs and proceeded to give a lap dance that was hot as sin. Dean's mouth went completely dry and for a few moments he completely forgot that they were being watched by an entire group of people. 

As Cas finished and hopped off with a smug look, everyone went wild and high fived him before they moved on to the next victim. 

Things ramped up pretty quickly after that. 

Within the next couple of hours, most everyone was slurring and had enough blackmail on each other to last a long time. Sam was forced to admit his sexy librarian fetish, Meg revealed that she was into threesomes, Kevin tried lying about the number of video games he owned and was forced to sing a Kansas song in his underwear, Gabriel admitted to starring in amateur porn and then volunteered to take a shot off Sam's stomach, and Jess lied about trying weed in college which resulted in a very heated game of strip poker in which Cas was surprisingly good at. 

"Sammy!" Dean called out, clinging to Cas' side in order to sit up straight. "Me and Cas should probably head out, we've got some very important things to do," he said with a drunken wink. 

"Are propositioning me?" Cas asked with a sly grin.

Dean fell forward and crushed their lips together in a kiss far more sloppy than he would admit to later. "Dunno, is it working?"

Cas snorted and pulled him upright to start heading towards the door, choosing to ignore when Dean smacked his ass with a low whistle. By now the party had more or less fallen apart, with people either passed out or getting rides to pick them up. Sam had blacked out a while earlier and was currently sprawled across the couch with Gabriel and Jess drawing cat whiskers on his face with a permanent marker. 

As Dean waved goodbye and struggled to put his coat on correctly, he had just managed to grab his keys when they were snatched out of his hand. 

"Absolutely not. I'm not letting you drive like this," Cas stated firmly as he slid into the driver's seat.

"I'm not as think as you drunk I am," Dean pouted as he shifted into the passenger seat, feeling out of place. "Wait…that came out wrong…"

Dean settled in for the 30 minute ride home with his cheek against the cool glass window. He tried to fool around while Cas was driving but Mr. Responsible had pushed him away, claiming that he was too much of a distraction. 

After a few hours and a much needed cup of coffee that was pried into his hands back at his apartment, Dean's view of the kitchen slowly became less tilted and more in focus. He felt much better now but he knew that a killer hangover was in store for the next morning. Thank God they only played that game once a year. 

For now though, Dean intended to use the slight buzz to his advantage and find a way to get Cas in his bed. 

"Feeling better?"

Dean jumped at the sudden interruption to his thoughts and saw Cas leaning against the counter with his own mug.

"Uh yeah, the coffee did wonders. Thanks for getting my drunk ass home."

Cas set down his mug and walked over to wrap his arms around Dean's neck. "Part of me wanted to keep you drunk so I could listen to your rant about my 'very cute butt'."

"Well I wasn't lying," Dean leered as he reached around to squeeze Cas' ass again. "It's adorable."

"Only adorable?" Cas innocently asked with a head tilt.

"And hot. And sexy. And cute. And mine," Dean punctuated with quick kisses to his face. 

"Are you claiming me?"

"Hell yeah, I am."

Cas' mouth spread into a wicked grin as he pushed Dean against the counter, mouthing along his jaw. "Well then you better get to it."

Dean pushed their hips together and heard something embarrassingly similar to a growl rip out of the back of his throat. He wanted Cas with every fiber of his being. He wanted to taste his skin and grab his hair and feel his body underneath him. He wanted to belong to Cas entirely and realized how desperate he was for Cas to belong to him. 

"Bedroom," Dean panted. "Now."

Castiel pushed them down the hall almost frantically as they bumped into walls and threatened to knock down lamps on the way. 

All he thought about since the Christmas party was being able to take Dean apart piece by piece. Apparently watching him get dared to eat whipped cream in his underwear earlier that night had really tapped into a kink he didn't know he had. 

Once they finally made it to the bedroom, shirt buttons ripped open and pants pulled down to ankles, Castiel pushed Dean down onto the blankets and continued to get rid of the offending clothing until they were both blissfully bare. 

Castiel dove back on top of him and pressed their foreheads together as they stuttered from the initial skin to skin contact. Dean was clawing at his back as he started a slow grind and honestly, Castiel was so out of his mind with desire he probably couldn't remember his name if he tried. 

Dean had that effect on people. 

Castiel felt wet kisses start to trail down his neck and his breath hitched as teeth nipped at his earlobe. He groaned and tugged Dean's head up so he could take his time exploring his mouth. Dean still tasted like coffee and peppermint from all the candy canes he had suggestively licked after he downed a few shots at the party. The combination was addicting and Castiel didn't care if he sounded weird, he liked the way Dean tasted.

The room was silent other than the sounds of stolen gasps of air and smacking from impatient lips desperate to attach to any and every piece of skin available. When Dean let out a quiet moan from underneath him, Castiel had to will himself not to come right there and then. 

"More, Cas," Dean panted against his mouth. "I need more."

Castiel was in no position to argue with a request like that so he promptly began to slide down Dean's body, lightly nipping at the flushed skin on his way. Once his lips dragged along the dark path of hair under his navel, he pushed his nose against the skin and reveled in everything that was Dean. It was overwhelming how his feelings had developed for this man and he wasn't sure what to do with it. 

Finally making his intended destination, Castiel lightly kissed the head of Dean's dick and grinned when he heard a whimpering sound from up above. It would never seize to amaze him how he has the power to reduce this man to such sweet sounds. 

He quickly licked a stripe up the shaft and dove in, pressing his face down until he felt the familiar pressure against the back of his throat. A pair of hands were suddenly gripping his hair and he moaned at the feeling, sending sharp vibrations against the other man.

Dean's hips started thrusting upwards and Castiel looked up at wild green eyes to nod, giving him permission to let loose. Suddenly the hips had a life of their own and Dean was thrusting into his mouth with reckless abandon, letting out short gasps at the sensation. 

After a few more minutes, Dean tugged Castiel's head up and pushed them back into a searing kiss. Castiel barely had a moment to catch his breath as Dean pulled back to stare at him. 

"I want you to fuck me."

Castiel choked on his own spit and was not graceful about it. "What?"

Dean ran his hand up Castiel's back and played with the hair on the base of his neck. "I want you, Cas," he whispered against the shell of his ear. "I need you."  
Castiel was no stranger to sex, not even in the slightest, but this was Dean. This wasn't a hookup or someone who looked at him like a piece of meat, a warm hole. This was the man who introduced him to his family, the one who he began to picture a life with. 

This is the man who he was falling for. 

Dean looked at him with an expectant gaze, his confident demeanor quickly crumbling as Castiel was unable to process words. He quickly nodded and leaned in for a slow kiss, much more controlled than their previous ones. 

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I mean…I've never done it before but I want to try it with you," Dean said softly with red flushed cheeks. "Is that okay?"

Castiel nodded more confidently this time and brushed his lips across Dean's cheek. "I'll take care of you."

He felt a small shiver underneath him and then Dean was leaning over to grab the necessary supplies out of the side table drawer. He pushed the small bottle of lube into Castiel's hand and took a deep, settling breath. 

The gel was cold at first so Castiel tried to warm it with his hands before slowly snaking his hand in between Dean's legs and rubbing the pad of his finger against the tight ring of muscle. Dean hissed at the unfamiliar feeling and Castiel felt him start to tense up. 

"Just try to relax, I promise we'll go slowly."

Dean nodded and gripped onto Castiel's shoulders as he started to press his finger further and further until the first knuckle slipped inside. 

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Dean breathed. "Just feels weird."

Castiel pushed his finger the rest of the way in and started to wiggle it around, stretching the area slowly as Dean's body relaxed around him. It was tight and hot and just thinking about how it was going to feel around him had Castiel breaking out in goosebumps. 

Once Dean was ready, a second finger was added and he twisted them around, trying to go as slow as possible. He watched closely for any signs of pain, ready to stop at any moment if need be. Just before deciding to add a third finger, Castiel hooked one to the side in search for a certain spot causing Dean to almost jackknife off the bed.

"Fuck!" Dean groaned as he started to push back again in search for more friction. "I never believed people when they said how good that felt."

Castiel grinned and started thrusting in a third finger, hitting that spot on every other stroke. He leaned down to kiss Dean's forehead as his boyfriend's mouth hung open in a mixture between bliss and what he assumed to be amazement. 

"I'm good Cas, really," Dean panted. "I'm ready."

Just to be sure, Castiel worked his fingers inside Dean a little while longer until a condom was practically pushed in his face. He carefully removed his fingers and ripped the wrapper open with his teeth, unable to keep his hands steady from the anticipation of what was about to happen. 

"Do you want to be on your stomach? I've heard it's easier for the first time."

Dean shook his head and lifted his knees to give better access. "I want to be able to look at you."

Castiel took a shaky breath and grabbed on to Dean's hips as he moved forward, slowly lining himself up and pushing against the ring until he slid all the way in, pressed flush against Dean's ass. 

They both groaned at the sensation and Castiel held as still as possible in order to give proper time to adjust. Dean's eyes were scrunched closed and he was holding onto Castiel's shoulder so hard that he was sure that there would be finger shaped bruises in the morning. He didn't care in the slightest. 

"You're so tight, Dean," Castiel breathed in encouragemnt. "You feel amazing."

Dean nodded in response and started to shift shortly after. "Move," he rasped. 

Needing no further instruction, Castiel pulled back slightly before pushing forward again, setting a slow pace. As much as he'd like to fuck Dean into next week, he didn't think he'd last that long. Hopefully they would have plenty of other opportunities. 

As Dean relaxed even further, he opened his eyes and met Castiel's strong gaze with one of his own. Castiel would later learn to recognize that look as adoration. 

They met each other's thrusts with one of their own and soon enough, the pace started to pick up into something more consistent. Dean was groaning into Castiel's neck every time he was able to hit that certain spot and Castiel moaned every time he felt Dean clench around him in response. 

Dean became more and more vocal as they slid against each other, moving as one, and Castiel knew he was close. He reached forward to pull at Dean's dick and grinned into his neck when he heard an actual whimper. Not more than a half dozen pumps later and suddenly Dean stilled underneath him and let out a silent scream as he came quickly in between them. Castiel wasn't fair behind, suddenly gasping and falling lifelessly on top of Dean as he came into the condom. 

"Jesus," Dean panted. 

Castiel rolled off him and gave a lazy grin. 

"You can call me Cas."


	17. Chapter 17

Weeks went by as December bled into January and before Dean knew it, a new semester was beginning at the university. Ever since the Christmas party, he and Cas had spent nearly every possible moment together. 

Christmas had been a success just as Dean suspected it would be. Sam and Jess had included Cas just like he was a regular member of the family and Cas looked happier than he'd ever seen him. Dean had worried about what to get him as a gift but eventually decided on a leather-bound notebook with a pair of small angel wings branded into the front. Cas had gotten him a new guitar strap with mini Impalas printed on it. 

Since then, they rotated spending nights at each other's apartments, neither able to sleep apart anymore. Dean would get up early to leave for class, careful not to wake Cas as he got showered and made coffee (always making extra for when Cas finally woke up), making sure to give his forehead a kiss before he left. Cas would get back late on nights he worked and made sure to crawl into bed slowly so that he didn't interrupt Dean sleeping. What Cas didn't know was that Dean was usually awake anyway, unable to sleep until he knew that Cas was back safely. 

If neither were working, they often chose to spend their time curled up together on the couch while Dean educated Cas on all the popular movies he'd somehow missed out on. It wasn't unusual for these movie nights to end with both of them naked, spent, and thoroughly satisfied. 

They couldn't keep their hands off each other and Dean didn't mind one bit. 

He was happy. It had gotten to the point where people at work started asking to buy whatever drug he was on. Sure, he still had his problems that needed to be dealt with but Cas made all those things seem not as bad. It sounded like a damn cliché but it was true. He drank less, ate a little better, and his nightmares happened less frequently. When they did cause him to start thrashing in the night, Cas softly woke him up and held on to him until he drifted back to sleep. 

He wasn't falling for Cas anymore. He'd already fallen. Hard. He had basically fallen out of a plane and hit the ground with such force that he felt Cas in his veins. 

Metaphorically though of course because Dean wouldn't be caught dead on a plane. He didn't trust that shit. 

As Dean packed up his things at the end of the day, he was stopped by Victor at the front door. 

"Hey man, how's it going? Ditch any good bachelor parties lately?"

Dean cringed as he remembered that night. He had apologized to Victor since then of course, blaming it on a bad case of food poisoning, but he still liked to tease Dean about it. 

"Funny, you're hilarious."

Victor laughed goodheartedly and slapped him on the back as they walked out to the parking lot together. "Listen, I'm actually glad I caught you on your way out. The English department in the graduate program is looking for a new professor to be the head of all our fiction and writing classes. I may or may not have thrown your name in the mix."

"Wait, seriously?"

"Seriously. I know you've had your eye on that program for a few years and I just thought now might be a good time."

It was true that he'd dreamed of teaching at a higher level one day and being able to have more freedom with his classes but he never thought it would actually happen.   
"I don't know what to say, man. Thank you," Dean said, giving Victor a quick, manly hug. 

Victor smiled as he stopped at his car and tossed his stuff inside. "Don't thank me yet, but when you do get the job, I accept gratitude in the form of alcohol. You should be hearing from someone any day now."

Victor drove off and left Dean to try and figure out what just happened. As he drove home, he probably broke multiple traffic laws in his rush to get home and tell Cas. He opened the front door and found his boyfriend wrapped in a blanket on the couch, squinting at a trashy reality show on the TV screen. 

"How was work?"

Dean dropped his things on the floor and walked over to get under the blankets with him. "Victor put my name in for a promotion at work."

"That's amazing! When do you find out if you got it?"

"Soon I guess? I mean, I'll have to interview for it I'm sure but he said someone should get in touch soon."

Cas leaned in a gave him a deep kiss that he felt all the way down to his toes. 

"I'm so happy for you, Dean," Cas said softly before glancing at the clock. "Speaking of work, I should probably go get ready for my shift. Are you going to come tonight?"

Dean wiggled closer so that he was practically in the other man's lap. "I don't know, Cas. You know I don't have a problem with you doing that but I don't want to watch people throw themselves at you."

"Please?" Cas asked. "I'll wear the fireman's costume you like so much."

How was he supposed to turn down an offer like that?

"Fine," Dean relented. "But I reserve the right to sit closest to the stage and deck anyone that tries to grab at you."

"Please don't punch the clients."

"Can I at least cheer the loudest and let them know you're taken?" Dean pouted. 

Cas grinned and nodded his head. "I'd like that."

After Cas left slightly late for his shift because Dean had clung on to him in an effort to stay under the blankets, Dean grabbed his phone to call Sam back since he's been ignoring him all week.

"Hey, Dean, thank for calling me back. It's nice to know you're not dead," Sam's voice rang out through his cell phone.

"If I was actually dead, Cas would probably let you know."

"That's not reassuring. I just wanted to see how you were doing, I've barely seen you since the party."

Dean chuckled at the memory. "How long did it take to get the whiskers off your face?"

"Too long," Sam grumbled. "I practically had to scrub off my skin so that I could go to court the next week."

"Jess definitely has some balls that's for sure."

"Yeah, lucky me," Sam joked.

"Hey so, how long were you and Jess dating before you moved in together?" Dean asked as he tripped over a pile of Cas' clothes in the bedroom.

"Umm, maybe a year? Maybe more, why?"

"No reason."

Sam made a disbelieving sound. "You're thinking about living with Cas but you're afraid it's too soon."

Damn. He forgot how well Sam knew him sometimes. 

"Uh, maybe," Dean mumbled, realizing that Cas had filled another drawer with his things. 

"If it feels right I think you should go for it," Sam said. "I've never seen you so happy with someone before if that makes a difference."

Dean sat on the edge of the bed and exhaled. "I just don't want him to think I'm moving too fast and freak out."

"Dean, he looks at you like the sun shines out of your ass. Just ask him."

"Maybe I will."

"Either way," Sam started. "it is possible for some things to just be good. No need to complicate them."

Dean thought about Sam's words as he got ready to go see Cas during his shift. He was going to go watch his boyfriend do his job as one of the club's most popular strippers. 

That was a sentence he never thought he'd say. 

Dean walked into the building and saw Pam flirting with a young guy at the bar. He considered getting a drink but decided against it. It was probably best if he were sober for this. 

As he pushed his way towards the front of the stage, angering a few bachelorette parties, he checked the time. Cas had told him specifically when to arrive in order to see the performance. Dean had to steal someone's parking spot to make it in time but he was there now and that's all that mattered. He pulled out the wad of singles he brought as a joke and waited, unconsciously bouncing his knee in anticipation. 

In an effort to pass the time, Dean looked around the room to see what kind of people came to a strip club on a weekday. There were the typical drunken girls who were most likely barely legal and riding the coat tails of their newfound freedom. To his left there was a small group of businessmen who seemed like the kind of guys that lied to their wives about having to stay late at the office. There were a few different men sitting by themselves and it made Dean shiver to think about Cas having to deal with them. They looked like the kind of guys that came to these places because it was the only way they could get any action. 

In other words, they were fucking creepy. 

One of the men in particular caught his eye though. The man was sitting alone at a table not too far from where he was sitting. He was nursing a glass of something and staring at the stage with an unmatched intensity. 

Before Dean could think about it any further, the lights dimmed and Cas strutted out onto the stage. The music blared out of the speakers and he started his routine. Dean watched in awe at Cas' skills on the stage and the way that his personality changed. On stage he became confident, moving his body effortlessly to the beats and practically dripping in sex. It was hot as hell and Dean had to shift a little in his seat to keep the sudden tightness in his pants from showing. No one liked to be the creep that sprung a boner in the front row. 

Cas moved towards the front of the stage and threw a wink in Dean's direction as he continued thrusting his hips. Dean reached up and tucked a few bills into his thong as he watched Cas blush momentarily before slipping back into his stripper persona and moving away to dance on the pole. 

Dean grinned at the others in the audience who didn't get any of Cas' personal attention like he did and noticed the guy from earlier. He had moved closer to the stage now and was staring at Cas like a predator stalked his prey. It was unsettling and Dean was ridiculously close to telling the guy to back the fuck off. 

The music ended and Cas strutted off the stage just in time for the next performance to begin. As Dean leaned back in his chair to wait for Cas' next dance, he heard someone clear their throat at the table next to him. 

"Great performance, huh?

Dean looked over to see the man talking to him with a slimy smile. 

"Uh yeah. He was great."

"You come around here very often? I've never seen you," the man said, taking a slow sip of his drink.

"Not really, I'm just here to watch my boyfriend."

The man's eyebrows shot up as an unreadable expression passed over his sharp features. "You're Castiel's boyfriend?"

The fact that he knew Cas' name startled Dean momentarily. "Yeah, how do you know Cas?" he asked, trying to keep his voice level.

"I book my private appointments with him weekly," the man said in a low voice, clearly trying to get under his skin now that he knew who Dean was. "He's the best one here. Really knows how to get a guy off."

Dean's fists clenched together. "Don't talk about him like that."

"You mean you don't want to hear about the way I pay him to grind on me in his little outfits?"

The man was practically asking to be punched and Dean took a calming breath before he could do anything he'd regret. Don't freak out and get Cas fired. Don't beat the ever-loving shit out of this guy. 

Just as he was about to stand up and give this fucker a piece of his mind, Pam stepped in between them. 

"I'm cutting you off Alistair, go home," she said sternly with her hands on her hips. "Quit harassing Dean."

The man, Alistair, cursed under his breath and stood up to leave. He turned to give Dean one last look before he smirked and walked out the door. 

Pam turned to face Dean with a sympathetic smile. "Sorry about that, the guy's a regular but he always gives me the creeps."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

"Anyway, Castiel wanted me to bring you backstage before his next routine," she said as she pulled him towards the back of the building.

Dean followed her through the dark hallways and tried not to blush as he heard moaning coming out of the rooms they passed. 

"Dean!" Cas called as they entered what looked like a crowded locker room. "I'm so glad you came."

"You were awesome, Cas. I'm glad you talked me into coming," Dean said, ignoring the wave of glitter spray that flew by his face.

"There's someone I want you to meet," Cas said as he pulled a boy forward from the crowd od barely dressed dancers. "Alfie, this is Dean. Dean, meet Alfie."

They boy flung himself at Dean and he had to step back a bit to keep his balance. 

"Thank you so much for writing my letter of recommendation," Alfie exclaimed as he hugged Dean. "I know you don't know me but that was really cool what you did."

"It's no problem," Dean started as they separated. "Cas told me you wanted to go to KU so I'm just glad I could help."

Castiel was beaming at them and it was clear that he had a soft spot for this kid. Something about that made Dean's heart warm even more. 

"Do you think I could come visit campus sometime and you could show me the English department?" Alfie asked.

"Absolutely. Just have Cas give you my number and we can meet up whenever. I'll introduce you to a few of the professors that will be handling your application."

"That sounds amazing!"

A tall brunette wearing red leather and devil horns suddenly walked in to call Alfie to the stage. 

"It was nice meeting you, Dean," Alfie called over his shoulder as he scrambled to grab the rest of his props and run out of the room.

"He seems like a nice kid."

Cas moved towards a locker and starting pulling out another costume to change into. "He really is. Thank you for being so nice to him."

"Of course," Dean said as he watched Cas transform into a sexy lumber jack. Who knew that was a thing? "By the way, I met one of your customers outside and he was really weird. He said you do appointments with him every week?"

"Did you get his name?"

"Uh, Allenster…or something weird like that."

"Alistair?

"Yeah! That was it."

Cas closed the locker to turn back towards Dean. "What did he say to you?"

"Just a bunch of shit really, nothing I couldn't deal with." Dean scrunched up his face at the thought of Cas getting paid to deal with him. "At the risk of sounding completely like the worried girlfriend here, I just really didn't like the way he looked at you. He stared at you like you were just another piece of ass."

Cas snorted and gestured to the thong he had on under his costume. "We're not exactly in the business of modesty here."

"I know that, just be careful okay?"

"You're jealous," Cas grinned. 

"I'm not jealous! I just don't want to share you."

"I'm all yours, Dean," Cas whispered as he leaned in to give him a quick peck on the lips. "You're the one I'm coming home to every night and you're the one that gets to take me apart. Only you."

"Fine," Dean pouted. "I guess I can live with that."

"Good. Now head back out there, it's almost my turn again."

Dean started to back out of the doorway as he grabbed the wad of singles from his pocket and waved them around. "I'm expecting a good show," he joked. "I want to throw around some money."

Cas smiled as he rolled his eyes and pushed him out into the hall.


	18. Chapter 18

Saturday morning found Castiel in the kitchen with tears streaming down his cheeks as he laughed at Dean trying to give Raphael a bath. 

"Goddammit, stop—stop wiggling!" 

The furry creature slipped out of Dean's hands and tried to make a break for it, splashing water all over his shirt. 

"A little help would be nice here."

"No, I think I'm good. It's way more fun watching you try to do it." Castiel leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. 

Dean managed to grab Raphael just as he started to dive off the counter and clutched him to his chest. "Remind me why I agreed to do this?"

"Because you're my super awesome boyfriend and you'd do anything for me," Castiel replied wryly.

Dean's lipped twitched into a smile. "I mean, I am awesome but don't you think the rest is a bit of a stretch?"

Castiel raised his eyebrow and gave Dean a shove.

"Alright you little menace," Dean said to the guinea pig, "Next time you need a bath don't come crying to me. My clothes are soaked."

"I'll go put him back in his cage if you can start cleaning up the water," Castiel said as he reached for Raphael and started down the hall. He should probably grab some clothes for Dean to change into while he was back there. Or you know, he could make Dean walk around with no clothes at all. Yes, that sounded much better.

Castiel walked back into the kitchen and started to dry off the counters, questioning how such a small creature could make such a large mess. When he had first gotten Raphael he had made the mistake of trying to give him baths in a small bowl like numerous websites had suggested. About a minute into it, the bowl had tipped over and the creature had streaked wet through the house for hours. Castiel did bath time in the kitchen sink now. 

"Raphael seems to be growing on you."

Dean peeled off his wet shirt and rang out the water into the sink. "Yeah, he's not too bad. He's too damn cute not to like at least a little bit."

Castiel agreed and picked up the sink's spray nozzle when he had an idea. 

"Hey, so what do you want to—" Dean spluttered as a spray of water hit him in the face. "What the hell?"

"Oops," Castiel said, grinning with the nozzle still clutched in his hand. He squeezed it again, this time hitting Dean square in the chest. 

"Cas, I swear to God."

Castiel sprayed him again in the face.

"Alright, that's it." Dean lunged for the nozzle and ripped it out of his hands as Castiel squeezed it for a fourth time. 

With a triumphant laugh and a shit-eating grin, Dean sprayed Castiel until he was soaked completely through. "How do you like it now?"

Castiel wiped the dripping water off his face and tried to grab the nozzle, laughing as they both kept spraying each other in the struggle. Dean slipped and dragged him down until they were both laying on the kitchen floor in a puddle of water.

"Dude, your kitchen's trashed."

"It's just water," Castiel shrugged as he panted on the linoleum floor. "It won't be hard to clean."

It took them over two hours to clean up all the water. 

Castiel had started regretting the impromptu water fight until he realized how good Dean looked soaked. Nothing about getting Dean Winchester dripping wet could ever be regrettable. 

Once they both got showered and in dry clothes, they laid on Castiel's bed and listened to Raphael squeak in his cage. 

"I think this is your shirt," Castiel murmured when he looked down at what he'd thrown on. "You have a lot of clothes here."

"You have a lot of clothes at my place," Dean countered. 

Castiel scooted closer and buried his face in Dean's chest. "I like wearing your clothes."

Dean was silent for a few minutes and Castiel figured he'd fallen asleep until he felt him start to shift. "Maybe we can just keep all our stuff at one place."

"Huh?" Castiel said intelligently. 

"Like, at one place. Our place."

Castiel propped himself up on to his elbows so he could look at him. "Are you…"

"Move in with me, Cas. Or I could move here, it doesn't matter. Hell, we could live somewhere completely different if that's what you wanted to do."

"You want us to live together?" 

Castiel would be lying if he said he hadn't thought about it but refrained from bringing it up in fear of moving too fast. Pictures flashed through his mind of waking up in Dean's arms, walking into the kitchen to see him making breakfast, hearing him sing off-key in the shower, watching him grade essays in their bed with Castiel draped over him, lazily stroking his thigh. 

"Well, yeah," Dean said hesitantly. "It's just, this is serious, right? You and me?"

Castiel nodded. 

"Good," Dean laughed. "That would have been really fucking awkward if you said no." He pulled Castiel closer until they were sharing the same breath. "I want to live with you. We already spend enough time at each other's places that it wouldn't change much."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

Castiel leaned for a kiss and smiled against his lips. "Let's move in together."

Dean grinned and rolled over so that Castiel was pressed underneath his weight as they continued to make out like a couple of horny teenagers. 

*****

Many hours later, Castiel walked into the club for his evening shift feeling lighter than ever. They had agreed that Castiel would move into Dean's apartment because his lease was up soon anyway. Dean had called Sam shortly after they made the decision and the three of them had started to pack his things that same afternoon. 

It was later that Sam let it slip that Dean had been stressing about asking Castiel. Dean punched him in the arm when he got congratulated for finally growing a pair. 

The three of them spent the rest of the day clearing out space in drawers and designating which side of the closet belonged to who. Castiel was eager to get his shift finished so he could go home to Dean and see what progress had been made while he was gone. 

The night went by fairly quickly and he had made quite a few tips during his dances. It was Ladies Night which meant Army costumes and walking into the crowd to gyrate on chosen audience members. Castiel usually chose the women who tried not to make eye contact with him, determined to embarrass them as much as possible. 

By the end, the women were almost always dancing along with him. 

His private appointments went better than usual as well. One guy just wanted him to dance, another wanted Castiel to bounce on his lap, and another liked it when Castiel touched his feet. All in all, a pretty easy night. 

As he walked into his last appointment, he knew who would be sitting in the chair before he even entered the room. 

"Hello, Castiel."

"Alistair."

"How was your week?"

Castiel stood in the front of the room and sighed. "Let's just start. What will it be tonight?"

"I thought we could chat first."

"About?"

Alistair patted his lap. "Have a seat."

Castiel fought the overwhelming urge to roll his eyes and lifted his legs to sit in a straddle. 

"Good. I have a proposition for you."

"I thought we already discussed that I won't be doing extra things for money."

"No, this is a bit different," Alistair said, smacking his lips. "I would like to offer you a job outside of the club, and before you say no, I already cleared it with your boss."

The thought of Alistair and Crowley making deals about him sent a shiver through his body. "What's the job?"

"You would leave your position here at the club and come work for me. I would pay you to perform for me privately. Possibly at some of the functions I throw but mostly just for me. Think of yourself as…as an in-house dancer."

Castiel felt his eye twitch. "No."

"Now hold on a minute, I would be paying you substantially more than you make here. And besides, I wasn't really asking you, it's almost a done deal," Alistair stated in sharp tone. 

"Crowley agreed to this?"

Alistair nodded and leaned close to his face. "He would be getting paid for releasing your contract."

Castiel felt a wave of nausea roll over him and he wasn't sure whether to be furious about the idea or to feel bad for himself and the fact that he was in this situation in the first place. As much as the money would be nice, there was no way he could justify working for someone like him. And to be a private dancer? He was pretty sure that would involve a lot more than just dancing. 

"I'm saying no."

"You think you're going to work here forever? You think people are going to want to see you on stage when you get older and lose all this?" Alistair sneered, gesturing to Castiel's body. "I would pay you enough that you wouldn't need to worry about that."

Castiel climbed off his lap and backed up towards the wall.

"You think Dean is going to want to stay with you when he learns this is all you're good for?" Alistair continued. "Sure it sounds fun to date stripper at first, but what happens when he starts to be embarrassed by it? What happens when you start to embarrass him, Castiel? I would never be embarrassed by you."

Castiel stood still and tried to think clearly through the blood pulsing through his head. His looked at the wiry man in front of him as he struggled to collect his thoughts. 

"That's right, your little lover boy and I met recently. Quite the handsome one. Shame he has to stoop so low."

When Alistair started to chuckle, Castiel finally found his voice. 

"You need to leave."

Alistair had the nerve to look offended. "Now, now, don't be like that. I'm just trying to help you out."

Castiel cleared his throat and walked towards the door. "Please leave or I'll get security to escort you off the premises."

"Fine. I'll see you next week, Castiel," Alistair said as he abruptly walked past him. "And don't bother trying to get my appointments canceled. Crowley and I go way back."

As soon as he was alone, Castiel grabbed the chair and threw it across the room. The crash was barely heard over the pulsing music from the club. Feeling angrier than he had in years, Castiel flung open the door and walked straight into Crowley's office without knocking. 

"What in the bloody—"

"You made a deal with Alistair? You practically sold me?" Castiel gritted out.

"Castiel, how nice of you to barge in."

"Well?"

Crowley dropped his pen on the desk and pushed back his chair. "Yes. Alistair recently bought a share of the club and that entitles him to any of the contracts. He would simply be buying you out."

"And you don't have a problem with that?"

"Well frankly it's good for business. You're one of our most popular dancers yes, but that only goes so far. You complain about doing privates, you complain about the number of dances you do a night. You refuse to do private parties and that's our top money maker. You aren't worth the hassle and it's not hard to find someone else that can shake their dick in shiny underwear. Besides, the club would be getting compensated for dissolving your contract. It's all about the overhead, darling."

Castiel had stormed in there with uncontrollable rage but with a few sentences, he felt smaller than ever. His thoughts were swimming and he felt that wave of nausea come back. 

No wait, this time it was real. 

Before he could stop it, Castiel suddenly threw up on Crowley's desk and ran out of the office.

By the time Castiel had made it out of the club and into his car, he looked completely disheveled. His hair was crazier than normal, his eyes were red rimmed and he was pretty sure he had put on his pants backwards in the haste to get out. 

Once his heart rate had slowed and he was no longer on the verge of crying, he pulled over onto the side of the road, resting his forehead on the steering wheel. 

Did he really think he could live this lifestyle forever? And what about Dean? No one dreams about dating someone that grinds on people for a living. This whole time Castiel was upset because he didn't want to be bought, treated like property, but in the end wasn't that all he really was? He was in the business of being used and it was his fault. 

He chose this. 

Castiel must have fallen asleep at some point because he suddenly jerked awake to the sound of someone pounding on his window. He rolled down the window in a haze and saw wild green eyes. 

"Cas! Thank God," Dean rushed out as he ripped open the door. "Are you okay? Why didn't you answer your phone?"

Castiel looked over at his cell phone and saw at 27 missed calls. It was 4:30 am. 

"I'm sorry, I… I lost track of time. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

Dean had practically slid into the car with him at this point and was clutching on to him like a life preserver. "What the hell happened? Why are you on the side of the road?"

Had Dean been out searching for him? His stomach dropped as he was hit with an overwhelming sense of failure. Dean had better things to do with his time than stay out all night looking for his stripper boyfriend. 

"I don't want to talk about it here," he said softly. 

"Are you hurt?"

Castiel shook his head and watched a multitude of expressions pass over Dean face. 

"Jesus," Dean breathed. "Don't scare me like that. I thought you were dead in a ditch or something when you didn't come home."

Castiel was in a tug of war between loving the feeling of someone caring about him like that and hating the way he didn't deserve it and it felt a little like drowning. 

After they held on to each other for longer than was probably necessary, Castiel pulled himself together and convinced Dean that he was okay to drive. Once they got home, he took a deep breath and told him all about Alistair and the deal he made with Crowley, minus the parts about Alistair claiming he wasn't good enough for Dean.

"He what?" Dean hissed when Castiel stopped talking to take another sip of coffee. It was his 3rd cup so far but sleep didn't seem to be coming any time soon. 

Dean paced around the kitchen, furiously scrubbing his hand against the back of his neck. "He thinks he can just—you're not—is that even legal?"

"He's technically part owner of the business now," Castiel shrugged. "He's allowed to buy out the contracts."

"Well you said no, right?"

"Of course I said no. I don't know that I have much of a choice though if my job description is changed to being a private dancer." An image flashed through his mind of Alistair's house and Castiel being forced to entertain the man with no security to protect him, no back up if needed. 

"So quit."

"Excuse me?"

Dean walked over to him and grabbed on to his hands. "Quit the job, Cas. That way you aren't an employee anymore and they can't make you do jack shit."

Castiel tried to picture himself living a life that was normal, and didn't involve thongs and body glitter. He frowned in disappointment when he couldn't.

"What would I do for work?"

"I don't know, anything you wanted to do. You could go back to school if you wanted to, you could try writing again. Hell, I don't care if you have to fucking work at McDonald's, anything would be better than this, right? That Alistair guy sounds dangerous."

"I can't afford to go to school, Dean. I'll barely be able to pay my part of the rent working a minimum wage job."

Dean scooted closer and held his gaze. "I can support you. I can support us with my job and my savings. It's not much but it should be enough to float us for a little while. If I get that promotion then I'll be making a lot more anyway."

"I can't ask you to do that." Castiel looked to the floor to avoid the green eyes staring back at him. 

"I want to," Dean insisted, turning so that Castiel was forced to look at him. "I'm in this for the long run, Cas. I'm not going anywhere."

Castiel leaned in for a soft kiss and when their lips touched, he felt drunk off how badly he needed this man. 

"It's going to be okay, Cas," Dean whispered when they finally pulled apart. 

As Castiel allowed himself to be held, he thought maybe he could finally start to believe that for once.


	19. Chapter 19

The wind outside was cold and biting the next afternoon when Dean found himself waiting in a booth for Sam at a local diner. It had been a stressful few days with Cas' situation and preparing for the promotion interview so he had called his brother to get out of the house and unwind. After Cas had finally fallen asleep that morning, Dean had stayed awake and held on to him, unwilling to let him out of his sight. He had been more of a mess than he'd like to admit when Cas disappeared, and to find him in that kind of state had been more than a little unnerving. His blood boiled when he let himself think about how Cas was being treating and an ugly, violent side of him threatened to come out when he thought about him being practically sold. Apparently, Dean hadn't been wearing it well because when Sam suddenly slid in to the other side his eyebrows shot up. 

"Dude, you look like hell."

Dean grimaced and tipped back his drink. "Good to see you too, Sammy."

"Did something happen between you and Cas?" Sam whispered once the waitress left with their order. 

"No, we're…we're good. We're really good." Dean wondered if he looked as head over heels as he felt. 

"Okay, then what? I'll manage to beat it out of you one way or another."

Dean picked at his beer label and decided to go the easy route. "I've just been a little on edge since dad was released." John Winchester had been let out of prison, like a lion from his cage, last week and as much as Cas served as a stress reliever, it was hard to forget. He wasn't completely lying to his brother…just not giving him the whole truth. 

Sam's face switched to something more sympathetic as he nodded grimly. "Yeah, I've been thinking about it a lot too. You going to see him?"

They had each received a message from John through his lawyer, requesting that they meet up and have a chance to discuss the past. He'd thrown the letter away as soon as he read it. 

"Probably not," Dean sighed. "You?"

Sam shrugged and stared at the table. "Probably not."

Before either had a chance to talk about it any further, the food was delivered and they both tore in to it. 

Cas had given Dean permission to tell Sam about the stripping so that he could have someone else to talk to about it but that was easier said than done. 

"So what's Cas been up to now that he's not working at the university anymore?" Sam asked around a mouthful of salad. 

Well, that was as good of an opening as any. 

"He's been working a lot but I think he's about to quit his job," he said hesitantly. 

"I thought he was a writer."

"He was—is. He is," Dean corrected. Here goes nothing. "He's been working as a stripper."

Sam choked on his food and they had to wait a few minutes before he finally caught his breath and the color returned to his face. "You're kidding me, right?"  
Dean shook his head.

"You're…you're dating a stripper?"

"Don't talk about him like that's all he is. It's just a job." Dean took a drink of his beer and watched Sam try to work through it. It suddenly dawned on him that he might be forced to choose between the two if his brother decided to hate Cas. 

Sam scooted his plate to the side and placed his hands on the table, leaning in like they were talking about government secrets. "Wow. Ok, um. Carver Edlund is a stripper," he laughed, a little too hysterically to be considered normal. "My brother is living with one of my favorite authors who just so happens to strip for a living." He signaled for the waitress and ordered a glass of the strongest alcohol they had. Dean figured that now was as good a time as any to spill out the rest of the story as well.

Over the next hour, Dean told his brother everything that had happened. He told him about the ill-fated bachelor party, Cas' childhood, the reason he had been stuck doing it for so long, and most importantly, Alistair and the contract. 

"Shit," Sam huffed as he took another sip of whiskey. Why a diner had whiskey available, Dean wasn't sure he wanted to know. "That's messed up."

"Right?" Dean agreed a little hysterically, nursing the last bit of his beer.

"It's legal though. Technically if this Alistair guy really is part owner of the club then he does have part control over the contracts. If he decides to buy Cas' contract and change the terms of service, then it's completely out of his control."

"It sucks," Dean breathed. "But Cas is quitting to get out of it so at least that's something. I don't like him having to work around all those creeps. You should have seen it, Sammy. I went to visit him and watch the routine and all these people just looked at him like he was a piece of meat. Like that was all he was good for."

Sam cringed. "What's he going to do now though?"

"Go back to school hopefully. Then he can do whatever he wants. Or you know, maybe I can get him to start writing again? That makes him really happy but for some reason he can't bring himself to do it."

"But how are you going to support the both of you?" 

That right there was a minor speed bump in the plan. He had been confident in convincing Cas that it would be no problem but if he was honest with himself, it was a bit of stretch. Getting that promotion into the graduate program would make it a hell of a lot easier but either way, he'd do whatever he needed to get Cas back on his feet.

That he was sure of. 

"I'll figure it out."

Sam looked at him skeptically but thankfully didn't push the issue. "Teenage you would have lost his mind if he found out he'd be dating a stripper later in life," he chuckled. 

Dean huffed out a laugh. "Seriously."

"Oh, I meant to ask you," Sam started, "Is Cas coming to the wedding? Jess is trying to get the numbers for seating charts or something and I kind of keep forgetting to give her my list."

"Yeah, he said he would." Dean stole a fry off Sam's plate. "Personally, I just want to see him in a tux," he winked.

"Good to know," Sam said dryly. "I can't believe I'm getting married so soon, you know? Like, just practically yesterday I was proposing and now she's ordering her dress and talking flowers and it's only a few months until she'll be my wife."

"You regretting it?"

Sam shook his head and considered his words. "It's just, I met her at some random Halloween party that I didn't even want to go to and she was the most gorgeous girl I'd ever seen. I never could have imagined that the sexy nurse I saw that night would end up being my best friend, my wife, my family, and you know, eventually the mother of my children. It's just crazy how things work like that sometimes."

Dean nodded and thought about the first time he'd seen Cas, the mysterious writer with the poorly fitting trench coat and perpetual bedhead. His eyes were their own shade of blue and he always seemed to be squinting at something when Dean would stumble over his words. Dean remembered the first time they went to lunch and how utterly nervous he was, completely sure that he was making a fool of himself. Honestly, he probably was. It was a weird and terrifying and startling thought to think that maybe one day they'd be telling someone about how they met, how they knew they were the one. 

Sam coughed and pulled Dean out of his thoughts, "I gotta head back, Jess is making dinner. Good luck with Cas' situation though, let me know if there's something I can do to help."

They said their goodbyes and Dean headed back to his apartment. He couldn't stop grinning whenever he remembered that Cas lived there too now and he cursed at himself for not manning up and having the guts to ask him sooner. 

"Cas," Dean called as he walked through the front door. "What do you want to do for dinner?" 

He walked further into the room and smelled something delicious coming from the kitchen. Soon after they started dating Cas almost set his apartment on fire trying to make toast and Dean had forced him to start watching cooking tutorials on YouTube. He wasn't half bad now so he often found his boyfriend in the kitchen, trying out new recipes.

"I made dinner for us, as a thank you," Cas said, suddenly appearing out of nowhere, dressed in dark jeans and grey shirt that made Dean's mouth water more than the food. 

"For what?"

"For just being you," Cas replied. "For being so supportive and amazing."

Dean leaned in to give him a kiss and tasted something sweet on his lips. 

"I also made pie," Cas whispered. 

"I should be awesome more often," Dean groaned. "But really, you didn't have to do this."

Cas pulled away and went back to working in the kitchen. "I wanted to. If it makes you feel better, think of it as a celebration of one of our first nights in our home together. I also have a surprise for you later."

Dean sat down at the kitchen table and moaned appreciatively at the plate of food that sat in front of him. "Can I have a hint?"

"Drink up," Cas nodded towards the coffee mug set on the table. "You're going to need your energy."

With a quick wink, Cas started eating his food and pretending like he didn't just light Dean's entire body on fire. 

Dean coughed and tried to focus on the small talk (weather, Sam, the fruits that were in season, Cas' plan to start a garden) but he found himself getting distracted every time Cas licked his lips. After Cas licked sauce off his lip without breaking eye contact, he was sure he was being teased on purpose. 

"So uh," Dean started desperately when Cas went to clear their plates. "Do I get the surprise now?" His pants were embarrassingly tight and he was pretty sure he started sweating already out of sheer anticipation. 

Cas grinned like he knew exactly what he was doing to him, the little fucker, and crossed his arms. "Go meet me in the bedroom. I'll be there in a few minutes."

Dean tripped in his hurry to get out of the chair and down the hall, hands already fumbling at his own zipper. Might as well save time, right?

He was laying on the bed, pants around his knees, when he looked up and felt his jaw drop. 

Cas was standing in the doorway in a fireman's costume. The same one he wore at the club the first time Dean saw him. 

He imagined that this is what having an aneurism felt like. 

Dean moved his mouth to say something but all that came out was an extremely unmanly squeak. 

"Get naked," Cas said as he walked into the room to stand above him. "Now."

Dean blinked and scrambled to undress, never more desperate to lose his clothes in his life. He heard something rip but didn't pay any attention to it, eyes never leaving the blue ones that seemed to devour him. 

Once he was completely undressed, Cas looked amused and proceeded to straddle him, rough material against soft skin in a way that had Dean struggling to breath.   
"I thought we could have some fun tonight," Cas whispered, running his fingers over Dean's bare chest. "Does that sound alright?"

Dean nodded frantically and felt his breath hitch as fingers squeezed his right nipple.

Cas leaned forward until his lips brushed against Dean's ear. "If at anytime you want me to stop, just say so. I'll stop." He leaned back and gave a meaningful look before continuing on. "This is about you tonight, I'm going to take you apart piece by piece until I have you screaming for it, until you're screaming my name," he said with a slow grind. 

This version of Cas was hot as hell and he was prepared to hold on for dear life. 

"Think you can do that for me, Dean? Think you can beg for it?" 

Cas thrusted against him a little harder this time and Dean had to grab on to the costume to keep a hold of himself. 

When it was apparent that Dean was in no shape to answer, Cas slowly peeled off his jacket and tossed it aside, revealing his tight muscles moving under the suspenders. He continued to grind as he slipped off the first strap and let it hang down. When Dean lifted a hand to rub it against him, Cas pushed it off and leaned forward. 

"No touching."

Dean closed his eyes at the friction and determined that he'd never seen anything so hot in his damn life.

Cas kept up a steady rhythm until Dean was panting and grabbing ahold of the bedsheets. He was dangerously close to coming right then and there and that certainly was not an option. 

He felt a wet kiss on his throat and hummed at the contact. Cas was grinding even harder now and beginning to bite a red mark into his skin. Just as Cas slowly removed his pants, Dean's resolve broke and his hands sprang up to palm at the bulge in Cas' boxers. 

Dean heard a strangled sigh and suddenly the pressure on top of him was gone. Cas had gotten up and was reaching for something underneath the bed. When he finally stood to hold up a pair of fuzzy handcuffs, Dean's mouth went dry. 

"Recognize these?" Cas asked as he climbed back on Dean's body. "These were the same ones you found that night all those months ago. Who would have thought this is where we'd end up?"

Cas moved the cuffs towards Dean's hands and started to fasten them to the iron-wired head board. "You broke the rule and couldn't keep your hands to yourself," he whispered as he secured them. "Don't worry though, this just makes it more fun."

Dean swallowed and watched as Cas resumed his position, dragging himself across his body. 

"God, you're so hot like this," Cas said, voice starting to waver. "All tied up for me." He pulled down his boxers and threw them aside, dick springing up against his stomach.

Dean felt himself tug at the restraints, desperate to have his hands on Cas. "I wanna touch you," he rasped. 

Cas grinned and leaned down to lick a stripe up his throat. "All in due time." 

He continued to work his tongue down Dean's body, lapping at his nipples until Dean squirmed under the touch. He licked and kissed across Dean's hipbones, nipping small bites into the sides until they were clearly marked. He continued down the trail of hair and across his scar. He kissed his way down his thighs and sucked into the skin, murmuring how beautiful Dean was as he did it. 

By the time Cas was kissing the backs of his knees, Dean twisting and pulling and struggling to keep his breathing steady. It felt like every atom inside of him had been lit on fire, like his veins were about to explode from pure desire. 

Just as Dean was sure he couldn't take anymore, Cas licked a wet stripe up his shaft. 

Cas started at the base and kissed his way to the top. Sometimes hard, sometimes light, each time wetter than the last. He licked the tip and worked his tongue into the slit, sending Dean into a frenzy. Cas placed his hands on Dean's thighs as he took him as far as he could go, hollowing out his cheeks on the way down. He sucked and sucked until Dean was sure his brain was being sucked out too, suddenly popping off with a sound that would put most porn stars to shame. 

"So good," Cas groaned as he dove in for a fierce kiss. Dean could taste himself on the other man's tongue and it turned him on way more than he thought was possible.   
He got lost in the kiss and moaned as their tongues fought with each other, both desperate to touch as much of each other's mouth as possible. Dean licked the roof of Cas' mouth and did an internal fist pump when he felt the other man shiver. 

Dean was so lost in the taste that he barely noticed his legs being lifted and thrown over Cas' shoulders. He did notice, however, when a lubed finger started pressed against the crease of his ass.

"You're so good for me, Dean," Cas whispered as his finger slid in the rest of the way. "Opening up for me so nicely."

Dean groaned at the intrusion and desperately pushed back, trying to get more friction.

"Needy aren't you?" Cas moved his finger in and out slowly until a second was added. "You want my cock, Dean? Want me to fill you up until you can't breathe? Until you're split open and begging for more?"

Cas crooked his finger against the bundle of nerves and Dean moaned like he was being paid for it. He wasn't even embarrassed at the sounds coming out of his mouth at this point. All he could think about was Cas and how he'd never been more desperate to get fucked in his life. 

"Come on, Cas," Dean panted. "Hurry up."

Cas slipped in a third finger and quickly worked him open, breathing hard against Dean's neck. From the steady drip of pre-come dripping on to his stomach, it looked like Cas was getting desperate too. 

After what could have been days, hours, or minutes, Cas finally pulled back and slid a condom over his flushed cock, moving in to position against Dean.   
With one swift push, Cas slid all the way in until he bottomed out.

"Shit," Dean groaned, pulling against the handcuffs as Cas rocked against him. There wasn't much time to adjust but he didn't care. He needed Cas, and he needed him fucking yesterday. 

"That's perfect, Dean, you're so perfect," Cas babbled against his neck. "I love how tight you are." 

Cas set up a brutal pace and had Dean's whole body sliding back with every thrust. The handcuffs were sure proving their strength because Dean's arms felt like they were about to get yanked off. 

Overwhelmed with the sensation, Dean moved his head to kiss Cas, jaw slacking as his prostate was hit every time. 

"I have to touch you, Cas, please," Dean practically begged. "I need—ah—I need to…"

Cas reached up a hand and snapped open the release just as he changed his angle, sending Dean into even more of a mess. 

As soon as his hands were released, he clawed at Cas, touching every part of him possible, feeling like he was touch starved and Cas' skin was the cure. 

"Cas," Dean breathed. 

Cas lifted his head and looked at Dean, both of them staring at each other with revelation. They slowed down as Cas pushed a piece of hair off Dean's forehead, grinning down at him. 

Just as soon as it started, the moment was over and Cas delivered another brutal thrust against him. Dean cried out, feeling like his entire body was a lit up like a live wire. 

"Harder," Dean groaned. "Come on Cas, I know you can do better than that. Fuck me like you mean it."

An inhuman sound ripped from Cas' throat as his slammed into Dean, the sound of flesh slapping against flesh becoming increasingly more obscene.

Dean was sure he would be walking funny tomorrow, if he could even walk at all, but that didn't matter. He was getting fucked 6 ways to Sunday and he liked it. 

Cas' breathing was becoming progressively more erratic and he bit down on Dean's lip, hard enough to draw blood. "Come Dean, you can come, I've got you," he panted into Dean's mouth. "You look so perfect like this, so perfect on my cock, you take it so good, say my name, Dean."

"Cas," Dean groaned with each thrust. "Cas, Cas, I—" 

He felt himself tensing up and let out a strangled moan as he started shooting thick, white, stripes in between their writhing bodies. He came more than he thought was possible as his version blurred and his entire body shook. Cas held on to him and mumbled a litany of endearments against his ear until he stilled and whined into Dean's neck, filling the condom that separated them. Cas collapsed on top of him panting like he'd run a marathon. 

It was awhile before either of them moved.

Dean may have passed out, body unable to keep up with the exhaustion, and he already started to feel the tightness in his muscles that would make getting around tomorrow difficult. 

"Holy shit," Dean breathed. 

Cas chucked on top of him and breathed. "Holy shit indeed."

As Cas rolled off and disposed of the condom, Dean looked at the red rings around his wrists. 

"Did I hurt you?" Cas asked, crawling back into bed and rubbing his thumb against the red spots. 

"No, I mean, it was a good hurt," Dean replied. "Where the hell did all that come from?"

Cas blushed, something that was surprising based on what had just happened, and smiled. "I just thought I'd try it out. You seemed to like it," he said, eyes flicking to the ridiculous amount of come drying on Dean's stomach. 

"That is an understatement," Dean chuckled. "You were fucking hot babe."

Dean quickly wiped himself off with a tissue and crawled against Cas, wrapping him in his arms. They desperately needed a shower but that was just going to have to wait until morning. 

"You've got a filthy mouth, Cas," Dean joked, kissing his forehead. "I like it."

Cas pulled him closer and buried his face in Dean's neck. "I'll have to remember that."

As Dean listened to Cas' breathing get more and more steady as he drifted asleep, he suddenly wasn't afraid to name the warm feeling that creeped over every part of his body like a wild fire. 

He was in love.


	20. Chapter 20

Castiel sat in the university hallway trying to look inconspicuous as he waited for Dean to finish with his interview. He wasn't exactly a professor there anymore and he didn't want to be mistaken as one of the creepy men that sat around campus to gawk at the students. Dean had claimed that he didn't need the moral support but when Castiel had insisted, the look of relief on his face was apparent. 

He glanced at his watch again and sighed, hopefully only having to wait a few more minutes. As he watched the students walk by, he couldn't help but wonder what he would have been like in college. Maybe he would have been like the student sitting by themselves at a nearby table, strung out of coffee and on the verge of crying over an excessively large textbook. He looked to another table and saw a young girl who appeared to have just woken up, wearing pajamas and drooling on her hand. There was a group of students who looked a bit edgy for his taste, multi-colored hair and enough hardware on their face to set off a metal detector. 

Castiel chuckled at the thought of himself trying to navigate the college world at his age and turned his attention back to the game of Tetris on his phone. Despite his efforts, the thoughts persisted and he looked back up at the crowd. If he had gone to school, became a writer or some other profession, would he have met Dean? Or did they meet because of the lack of impressive things he had done with his life? The Supernatural series having only been born out of the struggle of his younger years, floundering around with no parents, no education, and not much money or skills to his name. 

Before his thoughts could spiral too far, he felt Dean's phone vibrate in his pocket. He had offered to hold on to it during the interview to keep Dean from being tempted to constantly check it, one of the habits he had been trying to break. 

Out of either curiosity or boredom, he couldn't be sure, he opened it up to a message from Sam. 

 

S: Got another message from Dad. Maybe think about meeting with him? Might be good for you both.

 

Feeling guilty about reading the message, Castiel quickly tucked the phone back in his pocket and crossed his arms. He'd heard bits and pieces about Dean's and Sam's father over the past few months but nothing concrete. The only thing he knew was that they didn't have much of a relationship anymore and that he was recently released from prison. In terms of what the charges were for, he wasn't sure. From the way Dean flinched whenever Castiel went near the scar on his stomach, he had an ugly suspicion about what it might be.

Of course Castiel wanted to know more about the situation (they were dating after all), but he didn't want to push it. He knew from personal experience that it was better for Dean to be able to tell him in his own time rather than having it forced out of him. Castiel only wished he knew what caused Dean to have such violent nightmares.   
As he tapped his foot in concentration, his eye caught a glimpse of Dean exiting a conference room and shaking the hands of several professors with a big smile on his face. Castiel waited for the other men to leave before practically jogging over there with an expectant look. 

"Well?"

"I got it!" Dean beamed. "They said I had a lot to offer the program and gave me the job on the spot."

Castiel swept him into a massive hug and ignored the odd looks they were getting. "I'm so happy for you! I know you really wanted it."

Dean grinned and kissed the side of his cheek. "Thanks for waiting for me. I know it was probably pretty boring but it helped knowing you were out there."

"Of course."

The two headed outside into the cold and climbed into the Impala. 

"Let's go get burgers to celebrate," Castiel said, trying to brush the snow out of his hair. "We can even order pie."

"You had me at burgers. Do you still have my phone? I wanna text Sammy the good news."

Castiel pulled it out of his pocket and bit his lip. "You have a message from Sam. I may have opened it, I'm sorry."

Dean gave him a questioning look before reading the message and giving a small nod. "It's fine," he coughed. "I'm not mad."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Castiel asked hesitantly, knowing what the answer would be but feeling it needed to be said anyway. 

"Uh, no. Not right now."

Castiel nodded and watched the snow fall outside as they drove in peaceful silence. He'd learned long ago that sometimes it was fine to just let things be and not feel like he needed to fill the quiet moments with mindless small talk. He appreciated that they were secure enough to understand that as it gave him time to think. 

Later that day he headed in to Heaven and Hell to clean out his locker and officially quit. He had called Balthazar to come meet him for backup in case he ran into any trouble which was possible considering that he still hadn't said anything about it to Crowley. 

"Cassie! Long time no see darling, I was beginning to think I'd been replaced," Balthazar called out as he walked into the locker room. 

"If I replaced you then who would I have to harass me?" Castiel replied dryly, shaking out the glitter from his clothes.

"This is true. I'm irreplaceable." Balthazar checked his hair in the mirror and turned back towards the pile of things spilling out of Castiel's locker. "Who knew you were capable of hoarding so much crap? Seriously, who needs a rubber chicken?" he asked holding out the offending item.

Castiel cringed when he remembered the sexy farmer routine he was forced to do a few years back. "It's not of import."

Balthazar tossed the chicken into the trash and helped pack the clothing into a small duffle bag. "Crowley's going to shit his pants when you tell him you're quitting. You know that right?"

Castiel swallowed. 

"But I've got to say, I didn't think you had it in you," Balthazar continued. "I mean, I know you're basically being forced to do it but still…it's not going to be pretty."  
The other dancers startled to trickle in for their shift and the two quickly stuffed the rest of the locker's contents into the bag before carrying it out into the hallway.   
"You'll be fine, Cassie," Balthazar reassured him. "I'll be waiting out here when you're done."

Castiel gave him a small smile, thankful to have a friend there that actually cared about his well-being. 

He straightened up and knocked on the office door.

"What?" Crowley's voice barked. 

Balthazar winced, gave a thumbs up, and pushed him inside. 

"Do you mind telling me why you aren't in your costume yet?" Crowley asked. "Have you decided you're too good for it?"

Castiel took a cautious step forward and planted his feet. "I quit."

"Come again?"

"I said, I quit," he repeated with more force. "I wanted to let you know that I've already cleared out my locker and will be leaving immediately."

Crowley bolted up from his chair and locked Castiel in a nasty stare. "And what in the bloody hell possessed you to think that was a good idea?"

"I have no interest in becoming Alistair's private dancer so I don't believe this club is the right place for me anymore."

"You don't think it's the right place for you?" Crowley scoffed. "You think you have options? Are you too good for this place now?"

"I'm going to go back to school," Castiel mumbled. 

Crowley letting out a sharp huff of laughter and shook his head. "I gave you a job when no one else would hire your pathetic ass and this is how you repay me? I'm going to lose a shit ton of money now because of you." 

Before Castiel could respond, Alistair walked in office and stopped. "I'm I interrupting something?"

"Go on," Crowley motioned. "Tell him."

Castiel bit the side of his cheek and turned to the man in question. "I'm quitting."

A multitude of expressions crossed Alistair's face but the one that stuck was ugly. "Oh Castiel, I don't think that's a wise decision."

Crowley walked in front of Castiel and gave him a once over, scoffing in disgust. "If you excuse me, I need to inform Ruby that she'll be taking over your slots indefinitely. Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

Castiel watched him leave and flinched when he turned to see that Alistair was still standing disturbingly close to him. 

"Come work for me," Alistair leered. "I'll raise your pay and make it worth your time. Think of how good we could be together without all of the pesky club rules getting in the way." 

Castiel tried not to dry heave from the other man's breath and shivered when he felt a bony finger trail across his cheek. He stepped backwards and headed towards the door. "Goodbye, Alistair," he gritted out. 

"Castiel," Alistair called, a nasty tone replacing the previously softer one. "You're going to regret this. You're going to realize that you're just stripper trash waiting to be thrown to the curb any day now."

Castiel took one last look at the man with the yellow smile and suspicious eyes before turning towards the door, grabbing on to Balthazar and running before he had a chance to believe him. 

*****

Dean was playing with Raphael, more like trying to pry him out of the cage, while he waited for Cas to get back. As shitty as the situation was, he was glad it provided the chance for Cas to get the hell out of that club. Hopefully his bosses didn't give him too much trouble about it. 

When Raphael bit his finger again he rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone, scrolling through different apps to keep him entertained. He didn't want to start a movie until Cas got back and he was too tired to do much of anything else. 

He scrolled through his emails and smiled when he saw the official job offer from the graduate program. It was going to mean working longer hours and having a lot less free time but that would be fine for now. Cas would understand, and besides, the extra income was going to make supporting them both a lot easier. 

He started to go through his text messages next, stopping when he got to the one from Sam earlier in the day. He's not exactly sure how he felt about his brother's change of heart but he knew he meant well. Sam probably figured that it would help Dean out in the long run to start putting that night behind them. It never ceased to amaze him how Sam always seemed to be the one looking out for him, even though he was the younger one. 

A few months ago Dean would have never considered seeing his dad again. Never in a million years. Now though, he had Cas and was happier. Maybe that's all he needed to give him the extra boost. 

He started taking funny pictures of Raphael with his camera phone as Cas flew through the door. 

"Whoa, babe, where's the fire?" he joked, walking over to grab Cas' duffle bag and cursing when he saw a pained expression on his face. "Shit, what happened?"

Cas plopped down on the bed and sighed. "Crowley was not pleased and neither was Alistair. Things got a little heated."

Dean noticed his voice sounded slightly off but didn't push it. "I'm sorry," he said softly, leaning down to kiss his forehead. "What do you need?"

"You," Cas smiled and pulled Dean down on to the bed with him. 

Dean buried his face in Cas' neck. "At least you're out now, right? No more sketchy contracts. You can do whatever you want."

Castiel nodded but didn't say anything and Dean decided to let the issue rest as they laid together in silence. 

Before too long, they'd moved to the couch and ate dinner in front of the TV. Castiel had insisted on some trashy reality show he'd gotten hooked on and Dean refused, claiming that it was going to turn Cas into a diva if he watched too much of it. They settled on Dr. Sexy reruns and Dean convinced Cas to buy cowboy boots and a lab coat to wear for his next birthday. That conversation quickly resulted in both of them panting and naked, sprawled out on the couch with the TV still playing in the background. After a few hours, Dean felt himself being pulled up and dragged into bed, a soft kiss on his forehead and a warm body move close behind him. 

Dean opened his eyes and was in the kitchen of one of the houses they'd moved into when he was younger. Glass was shattering somewhere close to him but as he tried to move, an invisible force slammed him against the wall and ripped his shirt. 

He screamed. 

He screamed for help, somebody, anybody, but no one came. No one came to his rescue as dishes were flung at his head and tables were flipped in his direction. When he started bleeding he wasn't sure where it was coming from but in a blink of an eye he was covered in it, sliding down to the floor in a puddle of his own blood. 

There was another voice calling out but it was distant. It felt like he was underwater and everything was muffled. It sounded like someone was calling his name but as he looked around frantically, he was completely alone. 

He managed to pull himself towards the front door but the door knob was too hot, burning his hand at the touch. A pair of hands grabbed his back and flung him against the window, shattering it on impact. His hands shot up to defend himself but no matter how many times he swung at nothing, the blows kept coming. One to his jaw. The next to his stomach. He felt a rib crack and coughed at the searing pain. 

The voice was louder now, clearer by the minute. 

He coughed up his own blood and stood to follow the voice just as a sharp pain cut across his stomach.

"Dean! Dean, wake up!"

Dean's eyes shot open and he gasped for air, clinging on to the voice. 

Cas. It was Cas. 

His vision focused and he saw a pair of frantic blue eyes staring back at him. "It's okay, you're okay now. I'm here, you're safe."

Cas kept repeating a string of comforting phrases as he clung on to him and Dean closed his eyes to ground himself. That was the 3rd nightmare this week, always the same. 

When they started months ago they were choppy, bit and pieces of a memory but they've gotten so clear now that it had him shaking long after he'd woken up. 

"That was a bad one," Cas said softly. 

Dean snorted at how pathetic he must seem right then and groaned at the embarrassment. 

Cas pulled him closer and wiped the sweat off his face. "Do you want to go back to sleep?"

Yes. Yes, he did. More than anything. But Dean knew this could only last for so long. He could only expect Cas to stay and get slapped awake in the middle of the night for so long before he couldn't take it anymore and called Dean insane. Or worse, got up and left. 

"My dad didn't always know I liked guys," he said quietly.

Cas stilled but stayed silent, letting Dean go at his own pace. 

"I was your typical high school jock, real cliché I know, but it was what he liked. I brought home girls and he'd pat me on the back and hand me a beer. He wasn't there most of the time though and home was usually a crusty motel room but sometimes we were in a house. Sometimes he was there."

Dean looked over at Cas and was met with a small smile encouraging him to continue. 

"When he wasn't there, I hooked up with a lot of guys. I wasn't ashamed of it but I knew better than to do it in front of his face," Dean chuckled bitterly. "I remember one time I broke curfew, which was ridiculous because he wasn't around to parent enough to give me a curfew but anyway, I got home late and he backhanded me across the face so hard I passed out. He was drunk at the time but…still."

Cas inhaled a quick breath and squeezed Dean's hand tighter. He needed to keep talking if he was going to get through this. 

"Anyway, in high school I dated a guy named Aaron. It wasn't serious but we had a good time. Granted most of it was spent in the back of the Impala but, that's not important. That night dad was supposed to take Sammy to the movies but it was cancelled or something and they got back early. Dad saw me in the backseat with Aaron and all Hell broke loose."

Dean's voice got increasingly unsteady as he went on but Cas held him closer and closer until their noses were almost touching. 

"He ripped open the door and dragged my ass inside, going on about how he wouldn't have a cock sucking fag for a son, how there must be something wrong with me because only sick people liked that kind of thing. He beat the crap outta me, Cas. I remember Sammy screaming for him to stop and me screaming for help but he just kept wailing on me. It was like something in him just broke that night and he couldn't hold it back anymore."

Dean lifted the edge of his shirt up and watched as Cas ran his fingers over the puckered scar on his stomach. 

"Towards the end of it all he grabbed an old, rusty tire iron we had lying around a swung it at me. The edge of it cut right through and that was one of the last things I remember. Next thing I knew I was in a hospital and dad was locked up on account of child abuse charges. Apparently one of the neighbors heard all the screaming and called the cops."

They were both quiet for a long time until Cas scooted down and left a line of soft, tender kisses across the scar and back up his body. 

"I'm so sorry, Dean. Thank you for telling me," he whispered against his mouth. 

Dean gave a weak smile. "Sammy thinks I should go talk to him."

"Do you want to?"

"Not particularly but maybe it'll help or something. Like closure."

Cas nodded and leaned back. "I'll go with you if you want, if that makes it easier."

"You would do that?"

"Of course. I'd do anything for you."

Dean closed his eyes and decided it was worth a try. Maybe his dad had changed after all these years? Either way, with Cas by his side, it was a chance he was willing to take.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning--graphic rape scene in the second half of this chapter

Dean gripped his steering wheel tightly, absentmindedly tapping his fingers to the sounds of AC/DC playing in the background. The Impala had been in park for at least 10 minutes, he and Cas both sitting in silence. 

"Are you ready?" Cas asked softly, placing a comforting hand on Dean's thigh. 

Dean exhaled shakily. "Five more minutes."

Cas nodded and turned up the music. 

They were sitting outside a local coffee shop waiting to meet with the newly freed John Winchester. Sammy had been happy that Dean agreed to a meeting but urged him to remain cautious. Neither knew whether their father was the same man he'd been all those years ago. 

In hindsight, Dean realizes it might not have been the best idea to bring his boyfriend along to see his homophobic father but he would just have to deal. Cas would keep Dean grounded and if his dad had a problem with that then that was just too damn bad. Dean wasn't hopeful about repairing their relationship anyway. 

When the five minutes were over, Cas opened Dean's door and pulled him out of the car, a soft hand on his lower back to guide him into the building. 

John Winchester wasn't hard to spot. Over 6 feet of bulky muscle stood out easily among the crowd of hipster college students. If Dean were in a better mood, he would have laughed at how out of placed his dad seemed. 

"I'll be with you the whole time," Cas reassured in his ear. 

Dean swallowed thickly and walked up to his father. 

"Dean," John smiled as he stood up, unsure of what to do with his hands. "Thanks for agreeing to meet with me, son." His eyes flicked over Cas quickly as they all sat down in a corner booth. 

"Um, how have you been?" Dean asked lamely. He was back from prison, not some tropical vacation. Dean started tapping his foot out of pure nerves and felt Cas' hand rest on his knee under the table to stop him. 

"Good. I've been good. Had a lot of time to think, you know?"

Dean watched his dad closely, waiting for the other foot to drop, for him to start yelling, or at the very least for him to slap Dean on the back and tell him to raise his chin like a man. None of those things happened. Prison seemed to work for him oddly enough, the alcohol induced haze having cleared from his eyes and his perpetual beer belly having tightened into muscle. 

The sound of a mug shattering against the floor pulled Dean out of his thoughts and snapped him back into reality. 

"Who's your friend?" John asked, giving a speculating glance over towards Cas. 

When it became clear that Dean was incapable of answering, Cas cleared his throat and offered his hand. "Castiel Novak, it's nice to meet you Mr. Winchester."

John barked a short burst of laughter and took his hand, looking over at Dean. "I get it, you had to bring one of your buddies for backup just in case. I deserve that, it's fine."

Cas tensed next to Dean and gave him a look that seemed to say, It's up to you.

Dean awkwardly placed a hand on Cas' knee and watched his dad track the movement. "Cas is, ah, Cas is my boyfriend."

The faintest of twitches passed across John's face. A blink, and Dean would have missed it. He could hear his heart beating in his ears. 

"Well," John drawled. "How about that?"

Cas and Dean glanced at each other with a confused expression. 

 

"So," John continued. "How's Sam?"  
"Wait, what?" Dean interrupted. "How's Sam? Did you miss the part where I said I was dating a guy?"

John coughed and gave Dean a leveling stare. "That's fine with me," he said simply.

"Since when?" Dean scoffed.

"Since I had time to think about it, son. It's fine."

Dean stared at his father with disbelief. Anger, he had been expecting. A violent outburst that drew everyone's attention in the room? Sure. Coffee thrown in his face? Stranger things have happened. But acceptance? No, that was the only thing Dean didn't prepare for and it didn't sit right with him. No one changes that much. 

Ever the people pleaser, Cas jumped in to carry the conversation when the tension between the two Winchester's was too much to bare. 

Dean pulled himself back into the conversation in time to hear his dad ask about Sam again. 

"You're going to have to ask him yourself," Dean replied. "I don't know if he's decided whether or not to meet with you."

John nodded and took a long chug of coffee. "I don't blame him. The kid was too young to see everything he did."

"I was a kid too, dad," Dean scoffed and reached for Cas' touch. 

"I'm sorry about that, Dean, I really am. I'm sober now, 6 years."

"That's a great accomplishment," Cas chimed in. "You should be really proud of that."

When Cas looked away to drink his tea, John gave him an unreadable look that didn't sit right with Dean. 

"So, about that restraining order…" John started. "Sam's office sent me the papers in the mail."

"Uh yeah, I haven't signed it yet so it's not in effect."

"Well it's up to you but I'd really like the chance to catch up with you and Sam, maybe start to make things right."

Dean looked down at the table and felt a migraine coming on. "I'll let you know."

With that, the three of them stood up to say their goodbyes and Dean watched his father shake Cas' hand with a bit too much enthusiasm to be genuine.  
"Well that wasn't too bad," Cas said as soon as they got into the Impala and cranked up the heat. "Does he seem like the same person you knew before?"

Dean thought about it and shook his head. "No he's different. I mean, I don't know, something's off."

"While there's no excuse for what he did to you or Sam, he did seem interested in making amends. Plus, he said he was fine with us together."

"There's no way he's suddenly changed that much, Cas. You didn't see how much he used to hate me."

Cas moved closer to him until their legs touched on the seat. "Maybe just give it a try. Hold off on the restraining order for now and see what happens. It might be nice to have your father back in your life again. But still be careful, I mean, don't meet with him anywhere by yourself."

"Yeah, maybe you're right." Dean pulled on to the snowy road and nearly missed hitting a mailbox when the car swerved. "Hey, I gotta stop by my office real quick for something, wanna tag along?"

Cas shrugged and cued up his favorite Metallica album. Dean had been teaching him all about some of the best rock bands over the past few months and could barely contain his excitement when he started asking to hear certain songs. Rock n' Roll looked good on Cas. 

They shuffled through the snowy parking lot and managed to make it inside without slipping which was no minor victory this time of year. Dean shook off the snow onto Cas and laughed when he got a frown in return. 

"It should just take a minute," Dean said as they walked through the door to his office. "Remember when we shared this room?"

Cas sat on top of his desk. "Dean, that was only 2 months ago."

"Still. I miss getting to see you every day at work."

"I'll have to start making it up to you when you get home."

Dean grinned at the thought and continued to shuffle through his papers. "Have you considered which college classes you want to take?"

"There's a few online schools I'm looking at and a couple classes here at KU that sound interesting but I'd have to apply," Cas frowned. 

"Lucky for you, you've got someone on the inside," Dean winked. "Hey, how cool would it be if I end up becoming your professor?"

Cas chucked. "I think I'd probably fail the class because I'd be too busy staring at you."

"What? No way, I wouldn't let you fail. Plus, I'm very partial to extra credit. I'm sure we could work something out."

Cas' voice was suddenly much closer and Dean felt a pair of arms wrap around his middle. "Oh yeah? What kind of things would you have me do?"

Dean's pants immediately got tighter as his body snapped to attention. "Well for starters, I'd tell you to come up with a few creative ideas and then I'd pick my favorite. I'm all about the creative process," he said, turning around to meet hungry blue eyes. 

Honestly, you'd think they were teenagers with how healthy their sex life was. 

"I can be creative," Cas grinned." My first suggestion would be simple." He leaned forward until his breath was hot against Dean's ear. "I'd kiss you everywhere."

Dean breathed in slowly as Cas got to work, slowly licking and biting across his skin. When Cas started to unbutton his jeans, he thanked whoever's idea it was to make the office doors automatically lock when they closed. 

He leaned back against the desk and gripped it tight as Cas licked at the wet spot that had developed on his boxers. "Fuck, Cas."

Cas hummed and yanked the boxers down around his ankles before turning him around, bent over on the desk. He kissed the globe of Dean's ass and slowly slipped his tongue into the crest. 

"Oh my God," Dean groaned. He'd been too embarrassed to try this before but holy hell he wasn't about to stop Cas for anything. 

Cas kissed at the puckered skin and chuckled at the way Dean's body started to shake underneath him. When his tongue dragged across the opening, Dean swore his vision filled with white spots. 

"How am I doing so far?" Cas teased.

Dean cursed and tried to nod. "Good. Uh, yeah," he panted. "That'd get you an A."

Cas reached around and grabbed on to his aching cock, smearing the pre-come up and down the shaft. "My next idea would be to fuck you on top of your desk."

"Wait, I don't have any lube, or you know, a condom," Dean almost cried. 

"Shhhh, I'm being creative."

With that, Cas pushed Dean up on to the surface and flipped him over so he was on his back. "You underestimate me Professor Winchester."

Dean could have died in that very moment and he would have gone a happy man. For all he knew, heaven was exactly this. Cas taking him quick and dirty on the top of his office desk. 

Cas pulled down his own pants and boxers before laying on top of Dean and covering him in his warmth. Dean started to slowly grind against him, savoring the way their skin connected, before trying to pick up the pace. He grabbed on to Cas' face and bit down on his earlobe, just the way he like it. 

Cas groaned and thrusted against him even harder, shaking the desk underneath him. Dean spared a moment to wonder what this sounded like from the hallway before deciding he didn't care. 

"These are all—shit—all good options but not, not the one I want," Dean choked out underneath the weight. 

Cas started to still with a confused look on his face and Dean chuckled. "Turn the fuck over, Cas, I'm getting on top."

Before Cas could respond Dean had them flipped with Cas lying underneath him on his stomach. A very impressive maneuver if he said so himself. He pushed Cas' legs together before sliding into the space between his thighs, reaching a hand around to pump at Cas with every thrust. 

Cas made a noise that almost had Dean blushing as he increased the pace, desperate to hold on long enough to get Cas to finish first. 

"Come on, Cas, let go, I got you," Dean groans. 

Just as Dean was sure he was about to explode, Cas came with a shout across the wood finish of the desk. Dean was also thankful that none of the student essays were underneath them. 

Dean finished close behind before rolling off and lying next to him with a satisfied sigh. 

"Did I pass the class?" Cas panted beside him.

Dean snorted and pushed him off the desk. 

*****

After they both cleaned themselves up enough to be presentable, Dean dropped Castiel back at the apartment to start getting dinner ready while he made a quick trip to the grocery store. Castiel didn't mind cooking, he actually enjoyed it. It gave him time to think but it also gave him the satisfaction of making something that Dean enjoyed. There were few things he loved as much as hearing the nearly pornographic noises Dean made when he enjoyed his food. It was endearing. 

While he waited for the water to boil, Castiel used his time to clean up a bit. He threw in a load of laundry, made their bed, and folded some of their clothes before noticing the picture hanging on the wall in the living room. It was the one of Anna that he used to keep by his bedside. He thought it had gotten lost in the move and had figured it was just packed in a box somewhere for storage. At some point Dean had it framed and hung it where everyone would see it as they walked by. 

Castiel sat on the couch and stared at the picture until he heard the hissing sound from the water boiling over. 

He dropped in the pasta and set the timer, completely lost in his thoughts. He wanted to do something special for Dean, something that showed him just how much he felt for him. Castiel frowned when wasn't able to think of anything worthy. After all, how could he tell Dean how he felt if he couldn't even put it into words himself? 

He liked Dean. No, it was much more than that. Dean was his person. Dean was his best friend and his boyfriend and quite frankly the only person he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. He could picture the two of them getting old and riding around in the Impala like they were young. He could picture the way Dean's face would wrinkle up but still manage to be the most beautiful person he'd ever known. 

When the invitation for Sam and Jess' wedding had arrived a few weeks ago, Castiel had spent a long time trying to imagine what his wedding would look like one day and the only person that was standing beside him was Dean.

As his feelings became more and more clear, he wondered if Dean felt the same way about him. He wondered if Dean was as addicted to his touches and the taste of his skin too. 

There was only one way to find out he supposed. Castiel quickly moved around the house to find any candles they had. If he was going to tell Dean he loved him he might as well make a grand gesture. He tried not to think about how awkward (painful) it would be if Dean didn’t feel the same way as he found the matches and pulled out a bottle of wine. Sure, this was going to be a little corny but they were both a little corny and he loved that about them. 

A harsh knock at the door interrupted his thinking and he quickly finished setting the table and lighting the candles before opening the door. He had told Dean multiple times to keep a spare set of house keys in his car, one would think he'd listen by now.

"Did you seriously get locked—"

The words died on his tongue as he was greeted with two oversized men staring down at him. 

"Castiel Novak?" the smaller one asked.

He felt his pulse quicken as he suddenly wished he had looked through the peep hole first. "Um…who's asking?"

One of the men pulled out a picture and compared it to Castiel, whispering to the other one with a sharp nod. "It's him."

They both approached him with a sinister glint in their eye and grabbed on to his arms, yanking him through the door before he could defend himself. 

Castiel's shoulder slammed in to the doorframe as they pulled him down the front stairwell and dragged him across the sidewalk towards a black van. 

"Wait, stop," Castiel gasped and tried to break free. "You've got the wrong person, I didn't—ah—I didn't do anything!"

The men grunted in response as they continued to drag his flailing body across the icy surface. 

Castiel's mind raced and struggled to catch up but he had no idea who these men were or what was happening. He tried to throw his body weight to the side in order to wiggle free but it just resulted in the men gripping tighter, surely leaving bruises on his arms. 

He was going to die, this was it. This was just like those stupid action movies Dean forced him to watch and—oh God, Dean. Dean was going to come home and find the apartment empty and would he know what happened? Of course he wouldn't, this was crazy. What if there was still someone there and they tried to grab him? Even though there was a strong possibility that Dean would have an easier time defending himself, the thought of something happening to him filled Castiel with even more dread than he would have thought possible given the situation. 

As the men dragged him closer to the van, Castiel tried even harder to yank his arms free and suddenly felt a sharp blow to the face. He tried to blink away the spots in his vision, recognizing the coppery taste of blood on his tongue. 

The backdoors popped open and Castiel was unceremoniously tossed inside. It smelled like sweat and dirt and something altogether unpleasant but much larger on the inside than he would have expected. The safety lights on the roof cast everything in an unsettling glow and he rolled on to his side just in time to see the doors be pulled closed by the two men. 

At this point, Castiel was heaving for air, unable to get his body to stop shaking enough for his lungs to work properly. He should have screamed. Why didn't he scream?  
Suddenly, he was startled by someone shifting behind him, someone new. Who else would—

"Hello, Castiel."

Castiel's blood ran cold as he slowly turned around, only to come face to face with the person he should have expected was behind this. 

"Let me go, Alistair."

"And where would the fun be in that my dear boy? No, I think I'm going to make this last." 

As if on cue, the men moved forward and pinned Castiel to the ground, one restraining his legs and the other his arms. 

"What do you want?" Castiel felt his voice shake and winced at Alistair's sudden laugh. 

"I wanted a lot of things, Castiel, but you just had to go and get in the way of that, didn't you? Had to make sure I couldn't get what I wanted." Alistair stepped closer and rested his hands on his belt buckle. 

"Does Crowley know about this?"

"No," Alistair replied with a smack of the lips, "this is for me."

The men started to unbutton Castiel's pants which caused him to finally scream. He screamed for help, he screamed for someone to come and save him, he screamed for himself and for what he knew was about to happen. 

After some shifting around, a piece of duck-tape was slapped over his mouth along with another blow to his cheek. 

"Now look, see, I didn't want to have to do that but you left me no choice," Alistair hissed, looking flustered. "I can't risk having someone hear you. Now, where was I?"  
Castiel tracked the movement as he continued to struggle against his restraints. His arms felt like they were on fire and he felt like he was going to throw up any moment. 

"If you think about it, Castiel, this is really all your fault. If you would have just done what you were supposed to do and came to work for me, you wouldn't be in this position." Alistair leaned down to stare at him before clicking his tongue twice and sitting back up. 

"I knew I wanted you when I first saw you dancing up on that stage. So free and sure of yourself. I began to book my private appointments with you but you never appreciated me and all I could give you. No, you were frigid and stuck to the rules. I couldn't touch you, I couldn't pay you extra, it was all very disappointing. Then imagine my surprise when I met your boyfriend, Dean. He had won you. He'd managed to get what I couldn't after so many weeks, so many chances. You see, he could never give you the things I could."

Castiel shivered and felt tears start to run down his cheek as Alistair continued. 

"I had to come up with a new plan. I said to myself, 'now what would a lowly stripper like yourself be unable to say no to?' Money seemed like the logical answer."

Alistair ran his finger across Castiel's cheek and chuckled when it caused him to flinch. "So I bought part of that club. That disgusting, disease riddled club, and I did it all for you. I bought your contract and set up an offer to come dance for me privately, to leave that place behind but imagine my surprise when you said no. When you turned down the opportunity to get what I wanted. What I worked so hard for."

Alistair started to unbuckle his belt and tug it through the loops. "I always get want I want, Castiel, and that's you. That boyfriend of yours must have given you the impression that you're worth something. He must have filled your pretty little head with thoughts about how you two would run away together and live happily ever after, leave the stripping behind for good." Alistair paused to grin. "Am I close?"

Castiel was crying more steadily now as he realized how dire the situation was. Alistair wasn't going to kill him but by the time this was over, that option might not seem so bad. 

"Dean probably told you all about how he didn't care that you were a stripper. He didn't care what you did because he knew what was in your heart and that you were a good person," Alistair mocked. "I give it a year tops. One year before he throws your ass to the curb and realizes that he could do better."

Alistair unbuttoned his pants and dropped them to the floor, erection in full view as he wasn't wearing any boxers. 

Castiel felt his stomach roll as rough hands tugged his pants down and flipped him on to his stomach. 

He struggled. 

He struggled with everything he had in him, thrashing against the firm hands holding him, screaming against the tape blocking his mouth. He moved back and forth, desperate to get some kind of leverage but another set of hands appeared out of nowhere and he became even more restrained than before. His chances of escaping plummeting with every second he stayed in that godforsaken van. 

Castiel's cheek was crushed to the sticky floor and he let the tears flow as he felt Alistair straddle his ass and lean down. "You may be trash Castiel, but you're my trash. Don't forget that," Alistair whispered. 

There were hands on his ass, a lot of pressure, and then searing pain. He screamed against the tape as he felt like he was being split in two, ripped apart at the seams. Alistair groaned as he breathed against his ear, sour breath filling his senses. 

"That's it," Alistair panted. "The more you struggle the worse it'll be for you. Where's your enthusiasm? I thought sluts like you loved this."

With each thrust, Castiel clenched his entire body and gritted his teeth together. The rough drag of skin on skin felt like someone was setting him on fire and stabbing him at the same time. He prayed that he would pass out from the pain, that he could escape this in some way, even if it was just mentally. 

"I would have taken care of you Castiel," Alistair grunted with each thrust. "You could have lived a long and happy life with me, working for me. I would have been doing Dean a favor honestly. You're just holding him back."

Castiel closed his eyes and started choking on sobs. 

"You think his family is proud to claim you? You don't think they hoped Dean would end up with a productive member of society? You failed in life Castiel and you're failing Dean by letting him stay with your used ass. Bet he won't want you now. Not after I'm through with you."

Alistair continued to thrust even harder, the slide getting easier with what Castiel was sure was his own blood. He tried to detach himself and wait for it to be over but every movement on top on him felt like the flesh ripping off his skin. 

He thought of himself back as a child and all the ways he thought his life would turn out. He thought of his sister Anna and how she always believed he would go on to do great things, even when he didn't deserve it. He thought of how he promised her before she died that he would be okay, that he would find his place in the world. He thought of Dean. He thought of the perfect little life they had carved together, the way he smelled when he was sleeping, the crinkles in his face when he laughed, the gold specks in his eyes as he smiled, the freckles the trail down his entire body, the way he said his name. 

Castiel shook so hard he barely registered Alistair stilling above him and grunting in his ear as something warm trickled out of his ass. The pressure above him disappeared and someone yanked his pants back on, kicking him in the process. He tried to cover himself with his hands but forgot he was restrained and cried even harder. 

It was a while before the back doors opened but Castiel faded in and out of consciousness, his body finally deciding to give up. He saw the darkness outside and wondered absentmindedly how long he'd been gone. Did it even matter?

A swift push and Castiel rolled out of the van, smacking his head against the curb and causing everything to go black.


	22. Chapter 22

Dean grabbed the grocery bags from the backseat of the Impala and headed towards the apartment, careful not to slip on any of the icy patches. As he fumbled for his key, he noticed the front door cracked open and frowned.

"Cas?" he called. "You really shouldn't leave the door open like that, I could be some kind of serial killer."

There was no response so Dean continued to move towards the kitchen and stopped. There were tons of candles lit and melted almost to the bottom of the wick, there was a pot of water boiling over the edge of the stove and the table was set for two. He cursed and got rid of the multiple fire hazards before quickly walking through the rest of the apartment. 

"Cas? You better not be waiting to jump out at me again, I swear to God. Are you trying to burn the place down?"

Dean circled back to the kitchen and pulled out his phone to call him. No answer. 

Where the hell did he go? He thought back to the open door and fought the chill that slowly started creeping up his body. 

He called Cas again. No answer. 

He called a 3rd time. No answer. 

As he called a 4th time, he walked back to their bedroom and heard a buzzing noise. Cas' phone was sitting on the side table as Dean was sent to voicemail and listened to the familiar, gravelly voice ask him to please leave a message. Cas never went anywhere without his phone. 

Dean scrubbed a hand across the back of his neck and swallowed. He tried not to let his mind jump to conclusions but suddenly every worst case scenario flashed through his mind like a sick picture show. 

Cas decided to leave Dean and start a new life. He decided to go on an impromptu jog and slipped on the ice and fell. He was abducted. He was taken by aliens. He went outside to get the mail and forgot his way back. He went out for fresh air and froze to death.

Before his ideas could get any crazier, he called Sam.

"Hey, what's—"

"Have you heard from Cas?"

"Uh, no…was I supposed to?"

Dean closed his eyes and exhaled through his nose. "I can't find him. I got home but he's not here and the door was open and his phone is in the bedroom and he never leaves without it and his car is still out front and—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Sam interrupted as Dean tried to get ahold of himself. "When's the last time you saw him?"

"A couple hours ago? I dropped him off at home before I went to the store," he said as he walked through all the rooms again.

Sam was silent for a few seconds. "I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation, people don't just disappear. Maybe he went to talk with a neighbor?" 

"I don't know Sam, I have a bad feeling about this. It seems off." Dean sat down on the couch and tapped his foot. "I mean, the fucking stove was left on, it looks like he's been gone awhile."

"Okay well, trust your instincts I guess. If you're serious about this, the police won't file a missing persons report until it's been at least 24 hours. Want me to come over and wait with you?"

How the fuck was he supposed to wait that long not knowing what happened? "No, uh, it's fine. Thanks, Sammy." He hung up and stared at the wall, gripping Cas' phone in his free hand. 

Dean flipped on the TV for a distraction but his mind kept attaching itself to the matter at hand. He scrolled through his contacts for Balthazar's phone number and cursed when he realized he didn't have it. He couldn't get it off Cas' because it was locked with a password. 

An hour passed by and still no word from Cas. He decided to go at looking for him in the neighborhood and became even more concerned when there was no sign of him. 

Two more hours passed and Dean was about ready to throw something at the TV after listening to another infomercial about a magic detergent that got rid of every stain. Sam had called to check in a few times, reassuring Dean that it would be okay, that Cas would turn up sooner or later. 

Well where was he now?

Another hour passed and Dean had practically chewed off all his fingernails. He laid on his back, picking at a piece of skin on his finger when his cell phone rang.  
It was an unknown number and Dean almost cracked the screen trying to answer it. 

"Cas?"

"Um no," the voice on the phone said. "Is this Dean Winchester?"

Dean slowly sat upright. "Yeah," he said cautiously, "Who's this?"

"My name is Tessa, I'm a nurse at Lawrence County Memorial. Castiel Novak has been brought into the ER this evening and you're listed as his emergency contact."

Dean felt his heart leap into his throat as sprang off the couch and almost tripped trying to get to his shoes. "Is he okay? What happened?"

"He's in stable condition but his injuries are severe and—"

"What happened?" he demanded, grabbing his keys and jogging out the door.

"I'm not supposed to give out details that aren't considered mandatory over the phone. If you could just come down here and—"

"Mandatory?" he huffed, speeding through a red light and nearly clipping the side of a parked car. "Of course it's mandatory, what the hell happened?"

A keyboard clicked on the other end of the line and Tessa came back in a softer tone. "He was attacked."

Unable to keep his voice from shaking, Dean hung up the phone and pushed his foot down harder on the accelerator, completely disregarding any and all traffic laws. He was going to kill the motherfucker that put their hands on Cas if it was the last thing he did. 

As he sped up to the hospital his blinding anger quickly morphed into debilitating fear. He's hated hospitals ever since he watched his mom die in one, only able to associate them with death and suffering. The thought of Cas lying alone in there by himself gave Dean chills and he forced his legs to walk him through the front doors and to the ER. 

He demanded to know what room Cas was in but was told he wasn't allowed visitors yet. Dean must have made more of a scene than he realized because the next thing he knew, he was being ushered into a side room by two security officers. 

A few minutes later, a petite, brunette woman slipped through the door hesitantly and sat in the chair across from him. 

"Dean? I'm Tessa, we spoke on the phone earlier?"

Dean leaned forward with his elbows rested on his knees, his body quickly being drained of any energy he had left. "You've gotta let me see Cas, he's probably scared and wondering why I haven't come and seen him by now and—"

"Soon," Tessa interrupted. "The police are trying to finish up collecting evidence so you need to be patient."

"Evidence?" Dean frowned. 

Tessa nodded slowly and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "From what they've gathered so far, it looks like Castiel was taken from your home and brutally attacked by a coworker. He suffered multiple lacerations to his face, two broken ribs, severe tearing, and frostbite to a few different sections of his body. He was raped by at least one person but the police haven't ruled out multiple offenders."

An ugly sound escaped from the back of Dean's throat as he thought about any of that happening to Cas. He thought about how he wasn't there to protect him, about how much he must have suffered to get those kinds of injuries. Before he could do anything about it, he felt hot, rushed tears running down his cheeks as he struggled to get a full breath. His limbs felt heavy and his entire body felt cold. He closed his eyes and he saw an unsuspecting Cas get ripped from their home and viciously abused. Both anger and sorrow fought each other for dominance which resulted in a queasy feeling in his stomach. 

"I know it's hard to hear but Castiel is really going to need your support right now," Tessa said softly, rubbing a hand along his back. "He hasn't said much since he was found but he's asked for you. Does he have any family we can call?"

"No, I'm his family."

It took Dean longer than expected to pull himself together enough to leave the room but Tessa was patient with him. She filled the silence with suggestions on different ways to support trauma victims and letting him know that Dean's touch may be a trigger for Cas for a while causing him to want to keep his distance. Hearing this made Dean cry harder and Tessa was quick to hand him a box of tissues while trying to change the subject. 

The walk up to Cas' room was tense. Tessa escorted him the entire way in case Dean lost his shit again and honestly, it was a real possibility. With each room they passed, Dean tried to picture seeing Cas in that position, ill and incapable, visibly shaking when he couldn't. 

They approached the room and Tessa nodded to the officers to let them in. Even after Tessa's warnings, Dean wasn't prepared for what he saw. 

Cas was lying in his bed, propped up against a mountain of pillows with both arms wrapped tightly around himself. His left cheek was bruised purple and so swollen that he couldn't open his eye all the way, he had multiple scrapes across his face and arms that were bandaged with gauze and there was a lot of padding around his midsection that was for the broken ribs. Despite all of this, the most devastating thing about Cas was his eyes. 

They weren't truly blue anymore. 

They were a faded shade of blue-grey that looked lifeless, like someone had sucked all the energy and joy right out of him, only leaving an imposter shade of color. 

Cas stared at Dean with a pained expression and Dean stared right back at him. He wanted nothing more than to wrap himself around Cas and never let him go.

"Cas?" Dean whispered quietly, noticing the crack in his voice. He stepped closer to the bed slowly, not wanting to set him off. He wasn't sure how touch sensitive he'd be.

Cas continued to stare at him, tracking Dean's movements. 

"Cas, I'm…" Dean trailed off as he stood next to the bed. "I'm so sorry."

Dean slowly reached out a finger, carefully watching for any sign to stop, and softly brushed it against Cas' arm. Cas flinched and Dean retracted it as he felt whatever was left of himself shatter into pieces. 

Cas' lip started to quiver and Dean tried to think of a way to comfort his boyfriend without being able to touch him. What if he was never able to hold Cas again? 

Just as Dean started to step back, Cas' hand shot out and grabbed Dean's arm, pulling him closer as a sob escaped from his throat. They wrapped their arms around each other and Cas kept crying, harder and harder, as Dean held on to him as securely as he could without hurting him. 

"I got you, Cas, I'm here, it's over," Dean whispered against his ear as Cas continued to cry. "You're safe now, I won't let anything happen to you."

Dean continued to mumble reassurances as he climbed into the bed to hold him at a better angle. Cas buried his face into Dean's chest as Tessa switched off the lights and slowly backed out of the room.

They stayed in the same position for the rest of the night, clinging to each other like a lifeline. 

*****

"What the fuck do you mean they have no leads?"

Sam shifted in the tiny cafeteria chair and sighed. "I just talked with the police chief and apparently, this Alistair guy knew what he was doing. Besides the DNA on Cas' body, there's not much to go on."

Dean scrubbed his hands across his face and tried to stay calm. Dean hadn't let Cas out of his sight for the past week so he called Sam to help with the legal stuff. Luckily, since Cas wasn't technically related, Sam was able to represent him in his case against Alistair. 

That is, if they manage to actually find the fucker. 

"He raped Cas in broad daylight," Dean hissed. "How the hell did nobody notice that?"

Sam shrugged sadly and took a drink of water. "The police are probably done with Cas by now, maybe you should head back."

Dean nodded and quickly gathered his things before heading back to Cas' hospital room. They'd been there a week so far but things were looking good and the plan was for him to be discharged tomorrow as long as there were no strenuous activities and Dean kept an eye on the injuries. 

Dean was thankful that Cas' physical injuries were healing but mentally? Cas had a long way to go. Dean's barely seen the outside of Cas' room over the past week because whenever he would leave to go to the bathroom or get them food, he'd come back to find Cas shaking so hard that it would take hours to calm him down. He clung to Dean like his life depended on it and frequently woke up screaming. The only reason he was able to meet Sam in the cafeteria was because the police needed to confirm their statements now that he was feeling better and that needed to be done privately. 

It was tearing Dean apart to see him like this but he worked hard to stay strong for Cas. He felt so helpless about all of it that he might as well be able to provide a sturdy shoulder for Cas to cry on. If that meant conveniently going to the bathroom when he felt himself start to tear up, so be it.

Dean gave a short nod to the security officer guarding the room and walked in to see Cas curled in on himself under the blankets. 

"Did they leave you by yourself?" Dean asked, looking around for a nurse to yell at. "I keep telling them someone has to be in here with you when I'm not."

Cas sniffled and made room to Dean to crawl in next to him. "What did Sam say?"

"He uh, there's not a lot for the police to work with right now but they're trying. Sam's trying to get ahold of the security camera footage from the apartment." Dean heard another sniffle and formed himself around Cas, wrapping arms around his middle. "They'll get him, I promise. He'll never be able to hurt someone like this again."

"Okay." Cas rolled over so he was facing Dean and looked up at him before closing his eyes and falling back to sleep. 

Cas' face was a lot less swollen but he was still so pale, like a ghost of his former self. Dean wondered if his eyes would ever be their trademark blue shade again. 

After a couple of hours Dean's phone chimed, causing his eyes to widen slightly when he read the message from John. 

 

J: Let's get something to eat together sometime next week.

 

He quickly deleted it and went back to holding Cas while he slept. In the chaos with Cas being attacked, Dean had almost forgotten about his father and how weird he was being when they met up. He desperately wanted to ask Cas what he would do but Dean didn't want him to have to deal with anything else. Cas would probably say it's a good thing to keep trying and reconnect. Mend bridges or some corny shit like that. 

The night passed by with few interruptions. Cas had only woken up twice with a nightmare and Dean was able to get him back to sleep without too much trouble. Honestly the nurses on the floor had been really awesome about how much noise Cas made at night when he woke up screaming. 

By morning, Sam arrived to drive them home just as Dean had finished helping Cas into regular clothes. Cas hadn't wanted to move but Dean assured him that once they were in the apartment, he could stay under the covers as long as he wanted to. 

The car ride was silent for the most part. By some stroke of incredibly bad luck, they had pulled up next to a black delivery van at a stop light and Sam had to drive into traffic to get Cas to stop shaking. 

After some heavy convincing, Dean got Cas to agree to a shower which thankfully relaxed the both of them. As they stood under the water to breathe in the steam, Dean had to choke back tears when he noticed finger shaped bruises along Cas' legs and arms. Thankfully Cas was too out of it to notice. 

"Want some food?" Dean asked as he helped Cas crawl into bed.

"No, thank you."

"Want to watch some TV? I think that reality show you love so much is on."

"No."

Cas seemed broken and Dean felt it like a missing limb. He never realized how much they were connected until he started to feel Cas' pain with every breath he took.  
"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

Cas didn't respond for a few minutes until he shook his head and stared at the ceiling. The room was quiet, only the sounds of Raphael squeaking to fill the air. After about an hour of silence, Dean slowly stood up and grabbed his guitar from the closet. 

"Have I ever told you about the song my mom used to sing to me when I was little?" Dean asked as he tuned the strings. 

Cas slowly turned to face him and shook his head. 

"Sometimes I would have trouble sleeping and this song always helped. It made the bad stuff go away."

Dean strummed a few chords and watched Cas stare at him with a kind of emotion he hadn't seen since everything happened. He smiled and started to sing. 

_Hey Jude, don't make it bad_  
Take a sad song and make it better  
Remember to let her into your heart  
Then you can start to make it better 

He let the music fill the room and watched as a hint of a smile appeared on Cas' lips. Dean started to play a little louder and sent at a prayer that Cas could come back from this. He wasn't ready to lose his best friend and he certainly wasn't ready to lose the love of his life. 

_Na na na, na-na na na_  
Na-na na na, hey Jude  
Na na na, na-na na na  
Na-na na na, hey Jude 

By the time the song ended Cas had fallen into a peaceful sleep. Dean leaned down to kiss his forehead and closed his eyes as he curled his arms around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean sings Hey Jude by The Beatles


	23. Chapter 23

The weeks passed by quickly and Dean managed to establish a rhythm in the apartment. He was able to take 2 weeks off work for a "family emergency" (Cas counted as family and no one could tell him otherwise) and once he had to go back, Sam and Jess took turns staying with Cas while he was at the university. 

Cas was slowly making progress; the nightmares came less frequently and after a while he could be left alone for small amounts of time. His injuries were healing nicely which relieved the both of them. Even though sex was still off the table, they were perfectly happy to just hold each other, listening to the steady rise and fall of their chests. 

Cas' personality was starting to come back too. He still didn't smile as much or joke around but he started playing with Raphael again which was encouraging to see. 

Despite the fact that Alistair was still in the wind, things were good. Yes, Dean constantly worried that he wasn't doing enough to help Cas and yes, his new schedule in the graduate program was taking its toll. Maybe he was having trouble balancing everything and the constant stream of messages from his dad asking to meet up was stressing him out but things were fine. Really. 

Dean walked through the apartment door to find Cas and Jess intensely focused on the TV. "Hey guys, how's—"

"Shhhh," Jess shushed. "We're about to find out if she said yes to the dress!"

To his dismay, over the past couple weeks Jess had gotten Cas hooked on the cheesy wedding shows she watched. It was a sickness, really. 

"Are you guys serious with that show again?"

"Shhhhh," Cas hissed.

Dean shook his head and plopped down next to Cas on the couch, reluctantly turning towards the TV. A woman in her mid-thirties was crying because the dress of her dreams was ten grand over budget. Jesus, why were weddings so fucking expensive?

"Why do you guys even like this show?"

Jess playfully rolled her eyes and shoved his shoulder. "It gives me ideas for what I want my dress to look like. Plus, it's always entertaining when the families start fighting."

Cas nodded his head in agreement and leaned into Dean's side. "It's very fascinating."

"You don't have your dress yet?"

"No," Jess sighed dejectedly, "I still have time though. It's hard finding something within your budget." She started to get off the couch and head towards the door with her things. "We still on for tomorrow, Cas?"

Cas nodded his head with a small smile. "Jess and I are going to a cake testing," he explained to Dean's confused look. 

Jess grinned and waved to the both of them as she left. "See ya!" she called over her shoulder. 

Dean chuckled and nudged Cas' side. "That's nice of you to help her like that, I know Sam's about to lose his mind if he has to make any more wedding related decisions." 

"Yes, well, it's the least I can do. She spends so much of her time over here making sure I don't have another breakdown," Cas said bitterly.

"Hey, none of that. You know she loves you, we all do. Nobody minds keeping you company."

Cas reluctantly agreed and intertwined their fingers together. "How was your day?"

"Not too bad, actually. My classes went well and I finally submitted the grant proposal I've been working on so that's a relief. I only managed to spill coffee on myself once so, you know, small victories and all that," he chuckled. "What did you and Jess end up doing all day?"

"We watched TV mostly. Jess managed to find a station that plays all wedding shows 24/7 but I don't mind." Cas stroked his thumb along Dean's wrist. "I didn't have to take any pain medicine today so that's good I guess."

Dean's face lit up as he leaned in to give his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek. "That's awesome! You'll be all healed up and ready to go in no time," he said with an eyebrow wiggle. 

Cas grinned and huffed a small laugh. "Yeah, I suppose so."

A yawn escaped Dean's mouth before he could stop it and he looked at Cas sheepishly. "Guess I should be going to bed earlier, huh?"

"Maybe you could cut down on hours? You work overtime practically every day," Cas said with a concerned look. "I don't like how worn out you look all the time, it's not good for you."

"If I could cut down on hours I would but we need the money, the hospital bills don't pay themselves."

A hurt expression flickered across Cas' face and Dean immediately felt like an idiot. 

"You know I didn't mean it like that, Cas, come on."

Before either had a chance to continue, Dean's phone dinged with another message from John. 

"You should go meet with him," Cas said as he read the message over Dean's shoulder. 

Dean scrunched his face up. "I just got back, I don't want to leave you by yourself."

"I'll be fine," Cas insisted. "The doctor told me to practice being by myself a little bit each day so this is a good opportunity."

"You sure?" Dean asked hesitantly. He hated the idea of leaving but he really didn't want to stand in the way of Cas' progress if that's what he needed. 

Cas nodded his head quickly before leaving to go lay down without a word. 

*****

Dean pulled up in front of their local pizza place and considered turning the car around and going back home. He didn't like the way things were left with Cas but if he's learned one thing from this whole ordeal, it was that when Cas needed space, it wasn't a good idea to crowd him. 

He's had a small amount of contact with his dad since their initial meeting a month ago. They met for a quick cup of coffee a few times and only responded to a select number of the many messages he's received. Things were going better than he had anticipated. His dad had yet to lose his temper or get upset over the fact that Dean was dating a man. Dean was still wary, he just hasn't found a way to justify it yet. 

"I already ordered the pizza. Meat lovers, just like you like it," John said in way of a greeting when Dean slid into the both. 

"Awesome, thanks." Dean took an anxious sip of water and looked around them, still unsure how to act normal each other. 

"How was work?"

"Good, I like the graduate program so far." 

"Great."

They both pretended to be extremely interested in the menu when the tension became stifling. Dean wasn't about to offer up any information that he didn't need to. 

"So um," Dean stuttered. "How's your new job at the garage?"

"Good, they're real nice guys down there," John replied simply. 

Dean started tapping his foot and wondered if he could hide in the bathroom in the food was ready. This was miserable. 

John cleared his throat. "How's Castiel doing?"

"He's uh, he's doing better, thanks."

"Still a mess?"

"He went through an extremely traumatic experience, don't talk about him like that." 

John shrugged and looked completely unapologetic. "Just asking, damn son. It seems like lately you're more of a caregiver than a boyfriend."

"Excuse me?" Dean blinked.

"Dean," John started. "It’s one thing for you to be dating a man but out of all of them, did you have to choose the stripper? I mean, they kind of put themselves out there, just asking for it. Don't you think?" he said with a chuckle. 

Dean tried to blink through the red that was suddenly clouding his vision. "Are you kidding me right now? How did you even find out what his job was?"

"It wasn't that hard, you google his name and a picture pops up on the Heaven and Hell website."

The pizza arrived at the table, momentarily halting the conversation and giving Dean a moment to collect his thoughts. 

"I knew you had a problem with Cas," Dean hissed. "This whole month you've barely acknowledged him and whatever you did say sounded completely fake."

"Don't be an idiot, Dean. I'm just looking out for your best interests."

"My—my best interests?" Dean repeated a little too loud for the setting. "When have you ever looked out for my best interests?"

"Don't be disrespectful, I raised you better than that," John huffed.

"You didn't raise me at all! I raised myself and Sam on no food and hardly any money. You didn't give us anything."

John looked around at the crowd that was now staring at them. "Sit down, you're causing a scene."

Dean didn't even realize that he stood up he was so angry. "Whatever, I'm leaving." He grabbed his jacket off the booth and turned back towards his dad before he left. "And you ever fucking say that Cas was asking for it again."

The air was cold on his cheeks as he pushed through the doors and collapsed into the Impala. If the situation wasn't so tragic, he'd have laughed. Even on their worst day, the two of them have never had a conversation spiral so quickly. 

Whatever, it was for the best. Cas was his family now and if his dad couldn't accept that then too damn bad. Dean wiped at his eyes before they could start watering and pulled out on the street. 

When he finally made it home, Cas was sitting at the kitchen table, wrapped in a blanket while eating a bowl of ice cream. 

"You're home early," Cas mumbled around the spoon. 

Dean sighed and leaned down to give him a quick kiss on the forehead. "Didn't go so well."

"What happened?"

"Nothing important," Dean said, grabbing a spoon and pulling up a chair. "Just him being ignorant."

Cas nodded and shrugged further under the blanket. "I'm glad you're sort of making progress with him though. It'd be nice for you to have him back."

"I wouldn't go that far but, yeah. I'm trying to be nice so Sam doesn't feel bad about meeting with him. I know he won't if I cut ties between us again."

"That's very big of you."

The two of them sat eating ice cream in silence for a while. Before everything happened, they always had something to say to each other, something new to share. Dean tried not to take it personally but he couldn't help but wonder if the problem was more than just Cas' recovery. 

"Hey so, we're good, right?" Dean hesitated. "I'm not trying to sound like a jackass here but sometimes it feels like I can't reach you anymore."

Cas swallowed and softly set down his spoon. "We're fine."

Dean waited for him to elaborate but when it became clear there was nothing else being said, he tried again. "We should do something fun with together this weekend, any ideas?"

"You always have work to do on the weekends."

"Yeah, but, maybe I can skip it this time. We haven't been on a date in forever."

"I don’t want you to sacrifice your new job just for me."

Dean shifted in his seat, a little taken back by the icy demeanor being sent his way. "Maybe I can find something else. Something that pays well but doesn't take up as much time?"

Cas stood up so fast, Dean flinched and almost knocked over the bowl. "You love teaching, Dean, don't be stupid. Don't sacrifice that for me, I'm not worth it."

"Why the hell is everything telling me that today? I'm a grown man, I can make my own decisions."

"Who else said that?" 

"It doesn't matter," Dean said quickly. "Where is this coming from?"

Cas walked towards the bedroom, dragging his blanket behind him. "Just forget it."

"Cas! Cas, come back here, we're not done!"

Dean heard the door slam shut and winced. Fucking perfect. 

He exhaled and scrubbed his hands across his face, remembering what Tessa had told him at the hospital. Cas was likely to lash out during his recovery while he learned to process what happened. Mood swings were normal and Dean shouldn't fault him for that. 

When Dean figured it had been enough time (when Dean ran out of ice cream to eat), he quietly slipped into the bedroom and crawled in behind Cas. 

"You awake?" he whispered. 

Dean felt Cas nod. It looks like that was the only response he was going to get. 

"I'm sorry."

More silence. 

"I'm sorry about what happened to you and I'm sorry I'm so shitty at helping you deal with it. I'm a little out of my league here."

Cas didn't respond but Dean continued to lay there next to him anyway. When he heard a soft sniffle, he held on tighter and started to hum the first song that came to his head. It turned out to be an old AC/DC tune but it seemed to work, Cas quieted down and rolled over to face him. 

"I don't want you to stop teaching," Cas whispered.

"Okay, I won't"

"And I don't want you to apologize anymore."

"Okay."

Cas kissed his cheek and scooted closer to him before starting to chuckle. 

"What's so funny?" Dean asked, trying to look down at him.

"You finally stopped having nightmares right when I started getting them. It's ironic is all."

"You've got a weird sense of humor there, Cas."

"I've been told that a time or two."

Dean sighed and closed his eyes, suddenly hit with a wave of exhaustion. "You know I'll always be here for you, right? Like I'm not going anywhere."

He listened for a response but all he heard was silence as he was pulled into a deep sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

Castiel laid on the bed, staring up at the ceiling for the second hour in a row. The ceiling fan was on even though it was only 40 degrees outside because he liked the quiet hum of the machine. It was settling. Grounding, even. 

He counted the number of times the blade spun around and frowned each time he lost count. It upset him more than it should but that's how he spent the next hour anyway. 

As dull as it seemed, nothing else interested him anymore. He was too lazy to get up and frankly even the effort seemed overwhelming. He already watched everything on TV but if he was being honest with himself, that failed to hold his attention too. Because of this, Castiel chose to spend most of his time in bed, counting things.  
What a riveting life he had. 

Dean often tried to get him to do things but Castiel usually turned him down. He desperately wanted Dean to hold him but whenever he was around, Castiel felt off. He wanted to be alone and anyone that got in the way of that annoyed him. He could see the effect that it was having on Dean and it broke his heart but then again, caring took too much effort too. He didn't have the capacity for that at the moment. 

It had been six weeks since the attack and he didn't have much to show for it. Sure, his injuries were mostly healed and he could be left alone without having a panic attack but he was still missing so much. It was like his spark had died that day and he'd been desperately trying to get it back ever since. Dean had suggested therapy but Castiel refused. He was much more content in bed, watching his ceiling fan. 

He closed his eyes and listened to Dean come in through the front door, yelling at someone over the phone. 

"I know I'm behind on this month's payment but I just need a couple more—"

"What do you mean that's how much I owe? That's way more than the bill said, check again."

"And insurance doesn't cover it? No, we're uh, not married, it's separate insurance companies."

"Okay well I can't pay it, there's got to be some kind of payment plan or something."

Dean walked about of hearing range and Castiel looked back up at the ceiling. It made him physically ill to think about Dean being stuck with his medical expenses but Castiel hadn't been cleared to work yet even if he could find a job. 

Castiel took a sleeping pill and covered his face with the blanket. 

When he woke up it was dark outside but the other side of the bed was empty so who really knew if it was morning or night. They all blended together at this point. He listened to the hum of the ceiling fan until the sun came up. He heard Sam come in the door and pretended to be asleep. Castiel wasn't up for visitors. 

Before too long, Sam was on the phone with Jess. 

"I'm really worried about him, you know? He's driving himself crazy trying to handle everything. I don’t know how he does it."

"Yeah, yeah, that's what he told me. He's considering getting a second job just to pay for everything, it's too much."

"He's either rushing to work or trying to take care of Cas and then there's our dad—did you hear what happened?"

"Right? I can't believe it either, Dean would never want to be with someone if he was just their caregiver."

Castiel flinched at the word and buried his head under the pillow so he couldn't hear anymore. He knew that his situation was putting a strain on Dean's relationship with his father but he hoped it was nothing too serious. Dean had finally let himself consider letting John earn his way back into their lives. 

Castiel rolled over and took a deep breath into the pillow. He thought about the amount of time everyone was taking out of their day to stay with him, even if it was just for some friendly company. It was too much. It was all too much. He didn't deserve it. 

_"You may be trash Castiel, but you're my trash."_

He closed his eyes saw Dean's exhausted expression.

_"I thought sluts like you loved this."_

He covered his face with blankets and tried to fall back asleep. 

_"I would have been doing Dean a favor honestly. You're just holding him back."_

He felt the tears start to well up in his eyes and fall down his cheeks. 

_"You failed in life Castiel and you're failing Dean by letting him stay with your used ass."_

He thought of Anna and wondered if she would be disappointed in how he turned out.

_"Bet he won't want you now."_

Castiel quickly got up to use the restroom and crawled back in bed with another sleeping pill. 

It was still daylight when he woke up this time but there was a warm body lying next to him. Dean was curled around him, gripping his arm tight like he would fly away at the first opportunity. Castiel looked outside through the window and watched the birds. He watched them fly from branch to branch without a care in the world. They were so light and pure and basically everything he wasn't. He drifted back to sleep and dreamed of a world where he could fly away from all his problems. 

The next time Castiel woke up, he knew what he had to do. 

He rolled over to his phone and called the only person he could think of besides Dean. 

"Cassie? Are you okay?" Balthazar answered almost immediately. 

"I need you to come pick me up."

Balthazar exhaled a relived breath. "And where exactly are we going?"

Castiel started to grab his bag and stuff everything he could into it. "I'm moving in with you."

"Wait, what? Cassie, you're not making any sense."

"Dean and I are over," Castiel said as his voice cracked. "I need you to come pick me up, your car fits more than mine does."

"What in God's name happened? Are you sure?" Balthazar asked cautiously. 

Castiel collapsed on to the floor and let his head rest against the cool carpet. "Please, Balthazar. I really need you right now," he said softly. 

"Okay, yeah, fine, I uh, I'll be there soon."

Castiel hung up and continued to pack like his life depended on it. He wanted to be gone before Dean got home, it would be easier that way. 

Dean would be better off without him, better off without his medical bills or his drama. He could meet someone else in the academic world and they could live happily ever after together like he deserved. He deserved someone better than Castiel. 

As he frantically pulled things out of the closet he tried to steady his breathing. It felt a lot like he was going to pass out and this time it would be from pure, unadulterated heartbreak. He had stopped trying imagine life without Dean because he was sure he would never need to again. 

He shook the thoughts out of his head and kept going. He loved Dean with everything he had. He loved him so much that he was going to step out of the way if that's what it took to make him happy. 

He was just a stripper, after all. 

As he pulled his bags down the hallway and towards the door, he grabbed the picture of Anna and looked for his coat. It was half way on when Dean walked through the door. 

"Going somewhere?" Dean chuckled as he undid his tie and shrugged off his jacket.

Castiel stared at his green eyes and knew if he tried to speak, tears would be the only thing coming out. Instead he just nodded. 

"Where?"

"Balthazar is picking me up," Castiel said softly. 

Dean frowned and stepped closer to him, looking over the pile of things collected by the door. "Cas, this is all your stuff."

Castiel nodded. "You can keep whatever I left behind. I want you to have Raphael."

"Wait, what?" A multitude of expressions crossed Dean's face and the one that stuck was panic. "What's going on?"

"I'm…I'm leaving. I'm moving out."

"Why the hell would you do that? What happened?"

"Nothing happened," Castiel said as calmly as he could manage. "I'm doing this for you."

Dean grabbed onto his arm and brought their faces closer together. "Like hell you're doing it for me, Cas, I want you here."

"If I leave, you won't have all the medical expenses to pay, or Alistair to worry about, you can just live your life."

"Cas," Dean's voice cracked and it was the worst sound Castiel had ever heard in his life. "Are you breaking up with me?"

A rogue tear fell down Castiel's cheek. "Yes. I'm sorry."

"Don't do this, please. I'm sorry, whatever I did, I'm sorry, just let me make it up to you."

Castiel pulled out of Dean's grasp and continued towards the door with his things. "It's nothing you did, it's me. All this stuff you have to deal with now is because of me. I saw the overdue bank statements on the counter, I know all about how you're thinking about getting another job just to support your lowlife boyfriend who can barely take care of himself. You deserve better than that."

"Cas, please." Dean was crying in earnest now and Castiel was tempted to call the whole thing off just to get rid of that look on his face. "Just tell me what to do."  
"There's nothing left for me here, Dean."

Dean stepped in front of him and crushed their lips together in a desperate kiss. It tasted like tears. "Cas, I love you. I love you, Cas, please don't do this."

Castiel's breath hitched at the words. He would regret what he said next until the day he died. 

"Well, I don't love you."

Dean's face cracked as he stepped back like he'd been slapped. "Don't you say that," he pleaded. "Not you, don’t you fucking say that to me. What was all of this than, huh?" Dean gestured between them. "Were you just lying to yourself?"

Castiel pushed his bags out the door as Dean caught his arm. 

"We can fix this, Cas."

"There's nothing to fix, it's not broken."

Castiel pulled away and waited on the front step for Balthazar to pull up, hating himself for the pain he was causing Dean. All he did was cause pain. 

"You know what? Fuck you, Cas," Dean yelled behind him. "Fuck you and your stupid magazines, your stupid little figurines you put everywhere, fuck your ugly ass bumblebee poster and fuck your fucking classical music collection!"

Castiel ducked as those said items got hurled out of the door and crashed on to the front lawn. He looked back in time to get smacked in the face with one of his CDs.

Dean was having a full meltdown at this point and that's precisely when Balthazar decided to finally drive up. "Jesus Christ, Cassie," he said, looking around at the items strewn across the front lawn. "You weren't kidding."

Dean was still throwing things and Castiel didn't even try to hide his distress at this point. He was openly sobbing too. 

He threw his bags in the car and looked back towards the apartment just in time for Dean to come running out. 

"Cas, this is your last chance, you don't have to do this," Dean cried. 

Castiel got in the car as he gasped for air between the sobs and watched the apartment slowly disappear in the rearview mirror. Dean was left standing on the lawn, a broken shell of a man. 

He wasn't just leaving behind the man he loved, he was leaving behind his future, and all the plans he had made for it. 

*****

Castiel sat at Balthazar's kitchen table and took a sip of his tea. He was completely drained and still felt his breath hitching every so often from his breakdown earlier. Balthazar sat across from him and tapped his finger. 

"Well, that was quite a shit show now wasn't it?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You see, I don't actually remember giving you that option, so spill."

Castiel picked at a ball of fuzz on his sleeve. In all his hurry to get out, he'd forgotten to change out of his pajamas. "Dean and I just didn't work out."

"Bullshit, try again."

"We wanted different things."

"Wrong answer."

Castiel huffed and rolled his eyes. "I'll have you know, it's actually none of your business."

"None of my business?" Balthazar repeated. "Well you seem to be in my apartment, eating my food and living on my couch now so yes, I dare say it is in fact, my business."

"Fine. I wasn't good for Dean so I left, I told him I didn't love him so he'd let me go. Happy?"

Balthazar's face changed into something more sympathetic. "Why on earth would you do that?"

Castiel shrugged. He knew if he talked about it much more he'd start crying all over again. 

"Castiel," Balthazar hesitated. "Does this have anything to do with…you know, what happened?"

"He said I was holding Dean back," Castiel mumbled, feeling the extent of what he just did start to wash over him again.

"And you believed that asshole? Honestly, Cassie, I thought you were smarter than that."

"He's not completely wrong," Castiel stated firmly. "Dean could have anyone he wants and he was stuck with me. I have no job, no degree, and no money. I'm a mess and require people just to be in the same room as me so I don't have panic attacks, I have a ton of hospital bills to pay off and it wasn't fair to Dean, he didn't deserve that. He didn't ask for it."

Balthazar snatched the cup that Castiel was about to drink from right out of his hands. "And you don’t think Dean wouldn't be there if he didn't want to be? From an outside view darling, I've got to tell you that Dean looked absolutely devastated when we pulled away. That's not how someone looks if they're feeling held back by someone."

Castiel couldn't look him in the eye. Logically, he knew Balthazar was right but why didn't it feel that way?

"Well either way, he's not going to want to grow old with a stripper."

Balthazar let out a sharp laugh, void of any humor. "It's just a job Cassie, for fucks sake! You're being ridiculous. I know for a fact that Dean was fine with it. I saw him come watch you that one time. He was mesmerized. He loves you."

Castiel's tears came back with a vengeance and there was no stopping him. With a few exceptions, he had never cried this hard in his life. 

He made a mistake. He made a _huge_ mistake. 

Dean probably hated him now. 

"How do I fix this?" Castiel asked in between gasps of air. 

Balthazar shook his head and sighed sadly. "Honestly, I have no idea. You really did a number on him."

Castiel nodded. He wouldn't be surprised if Dean never talked to him again. 

Dean, sweet, wonderful, caring, generous, funny, charming, gorgeous Dean, had told Castiel he loved him and got it thrown back in his face. Castiel was a horrible person. 

"I'd start by giving him some space. Keep working on your recovery and then show him that you've really thought about it. He's not going to want you back if he just thinks he'll get his heart broken again. 

"How much space does he need?"

Balthazar shrugged. "I don't know. A lot, I'm guessing. That scene wasn't pretty, Cassie."

Castiel sighed and felt a piece of paper get slipped into his hand. "What's this?"

"It's the number for your new therapist. You start on Monday."


	25. Chapter 25

Dean sat on the edge of his stool and signaled to the bartender for another drink, nearly toppling on to the floor with the movement. 

"You sure?" the petite blonde asked, "I think it's about time to cut you off there, buddy."

He grinned to the best of his abilities and slid a 20 dollar bill across the counter, sending the bartender away with a roll of her eyes. 

As he waited for his drink, Dean looked around him. It was a seedy bar, definitely not the kind you bring a date to. The air was smoky and the smell was thick, the atmosphere perfect for finding someone to take home. Over the past few weeks Dean had become a regular here, spending the night at the bar, drinking his weight in alcohol until Sam came to take his drunk ass home. He wasn't proud of it, but hey, at least he left the apartment now. 

The first few weeks after Cas left, Dean locked himself in his room for a few days before he ran out of snacks and had to venture out. Even then, it was only to quickly grab food and retreat back under the covers. He smashed everything that Cas left behind except for a lame figurine of a bumble bee. They had bought it together at some random tourist trap they found one day and Cas thought it was cute. Dean thought it was hideous but let it be displayed in their room anyway. 

During one particularly rough night, Dean threw it against a wall in anger and then proceeded to cry for hours until he was able to glue it back together. 

Sam called for an intervention around week 3. He said that if Dean didn't leave the apartment and go somewhere that he would move his own stuff in and take Dean's bedroom door off its hinges in the process. Dean walked to the end of the driveway that day. 

His work had been more or less understanding. Dean may have told them that he had come down with the flu but that's besides the point. He surely felt shitty enough.   
Cas called him at least once a week but he never answered. Whatever he had to say, Dean wasn't interested. He didn't need to hear about how Cas was sorry and how he never really loved him but hopefully they could still be friends. He didn't need to hear about how Cas was probably moving on or how he was able to get so much better now that he was finally free from Dean. 

Fuck that. 

Sam still represented Cas for the Alistair thing so occasionally Dean would ask if Cas was doing okay, if he was still around. Casual things like that. Not that Dean really cared or anything. He was just being polite, jeez. 

The arrival of his new drink snapped him out of his thoughts and he took a long swig. The whiskey burned the back of his throat and it comforted him in ways it shouldn't have. 

He scanned across the room and locked eyes with a blue-eyed brunette. They exchanged names and the next thing Dean knew, he was pushing her against the backside of a bathroom door. 

She wrapped herself around him and bit at his neck. The perfume was too strong and her nails too sharp but he cleared his mind and pushed his hips against her, sliding his hands under her shirt. She reached for his jeans but only managed to get the buttons undone before he pulled off her shirt and slid his hands against the soft rise of her chest. It didn't feel right; her eyes weren't the right shade of blue. Dean groaned and carried on. He was going to get through this if it was the last fucking thing he did. 

The girl hitched her skirt up and slid her underwear down, eager for Dean to get out of his head and get with the picture. He chuckled and pulled her in for a sloppy kiss as he felt around his jean pockets for a condom. She ran her fingers through his hair and bit her lip, trying to catch her breath. As her hand fell back down to her side, Dean caught a glance of her bracelet and suddenly felt overwhelming dizzy. The bracelet had a small silver angel charm on it. Completely unassuming to the average person, but to Dean? It was enough to send him into a full-blown breakdown. 

He stumbled backwards and held on to the edge of the sink as he felt that all too familiar sting in his eyes. The room got blurry and he felt the wet streaking down his cheeks. How fucking embarrassing. 

"Are you seriously crying?" he heard the girl ask as she got dressed and fumbled with the lock on the door. "Unbelievable," she scoffed. 

Dean wiped his face and waited until she was gone to sink to the floor. He really thought he could do it tonight, he was finally going to fuck some random person and put Cas behind him. Like a cleansing of sorts. 

The alcohol in his system was in full force as he tried to find his phone and hold down the 1 button. After the first few times this happened, Sam programmed his number into speed dial. 

"Dean?" Sam answered immediately.

"Sammy, I uh," he sniffed. "Can you come get me?"

"Jesus Christ, Dean, again? This is like the 3rd time this week, it's not—"

"Sammy, please."

Sam exhaled and said something to Jess in the background. "I'll be there in—wait, where are you?"

"Usual place," Dean's voice cracked. "In the bathroom."

"In the bathroom? You know what, I don't what to know. Just stay there."

Sam hung up and Dean let his phone fall to his lap. 

If he were at all sober, Dean would feel pretty bad about this. Luckily for him, he didn't feel anything at all. 

He counted the ceiling tiles as he waited, trying not to think about how dirty the floor he was sitting on probably was. Multiple people tried to get in but Dean just yelled back obscenities at them. It was probably a matter of time before management called the police. 

This was all Cas' fault. 

It was Cas' fault that Dean hasn't been able to hook up with someone without breaking down like a complete disaster, it was Cas' fault that the color blue made him want to fling himself into traffic, it was Cas' fault that Dean was pretty sure he'd never be happy again and it was fucking Cas' fault that cheeseburgers made him cry.   
Cas was clearly the one to blame for the way Dean started breaking down again, sliding even further onto the sticky floor. 

"Dean? Dean, it's me, open up."

Sam's voice echoed through the door and he dragged himself up to unlock the latch.

"You look like shit," Sam said plainly when Dean finally stepped out. 

Dean threw a middle finger in the air and stumbled his way out in to the bar. Unfortunately for him, he slipped on a puddle of beer and face planted on to the floor.   
Because things couldn't get any worse in his life, Dean heard Sam take a picture of him before he drifted into unconsciousness. 

*****

Dean and Cas were lying on a beach, hands intertwined as they sipped a fruity drink from a coconut. Cas teased him about it before tackling him and covering his face with kisses. Dean felt the weight of Cas on top of him as the ocean swelled in the background. 

It was nice. 

Just as soon as it started, Cas hopped off and gave Dean a strange expression. 

Dean chuckled and lifted his eyebrow. "What's wrong?"

"I don't love you, Dean. I never did." Cas stood up and walked into the ocean, disappearing as the waves crashed over him. 

"Dean!"

"Dean, for the love of God!"

"You asked for it…"

Dean coughed as ice cold water drenched his bed and ripped him out of the dream. 

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Dean spluttered as he jumped off his soggy mattress and pushed Sam into the wall. "That's not how you wake someone up!"

"Sorry!" Sam laughed with his hands raised. "You were sleeping like the dead, I had to make sure you didn't actually die. You really smacked your head."

Dean groaned as he turned towards a mirror and noticed the purple welt forming on his forehead. Could he seriously not catch a break?

"You want to talk about what happened?"

"No."

Sam followed Dean out to the kitchen and crossed his arms. "You sure?"

"Pretty fucking sure." Dean filled a glass with water and started sipping it as his hangover started to appear with a vengeance. 

"Okay, fine," Sam huffed. "When I got to the bar, the manager had to show me which bathroom you were in. Apparently, some guy locked himself in it for an hour while he cried so loud that everyone could hear it. Sound familiar to you at all?"

Dean looked up at the ceiling and shrugged. 

"On my way to the back, some girl told me this guy starting crying when they were in the middle of hooking up. Like, full breakdown, the whole enchilada."  
Well this day just kept getting better and better. 

"I know this break up has been rough on you but you can't keep doing this. I can't keep coming to drag your drunk ass home in the middle of the night, you're going to get yourself hurt." Sam hesitantly stepped forward to try and make eye contact. "I'll drop it if you want but…I'll listen too if that's what you need."

Dean shifted away and stared at the water dripping from the faucet. It dripped 57 times before Sam sighed and walked out of the kitchen.

"Dad will be here in about an hour, you smell like a distillery," Sam called over his shoulder as he plopped down on the couch and started flipping through TV channels.   
Shit. He forgot he agreed to let his dad come over. 

They were supposed to all have lunch together as a family. Obviously something Dean had agreed to when he was in no state to be making decisions. 

The words his dad said about Cas at still played in his mind but he had tried to keep things civil for Sam. Besides, since Cas left, his dad hadn't said a word about him. 

Dean quickly hurried to take a shower to make himself somewhat presentable. He swallowed some medicine for his headache and took a look at himself in the mirror before he got dressed. He really did look horrible. He had lost weight and his face looked like he'd been in a bar fight. His eyes traveled downward until they reached his scar, causing him to chuckle. Who would have ever guessed in a million years that he'd be inviting his dad over for lunch? Not him, that's for damn sure. 

He managed to get dressed just in time to join Sam at the door as their dad walked in. 

"This place looks nice, Dean. I'm impressed," John said as they all walked into the kitchen to get the food out. 

Dean focused on unwrapping the sandwiches. "Thanks."

"What happened to your face? Get in a bar fight?"

"Dean completely wiped out," Sam laughed. "Whacked his face on the floor."

"Yeah basically," Dean muttered. 

John grinned and patted him on the back causing Dean to unexpectedly flinch. "I'd make up a cool story if I were you, son. Don't want people to think you're weak," he chuckled. 

Sam and Dean exchanged a look as they went to sit down at the table, food laid out in front of them family style. They all ate in silence for a few minutes until John cleared his throat. 

"This is real nice of you boys to do this. It's nice being a family again, huh?"

Sam nodded eagerly as Dean swallowed his food. 

"Glad you could make it," Dean said uncomfortably. No matter how nice their dad suddenly was, it would never quite make up for the childhood he and Sam had both been forced to have. It didn't quite make up for the complete abandonment for weeks at a time, it couldn't make up for the way Dean had to skip most of his high school classes for work just so that he could feed Sam, and it sure as hell didn't make up for the drunken way they were treated whenever John was in town. 

Lost in his thoughts, Dean was oblivious to the conversation happenings around him. Something about Sam's cool lawyer job or the interesting case he was working on last week. Dean took another bite of his sandwich and tried to picture what life would be like if they had a normal childhood, what it would be like if their mom had never died. 

It would probably look a lot like this, actually, and wouldn't that be nice?

In an effort to put his grudges aside, Dean joked around with his dad and even laughed out loud when the jokes would get thrown back. Sam was beaming and that was enough for him. Their dad was remarkably decent and it had him wondering if things would be more like this from now on. 

"So then I told him, if he takes his date out with that hippie smart car of his, he better expect to go home alone!" John joked, filling his plate up with more potato chips.   
Dean laughed at the story and shook his head. "And you didn't get in trouble for talking to the customer like that?"

"Nah, Rufus knows I'm not afraid to tell it like it is."

Sam grinned and suddenly perked up. "Oh dad, I forgot to ask you, did you get the invitation for my wedding? I know we sent it a little late but—"  
"Oh right, yeah. Yeah, I got that Sammy, looks real nice."

"Thanks, Dean's going to be my best man and everything. Maybe you can meet Jess soon."

John cleared his throat and nodded. "Sure."

"So you're coming right? You don't have to send back and RSVP or anything, I'll just add your name to the list."  
"Actually, uh I don't think I'm going to make it."

"Wait, seriously?" Dean asked. 

"Sorry kiddo, I made plans to go fishing that weekend."

"Oh," Sam said softly. "That's fine, it's not a problem."

Dean gave Sam a questioning look and turned back towards his father. "It's Sam's wedding, can't you go fishing another weekend?"

"I already promised some people I'd go, Dean. Besides, it's not like there won't be another one. Aren't I right, Sammy?" John joked. 

Sam's mouth popped open like he was going to say something before he closed it again and looked down at his lap. "Jess is a really nice girl, I only plan on getting married once."

"It was a joke, Sammy. Jesus," John rolled his eyes. "Where's your sense of humor?"

Dean broke a chip in his hands and felt the tension slowly seep back into the room. 

"If you can manage to come," Dean looked towards John, "I know Sam would really like to have you there."

"Speaking of the wedding, who are you bringing as your date, Dean?" John asked. 

"I probably won't bring anyone. I'll be busy with best man duties and all that."

John scoffed. "It's the perfect opportunity to be seen with a pretty girl. Show people you're a man's man and all that."

"A man's man?" Dean repeated. 

"Yeah. Casteel's gone so now you can go back to the way things were and—"

"Castiel."

"Right, that's what I said, that phase is over now so you should start looking for women to marry and start a family with."

Dean's mouth dropped open and before he had a chance to respond, his brother cut in. 

"I don't think it's a phase, dad. Besides, it's really up to Dean who he wants to date."

John shook his head. "Dean's ready for some real women, right?"

"I…" Dean struggled to find words. Suddenly he had flashbacks of the old John Winchester, the homophobic one.

"Cas wasn't a phase, I loved him."

Sam's eyes widened and flickered over towards their father. 

John huffed and narrowed his eyes at Dean. "It doesn't matter what you thought, it's over now. I tried to be supportive and let it pass like I knew it would. You're not a relationship kind of guy."

"Says who?" Dean asked, anger slowly trickling into his veins. "I'm a great boyfriend."

"Is that why Cas left you?"

Sam sucked in his breath and Dean recoiled back, feeling the words like a punch to the gut.

"I mean I'm right, aren't I?" John asked to both of them. "Dean couldn't even get a stripper to stay with him."

"Dad, stop," Sam pleaded. 

John shook his head and continued. "You had your fun and now it's over, Dean. You were doing it for attention. You wanted attention back in high school and you wanted attention now."

"Wanted attention? Are you fucking kidding me?" Dean asked in a much louder voice as he lifted his shirt to show the scar. "Oh yeah, I wanted attention so badly that I risked getting beat by my own father to do it."

"Now listen here," John yelled. "That was ages ago—"

"It was! It was ages ago and you're still the same homophobic person you were back then."

"I don't have any problem with gay people, I just don't want my son to be one of them."

Dean rolled his eyes. "News flash, I like women _and_ men. And don’t you dare say that Castiel was just for attention."

John clenched his teeth and looked towards Sam. "Want to chime in and help me here?"

"Yeah sure," Sam said. "Fuck you, dad. You're uninvited to my wedding."

If Dean weren't so deliriously angry he would have died laughing at that little outburst. 

"Fine, if you boys don't want to respect me you can just go right ahead," John said as he got up and headed towards the door. "I'm disappointed in you Dean, I expected better."

With that, John Winchester walked out the door and left both brothers standing at the table. 

"You okay?" Sam asked. 

"Yeah," Dean nodded. "Surprisingly. You?"

Sam nodded and stared at the door. 

"We don't need him. Did fine before, we'll do fine now."

"Yeah," Sam said softly. "It was going so well though."

Dean scrubbed a hand across his face and chuckled. "He's such a bastard."

Sam laughed and leaned back into his chair. "We might as well finish lunch I guess?"

"Hell, yeah, I'm not going to let him make all these sandwiches go to waste."

They ate in silence for a few minutes as Dean got over the shock of what just happened. He was less effected than he thought he'd be but still, that was ugly. 

"Hey so…you loved Cas?"

Dean nodded his head. 

"Do you still love him?"

Dean nodded his head again. 

"So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know, Sammy…I don't know."


	26. Chapter 26

"Cassie?"

"Cassie, wake up, you're going to miss your meeting…"

A sound halfway between and groan and a growl escaped from Castiel's throat as he squinted open an eye to glare at Balthazar. 

"Five more minutes."

"You said that five minutes ago."

"I mean it this time."

Castiel heard a dramatic sigh before he felt the couch tip and suddenly he was being rolled on to the floor.

"Was that really necessary?" he asked as a pillow was flung at his face. 

"It was," Balthazar smirked. "I started trying to wake you up an hour ago, you sleep like the dead."

Castiel looked around the room through half-lidded eyes, trying to get his brain to function. Was the floor always this hard?

"Go take a shower, Jesus, you smell dreadful. Sam's expecting you in 30 minutes." Balthazar fondly shook his head and left him on the floor, sitting in a mountain of blankets. 

Balthazar was a good roommate for the most part. It was a bit inconvenient when he would bring home his conquests and then proceed to act like the walls were completely soundproof but it wasn't too bad. After all, Castiel was living on his couch for free so he really didn't have room to complain. 

To say that the last few weeks had been rough on Castiel would be an understatement. At one point, he had gone over 10 days without showering and Balthazar threatened to kick him out and burn the couch. Balthazar was patient with him when he cried himself to sleep and never made fun of him for insisting to keep a light on at night. When Castiel came back after his first therapy session with a woman named Missouri, Balthazar listened to everything he learned and agreed to help in whatever way he could with the healing process. 

Castiel dragged himself to the bathroom and quickly sped through the shower, thankfully remembering to shave off the week-long beard that covered his face. He threw on a respectable outfit, a casual suit with a blue tie, and hurried out the door. He managed to make it to Sam's office just in time and stepped into a crowded elevator, pushing the button for the top floor. 

As they stopped at what seemed like every single floor, Castiel fidgeted with his sleeves. Sam was gracious enough to remain his lawyer throughout the breakup but it still put him on edge to see the younger Winchester. Maybe it was the fact that Sam was related to Dean, or maybe it was that he knew how Dean spent his days now, if he had a new life. Sam had all the information that Castiel once believed was his to know. 

The elevator door dinged open and Castiel stepped out into an upscale office floor with well-dressed men and women hustling around like they were being paid for the number of steps they took. Feeling more than a little out of place, he sent Sam a text letting him know of his arrival and carefully sat down on a glass bench that looked like it cost more than anything he'd ever owned. Including when he had his own apartment. 

He tried to keep himself from fidgeting as he attempted to look like he had a reason to be there. He tried crossing his legs and quickly undid them when it got to be too uncomfortable. 

Sam usually had them meet at a more neutral location. Castiel had always assumed it was because Sam didn't want to spend extra time at work but perhaps he knew just how unsettling the environment could be to outsiders. 

"Cas!" Sam called from out of nowhere. "Thanks for being willing to come all the way down here, things got a little crazy with a few of my other cases."

"Of course," Castiel said as he tried to follow Sam's unbelievably quick pace. "Whatever's easiest for you."

Sam smiled and walked into a large office gesturing to a seat across from a wooden desk. He closed the door behind them and sat down with his hands in front of him.   
"How have you been?"

"I've been worse I suppose," Castiel chuckled. He winced when it didn't sound nearly as believable as he meant it to be. "I um…yeah. But how are you doing? And Jess?"

"Good, real good, thanks. Jess is good too. She's been losing her mind with all the wedding details but, it's cute."

Castiel smiled and remembered the wedding shows Jess used to marathon with him. Much to Balthazar's delight, he still watched them whenever he could. 

"But anyway," Sam cleared his throat. "Let's talk about your case. As of right now, the trial is set for next week—"

"That fast?"

"Yeah, well given the nature of the crime, the judge expedited it for us. We have Alistair for one count of abduction, one count of aggravated assault and one count of rape."

Castiel flinched at the word and watched as Sam did the same. No matter how much they talked about it, it always seemed so sterile when it was said like that.   
He nodded for Sam to continue. 

"I put in a request so that you won't have to be present for the trial. It would involve you being back in the same room as Alistair and according to previous rape cases, it would be a set back to your treatment. I think it'll go through so don't worry about that."

Sam continued to list off the facts about the case and what kind of things he would object to in the courtroom. Alistair had been tracked down through security camera footage a couple states over a few weeks earlier and Sam got to work quickly finding ways to lock him up for good, going through old law cases day and night. 

Apparently Alistair was pleading insanity which was ridiculous. He definitely was insane, but not in the way that counted. 

At some point a few of Sam's colleagues came in and talked strategy. It was all a bit overwhelming and confusing but he couldn't help but feel grateful for these people who were fighting for him. It sounded like Alistair's lawyers were fighting dirty too, saying that Castiel begged for a relationship and went crazy when he was rejected. 

There was even a claim that Castiel was stalking Alistair and had a shrine dedicated to their love. That one gave everybody in the room a good laugh. 

When they were finally alone again, Sam pulled out a new stack of papers. 

"Okay, so. The last thing we need to cover is your personal statement of the events. Did you bring it with you?"

Castiel forgot about the folder he had brought with him and slowly pushed it across the desk. He had written out everything he remembered happening from the pain, all the way to the words and threats that had been carved inside his brain all these weeks. 

Sam opened the folder and nodded before he started to read it. Castiel tried to look everywhere but directly at him. He knew how ugly it looked on paper. 

He heard Sam swallow and set the paper down after reading it more than once. It was a few minutes of silence, only the sounds of footsteps in the hallway to fill the air. 

"Cas…"

"I know."

Sam shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Did you tell Dean about all this?" he asked looked back at the paper. "He basically used your relationship to degrade you."

Castiel sighed and shook his head. "Dean didn't know about that part, no."

"Shit," Sam leaned back and pushed a hair through his hair. "I'm so sorry, I had no idea it was this bad. I mean, of course it was bad, that's not what I meant, I just—"

"It's fine, I know what you mean."

They went back to silence for a few minutes. That seemed easier than coming up with something to say.

"Tell me if I'm overstepping and I'll just shut up but, I know of a good therapist if you need one. I'm actually seeing one myself with everything that happened."

"Thank you, Sam, but I've actually been seeing one for over a month now. She's helped me a great deal, I'm doing much better." Castiel let out a shaky breath as the air in the room slowly became more comfortable, familiar even. 

Winchesters had a way of easing the tension out of a situation. 

"What do you mean, 'with what happened'?" Castiel pried. 

Sam looked confused for a second until his face lit up in realization. "Oh right, I guess you wouldn't have known. My dad came over last weekend and it was a complete disaster. He said he wasn't coming to my wedding and basically scolded Dean for dating you. It was pretty ugly, he and Dean got in a big argument and that was that. 

Dad's back out of our lives again I guess."

"I'm sorry, I had no idea," Castiel said softly. "How is…I mean, is he…"

"Dean's doing okay." Sam nodded. "Not great, but okay given the circumstance. I think he's starting to do better."

Castiel looked down at the floor. "I tried leaving him a few messages after everything that happened but he never responded, I wouldn't blame him if he hated me."

Sam cringed and exhaled. "He doesn't hate you, he just…he's going through some things right now is all." He looked like he wanted to say more but stopped himself. "If it means anything, I really liked you guys together."

Castiel felt those words like a knife to the heart but kept his face impressively neutral. "There's a lot I wish I could say to him now that I've had a chance to work things out myself but I'm afraid I missed that chance when I left."

"You mean you want to get back together with him?" Sam perked up. 

"Ideally, but Sam, he won't even talk to me. I'd even settle for just being friends." 

That's a lie, it would kill him to have to stay only friends with Dean. It would actually kill him. 

"Well," Sam paused as it looked like he was trying to think something through. "I think it would be good for Dean to work out his issues between you two so I'll help you out. But, what you did to him was really shitty. If you ever hurt him like that again you're going to be sorry. Got it?"

Castiel swallowed at the threat and nodded his head. 

"Good," Sam beamed as he looked at his watch. "Actually Dean's coming to meet me for lunch any minute, I didn't realize how late it was. You could come with us?"  
"I don't know, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Dean will probably be weird about it but it'll give you a chance to break the ice. He wants to see you, he just won't admit it."

Castiel raised an eyebrow. "He told you that?"

"Well… no, not exactly in those words but trust me, I know him better than he knows himself sometimes."

Before Castiel had a chance to decline the offer Dean appeared in the doorway and locked eyes with him immediately. 

Castiel forgot how air worked suddenly and scrambled to stand up. 

"Cas," Dean breathed.

The two of them stared at each other with an almost pained expression before Sam cleared his throat and stepped out from behind his desk. 

"Cas and I were working on his case, he's coming to lunch with us," Sam explained. 

Dean's eyes widened and he shot Sam a meaningful look. The two brothers continued to communicate like that for several seconds until Castiel finally found his voice again. 

"I don't have to, I mean—I can just go home."

"You're coming with us Cas, it's fine," Sam insisted. "Right, Dean?"

Dean gave Castiel a bit of a strangled look before slowly nodding his head. "Yeah, that's…I'm just gonna go wait in the car." He turned around and left in a second, nearly tripping on his way out.

"See?" Sam smiled. "He's excited."

*****

The car ride to the restaurant was awkward.

Every time Castiel looked at Dean through the rearview mirror, he caught green eyes staring back at him. Sam tried to keep the conversation going but Dean was uncharacteristically quiet, guarded even. 

When the waitress directed them to a booth, Dean slid in right away. Castiel started to walk to the other side but suddenly Sam shoved him in next to Dean and grinned at the two of them from across the table. 

At least somebody was enjoying themselves. 

They ordered their food without too much hassle. Sam ordered a salad and Dean ordered pizza which surprised him. He usually ordered burgers at every chance he got. 

"So Dean," Sam settled into his seat. "How's work?"

"Uh, it's good. I have the rest of the week off so the students can study for midterms. I'll probably spend most of it making up all the stuff I missed but yeah, it's good I guess."

Castiel turned towards Dean with a confused look. "Were you sick?"

"Um…yeah. Something like that," Dean said awkwardly. 

"Dean missed about 3 weeks of school after you guys broke up."

"Sam!"

Castiel watched the two of them exchange heated glances and pretended to be focused on his napkin. He felt a little glad that Dean was (is) having as hard of a time with the break up as he was and instantly felt guilty about it.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he said softly to no one in particular.

Sam cleared his throat and changed the topic to something in much safer territory. Something about the new Star Wars movie coming out, Castiel wasn't sure. All he could focus on was the heat coming off Dean's body beside him. They were sitting so close that he could feel him through his clothes. He could smell the cologne on his skin and his mind flashed to all the nights and lazy mornings he spent wrapped in Dean's arms. A sharp pain felt like it was stabbing into his chest and he had to excuse himself to the restroom.

He splashed some water on his face gave himself a quick pep talk. This was Dean. This was the man who he lived with, who he shared a life with. This was the man who had 43 freckles on his left arm, he knew this because he loved counting them when he couldn't sleep. This was the man who held him when he fell apart and was his anchor when his world wouldn't stop spinning. This was the man who he rejected. Above all, this was the man he was going to fight for. 

He was going to fight for Dean if it was the last thing he did. 

When Castiel started to walk up to the table, he saw Sam and Dean arguing in hushed tones. 

"Seriously? This was your big idea?"

"Don't give me that crap Dean, I'm trying to help you."

"By forcing him here? He said it was over!"

"If you would just listen, I think you don't have the whole story and—"

The conversation died instantly as soon as they saw him and the awkward tension returned. 

Castiel hadn't heard everything, but he'd heard enough. Dean thought Castiel didn't want him anymore. 

The thought was laughable. 

This time, Castiel slid into the booth and purposefully pressed his body against Dean for a few seconds before finally shifting away. 

"How is Raphael doing?" he asked Dean in an effort to make eye contact. 

"He's fine," Dean said hesitantly. "I got him a new ball to roll around in, he seems to like it."

"Thank you for keeping him for me," Castiel smiled softly. "Balthazar isn't allowed to have pets in his apartment."

"You're staying with Balthazar?" Dean asked, failing to pretend like he wasn't interested. 

"Where did you think I was staying? I sold my old apartment."

"Right." Dean looked back down at his plate.

Sam was watching the exchange like it was a blockbuster movie and Castiel had to try not to roll his eyes. 

"Would it be okay if I came to see him?"

"He's your pet," Dean shrugged.

Castiel wiped the side of his mouth with a napkin and smirked at the way Dean was eyeing his burger. "I could come over tomorrow? Sometime during the afternoon when you're home?"

"I don't have to be there, you can just come and see him."

"I uh, I don't have a key anymore."

A pained expression flickered across Dean's face and then it was gone. "I'll be home after 2."

When it was clear that the conversation wasn't going to go any further, Sam pulled them all into a debate about Star Wars vs Star Trek. 

Dean continued to steal glances in Castiel's direction the rest of the meal and even scooted closer at one point, lightly pressing their thighs together. Castiel pretended not to notice but that entire side of his body felt light it had been sparked with a live wire. 

Sam looked giddy and gave him a thumbs up behind Dean's back as they were leaving.


	27. Chapter 27

Castiel sat comfortably on a plush couch as he absentmindedly picked at a piece of skin on his thumb. When he first started these sessions, he had been stiff and hesitant to share details about himself. He would listen to Missouri, his therapist, talk for an hour and then stumble out of the room with an involuntary body shake. He's come a long way since then. He participated in the sessions and even asked Missouri for advice, from time to time. She had primarily been the reason that he had enough courage to go after Alistair in court. 

Missouri sat across from him, looking through her notes from their last session and hummed approvingly. 

"How have you been since last week, Castiel?"

"It was a fairly good week, I suppose. I was able to borrow some money from a friend so I could finish registering for classes for the summer semester."

A wide smile broke across her face. "That's wonderful news, I'm so proud of you."

Castiel wasn't entirely used to receiving praise like that but he welcomed the warm feeling in him that it created. 

"Did you complete the exercise we talked about during our last session?"

"Yes," he shifted in his seat to pull a piece of folded paper out of his back pocket. "It took a little longer than expected but I think it's good enough."

Missouri had asked him to write down a list of 10 things that made him feel safe when he experienced triggers. Castiel sat in Balthazar's kitchen for 2 hours trying to come up with enough to fill requirements. He was more than a little dismayed to discover that Dean was the most successful one. 

She took the list and read through it slowly, eyeing Castiel every few minutes. 

"Reading, writing, learning about nature, taking deep breaths…those are good. Running, being held, listening to music…what kind of music?"

"Um, any kind really. Classic rock helps the most, Hey Jude works too."

Missouri frowned. "You don't really seem like a classic rock kind of person."

"I guess I am," Castiel shrugged. He felt like he was sitting under a spotlight and all his secrets were threatening to start spilling out of his body. 

She pursed her lips and continued reading. "Taking a nap, watching reality shows and…ah yes, now we're talking. And Dean."

Castiel looked at his feet and waited for a lecture but it never came. Instead, Missouri gave him a small smile and wrote something down on her notepad. 

"Today I'd like us to talk about relationships, Castiel. Is that okay with you?"

He nodded and settled further back into the soft cushion of the couch. 

"An important part of the recovery process is learning how to reconnect your body and your feelings. Like we've talked about before, survivors of rape often tend to internalize the words and opinions of the rapist. It becomes a constant loop in their mindset, something they have trouble escaping from."

Castiel shifted. That session had led to a rather uncomfortable crying episode where he was so inconsolable, Balthazar had to come pick him up. 

"Because of this," she continued, "it poisons the relationships in your life. You feel you aren't worthy, like you're used, you feel like you're too much trouble to have around. We both know that absolutely none of this is true. You have listed a few different physical methods you like to use, that's good, and you have other ways that calm you during the triggering moments. What I'm interested in though, is how a person, or an ex-boyfriend, made it on to the same list."

"Dean…" he started, feeling the name spark at something in his body, "he was there for me when it happened, and for a while after."

Missouri nodded like she'd heard the story before although Castiel's pretty sure this is the most he's ever told her. 

"But then you left him."

He definitely never told her that. 

"Um, yes. I thought I was doing it for him at the time."

"Why?"

"Well," he sighed. "I thought I was a burden I guess…"

"But..." Missouri prompted. 

"But, I now know that I wasn't thinking about it correctly. I made a mistake."

She wrote another note down in her notepad. 

"Tell me about why Dean's physical touch is something that makes you feel better."

Castiel thought a moment through all the times he spent laying in Dean's arms, all the times he felt calmer as strong hands ran softly over his skin.

"It's more than just physical touch, I think. Dean…it's Dean. It's just Dean."

Missouri raised her eyebrows for him to explain. 

"I think it's being around him. He wouldn't have to touch me and I'd still feel better. It's when he smiles or breathes. I like his laugh." Castiel stopped and chastised himself for sounding so sappy. 

"If Dean helps so much then why hasn't he been more involved in your treatment?"

"He thinks I don't like him," Castiel said a bit sheepishly as his eyes swept towards the ceiling.

"And why on earth would he get that impression? From what I can tell, that boy needs you almost as much as you need him."

Ignoring the fact that there's no possible way for her to actually know that, he nodded and took a deep breath. "I'm going to fix it. Dean, I mean. I'm going to get him to give me another chance."

Missouri smiled but didn't look surprised. "I think you better get on that, you wouldn't want to miss your chance and have Dean learn that he can live without you after all."

Castiel wrinkled his nose and fought the urge to run straight to Dean's house. 

"Because he can, you know, live without you," Missouri said softly. "And you can live without him. Does that mean I don't think you two belong together? Absolutely not. But it's important for you to remember that he doesn't control your progress."

She closed her notebook and sat it gently on the table next to her. "You've come such a long way since we've started meeting and that's all you, Castiel. You did that. You're strong and determined and your story continues however you want it to. Just remember that you don't need someone else to make you strong, you do that all on your own."

Castiel wiped the corner of his eyes and nodded, taking in a shaky breath. 

"I'm going to see him later today, I asked to visit Raphael."

Missouri smiled. "I think that sounds like a fine idea." They both stood up and walked toward the door as Castiel grabbed a peppermint from the candy jar. 

"Oh Castiel," Missouri called after him with a knowing look. "Don't forget to bring pie."

Castiel grinned and immediately looked up directions to the nearest bakery. 

*****

Dean stood in front of the dressing room mirror and grimaced. 

"Sam, I look like an asshole in this suit."

He stepped out of the tiny changing room and watched as Sam burst out laughing, spitting his drink onto the floor. 

Dean was dressed in a powder blue suit complete with ruffles and an alarmingly tight bowtie. He looked around and saw a couple of girls snapping pictures of his ass, giggling as they probably sent them off to God knows where. 

"I know I said I'd wear whatever you wanted but are you serious? No one looks good in this."

Sam wiped his eyes and shook his head. "Of course no one's wearing that at my wedding, I just wanted to see if you'd do it." He reached behind a counter and pulled out a garment bag. "Here, try this one."

Dean walked back into the dressing room with his middle finger raised over his head. As pissed as he was, he had to admit, that was well played. Dean was strangely proud. 

"While you're working on that, I'm going to try on my tux again. I want to make sure it still fits."

"Worried about gaining weight, Samantha?" Dean joked over the partition. 

"Don't be a jerk," Sam huffed. "I just want to make sure."

Dean rolled his eyes and tried to button himself into the new tux. It was pretty classy. He was more than a little excited to see what he looked like all dressed up in it.   
"So Dean, Cas is coming over today right?"

"Yeah, I don't know, I guess."

What Sam didn't know was that Dean spent the entire morning cleaning his apartment until it practically shined. He was embarrassed at how many take out containers littered the place and at the weird smell that accumulated over the past few weeks. 

"That should be exciting." There was the sound of Sam tripping over something and cursing in the next dressing room. "You guys seemed to hit it off yesterday."

"We barely said a few sentences to each other."

"But they were friendly sentences."

Dean huffed a laugh and shook his head. "Why are you suddenly so interested in what we do?"

"I just think you're good for each other, that's all. And besides, I think you need to talk."

"You know something I don't?"

"Attorney-client privilege. I can't share anything."

Damn his brother for being such a respectable lawyer. 

"I'll be nice but don't get your hopes up, he's only coming to see Raphael." Dean stepped out of the dressing room and saw Sam standing in front of the mirror, adjusting his tie. 

He looked so grownup that Dean had to take a few seconds to collect himself. It was hard to believe his baby brother was getting married. 

"What do you think?" Sam asked when he noticed he was being watched. 

"It looks good, Sammy."

"It's Sam."

"Same thing," Dean shrugged. "What do you think about this one?" He turned around in a circle and glared at the girls starting to get out their camera phones again.   
Sam straightened his collar and gave him a firm pat on the back. "I like it. Let's go make sure they have your right measurements."

They called the seamstress over and she quickly got to work on Dean's tux. At one point her hand brushed against something that it definitely shouldn't have and he fought the urge to blush. Sam loved every minute of it and wiggled his eyebrows when Dean shot him a nasty look. 

"Has Jess found her dress yet?" Dean asked as they walked out of the store and hovered by their parked cars.

"Yeah, actually I think she chose one last weekend. It's all secret of course, but she swears it'll make me cry," Sam said, playfully rolling his eyes. 

"I'd be willing to bet money that you start crying anyway when you see her walk down the aisle. You're the most emotional man I know."

Sam snorted. "Says the guy the cried during Bambi."

"Hey, Bambi doesn't count! You have to be heartless not to get at least a little choked up at that movie."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say." Sam shifted on his feet and looked like he was thinking something through. "When you were dating Cas did you ever picture you guys getting married someday?"

Dean's breath hitched for a second as he narrowed his eyes. "I don't want to talk about that."

"Just answer the question."

"Um yeah. Yeah, it crossed my mind, why?"

Sam shrugged. "Just wondering. It seems like that might as well be another reason why you should give him a chance. If someone's special enough to make Dean Winchester think about settling down then maybe they're worth a second look."

"You calling me a slut, Sammy?"

Sam laughed and dodged when Dean tried to whack him in the stomach. "Lovingly, of course."

"I'll think about it, happy?"

"Yeah, that's all I'm asking," Sam nodded. 

They said their goodbyes and Dean drove towards his apartment on auto pilot. Cas was supposed to meet him there any minute, hopefully he didn't get there first. 

He thought about how he should act. He could go for casual. Act like he was completely unbothered by the fact that his ex-boyfriend/ex-best friend/ex-everything that mattered in the world was going to be standing in his apartment like he did so many weeks ago. He could act bothered by it. Pretend that he's doing Cas a favor by letting him visit Raphael, like it was inconveniencing him. He considered acting friendly and pretending that there's nothing wrong between them, like the tie that held them together wasn't being strangled from the tension. 

He pulled around the corner and saw Cas setting on his front step, clutching a box from what looked like his favorite bakery. His dark hair was messed up from the wind, his cheeks pink from the cold. Cas looked beautiful. 

Dean swallowed and drove into the driveway, giving Cas a short nod. He could do this. He could pretend like he wasn't falling apart. He could pretend like the sight of Cas on his doorstep didn't send a thrill through his entire body like a livewire. 

His mind also flashed to the day that Cas decided to leave. He remembered throwing things out onto the lawn like a crazy person, so caught up in his own grief that he barely registered what he was doing. 

It was important for him to remember that Cas left for a reason. 

"Dean," Cas smiled as Dean approached the front door and unlocked it.

"Uh hey, Cas."

They walked inside and Dean watched as Cas looked around with an odd expression on his face. "It looks the same."

"Well yeah, I'm not exactly a redecorating kind of guy," Dean shrugged. 

Cas took a deep breath and placed the box on the kitchen table. "I brought pie."

Dean felt his lips twitch into a small smile. "You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to. It's a thank you for taking care of Raphael."

"It's really not a problem," Dean said quietly. "He's easy."

Watching Cas walk around the apartment was weird but it felt right. It was unsettling, but comforting at the same time. It made the place seem a little brighter and it made the place seem a little sadder too. 

Dean nodded towards the bedroom and they both walked towards Raphael's cage. Cas led the way and Dean followed close behind. He was careful not to watch the sway of his hips or the sinful way his jeans clung to his ass like a second skin. 

"Raphael!" Cas beamed. He quickly unlatched the door and pulled the furry creature out, holding him close to his chest. "I missed you so much, little buddy."

Cas' face was in a permanent smile as he talked to the guinea pig. Something warm started to blossom in Dean's stomach and he fought to ignore it. 

"He missed you," Dean said softly.

"I wish I could keep him with me, I don’t want to risk getting Balthazar evicted."

"Like I said, he's your pet. You can come see him whenever you want."

Cas nodded and looked like he wanted to say something else but ultimately decided not to. 

Dean shifted on his feet and met Cas' eyes. The ocean blue color of them had returned, no longer paled out by everything that happened. The dark circles under his eyes were almost gone and his skin was tanner. He didn't look sickly anymore. 

He looked good. 

Dean hadn't gotten a good look at him when they had lunch yesterday and he regretted looking at him now. 

Cas looked like he was doing just fine. He wasn't falling apart at the seams like Dean was. 

He awkwardly stepped out of the bedroom and sat down on the couch to flip through TV channels. He found a rerun of Doctor Sexy M.D. but couldn't focus on it with Cas so close. Even from rooms away he could sense his presence, feel the warmth he brought into the apartment. 

A few episodes later, he heard someone clear their throat behind him. 

"What happened to this?"

Dean turned and saw Cas holding up the bumblebee figurine that Dean had smashed and hastily glued back together in despair. 

"Um, it fell."

Cas looked at it again suspiciously and sat down on the other side of the couch. "Do you want to order pizza?"

"What?"

"Do you want me to order a pizza for us to eat?"

Dean gave him a confused expression and looked back at hopeful blue eyes. "Cas, I don't, I don't know if that's a good idea."

A hurt expression flickered across Cas' face and disappeared before Dean could be sure if he saw it right. 

"It's just pizza," he said as he pulled out his cellphone. "Are you hungry?"

Dean just stared at him for a few seconds as he tried to collect his thoughts. He could probably manage dinner, right?

"Okay but," Dean exhaled and started picking at a loose string on his jeans. "I'm still…I mean, I don't, it's just pizza."

"Just pizza," Cas repeated before he dialed the number and ordered their usual. 

They spent the waiting time silently watching some documentary about the Great Barrier Reef. Dean had gotten in the habit of changing the channel to boring things like that when he was with Cas because he knew he enjoyed them. The realization of the domestic nature of that habit hit him like a ton of bricks. 

He sat there in complete silence as he remembered what it felt like when they would watch movies together, all cuddled up on this very couch. They would intertwine their limbs until it took serious work to separate, neither one of them wanting to be any further from the other person then absolutely necessary. They would feed each other popcorn and trade lazy kisses back and forth during the boring parts. He remembered how Cas' lips would taste salty with the faintest hint of peppermint that seemed to linger no matter what he ate that day. 

Sometimes when they were really into it, they would turn off the volume and create their own dialogue. It would be stupid and not even slightly related to the plot but it would be funny enough for them both to be bent over, wheezing with laughter. He thought of the way Cas would light up when he smiled at Dean. How he was always able to convey so much with his eyes. 

"Dean?"

Dean snapped out of his memories and saw Cas looking at him expectantly. 

"What?"

"I said the pizza man just drove up, do you want to go get plates?"

"Uh, sure."

Get it together Winchester. This isn't the time to lose your shit. At least wait until he's gone. 

Dean shook his head and grabbed a couple plates and napkins before heading to back into the living room. Cas carefully loaded their plates and they started eating in silence, the documentary droning on in the background. 

"This is nice," Cas said softly. 

Dean took a big bite and chewed slowly. 

"I was wondering if we could talk…"

"Cas, please—"

"Just, I think it's a good idea. Doesn't it feel weird to you how awkward it is between us?"

Dean nodded uncomfortably. "I guess."

Cas set his plate down and moved closer to Dean on the couch. "I miss you."

Dean gritted his teeth together and tried to breathe evenly. Cas left him. 

Sure, Cas was regretting it now but he still left. He still walked out, even after Dean told him he loved him. 

"Let's talk about something else."

Cas looked at Dean meaningfully and picked back up his plate. "I like the um, the new things you got for Raphael. It's cute," he said softly as he stared down at his pizza.  
"Thanks." Dean mentally kicked himself shutting Cas down like that but reminded himself why it was necessary. "What have you been doing the past few weeks?"

"I registered for classes at KU. For the summer term."

Dean's eyes shot up to look at Cas in the eye. "Really?" 

Cas nodded as a faint blush colored his cheeks. 

"That's great, what are you taking?"

"Just a few intro English classes. I'm not sure what I want to do with them yet though."

Dean felt an unprecedented amount of pride swell in his chest. "I'm proud of you."

A startled look flashed across Cas' face. "Thanks. Sam helped me get all my papers together, or at least what I had left of them."

"Yeah, Sam said you two have been meeting a lot for the case. How's it going?"

Cas shifted in his seat and ran a hand through his hair. "The trial is next week."

"What happened? I mean, you don't have to tell me—"

"It's okay," Cas chuckled. "The police caught him a few weeks ago when he showed up on some security footage a few states over. Apparently he's done this before and was about to start it again somewhere else."

"Shit," Dean breathed. "How are you handling it?"

Cas shrugged and looked towards the floor for a few seconds. "Better than I expected I guess? Missouri, she's my therapist, has been helping a lot. Helping me put things in perspective and things like that. My night terrors are mostly gone."

Dean smiled at his progress. No matter what was going on between them, he would always be rooting for Cas. He truly wanted the best for him. 

"That's great, Cas."

They both looked towards each other at the same time and Dean felt himself get sucked in by the impossibly blue eyes. He remembered seeing them for the first time so many months ago and wondering if anything else in the world was that specific shade of blue. 

So far, nothing else was. 

Dean felt Cas lean in a bit closer, not close enough to kiss but close enough to start to feel intimate. He tracked the movement with his eyes and watched as Cas struggled with trying to say something. In the end though, neither one of them spoke. 

The tension faded from the room and was replaced with something unfamiliar. It was uncharted territory, whatever was happening with the both of them. Dean was smart enough to recognize that but when it came to knowing what to do?

He had no fucking clue. 

Dean cleared his throat and they both leaned out of each other's space.

"I should probably go, it's getting late," Cas said slowly as he started to clean up his things and grab his coat. 

"Yeah, um. Thanks for stopping by I guess," Dean said awkwardly. 

"Thanks for letting me see Raphael."

They shared one last look that seemed to say so much and not nearly enough at the same time. Dean felt the room getting colder as Cas stepped outside and started to walk towards his car.

"Hey, Cas," Dean called after him. "If you need someone to talk to about the whole trial thing or something next week, I uh, I mean…well you can always talk to me."

He scrubbed a hand across the back of his neck and questioned if that could have been any more awkward. 

Cas smiled and the rosy tint returned to his cheeks. "I'll keep that in mind, thank you, Dean."

Dean waved one last time and closed the door. He quickly got ready for bed and dreamt of Cas that night. Instead of the usual dream where Cas walked out the door, in this one, Cas laid in bed with him, smiling as they held on to each other.


	28. Chapter 28

As the next few days passed, Castiel found himself anxious to interact with Dean again. He felt a spark when they were sitting on the couch together and got the impression that Dean might have been tempted to go further if Castiel was bold enough to push it. 

He was trying to be respectful of Dean's feelings, he was. Castiel knew it wasn't a good idea to push him too far before he was ready but he was afraid of missing his chance. He didn't want the gap between them to become so big it was impossible to fill. He considered using Raphael as an excuse to visit but he also didn't want to seem desperate. 

Even if desperate was the perfect way to describe his current predicament. 

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Castiel startled and turned to see Balthazar watching him from the kitchen. How long had he been standing there?

"I'm just thinking."

Balthazar snorted and started to get out ingredients for dinner. "I'm fairly sure that's the meaning of the phrase. I wanted to know what you were thinking about." 

"Just…lots of things."

"Vague, I can work with that." Balthazar turned around and looked down pensively. "Could it be…that you're thinking about living somewhere other than my couch?"

Castiel frowned. "You know it's just temporary, I need a job first and I can't—"

"Whoa, Cassie, chill. I'm joking, you know you're welcome to stay as long as you need to. How about…the impending trial of doom?" Balthazar joked with a low voice.

"No," Castiel rolled his eyes. "I haven't thought about it yet today but thank you for that," he said sarcastically. 

"Someone has their knickers in a twist," Balthazar muttered. "I don't suppose your issue has anything to do with a certain English professor? Green eyes, 6 feet of muscle?"

"Does it matter?"

"Not really. Not unless you want my sage advice."

Castiel contemplated the idea but before he had a chance to respond, Balthazar moved into the living room and stood in front of him wearing a pink apron and oven mitts. 

"It doesn't take a genius to figure it out. You mumble his name in your sleep."

"I do not!"

"You sure about that?"

Castiel crossed his arms and exhaled. "I'm trying to repair our relationship if you must know."

"I'm intrigued, do spill." Balthazar walked back to the kitchen and Castiel was unamused to see that he wasn't wearing much under that apron. 

"I'm trying to get him to forgive me, or to really talk to me again after I…"

"Broke his heart and stomped on the pieces?"

"Uh, yes," Castiel grimaced. "Something like that."

Balthazar nodded. "Continue."

"I'm not sure what to do next. We ate dinner together the other night but it was…strained at best."

"You should send him a picture of your dick. That's always been a good conversation starter in my experience."

Castiel turned around to narrow his eyes. "I'm trying to win him back, not send him running in the other direction!"

"So just send him a text with words and no dick pic." Balthazar stirred something in a pot and shrugged. "Rather boring if you ask me but it would probably work just as well."

"I don't have any reason to suddenly text him, I need a different suggestion."

Balthazar was silent for a few seconds. 

"Balthazar?"

"There." Balthazar tossed Castiel's phone on to the couch next to him. "All done."

Castiel scrambled to open his phone in horror and blinked at the outgoing message. 

 

C: Want to come over and not watch a movie? ;)

 

"Oh my God, I'm going to kill you."

Castiel lunged off the couch and charged towards Balthazar who took off running around the apartment like a man on fire. He managed to get ahold of the apron strings and tackled him to the ground, cringing when he remembered Balthazar's clothing situation. Just as Castiel got ahold of his hair, the phone dinged with a new message, freezing both of them in place. 

"Look at it," Balthazar wheezed. "Maybe he said yes."

Castiel rolled off him quickly and threw a pillow at his face. He took a deep breath and opened his phone.

 

D: Um…did u mean to send this to someone else?

 

Balthazar suddenly appeared over his shoulder and chuckled. "I really thought that would work."  
"Just shut up and go away," Castiel hissed. He frantically typed out a response. 

 

C: I'm so sorry. That was Balthazar's idea of a joke or something. I wasn't trying to send that to anybody.   
D: Oh. That's funny I guess?

 

Castiel settled on to the couch and tossed another pillow at Balthazar just for good measure. 

 

C: He's stupid. Sorry again for bothering you. 

 

He set his phone down and sighed, as short as the conversation was, at least it was some interaction. He slowly started to stand up when his phone suddenly dinged again. 

 

D: U weren't bothering me

 

Castiel smiled and got to typing. 

 

C: I'm glad. Are you doing anything interesting this evening?  
D: Just playing with Raphael  
D: He just got a bath  
C: Oh good, how wet are you?  
C: I mean from the bath. How wet are you from the bath?

 

He squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the flush on his cheeks to go down. 

 

D: I'm dry this time thankfully. I'm getting pretty good at guinea pig bathes if I do say so myself  
D: I gotta go bed, early morning  
D: Night Cas

 

Castiel was too busy grinning to notice Balthazar reading over his shoulder. 

"See? I'm great at these things."

The next time Castiel sent Dean a message, Balthazar had just brought home a girl (or three) and was proceeding to have very loud, very athletic sex in the next room. 

 

C: Knowing what Balthazar sounds like during sex is something I never needed to know.   
D: What????  
C: He just brought home a hookup from the bar. They're very loud.   
D: Dude that's gross, I'm sorry.   
D: I had a college roommate that used to do that and it scarred me for life  
C: I suppose now I'm getting the full college experience.   
D: Hopefully they stop soon?  
C: Knowing Balthazar it'll probably last all night.   
D: That's a hell of a lot of stamina  
C: Lucky me. 

 

The next day, Dean sent him a message in the afternoon. 

 

D: I just caught two of my students going at it in an empty classroom.   
D: I don't know which of us were more embarrassed.   
C: Anybody I know?  
D: Becky Rosen and Chuck Shurley   
C: Ah yes. I caught them a few times when I was teaching there.  
D: You never told me that!!!  
C: They made me promise not to say anything  
D: Dude not cool  
C: I also caught Bela Talbot and Gabriel Angele doing it on your classroom desk one day.  
C: Dean?  
C: Dean are you there?  
D: ….I was just eating my lunch on that desk….

 

Castiel was just sitting down to eat dinner the next day when his phone alerted him with a new message. 

 

D: So theoretically if my microwave caught on fire and I had to get a new one how much would it cost?  
C: What happened??  
D: I may have tried to microwave a towel  
C: …………  
D: I wanted it to be warm!  
C: It's a miracle you've managed to live this long.  
D: Hey now, I'm perfectly responsible, thank you very much  
C: Says the man who almost flooded the apartment when you fell asleep in the bathtub with the water running.  
D: That was one time!  
D: And besides, I was waiting for you to come home. You took too long.   
C: Yes, it was quite a sight to see when I walked in and the living room was one big puddle.   
D: Yeah well whatever. What about the microwave?  
C: Can't you google the prices?  
D: I guess I could.  
C: Balthazar has an extra one in his garage. I'm sure he'd let you borrow it.   
D: That would be awesome. You're a life saver Cas.

 

The next few days passed in similar ways, the two of them trading messages back and forth like old friends. Castiel would text Dean whenever he had a free moment and Dean would do the same, often sending a cheesy joke, or a funny story about something that happened in class. It was good. More importantly, it was progress. 

Castiel could feel the strain in their relationship lessen with every message, slowly closing the crack he had caused. It was so nice to have Dean back in any way possible that it made him even more determined to make sure he never had to go through the feeling of losing him again. 

The good thing about this new development was that it served as a good distraction for Castiel. His days were often filled with rereading their messages and trying to think of witty comebacks to send in an effort to make Dean smile. The bad thing about this new development was that he was so distracted, he forgot about the upcoming trial until he woke up in a cold sweat on the morning of. 

He felt his heart pounding through his ears and quickly checked his wrists for bruises, exhaling when all he saw was pale skin. Just a dream. He was safe. 

Castiel rolled onto his side to feel for his phone and almost lost his balance, causing his adrenaline to spike which made him feel worse. He noticed a new message from Sam and quickly opened it. 

 

S: Try not to worry too much today, I'll text you when I know something. Probably won't be until late afternoon. 

 

Sam's a very competent lawyer, he knew what he was doing. There was no need to worry, Castiel repeated to himself. Worse case scenario…Alistair would go free and decide to find him again in hopes of getting revenge…

Castiel swallowed and burrowed back under the blankets, covering his head entirely. He took a few deep breathes and tried to remember everything he had worked on with Missouri. No matter what happened today he would be fine. He wasn't going to let this undo all the progress he had made. 

Castiel slowly crawled out from under his fortress of blankets and turned on Balthazar's excessively large stereo. He plugged in his phone and queued up a playlist Missouri helped him make for times like these. AC/DC's Black in Black filled the air, the electrifying guitar opening causing him to start to relax. 

He laid down on the floor and let the music wash over him. He felt the bass vibrating the floor and let the drums fill his senses. The songs eventually switched to the Led Zeppelin portion of the playlist and he chuckled. Dean would probably be thrilled that Castiel was finally able to appreciate this kind of music. 

His mind flashed back to an unseasonably warm afternoon a couple months ago when the two of them spent hours intertwined in the backseat of the Impala, listening to Dean's cassette tapes. Castiel said rock music sounded like musicians having a temper tantrum and Dean's eyes bugged out so far, Castiel was sure they'd be stuck that way. Now, it soothed him. 

Anything that related to Dean tended to do that. 

A sharp knock startled him out of his thoughts and he looked up to see Dean standing outside the door, staring at him through the tiny window with his eyebrows raised. 

What is…ah, Dean was supposed to pick up the microwave today. 

Castiel pulled himself off the floor and cringed when he looked down at his clothes. Nothing says attractive like sweaty pajamas. 

"Hold on!" Castiel yelled over the music. He quickly turned the volume down and swung open the door. 

"Why were you on the floor?"

"I was trying to relax."

Dean frowned and stepped into the living room, squinting back at Castiel. "You were relaxing while listening to…wait, is this Zeppelin?"

"It is."

"Dude," Dean smiled, "since when do you listen to this stuff?"

Castiel shrugged and nervously pulled at the edge of his t-shirt. "Rock music has been very soothing to me lately, I made an entire playlist for it."

Dean nodded in approval. "Well, damn. Guess all your music education lessons finally paid off, huh?"

"Something like that." Any other day Castiel would be thrilled to have Dean come over, even if it was for something as platonic as picking up a microwave, but right now he felt the anxiety threaten to bubble back up to the surface. "Um, the microwave's in the kitchen, let me get it for you. 

Dean followed him in the kitchen and watched as Castiel gestured to it. Instead of moving towards the machine, Dean stood still and gave him a speculative stare. 

"You okay?"

"I'm fine." Castiel tried to smile and felt it come off as more of a grimace. 

"You look pale…or like, more pale than you usually are."

"Gee, thanks."

Castiel's phone dinged with a new message and startled him so badly, he almost slipped on the tile floor. 

 

S: Court's in recess now, going well so far.

 

He closed his phone with an exhale and saw Dean staring at him again, suddenly closer than he was before. 

"Cas, what's going on?"

"It's nothing," Castiel argued as he felt himself break out in a cold sweat. "I'm really fine."

Dean reached for Castiel's phone. "If it's nothing, then who was that?"

"Sam."

"About the case or something?"

Castiel looked down at the floor and closed his eyes. When he counted to ten, Dean was still expecting an answer. "The trial is today. I suppose I've been a little on edge," he said softly.

"Wait, like, the trial? Why didn’t you tell me? I would have done something to help!"

"I didn't want to worry you."

Dean looked at him like he suddenly sprouted a third head. "You didn't—seriously? Cas, we're—you could have—why are you alone?"

"Balthazar's at work," Castiel shrugged. 

"I'm staying." Dean practically threw off his jacket and sat down on the couch with his arms crossed. "Unbelievable," he muttered. 

"I can take care of myself now, you don't need to stay."

"You should have some moral support, Cas," Dean huffed. "This shit is big."

Castiel chuckled humorlessly and slowly walked to sit next to him. "I guess it is."

They listened to the music in silence, neither one of them moving a single inch. Dean looked like he was thinking hard about something and Castiel was so lost in emotions he didn't know where to start. 

He was anxious about the trial, scared that Alistair would win, impatient to know the results, happy that Dean was here, lonely because the two of them were still so far away, frustrated that they weren't what they used to be, worried that they would never fix things and all of that combined made him nauseous. 

"Thank you," Castiel whispered. 

He was almost sure he said it so quietly that Dean wouldn't hear it over the guitar riffs playing the background until Dean nodded slowly. 

"Of course."

_Hey Jude, don't make it bad,  
Take a sad song and make it better…_

The song changed and Castiel's heart quickened. He hoped Dean would be too lost in thought to notice. An unreadable expression passed over Dean's face as he recognized it and turned towards Castiel. 

He shrugged and felt heat creep into his cheeks. "It relaxes me. It has ever since you sang it to me that night."

Dean smiled softly and started humming the words along with the Beatles, seeming less tense than he was before. "This song always makes me think of my mom," he said distantly. "She would have liked you."

Startled by the intimate comment, Castiel stayed silent until the song was over. His throat felt dry and he's pretty sure Dean was closer to him now than he was just a minute ago. 

"I would have liked to meet her."

The moment was over when the playlist ended, switching to upbeat music that he liked to listen to when he went on runs. Castiel leaned back into the couch and tapped a finger against his knee. 

"So," Dean exhales. "What happens if you win the case?"

"Well, Alistair would be locked up for a rather long time I imagine."

Dean shook his head. "I can't believe they got him. You know this whole time I've been convinced that he was going to come back for you? I'm pretty sure I got a few grey hairs," he chuckled. 

Castiel smiled at the idea of Dean being worried, wondering if he was safe even when they weren't on the best terms. "Sam also said that I'd be given a large amount of his assets for emotional damage and such."

Dean let out a low whistle. "What are you going to do with all that cash?"

"Get my degree. Pay off my debt." He shrugged and looks towards Dean. "Maybe run away somewhere?" 

Dean must not have gotten the joke because suddenly his face drooped into a tight expression. "You're leaving?"

"No," Castiel laughed, "It was a joke."

"Oh," Dean forced a laugh as he cheeks turned red. "I knew that," he said in a higher voice than normal. "You coming to the wedding next week?"

"Yes, I wouldn't miss it," Castiel smiled. "Jess assured me her dress was better than the ones we saw on TV."

"I still can't believe you watch that crap."

Castiel's phone dinged again and he couldn't bring himself to look at it. Dean slowly picked it up and read it with a blank expression. 

"They just made closing statements and the jury is deciding. He said it could be hours still," he said sympathetically. "We could watch a movie?"

That's how the two of them ended up spread out on the couch with bowls of popcorn and chips a few hours later. They set up Netflix on Castiel's computer so they could watch things from Dean's queue. It was mostly action movies but Castiel didn't mind. Somewhere after the first movie, Castiel began to lean into Dean's side and just as he noticed and started to pull away, Dean scooted closer until their thighs touched. Castiel could feel the warmth from beside him and he was certain he hadn't felt this calm in weeks. 

Just as the credits started to roll, Dean yawned and Castiel noticed that it was now dark outside. Neither one of them moved. 

"So…" Dean drawled.

Castiel looked at his phone for what felt like the hundredth time. Still no message from Sam. 

"I don't mind watching another movie," he offered, glancing at Dean who was already looking directly at him. 

"We could do that."

Both of them stayed still and continued to look at each other. 

"Or if you need to get home that's fine too, I'm sure Balthazar will be back soon." Castiel wanted nothing more than for Dean to stay right there next to him but he didn't want to seem needy. 

"I'm fine here," Dean said softly. 

Castiel licked his lips without thinking about it and noticed as Dean tracked the movement with slightly hooded eyes. 

Dean leaned forward slightly with a multitude of expressions across his face. One of them Castiel was quite familiar with. Desire. 

They slowly inched closer to each other like magnets and Castiel held his breath. He was afraid to make any sudden movements for fear that it would snap them out of the moment and back into the reality where they were awkward friends. 

"Cas…"

Castiel gave a quick nod and the next thing he knew, soft lips were on his and it was just like their first kiss, but infinitely better. It was soft, or at least it started out that way. Dean's hands were in Castiel's hair and he felt himself make a noise that wasn't altogether human. He stretched his palms across Dean's chest and grinned when he felt a rapid heartbeat. 

Just as Dean leaned forward to press his weight on top of Castiel, the front door swung open, causing them to startle apart. 

"Dean!" Balthazar grinned. "I'd say I'm sorry for walking in on this but, I'm really not. It was about time." He bent down to stage whisper into Dean's ear. "He mumbles your name in his sleep you know."

"Balthazar," Castiel hissed. 

"You two are back together now, it doesn't have to be a secret."

Dean and Castiel looked at each other, both of them an impressive shade of red. 

"We don't—"

"It's just, it's not—"

They smiled awkwardly and scooted further apart on the couch.

Suddenly, Castiel's phone rang and no one moved. 

"Answer it!" Dean shoved the phone into his lap. 

Castiel's throat felt tight and all the anxiety came rushing back up to the surface. What if he lost? What if it was Sam calling to say that Alistair won and would keep doing this to other people? What if he had to spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder? What if Alistair found him and it happened again and he really couldn't go through it again it would break him and he'd never come back from it and—

"Cas?" Sam's voice called out. Dean put the call on speaker phone and held it out so everyone could hear. Castiel saw Balthazar move to stand next to him and felt Dean place a hand on his thigh. 

"Just tell me," Cas croaked out. He closed his eyes and waited. 

"It's over Cas," Sam said suddenly. Dean gripped tighter onto his leg. "You won."

Balthazar and Dean immediately started cheering and jumped up to give each other a hug. Castiel wasn't sure he heard that right.

"What?"

"You won the case, Alistair just got hauled off to prison for life with no chance of parole. They found him guilty on all the charges!"

Castiel set the phone down and held his face in his hands. It was over. It was over. It was over. 

It was over. 

Dean was still cheering and Castiel distantly heard Sam say he was on his way over there now. 

"Cas," Dean called out, "I can't believe it."

Castiel looked up and saw Dean beaming at him, holding out his hand. He let himself be pulled into a hug and the two of them clung on to each other while Balthazar put on celebratory music in the background. 

"You did it, Cas," Dean whispered in his ear. "You're safe now."

"And filthy rich!" Balthazar called from across the room.

Castiel grinned and knew he couldn't stop it if he tried. He held onto Dean tighter and felt a few tears fall down his cheeks. Happy tears of course. 

Before they knew it, Sam arrived and champagne bottles were being popped. The four or them huddled around the kitchen table as Sam theatrically retold the events from the day like it was an episode of a crime show. Dean never left Castiel's side the rest of the night and Castiel didn't want him to. 

Sometime after 3am, Sam and Dean departed back towards their places, careful to wait long enough until they were completely sober. Balthazar had passed out on the couch which gave everyone a good laugh, even if it meant Castiel wasn't sure where he'd be sleeping that night. 

As Dean stepped out the door, he turned around one last time and gave Castiel a quick wink before getting climbing in the Impala. 

Things between them weren't completely resolved but Castiel was hopeful. And for what felt like the first time in a long time, he finally had a reason to be.


	29. Chapter 29

Dean sat alone in the corner booth of a dusty bar when Cas slid in quickly beside him with a kiss. He felt a pair of warm hands trace a shape into his thigh as he leaned into the touch and smiled against soft lips. As he reluctantly pulled away, he noticed Cas was wearing a tux, the stark black contrast making his blue eyes glow in dim light. 

"We're going to be late," Cas whispered into his ear. "Everyone's already there."

Dean frowned and turned to look around them, when the scene changed he was standing in a church at the altar. Everyone he cared about was in the crowd smiling and giving him a thumbs up. He felt nervous for some reason but also an overwhelming sense of calm. It felt like he was forgetting something. 

His eyes caught glance of Sam and Jess waving from the front of a crowd with a toddler babbling in their arms. Since when did Sam have a kid?

Just as Dean started to walk away, soft piano music swelled out of nowhere and the church doors swung open to reveal Cas beaming at him from the other end of the aisle. He was wearing the same fitted tux as before but this time he had a light blue boutonniere pinned to his jacket and was slowly walking towards him. 

Dean grinned and felt his heart beating faster. Suddenly, everything made sense. Flowers covered the room and he appeared to be wearing a matching tuxedo. Sam was now standing next to him with his big puppy dog eyes being all emotional. 

Cas was almost there, just a few more steps. Dean reached his hand out to link their fingers as he arrived at the alter and—

_'Cause it was the heat of the moment_  
Telling me what your heart meant  
The heat of the moment shone in your eyes… 

Dean startled awake and flipped off the side of his bed on to the floor. He groaned and squeezed his eyes closed again. What the fuck was that?

Before he had time to think, Sam burst in his room making the music even louder.

"Oh good, you're up. I was just doing some exercises to burn off the nervous energy."

"To Asia? You work out to fucking Asia?" Dean practically growled, his voice still thick with sleep.

Sam shrugged. "It's got a good beat. Hurry up and get dressed, we have to leave soon," he called over his shoulder as he bounced out of the room.

Dean crawled onto his bed and rubbed a spot on his back that was sure to be a bruise in the morning. Leave it to Sam to turn in to the energizer bunny on the morning after his own bachelor party. It had just been a few of Sam's friends coming over and playing poker in the living room but they drank a lot. Hell, Dean might actually still be a little bit drunk. 

He padded out in the kitchen and watched as Sam did a set of pushups on the living room floor. "Dude, you're getting married today, aren't you supposed to be relaxing or some shit like that?"

Sam stopped and rolled on to his back to breathe. "I don't know, I'm excited. You sleep okay?"

"If by sleep you mean pass out on my bed in a drunken stupor than yeah, Sammy, slept like a baby," he grumbled sarcastically. 

"Great," Sam said, half listening as he sat up to get a drink of water. "Go take a shower, you smell like a distillery."

Dean gave him the middle finger and quickly left to freshen up. If he knew what a bridezilla Sam was going to be he never would have agreed to let him spend the night.

He and Jess were doing the traditional don't-spend-the-night-before-together thing which was cute and all but, damn. 

He stood under the scolding spray of the water, struggling to get his mind to catch up. Everything felt slow and fuzzy which was only another reason why he really couldn't afford to keep drinking like he was in college. 

As he washed the soap at of his hair, he noticed the uncomfortable feeling that was still in his stomach since he woke up. It was a weird mix of butterflies and longing that only got worse when he pictured Cas as his groom, standing next to him at the altar with a gummy smile.  
Interesting. 

Freshly showered and shaved, Dean walked back out to the kitchen to see Sam talking fast to someone on the phone with an upset look on his face. 

"Jess, I don't think it matters—"

"Who am I supposed to ask?"

"No, I know…"

"I'll take care of it okay? Just relax and try to have a good time with your friends, see you soon babe."

Dean sat down on the couch and raised an eyebrow at Sam when he hung up the phone. "She finally wise up and decide to hold out for some dreamy doctor at the hospital?"

"What? No," Sam sighed. "Adam came down with the stomach flu or something and he can't be a groomsman anymore which would be fine I guess, but now Jess is freaking out because the wedding party has to have even numbers or something for the pictures and I don't know, man. What am I supposed to do?"

Dean wasn't scared of Jess. He just…knew what was good for him. And right now, it would not be good to risk the wrath of Jessica Moore on her wedding day.

"Okay uh, you don't have another friend you can ask?"

"Not really," Sam shook his head. "There's no one else left that I'm close enough to…unless…"

"Unless?"

Sam sat down next to him. "What about Cas?"

"Excuse me?"

"Cas would be perfect actually, he's my friend but he's also kind of like family. I mean, isn't that what you used to say about him?"

Dean scrubbed a hand over his face and fought down the conflicting emotions inside of him. Ever since the night of the trial, they had been sending messages back and forth consistently, never mentioning the kiss. 

His mind flashed back to what Cas looked like standing up at the altar again and his resolve quickly crumbled. "Yeah, okay. Ask him."

Sam smiled and quickly walked to the kitchen to make the call. It wasn't even 11am and Dean already wished he were back in bed where he could live there forever and never have to deal with any of his problems. 

Time seemed to speed up as Sam and Dean both got distracted with wedding details. Dean somehow managed to get put in charge of loading last minute decorations into the Impala. When the seats were filled with flowers and glittery hearts, he apologized to Baby and promised he'd make it up to her soon. 

He and Sam rushed around the apartment making sure they had everything before driving over to the hotel to meet the other groomsmen. Sam and Jess had decided not to get married in a church since neither of them were particularly religious. Instead, they rented out the ballroom and had it decorated with enough lights and flowers to look straight out of a wedding magazine. 

"It's the man of the hour!" Kevin called out as soon as they walked into the lobby. The rest of the groomsmen started cheering and congratulating Sam, causing a few annoyed looks from the staff. Cas was standing awkwardly behind the group shifting back and forth on his feet, giving Dean a soft smile. He was only wearing jeans and a T-shirt but for some reason he looked especially good today. 

"Guys, I know you heard about Adam so this is Cas," Sam addressed the group as they all carried their tuxes to the hotel suite they rented. "He's amazing and agreed to fill in."

Everyone waved to Cas and then started to joke around with each other. Most of them were friends Sam made at college or through work so Dean didn't know them very well. 

As soon as Dean checked in with the maid of honor and confirmed that Jess was there and everything was getting set up correctly, he slipped back into the groomsmen suite and walked over to Cas who was sitting by himself at a coffee table. 

"Hey, stranger." That was possibly the stupidest thing that could have come out of his mouth. 

Cas smiled and scooted over to make room. "Hello, Dean."

"Um, thanks for agreeing to do this. I know it was super last minute but I know it means a lot to both Sam and Jess."

"Of course," Cas said as he looked over at Sam and his friends. "It was the least I could do. Besides, I'm honored that Sam would even think to ask me in the first place."  
Dean shrugged. "He said you were like family."

A meaningful expression flickered across Cas' face as he nodded. Dean knew how much it meant to him seeing that he didn't have any family of his own. 

"But um…" Dean cleared his throat. "Anyway, just, thanks."

Cas watched him with a concentrated expression that Dean couldn't help but be pulled into but quickly he was being dragged away for other best man duties. He kept catching Cas looking at him though, and more than once he wondered if they should actually talk about what was happening between them. 

Once they were all dressed, Jess' parents came in and gave Sam a teary hug to welcome him to the family. The scene made Dean's heart swell but it also made him feel a little lonely. 

They all sat around and drank a couple beers to calm the nerves until the maid of honor came to drag them all out saying it was time. As the group slowly trickled out, putting finishing touches on themselves as they walked past the mirror, Dean and Cas started to walk out before they noticed Sam pacing the room.  
"Sammy, come on, we got to go."

Sam bit his lip and started walking around the room even faster. "This is right, right? Like, Jess is the one?"

Cas gave Dean a concerned look and quietly shut the door so that no one outside could hear them. 

"Is she—of course she's the one are you kidding me right now?" Dean asked, quickly walking across the room to stand in front of his brother. 

"But what if she changes her mind and runs out or she never shows up at all and—"

"That's not going to happen Sammy, you know why? She loves you," Dean said impatiently, "She loves the crap out of you and God knows I don't know why but she does. She's the one, dude. Don't fuck this up."

Sam huffs a laugh as his lips twitch into a small smile. "She is, isn't she?"

"And she can be scary as hell so if I were you I wouldn't keep her waiting, especially today."

"I'm going, I'm going," Sam grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair and jogged out the door. 

Dean chuckled and started to follow him, almost getting run over as Sam came jogging back to the room, wrapping him in a tight hug. 

"Thanks, Dean. For everything."

Dean held on to his little brother and nodded, throat feeling a little too tight for words. When Sam left for a second time, Cas silently handled him and tissue and pulled him in the direction of the ballroom.

The ceremony went off without a hitch. Jess looked gorgeous walking down the aisle with her golden hair cascading over her shoulders and a few flowers tucked behind her ear. Sam started tearing up as soon as he saw her and the big sap started crying even harder during the vows that they chose to write to each other. 

Dean didn't cry. He _didn't_.

The pollen count was just really high that day or something. 

His baby brother was getting married and Dean couldn't be more proud if he tried. He thought back to the floppy haired kid who used to follow him around and steal his old band t-shirts to wear. The same kid that Dean stayed up all night with when he was sick and begged him to go to his parent-teacher conferences when their dad was never around. Through everything they had to go through, Sam turned out just fine and to think that Dean had a part in that was more than enough. 

Sam kissed his bride and the room erupted in cheers. Dean looked over at Cas just in time to see him wipe a stray tear from the corner of his eye. Dean chuckled and was thankful he wasn't the only one suffering from allergies. 

As they paired up with the bridesmaids to walk out of the ballroom, he felt a hand grab his arm. 

"Do you have the key to the suite?" Cas asked as he walked beside him. "I think I left my belt in my bag and I'd really like to put it on before the reception."

"You're not wearing a belt?" Dean grinned.

Cas frowned and shifted to pull up his pants a bit. "I got distracted when we were getting ready. I don't want them to fall down later."

"No, we don't want that," Dean mumbled under his breath. "Come on, I've got to grab something too."

The two of them broke apart from the group and quietly walked down the hall to the other side of the hotel. Dean kept starting at the way Cas' tux clung to his body, showing off his slim frame. He practically had to clench his fists together to keep from reaching out and touching him. Dean wondered if his skin still felt the same. 

"Dean?"

Dean's head snapped up and they were at the door, Cas looking at him expectantly. He fumbled with the room key and pushed the door open with a frustrated exhale. 

"I know this isn't an ideal time but I think we should talk about this," Cas said quietly as he looped the belt through his pants. "I have some things I need to say."

"Yeah, yeah okay," Dean sighed. He had been waiting for this conversation for so long he wasn't even sure what he wanted to say anymore. He was still in love was Cas but he couldn't let himself get hurt again, even if there was something happening between them. 

Dean dejectedly leaned against the wall and watched Cas nervously tap his fingers against his own leg. 

"Well, I've been thinking a lot since we um, since we parted ways and I feel like I'm in a much better place now. I miss you a lot and I know we're friends again but I was hoping that maybe…well I was hoping that maybe we could try to be more." Cas ran out of breath and took a little gasp of air as he stared at Dean with wide eyes. 

Dean felt something twist in his gut and it felt awful. He wanted nothing more than to separate the space between them and kiss Cas stupid but whenever he started to let himself, his mind provided him with the memory of Cas leaving when Dean told him he loved him. When he begged him to stay. 

"Cas…I—"

Cas quickly crossed in front of him and held him in a hopeful gaze. "Before you say anything, I need to tell you—well you should know, that I—Dean, I lo—"

The room door swung open and the groomsmen filtered in loudly joking about who was going to hook up with which bridesmaid. Cas' face fell and before Dean could make him finish what he was about to say, he was being pulled away to head down to the reception. He gave a backwards glance towards Cas who was standing alone in the suite with his eyes glued to the floor. Whatever Cas wanted to say would have to wait until later, hopefully when he had a few drinks in him. 

Once they made it down to the reception, Cas was nowhere to be seen. Dean considered breaking apart from the group to try and find him but each time he had the opportunity, another person came up to him to say hi. After about an hour, Dean was convinced that Jess had invited every person she had ever met and they all were anxious to meet her new brother-in-law. 

When Dean was finally able to slip away, he grabbed a glass of champagne and moved to the corner of the room, careful not to get intercepted by anyone. He smiled when he saw Sam dip Jess on the dance floor during a romantic song, they both looked so happy. 

A few songs later, he heard the shrill laughter of a kid and was surprised to see one of Jess' little cousins dancing with Cas. Cas was letting her stand on his feet as they swayed to the music, the little girl bursting into giggles every time Cas spun her around. 

The sight was enough to make Dean's heart feel like it was going to burst, but in a good way. He knew Cas was good with college students but seeing him with a little kid was something else. He was a natural, laughing and playing along with the girl like they were the same age. Dean wondered if Cas had ever considered having kids of his own someday. 

"Alright everyone," the DJ called through the speakers, "it's time for speeches! The best man is going to go first so Dean, come on over."

Fuck. He forgot about the speech. 

As all the eyes in the room turned towards him, Dean tried not to curl in on himself under attention. He took a deep breath and another gulp of champagne before turning on the charm and acting like he knew exactly what he was going to say. 

Dean had no idea what he was going to say. 

He walked to stand in front of Sam and Jess' table as someone handed him a microphone. Here goes nothing. 

"So um, I'm Dean as you all probably already know by now. Some people call me the attractive Winchester so I answer to that too. Sammy doesn't mind," he winked as Sam laughed and shook his head. "Today our family got a lot bigger and we have Jess to thank for that. Or should I say Mrs. Winchester? Man, that's going to take some getting used to. I'm thankful that during their freshman year at Stanford, Sam managed to lock himself out of his dorm room in a towel and Jess happened to be the one that walked by. They've been inseparable ever since." 

Dean waited until the laughter died down to continue. "To watch their relationship grow has been really special because it took me by surprise. Anybody who knows Sam knows about his love obsession with homework and researching things so when he called me one day and talked for 2 hours about the way this girl smiled, I knew he was hooked. Over time, I got to know more about her other than the way the light colored her hair and the fact that she has a dimple on her left cheek. By the way, find me after this and I'll tell you about the poems Sam used to write about her over the summers." The room laughed again and Sam blushed as Jess leaned over to kiss his cheek with a grin on her face. 

"In all seriousness though, if there was ever a couple that was made for each other, it's these two. Jess is strong and funny, and perfectly capable of carrying on the Winchester name. I'm glad they ended up getting married because it wasn't long before I already considered her part of the family so that would have been real awkward otherwise." Dean paused to collect his thoughts and saw Cas watching him from the crowd with a soft smile on his face. 

"But anyway, these two have shown me a lot about love and what it means to stand by someone. They're each other's best friends and that's exactly how it should be. The best part about them is that they aren't exactly the same. They're different, and it works. They complement each other. They are truly each other's other half and it's really something special. They both realized that they couldn't imagine their lives without each other and now they never have to."

Dean cleared his throat and tried to stop looking over at Cas. "So congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Winchester," he raised his glass, "here's to you guys." 

The room erupted in cheers and people clinking silverware against their glasses to get the newlyweds to kiss. Sam leaned in towards Jess and Jess surprised him with a handful of frosting to his face. Dean outright laughed and wondered, not for the first time, how the hell Sam managed to get that girl. 

"You really nailed that speech," a feminine voice drawled behind him as he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

Dean turned around to see one of the bridesmaids smiling at him with a seductive expression. She had dark brown hair and even darker eyes, her dress hanging impressively low to show off cleavage. 

"Uh thanks," he said as he stepped back out of her personal space. "Just kinda winged it."

The girl laughed way too loudly and moved closer to him. "You're so funny! You really are the attractive Winchester."

Dean's eyebrows shot up and he tried to look around for an excuse to leave. "Right, well um…"

"Meg," the girl provided as she grinned at him.

"It was nice to meet you, Meg, but I have to go, I think I hear someone calling my name so—"

"No, don't leave," she said as she grabbed his arm and moved until her body was pressed against his. "We could dance, or I have a room upstairs if you wanna get out of here?"

Dean knew he was a real lady killer when he wanted to be but this was a lot even for him. "Look, uh I'm flattered but I really need to go…wash my…shoes or something…"

Meg continued to cling on to him and just as he was about to say something else, a firm hand gripped the back of his shoulder. 

"Dean, would you like to dance?" Cas asked as he squinted his eyes at the girl in a way that was a little territorial and a lot hot. 

"Uh yeah, great," Dean rushed out and quickly stepped out of the girl's grasp. 

Meg frowned at the two of them and rolled her eyes as she moved on to one of the other groomsmen. 

Cas gently pulled Dean on to the dance floor with a smile, placing his arms around the back of Dean's neck. 

"Jesus," Dean chuckled as he placed his hands on Cas' hips. "She was going to eat me alive. Thanks, man."

"You looked like you were in need of some assistance."

"You can say that again, bridesmaids are fucking crazy."

Cas nodded towards a table a few feet from them. "Your friend Kevin is the next victim I'm afraid."

Dean turned just in time to see the same girl throw herself in Kevin's lap and latch on to his neck like giving hickies was going out of style. "He'll be okay…probably."  
Cas chuckled and continued to sway them back and forth to the music. The song changed to something much slower but neither of them made any effort to move from the dance floor. 

Dean flexed his fingers and felt Cas' hips through his tux, absentmindedly running his thumb back and forth. He tried not to think about how he may never feel them again. How he may never again get to experience the way Cas' skin felt under his lips. 

Cas swallowed and moved closer, not too much but enough to send a whiff of his cologne past Dean's nose. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and tried to drag his thoughts away from the last time he smelled it up that close. 

When he opened his eyes, Cas was looking at him like he wanted to say something, a determined and nervous expression flickering across his eyes. 

Dean cleared his throat but didn't look away. "What are you thinking about?"

Cas didn't say anything. Instead, he slowly leaned forward until their lips brushed against each other softly, the two of them sharing the same breath as they locked eyes.

Dean pushed into it, sighing when he felt Cas' body against his. He missed this so much it hurt. 

When Cas slowly pulled away, there was a faint blush across his cheeks. The kind of blush that always made Dean think he looked like an angel. 

"I miss you, Dean," Cas whispered as they started swaying to the music again. 

Dean bit his lip and shook his head. "I can't," he said, voice cracking on the last syllable. "I can't do this again."

Feeling those words come out of his mouth felt a little bit like what he imagined dying to be like.

Cas' eyes glazed over and he shook his head in response. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything. Please."

The room felt too hot and even though it was huge, he felt claustrophobic. "I need some air." 

He quickly pulled out of Cas' grasp and practically jogged out of the ballroom and through the front doors of the hotel into the parking lot. He stood hunched over with his hands on his knees and his head hung low, the sound of music playing in the background as he breathed in the warm evening air.

As the seconds ticked by, any painful feelings he had about the situation slowly switched to anger. This was all Cas' fault in the first place, what they had was perfect.  
Or at least, it was perfect to him. 

"Dean?" Cas called out behind him like he had been running to catch him.

Dean spun around and gave him a small shove on the chest. "You know what? Fuck you Cas, I can't do this again."

Cas' eyes widened and planted his feet. "Do what? I don't know—"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. I can't do it again. Us. This. Whatever the hell is left of it," he gestured between them. "I can't go through losing you again, Cas. I can't go through you pretending everything's fine and then disappearing as soon as you've had enough."

"Had enough?" Cas repeated. Before he looked confused, now he just looked mad. "That's not what happened, Dean. I didn't just give up on us. I thought it was the right thing to do."

"The right thing for who exactly? Because I don't know if you remember but I made it pretty damn clear I wanted you to stay."

Cas shook his head and huffed a humorless laugh. "I thought I was too much of a burden to you. You were killing yourself trying to take care of me and do your job, it was too much. I was trying to make things better for you."

"Yeah Cas, because my best friend leaving me made things a hell of a lot better. I fucking told you I loved you and you left. You got in Balthazar's crappy car and you left."

"I know," Cas' voiced cracked. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it."

"Well, excuse me if I don't want to take that chance again." Dean started to walk away, he didn't care where just fucking away, when Cas grabbed on to the back of his jacket and yanked him backwards with a strength that in any other situation would have been a turn on. 

"You honestly don't get it, do you?" Cas asked with a fierce look in his eyes. "I love you, Dean Winchester. I've never stopped loving you. I loved you then and I love you now. I only said that because I needed you to let me go."

Dean looked at him as he started to call bullshit until Cas pushed himself against his body and kissed him like his life depended on it. Dean stumbled back and felt Cas try to express every single one of his words through the movement of his lips. 

They broke apart and this time, Cas gave him a shove. "How dare you think that I never loved you. I loved you so much that it almost broke me, Dean. Do you know what Alistair said to me as he was busy breaking me apart? He told me I didn't deserve you, that you would be better off without the stripper. He told me that I would end up ruining you and making you regret ever getting involved with me. I didn't believe him. I didn't believe him until suddenly I couldn't take care of myself and I practically heard his words in my sleep. I was hurting, Dean. I did it all for you, and I wish to God that I could take it all back."

Dean stared at Cas wide eyed and couldn't think of a single damn thing to say. 

He felt like a complete jackass, first of all, for making it all about him. Of course, Cas was suffering, why didn't Dean realize how bad it was?

"Cas…" Dean choked out. "I had no idea."

Cas shrugged and shook his head. "It's not your fault I didn't tell you. I should have been more open about it."

The two of them stood under a street light in the parking lot, just staring at each other in silence. 

"Did I not love you enough?" Dean asked quietly.

"What are you talking about?"

Dean kicked a pebble on the ground. "You know, to make you think that I would be better off without you, or any of those things. How could you possibly believe that you weren't enough for me? You were everything, Cas."

"I don't know why I thought that," Cas sniffed. "It was a lot of the PTSD talking I think. It had nothing to do with you."

Dean nodded and looked back up at Cas who looked half way to distraught. 

"I just really needed you to know that," Cas said as he looked up at the moon, and then back towards Dean. "Whatever happens, I needed you to know it wasn't you." He started to walk back towards the hotel when Dean called out behind him.

"What about now?"

Cas turned around and gave him a tired, but confused look.

"I mean," Dean said, walking closer to him, "how do you feel now?"

"I still love you, Dean. I probably always will."

Cas turned to walk away for the second time and Dean felt his whole body vibrating with need, with want, with love, with comfort. 

With Cas. 

There were lot of things that Dean didn't know about the world. He didn't know why trashy TV was so addicting, he didn't know why he only lost his umbrella when it rained. He didn't know why he could never keep track of his earphones, or why his socks always disappeared in the dryer. 

He didn't know a lot of things, but he knew with absolute certainty that Castiel Novak was his and he wasn't going to fuck it up this time. 

A smile spread across his lips as he took off running after Cas. He made it to the front steps of the hotel before losing his balance and colliding into his back, causing the both of them to collapse into a heap on the ground. 

"What in the—"

"Cas," Dean gasped and turned so that he was sprawled out on top of him. People were starting to stare at that but that was just too damn bad because this was happening whether they liked it or not. 

"Dean, are you okay? Why are you—"

"Shut up, Cas. Just stop for a second," Dean laughed. "I never stopped loving you either and I want this. I want us. I'm so sorry I was such an asshole and that I didn't realize what was happening but if it's okay with you, I'd really like to start making up for that."

Cas' eyebrows shot up and he opened his mouth only to shut it again and swallow. Just as Dean started to get a little uncomfortable and wonder if Cas had changed his mind, if he was too late, Cas grabbed on to the back of his neck and crushed their lips together with so much force that Dean was sure his lips would be swollen tomorrow. 

God, he really hoped they were. 

Dean grabbed ahold of Cas' jacket and pulled until there was no space between them. He felt Cas smile against his lips and run his fingers through the back of his hair. As the kiss deepened even further, Dean had to use every last bit of strength he had not to throw his pants off and take Cas right there on the ground. 

"Aww, see I told you they'd figure it out."

Suddenly remembering they were in the middle of a public place, they quickly separated and looked up to see Jess grinning and them and Sam averting his eyes with flushed cheeks. 

"So um, it's great that you two are uh you know," Sam awkwardly gestured. "But Dean, do you think you could maybe not make out with your boyfriend on the ground right outside of our reception?"

Dean chuckled and peeled himself off a very embarrassed Cas as they stood up, brushing the dirt off their tuxes. "We got a little carried away, sorry Sammy."  
"I apologize, Sam, that was very inappropriate," Cas rushed out.

Jess squealed and gave them each a hug, her big gown squishing into them. "You guys are so cute together! I was rooting for you," she winked and pulled Sam back towards the reception hall. 

"Have a good night guys!" Sam called over his shoulder as they disappeared through the doors. 

Cas looked around awkwardly at the group of people that were still staring at them. "So…what should we—I mean, do you—"

Dean pulled him close and pressed their lips together in a chaste kiss. "You're thinking too much." He pulled out the room key and waved it in between them. "I think I've had enough of the reception, how about you?"

A knowing grin formed on Cas' lips as he started pulling them towards the elevator. 

As soon as the silver doors automatically opened, they tumbled inside and Dean pressed the floor number before crowding Cas into the corner of the elevator. Once the doors closed and they were alone, he dove in and ran his tongue against Cas' bottom lip until he had access to his mouth. He hummed at the taste and ran his hand up Cas' chest as he felt the other man start to pant under his touch. 

The elevator dinged at each floor it passed and they only clung on to each other harder. As soon as they felt the movement stop underneath their feet they broke apart, wiping the sides of their mouths just in time for the door to open. 

Cas traced a finger along the back of Dean's neck as Dean struggled with the room key. "What if someone comes back here after the reception?"

"They won't," Dean said. "And besides, there's separate rooms, it'll be fine."

That must have been enough for Cas because as soon as the door swung open, Dean was being yanked inside and pressed against the wall, firm hands running up and down his sides. 

Dean's head was swimming but he was determined to put every ounce of feeling he had into this. He never wanted Cas to wonder how he felt again. 

Cas' hands started to pull at his belt which snapped Dean back into reality. He placed his hands on Cas' chest and gently pushed away. 

"Is this, I mean—are you sure?" Dean panted. "I'm completely fine if we don't do anything I swear. I don't want you to push yourself."

Cas leaned back in a kissed a soft line up his jaw and to his ear. "I feel safe with you, Dean, it's okay."

"Positive?"

"Please," Cas whispered. 

Dean nodded and lunged forward, pressing himself against Cas again. He let him strip off his belt and chuckled when he heard it get tossed behind them. They stumbled further into the room, Dean groaning when he felt a nip at his earlobe. Cas was pulling out all the stops and Dean sure as hell wasn't about to stop him now.

Cas slid his hands around his hips and flicked open the button of his pants. Dean was already hard as a rock and winced at the change in pressure. He felt a hand slip under the waistband of his boxers and jerked at the touch. He felt like his body was on fire, lit up from the inside from unadulterated lust. 

Dean shifted his hips to slide his pants the rest of the way down and tipped his head back against the wall as Cas started a steady pace. Determined to send Dean into oblivion, Cas used his free hand to pinch at the small bud of his nipple. Dean whined into his mouth and flew his hands out to grab on to Cas anywhere he could. 

"Feel good, Dean?" Cas panted against his lips. 

Dean nodded his head wildly and grasped at the edge of Cas' shirt. He needed Cas naked and he needed it now. 

Grinning at Dean's struggle, Cas moved his free hand to toss off his own shirt, throwing it somewhere into the dark room. A crash sounded from where it landed and they both burst out laughing. 

"Let's get in a room before someone comes busting in here," Dean chuckled as he grabbed Cas' waist and pulled them backwards until they were in the privacy of one of the bedrooms. He kicked the door closed and pulled them on to the bed in a half-naked pile. 

The rest of the clothing didn't last much longer. After some struggling to get if off each other in the dark they each pulled it off themselves before eagerly collapsing back on the bed. 

Dean rolled on top of Cas and ran his lips along his collar bone, thanking everything there was up above that this man belonged to him. His heart felt fuller and his world felt right-side up again, both things that he had no shame in admitting anymore. 

"Missed you so much," Dean mumbled again Cas' skin. "I thought I lost you."

He felt Cas run his fingers through his hair as he continued to map his way down Cas' body. He kissed every freckle, every mark. He breathed in the scent that had become all too familiar to him and smiled against the skin that had started to become dewy from the exertion. 

Cas groaned underneath him and started to squirm as lips got closer to his dick. Dean loved when he got impatient like this, he enjoyed teasing him far too much. He bent down even further and ran the edge of his lips against the tip, dripping with precome and practically begging for attention. Dean huffed a warm breath across the shaft which caused Cas to groan louder and push a hand against the back of his head, edging him closer to relief. 

"Dean," Cas groaned.

Dean stopped and looked up at him with a shit eating grin. "What's wrong, Cas?"

Cas glared at him and thrusted his hips upward, causing his dick to smack Dean across the cheek. 

"I'm gonna need you to ask nicely," Dean shook his head and winked at him. 

"Are you kidding me?" Cas whined.

Dean sat back on his heels and watched him wiggle around, adorably frustrated. 

"Will you please just suck my—"

Cas tossed his head back as Dean dove down and took him into his mouth as far as he could. He ran he tongue up the side and around the slit, causing Cas him to squirm even more. Dean hollowed out his cheeks and closed his eyes as he focused on the heavy weight on his tongue. He felt for the vein on the underside and twisted his tongue back and forth over it a few times. By the way Cas was responding, it was something he was going to have to try out again. 

As soon as he snaked a hand underneath to rub at the sensitive area of skin, Cas' hand tugged on his hair to pull him off.

"Gonna come," Cas panted as Dean moved upwards to start sucking onto his throat. "I want to feel you."

Dean stopped what he was doing with an incredibly unflattering slurping sound and looked at Cas' face to make sure there was no doubt there. Cas looked back at him with a determined expression and raised a hand up to his cheek.

"I want you to fuck me, Dean."

Dean's mind short circuited as he nodded his head. "Yeah, okay, we can definitely do that."

Dean racked his mind for possible supplies and then sprang off the bed as soon as he got an idea. He opened the door and streaked across the living room bare naked as the day he was born. He really hoped no one chose this exact moment to come back. 

He stumbled into the coffee table and cursed at himself for not trying to find the light switch. As he felt around for the other groomsmen's bags, his fingers caught on to the electric guitar keychain he was looking for. Andy, one of Sam's friends was strictly into guys and hoping to get lucky tonight. Luckily for Dean and Cas, that meant packing an abnormal amount of lube and condoms. 

Dean grabbed what they needed and ran back through the dark to their room. Cas was still laying on top of the blankets with flushed cheeks and an addictive smile.  
"One of Sam's friends had something," Dean explained as he set the small bottle and a condom on the side of the bed before crawling in. "Hopefully he won't mind."  
Cas chuckled and shrugged as he pulled Dean on top of him and kissed the tip of his nose. "Let's hope he doesn't come looking for it later tonight."

Dean felt for the small bottle as he flipped open the lid and bent Cas' legs upwards so they bent at the knee. He rubbed the slimy liquid across his fingers and leaned forward to kiss the inside of Cas' thighs. He slowly trailed upwards until his lips met Cas' and he waited until the other man was fully relaxed underneath him. 

When he pressed a finger past the tight ring of muscle, Cas sighed and gripped onto Dean's shoulders. Dean watched his face for any sign that he should stop as he twisted it back and forth, taking his time. They had all the time in the world, no need to rush things. He wanted to remember every moment that Cas' warm skin was underneath his hands. He wanted Cas to feel cherished. 

Cas started to move his hips upwards for more friction so Dean carefully added another finger, using he free hand to brush a thumb along Cas' cheek. Cas watched Dean with an unreadable expression and scooted forwards so that he could pull Dean into the kiss. 

The two of them laid there for a while, slowly trading kisses and mapping each other's bodies with wandering hands. Dean stretched Cas until the he was whining into his mouth that he was ready. 

As soon as he rolled the condom on and lined himself up, he placed a hand over one of Cas' and locked their fingers together as he started to push forward. Dean groaned at the sensation and used all of his self-control to go slowly, he fought the urge to snap his hips forward with every fiber of his being. 

"You okay?" Dean asked between breaths.

Cas bit his lip at the feeling and nodded his head, gripping on to Dean's hand tighter. "Just move."

It was a slow pace, not like the times where they went so fast it could be considered its own athletic event. It meant more than that to them. There was no need to rush, there was no need to try and outdo each other because they worked as one. It was a beginning for the both of them but it was also an end. It was the end of the past and a promise for the future. 

"I love you, Dean Winchester," Cas breathed against his lips. "I love you so much."

Dean felt a jolt of electricity flash through his body and knew he would never get tired of hearing those words as long as he lived. 

"I love you too. Never forget that."

Cas smiled and met each of Dean's thrusts with one of his own, trading whispers and sounds of satisfaction between them. When Dean felt Cas' breath hitch, he knew he was close. He wanted to wait for Cas but he was starting to shake with the anticipation, sweat rolling down the soft curve of his back. 

"Come on, Cas, I've got you, just let go." 

Cas tensed up and reached his free hand to hold on to the back of Dean's neck. He felt Cas' breath hitch across his cheek and suddenly his entire body tremored as he felt warmth spread in between him. As he clenched around Dean, that was enough to throw him over the edge and before he had a second to prepare, he groaned and rode the sensation through as he buried his face into the side of Cas' neck. 

It was a long time before either of them moved apart from each other. Dean carefully pulled out and stayed pressed against Cas even though he could feel the stickiness between them starting to dry. 

He honestly couldn't have cared less if he tried. 

"Fuck, Cas," Dean groaned as they finally started to move apart. 

"I think that was kind of the idea," Cas replied dryly.

Dean snorted and kissed his bottom lip, running his tongue along the seam. "I love you, Castiel," he whispered against his lips. 

Cas grinned and held them closer, neither one of them needed to say anything more. They already knew. 

Before too long, they fell asleep in each other's arms with no intention of letting go anytime soon. 

*****

Dean awoke to the feeling of soft lips on his chest, carefully making their way up his neck and around the side of his jaw. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked through the fog to see a familiar shade of blue staring back at him with so much adoration it made his chest hurt. 

"You know, it's a little creepy to watch people sleep, Cas."

Cas rolled his eyes and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before rolling the edge of his lip between his teeth. "We're okay, right?"

Dean pulled the other man closer and buried his face into Cas' neck, breathing in deeply. "More than okay," he mumbled against the skin. "I'm not going to lose you again."

He felt Cas nod with a relieved exhale when Dean's stomach gurgled, immediately lightening the moment. 

"Breakfast time," Dean chuckled as the two of them rolled out of bed and headed towards the door. 

Dean grabbed the first thing he found off the floor which happened to be Cas' bumble bee boxers, Cas, on the other hand, didn't seem as concerned about getting dressed. 

"Good morning," Sam's voice cheerfully rang as he and Jess sat at the table eating breakfast.

Dean looked down at his boxers and cringed but at least he was wearing something. Cas turned bright red and stumbled back into the room to find clothes.  
"Looks like you two had a good night," Jess smirked around a mouthful of pancakes.

"Aren't you two supposed to be on your honeymoon or something?"

Sam shrugged and stuffed a strawberry in his mouth. "We wanted to grab something to eat before we headed to the airport."

Cas remerged from the bedroom wearing Dean's boxers and his undershirt from the night before with a sheepish expression. Dean thought he couldn't possibly look any cuter if he tried. 

The four of them ate breakfast together in the small suite living room as Sam and Jess exchanged stories about the reception after Dean and Cas had left. Apparently a family friend, Jody Mills, had a little too much to drink and started a conga line—something Dean would have paid good money to see. 

It was relaxing and comforting, but above all, it was right. 

This was his family and he was damn proud of it. It may not be huge, and it may be unconventional but none of that mattered because for once in Dean's life, he wouldn't change a thing. 

He wasn't climbing the corporate ladder and he didn't have a ton of money but that was okay. He loved the job he had and he loved the people that he had to share it with. He loved his dorky brother and his sarcastic sister-in-law. He loved that they were two of his best friends.  
And then there was Cas. 

Sweet, quirky, adorable, kind hearted, gullible, loyal, beautiful, amazing, Cas. The man that had an abnormal fascination with bees and who could spend hours reading in the sun if he could. The man that made porn noises when he ate burgers and tilted his head when he was confused. 

Cas was his, and he was Cas'. That was enough for Dean. 

The two of them stayed back at the hotel for a few hours and helped break down some of the decorations, barely able to keep their hands off each other while doing so. By the time the Impala was packed with both of their stuff and enough boxes of flowers for a lifetime, the sun was setting and they both struggled to stand upright from exhaustion. 

"I think that's everything," Cas said as he closed the trunk and climbed into the passenger seat. "Sam and Jess owe us."

Dean snorted and revved the engine, the sound of the motor filling the spring air. 

Cas sighed and reached for Dean's hand. "Where to?"

Dean smiled and leaned across the seat to give his boyfriend a kiss on the forehead. 

"Home, Cas. Let's go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heat of the Moment By: Asia


	30. Epilogue

(10 Years Later)

 

Dean stepped up to the classroom podium and cleared his throat, listening to the students quiet down throughout the auditorium. He felt his body buzz with anticipation for the day to be over and he was sure it showed. 

"Alright guys, listen up. I'm going to do you a solid and end class early today," he said as the energy in the room spiked and the air was filled with sounds of notebooks being closed and backpacks being zipped up. "But listen, don’t think I've forgotten about that term paper you all have due on Monday. I want it on my desk by the start of class on Monday, no exceptions. Have a great weekend and try not to drink too much."

Dean chuckled to himself and quickly packed up his things before heading outside to the hall and walking towards the front door. He looked at his watch and frowned. He would have to hurry but he could probably get everything done on his list and still get there in time. 

"Dean!" Victor called out behind him. "Where you headed to in such a hurry?"

"My nephew's having his 7th birthday party tonight and I've gotta get a bunch of the food before I head over there."

Victor jogged up beside him and handed him a packet of papers. "Take these to Castiel, will you? I need him to sign them before I can start sending people over there."

Dean shoved them in his briefcase haphazardly and continued to the door. "Got it," he called over his back. "See you Monday!"

The Impala roared to life and he peeled out of the parking lot in the direction of the grocery store. He checked the shopping list when he was at a stop light and rolled his eyes. What kind of kid's birthday party needed this much stuff?

Ever since Ben was born, Jess and Sam constantly fought over who would be in charge of the birthday parties. Instead of planning them together like a normal couple, the two of them turned it into an ongoing competition, alternating years. This year, Jess was planning it and from the looks of things, she was clearly winning. 

Dean quickly navigated through the store filling his cart with packs of crazy straws, mini pizzas, and enough ice cream to get the kids good and hyped up on sugar. He threw the bags in the trunk and headed to pick Cas up with a glance at the clock. He was probably still going to make it. 

He pulled up to Cas' office and parked in employee parking (no one had to know) before strolling through the lobby and giving the receptionist a wave. As he walked through the hallway, he was hit with the same swell of pride he got every time he came to visit. When he got to the door labeled: Dr. Castiel Winchester-Novak, Clinical Psychologist, he quietly opened and shut it behind him. 

Cas gave him a wave and held a finger up as he finished his phone conversation. Dean rolled his eyes, pretending to be annoyed, and sat on the couch as he looked around the room. Most of Cas' bookshelves were filled with big-ass psychology text books that Dean was convinced could be used to kill someone with if need be. Back when Cas was in school for his doctorate, Dean used to use those books as paperweights for the assignments he was grading, annoying Cas to no end. 

The top of the center bookshelf was Dean's favorite collection. It was all the books that Cas had written himself. 

The topics varied from PTSD to self-help to different subjects on current psychology issues but they were all impressive. Cas had become quite the known doctor in the psychology world, often giving lectures and creating programs to help other people learn to manage the after effects of a trauma. Dean had read each one as soon as they were published and even if he didn't understand some of it, it gave him immense pride to be able to say that he was married to the author. 

"Ready to go?"

Dean looked up at Cas who was filing a few patient charts and sliding an arm into his jacket. 

"Just waiting on you, slow poke," Dean joked as he gave his husband a sweet kiss on the lips. He handed Cas the envelope of paper from Victor and walked towards the door while Cas set it on his desk. 

"Victor said you just have to sign those and then he can start sending students to you as part of the mental health program that he's starting."

"Great, I'll look over them on Monday."

"That's awesome how you're doing that by the way," Dean said as they both waved to the receptionist and walked outside into the sun. "I know your schedule's already full with patients."

Cas shrugged and slid in to the passenger seat, frowning at Dean's parking location. "I thought it might be something I could do to help. I don't know, I could have used someone to talk to when I was that age."

Dean reached for Cas' hand and gave it a quick squeeze, loving the way the other man's wedding band felt when it brushed against his skin. 

"Better get driving, we're going to be late," Cas gestured towards the clock. 

"We're not going to be late," Dean scoffed. 

They were a little late. 

The Impala rolled into Sam and Jess' driveway as Ben came running out with a huge smile. 

"I knew you guys would be here!"

Cas grinned as he slid out of the car and gave Ben a massive hug. "Your Uncle Dean made us late."

"Hey now," Dean called as he dragged the bags into the house. "I left with plenty of time!"

"You made it!" Jess called from the living room. She carefully sat up from the couch with her very pregnant belly and waddled over to give them each a hug. "Did you get it?" she asked as she eyed the grocery store bags.

"Yeah, yeah," Dean rolled his eyes. He fished around the bags until he pulled out a box of donuts, almost losing a hand when Jess grabbed for them. 

"You're the best," she mumbled around a half-eaten donut that she already managed to pry out of the box. 

"Whoa," Sam exclaimed when he walked in and saw the pile of food and decorations. "Ben's party does not need this much stuff."

"Exactly!" Dean called out, unpacking what he could from the bags and shoving the rest in the fridge. 

Jess grinned and balanced on her tip toes to kiss Sam on the cheek. "You're just upset because my party is totally going to beat your party from last year."

Before anyone had time to comment, the doorbell rang and soon the house was filled to the brim with little kids. Dean manned the grill in the backyard while Cas seemed to get roped into to a very energetic game of water tag, acting as the referee as the kids squirted each other with water guns. It was loud and messy but Dean watched Cas interact with the kids and considered if maybe now was a good time bring up the possibility of having one of their own to spoil. 

Dean was brought out of his thoughts by a very wet Cas shaking his hair out next to him. 

"I don't understand how they have so much energy," Cas panted, leaning close to him for a kiss on the cheek. 

"It's probably all the sugar we fed them."

Ben quickly pushed passed them and ran into the house. "It's time for cake!" he screamed hysterically. 

"You heard the man," Cas chuckled as they followed the army of children inside. 

The rest of the party went out without any major issues. Ben got way more presents than any kid should probably get but Dean and Cas were responsible for a good share of them so who's to judge?

Sam declared that although this party was pretty good, the one he threw next year was bound to be more epic. This lead to a passionate discussion on the importance of silly string at a child's birthday party which is when Dean and Cas gracefully stepped out to the porch swing, cradling their 2-year-old niece, Charlie, in their arms. 

"Do you ever think about having one of our own?" Cas asked softly as he traced a line across Charlie's cheek as she slept.

Dean watched the flutter of her little eyelids and the way her chest rose and fell with each steady breath. His mind quickly provided him with images of Cas rocking their baby to sleep, singing them songs and holding their hand on the first day of school. 

"Yeah," Dean cleared his throat. "What about you?"

"I'd like one, I think," Cas said, mesmerized by the sleeping child. 

Charlie stirred in her sleep and moved to grip her tiny fingers around Cas' thumb, a sight that made Dean's heart swell more than he thought was possible. 

The three of them sat outside long after the sun set and slowly rocked back and forth to the sound of the wind in the trees, the rustle of the leaves getting ready to fall.

Cas wrapped a hand around Dean's and leaned into his shoulder while he talked softly about his day. 

If they snuck in a few kisses above Charlie head, well, that wasn't anybody's business but theirs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to let me know what you thought of it! I love reading your comments :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!!! 
> 
> Come say hi on my tumblr and rant about Dean and Cas with me :)
> 
> http://casbabyangelface.tumblr.com
> 
>  


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